Got a parenting question... About This Page:

[jensfriend]

I am just about at my wit's end! my 3 soon to be 4yo refuses to be potty trained. we have been at this diligantly for over a year and this week has been terrible. he purposefully waits til the last possible second b4 going pee and quite often misses his oppurtunity. the other day he was changing for bed and tried to hurry down the stairs to the bathroom, but when DH found him he was standing at the top of the stairs peeing (or doing a bad job of trying not to pee) down the stairs. i think he hit every stair.
#2 is a whole other story i swear this kid can hold it for days.
he just doesn't want to take the time. he even says it takes too long to go to the bathroom.
so i know most of you have kids and maybe you have some advice for me....i sure could use it......
P.S. i've tried reward systems and punishment and timers and now we are back to punishment-time out?!

[Cam22]

No advice! But I hope some pixies help!
[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

[graygables]

Punishment just won't work. It is a matter of control and he's holding all the cards at the moment. My youngest decided she didn't want to use the potty and there was no making her do it. I tried it all, stickers, M&Ms, books, toys, etc. Finally, I gave up. She wore cloth dipes and she could just be wet/dirty until *I* was ready to change her (exerting MY control over the situation). Once we were past her defiance and on my page, it only took about a month for her to be in big girl pants.

Now, she still waits until the last minute and even at 7, still has accidents. Fortunately, they mostly happen on the bathroom floor and not out in public somewhere, but I still have to keep a change of clothes around. The docs tell me that some children just don't recognize or pay attention to the signals early enough and it just takes practice. She also holds her BMs, to the point where she gets severe stomach pain, but now that she's older, having some entertainment in the bathroom so she can "multi-task" [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] has been helpful...again, it's that not wanting to take the time away from the activity. I know someone who has a gameboy game that is ONLY for potty time. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/eek.gif[/img]

Good luck and [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] It's a challenge!

[lablady]

I so feel your pain. My DD3 finally got potty trained about a month ago. She'd pee (sometimes) on the potty but never #2. She couldn't/wouldn't do it for some reason! She'd disappear into the den and mess her undies. After many messes, I finally told her she'd get a spanking if she messes in her pants. That seems mean, but she was making a choice to leave the room and mess her pants when she could go on the potty! I ended up giving her a little spanking twice (not a beating, just a little swat!). That made her hold it!! I'd have to put a pull-up on her once a day so that she wouldn't hold it until she had a blow-out! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img] Then...one day she got smart and pulled off her nice princess undies (got to keep those clean!) and pooped on the carpet!!! I wanted to cry. To make matters worse....my pug puppy started eating it. EEEWWWWW! (too much information there?)

One day, she was sitting on the potty and I had to run downstairs to grab something, and I told her "stay on the potty ...do NOT move til I get back". I heard her yelling as I came back up the stairs "I did it ! I did it! I went poopy in the potty!" What a day! We did the happy dance....she now goes all the time in the potty. She has accidents and wets herself every now and then, but luckily the poopy goes where it belongs.

After all that sharing, I'm not sure what will help you. I think it may have been pure dumb luck that she figured out when she did. Hopefully your DS will figure it out SOON! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/luck.gif[/img]

[Tigger1221]

I am sorry that I don't have any advice for this. But I will spare a couple of pixies that you can get him potty trained. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/luck.gif[/img]

[disneyfan4994]

I had a tough time with both my boys too Dolly. DS #1 would not poop until I put a pull up on him so he wouldn't make himself sick. He finally got over it. It just seemed to take one time of doing it in the potty & he was better. DS #2 still has to wear a diaper to bed every night & he is almost 5. He just doesn't wake up until it's too late. He is also one of those kids who when he says he has to go now, it means now! I really think it's a power & control issue with kids. It's the 1st time they have power over you in a way. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/luck.gif[/img] I know how frustrating it can be. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img]

[crystalloubear]

We tried everything with DS and more or less gave up. At about 4, he came to me and said he wanted to take karate classes. I flippedly replied "No diapers allowed in karate" The little bugger took off his diaper and put on his big boy pants and has never looked back. Go figure.

[heather2148]

I was going to say use a reward system, but you already said that didn't work. Every child is different. All 3 of my kids potty trained differently. Oldest DD was easiest. DS just decided one day when he was 2 that he was ready, and hasn't let me near the bathroom since. Youngest DD7 had a harder time and would wait until the last minute. But again, just about 2 months before her 3rd birthday she decided to use the potty. I think I got the best results when I didn't make a huge deal out of it. When DD13 was in kindergarten she had some trouble with wetting the bed (she would kill me if she knew I was talking about this!). We used an incentive calendar. After a whole month with no accidents she could have a certain reward (can't remember what it was), and it worked. Only took 2 months and she never wet again. Hope things get better in the potty department. Boy am I glad to be done with that. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

[fairestofthemall]

I was just going to post, "When does potty training end?". My dd will be 4 in Sept. She goes peepee and poopy in the potty just sometimes we have to make her go! She always poops in the potty. (knock on wood)She wears her big girl panties for a nap and training pants at night. We tried without at night and she woke up screaming because she peed on herself. Changing sheets at 3 am, not fun! Last week she peed in her pants twice. I know it was because she did not want to go inside the house and miss the fun. Well, she peed on herself and she had to come in, dh did not take her back outside. Which turned into great punishment. My major problem is when we are in public. Now, the girl can hold her pee, she held on for 6 hours one time! We kept asking her to go and she kept saying she did not have to go. We even put her on the potty and she did not go. Tonight, for instance, we went out to eat at a place in the mall. Afterward, we went to a dept. store while there she said she had to pee and poop. So we went to another store that has a little potty for kids, she loves this potty. She did not go once we were there. We told her she was not getting a cookie if she did not go. She did not go and we bought a cookie for our younger dd. Of course, our older dd cried and said again that she had to go potty. So we took her again to a little potty. She did not go. No cookie for her. When we got home 20 min. later she was about to pee on herself! SO FRUSTRATING!!! Sorry so long. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

Dolly, it made me feel better reading others comments and yours. We are not alone! I do not know if that is a good thing or not. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img] It will happen one day. I hope!

