Kindergarten Separation Anxiety About This Page:

[Boiler Joanne & Tim]

Hello, and help!

My DD Betsy is 5 and in kindergarten. She has been complaining of a stomach ache and headache every morning before school, and gets very teary. We had some separation issues in pre-school last year, with crying when I dropped her off. Then, she would cheer up after I left. Pre-school was only 2 hrs, but kindergarten is 4 hrs, plus a 45 min bus ride each way.

Some of her problems come from the long bus ride. She really likes her teachers (2; she is in a multi-age k-1 class... 44 kids with 2 teachers) and has a bunch of friends, but there have been a LOT of tears since coming back after Christmas. Today I had to pick her up early because she had cried herself into a state... headache, tummyache and fever of 99.

I am pretty sure that there are no physical causes for her distress (we have a dr. appt. next week to make sure), but I don't know how to settle her down for the rest of the year. Long term, the good news is that they are building a new elementary school ~5 blocks from home, so I can drive her back & forth next year. We have to pull through this year, though.

We tried a locket with daddy's & mommy's picture in it (a nice Cinderella one, too [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] )and we've talked a lot about it, but I am at wit's end and don't know where to go from here. Once she gets home from school, she feels fine, but come Monday morning it will start all over again.

Does anybody have advice or suggestions??? I am stuck. Thanks in advance,
Joanne

[Shell_of_the_South]

DD went through the crying thing in preschool. I tried this and it helped: I told her if she went all day at preschool without crying, we went for an ice cream after school. I drew an ice cream cone on her hand to help her remember. I talked to her teacher and she knew about our "deal", so she let me know how she did each day.

Have you talked to her teacher? Usually that would be your best source of information - surely they've been through it before with other children.

Good Luck! I hope your problem finds a speedy solution. I know how stressful this can be!

[aurora1429]

My nephew had the same problem this year. Come to find out someone on the bus was acting out, and my nephew was threatened if he told. This boy no longer rides the bus and my nephew was fine.

Check with the teacher and bus driver to see if there are any problems. That may be your answer.

Is picking her up a possibiltiy? Then she would have something to look forward to at the end of the day.

[disneyjessi]

So sorry to hear she's having a hard time. What does she say is making her cry?? Just being away from home? Maybe there's something she could do on the bus to make it more tolerable, like listen to headphones? I like the suggestion of talking to the bus driver.

Best of luck and let us know how things turn out!
Jessi

[DisneyNutMary]

My DS used to cry every day when we dropped him off at daycare, and it broke my heart every time.

We used a reward system, we thought of a reward that he would get if he did not cry, and acted like a big boy. The first week it was each day...a sticker, or a half hour of computer time, etc, the nesxt week it was a slightly bigger reward, but every other day, like if he was good for two whole days we would bake cookies together.....we progressed up to a once a week reward, a trip to McDonald's or a toy.

When he got over the crying completely we switched to random rewards....like out of the blue, one day I will pick him up and say "since you've been such a good boy, we're going to the McDonald's with the PlayPlace"

It might not work for everyone, but we found that it worked very well for Tommy

[beestchr]

I'm a K teacher and I agree that if you haven't talked to the teachers you may want to try. Mayber their morning routine is stressful for your daughter when she arrives at school.?. I must admit though 44 students for 2 teachers is a bit much - not a lot of 1 to 1 time for any of the children. (or is this 22/22 split 1/2 day program?) I've worked with several of my parents so they are comfortable with whatever reward system they chose. Maybe you and the teacher can plan for your daughter to have a special job whent she arrives at school. Maybe that will help her feel really important and that she's needed to be there because no one else can do that job. That's worked for me before. [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] I know this is pulling at your heart strings! Let me know. You can email me if you'd like beestchr1@aol.

[Dumbo]

There could be someone on the bus. We had a problem on our bus once. Is there any way someone could drive her to school or home from school? Good luck.

[Boiler Joanne & Tim]

Thanks for all the tips!

I have talked to the teacher, and she has been really great. She mad a schedule for the day, and Betsy gets to check off each activity as they do it, so she knows how long until it's time to go home. This has been a big help, and it's also giving her a sense of time.

I talked to the bus driver, and she was unaware that Betsy was unhappy. Betsy now site right behind the driver, and they talk while they ride. The driver is keeping a close eye on her. I also sent her with her walkman on Friday, and she really liked that. She also brings a pen & paper and some books, sometimes even a Barbie with her.

I think part of the setback was that she knew I was coming to pick her up on Thursday... she gets overwrought, and doesn't know how to handle it. The waiting is just terrible for her; my being in the classroom is a distraction for her, and the teacher recommended I not come visit the class for a while (which makes me feel bad, but if it's what I need to do,...). I worry a little bit about picking her up every day, because of the excitement/distress she feels. Maybe I will just take her to school every day, and let her ride the kdg. bus home.

We also go see the dr. in a week... maybe there is some physical problem after all that hurts her stomach.

I really like the reward ideas... a sticker or ice cream the first week, etc... we have tried this somewhat, and she wouldn't tell me if she cried. I would hear about it a few days later, as in "I didn't cry today, but Monday I did". I know she is VERY sensitive, and I feel like a bad mom sometimes.

I think I'll have the teacher send home a note saying "Betsy cried today" or "Today was a good day" in a small notebook. On previous bad days the teacher would write a note to me in Betsy's words telling me what happened, so I know she is willing to go the extra distance [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

Thanks, and I'll keep you posted!
Joanne