Danielle

[BelleoftheBallLV]

<font color="red"> I dont have any kids yet, but my dad stays with us, so i ran in and asked him, and he said that maybe he is scared of the potty, i was when i was little, and that you should try asking him why the potty upsets him, or why he thinks it takes too long, maybe try rationalizing it. I know he is only 3-4 but sometimes logic, if explained the way he will understand it, like if you dont go on the potty you can make germs grow in places and get sick (all true) and then have to go to the doctor. not threateningly, but just explain that it isnt healthy, maybe that will help </font>

[CinderAbby]

The only advice I can give (I have a DD with potty issues) is when he messes in any way, shape or form, make him do ALL the cleanup - no help at all from mommy or daddy. If he's going to insist on waiting until the last minute and miss, then he's got to clean up the mess that he made. It's a form of punishment, but it also teaches some responsibility. My DD does this on her own - not nearly so much as she used to. (Please keep in mind that my DD is Autistic, so something that might only take a few days for a typical child to pick up on is something that we constantly have to work on.) She really hated it when she pooped in her undies then had to wash them, so now, she does poop in the potty. Once in a while, I'll have to remind her, but the minute I remind her she'll have to clean up if she goes in her undies, she does go to the bathroom. I know it's hard to make a child clean up after himself, but sometimes, a child has to learn that if he makes a mess, it's up to him to clean it up. Especially once he gets in school - they won't clean up after him, they'll expect him to do it. I hope this is even just a little bit helpful. Like I said, it works with my child, and she is Autistic. It's worth a try if you haven't done so already. Good luck.

[disneyknut]

I'll share with you the wisdom Dr Pai,my much beloved pediatrician told me "Don't worry, he wont be wearing satin diapers at his wedding!" My son, Brendan, was terribly hard to train &amp; was lactose intolerant with IBS so that made it more difficult &amp; during one of Shelbys baby visits I casually mentioned to Dr Pai that Brendan still wasn't trained at almost 3-1/2 &amp; he gave me the wedding words of wisdom &amp; then told me he would go when HE is ready.. not me.. He did have a man to man talk with Brendan &amp; told him he would like to see him try to use the potty etc.. We came home that day Brendan took off his pull ups &amp; announced "Dr Pai wants me to go potty so I can't use these any more" &amp; he never had an accident again! Dr Pai loves to tell the story of how HE potty trained Brendan &amp; mentions it every time Bren goes to visit. So something just triggers in them, IMHO.

Jamie got potty trained at 2YO when MIL offered him a quarter to go.. ( a bribe worked here)

Shelby got potty trained by going in a port a john.. we were at a local outdoor rib cook off during a labor day weekend &amp; Shelby decided the port a johns were neat &amp; HAD to use them to go to the bathroom.. She did not mess her pants the entire weekend but inisisted on using the port a johns.. (when there was a perfectly good bathroom right in the buildings) I can't wait to tell that story when she is older.. "you got potty trained in a port a john"

Like I said, when they're ready .. they just seem to do it. I would try different things tho... have someone else that he admires talk to him &amp; i'm not against the good old fashioned bribe.. I had 2 kids in diapers for quite a few years so I know it's a pain!! good luck!!

[Jenny Pooh]

Oh man that is tough. Jameson was trained in a few months, thankfully and the only thing that worked was he loved the chocolate covered marshmellow treats that you get at WDW. So I made a few myself to tempt him and everytime he went potty he got one. He began to forget about the treats and just would go potty by himself.

[HiddenMickey]

I think if both your boys think it's too much trouble to go and usually wait until the last minute....you're going to need to prompt them at various times of day to go. Have them try when they wake up in the morning, after breakfast, before lunch, etc. Use natural transition times in their day to get them to try to go...so that they don't have to stop what they are doing or interupt their fun to go.

Good luck! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

[SarahJ]

I feel your pain. We are finally getting DD out of pullups and she will be 4 in May. We found with her it was a control issue at first and then it turned into a fear of failure. We tried rewards, tons of praise etc. But she was seeing how much attention the baby got when she got her diaper changed and wanted the same thing, so nothing was working. Finally we decided to not make a big deal about changing her pullup. We wouldn't even talk to her while doing it, and we'd make her wait til it was convenient for us. So that got her started using the potty but after the first couple accidents she went right back to the pullups because she didn't want to have an accident again. In the end, I set aside an entire weekend and we used the timer method. I would set the timer at one hour intervals and she had to sit on the potty every time it went off. This helped her realize when she had to go and gave her the confidence she needed. Now, we only have pullups at bed time and nap time! She still has an occasional accident when she doesn't get to the bathroom quickly enough, but we just tell her its okay and next time will be better. Yesterday we hit a milestone when she stopped playing on her brand new swingset to run in and use the toilet! She made it from 7:00 am to 8:00 pm with absolutely no accidents.