Adult Meltdowns About This Page:

[Asuka]

Hello everyone!

It's taking a lot of courage to post here but I can't seem to be able to find anything on Google that is useful to me.

I'm not sure if I have Aspergers or just bad anxiety or both, but I've found that as I'm getting older, I'm having more and more trouble with routine changes. I've always lived with routines and schedules. But as an adult, life (aside from work and any other structured activities) is rather precarious.

For instance, if a friend tells me they're going to pick me up at 6PM and then at 5:45 tell me that they can't come or they're running late, I tend to have a meltdown. Or if I'm with a friend and plans suddenly change, I sometimes have meltdowns. They don't always happens, but when they do I get very whiny and moody. Sometimes I'll even break down and cry. I'll say things like, "that's not fair!" or "But this was supposed to go this way." I try to control it and tell myself that these things happen and it's okay. But that doesn't always work.

Where this comes into play is that I'm going to Disneyland next week and I know it's going to be crowded on the days I'm going and I know that I probably won't get to go on every ride I want to go on. But I'm afraid that something will happen and throw off my whole expectations of how my park day is going to go. I know it sounds silly but, I'm just afraid that I'll have a meltdown. And I won't be with someone who knows me well enough to know what's going on.

Does anyone have any suggestions on things I can do for myself to help prevent or handle meltdowns? For my specific example and in general.

Thank you very much.
Asuka

[JoanneS]

Have you spoken to your doctor about the problem? (S)he could prescribe some anti-anxiety meds for you. My PCP gave me a prescription for Lorazepam to help with my anxiety before dental and medical appointments and it really does help. I'm much calmer and take things much easier. There's no shame in asking for help. Sometimes as you get older you lose the patience you may have had in your youth. (In my case, I didn't have much patience to begin with)

I also hear that there are meditation techniques that work for some people. Maybe you might check that out.

I hope you have a great vacation and you're able to enjoy every moment. Good luck!

[Asuka]

I've tried anti anxiety meds and I don't react well to them. They either make me really hyper or a zombie.

Meditation is a good idea though. My mom has suggested it too.

Thank you for your response!

[Eeyoresmom]

I think meditation is a good idea. Could you plan for a little more down time. Maybe schedule yourself some people watching time - that will give you a little time here and there to relax or to vent to yourself? that you have a great trip and that have a wonderful time.

I find myself losing my patience more often as I get older as well (and like Joanne, I didn't have many before). However, for some reason I tend to have a bit more patience at my Happy Place.

[TinkerbellJenn99]

Take a stress ball with you to the park -- squeeze it when you're feeling overly stressed out. I've had the same issues as I get older - my patience has worn thin. Something to definitely talk to your doctor about though - it's not always, but sometimes a side effect of something else going on. For me it was my thyroid.

Good luck!! I'm sure you'll have a great trip

[Roxie2006]

I know how horrible that is to not be in control. Going to a good Doctor who will take the right blood test could probably figure this out for you. Sometimes this maybe an easy fix. There is some doctor that will be able to help you. You should not be worried about an exciting trip.

[notjustamom]

Having a child with autism, I am we'll aware of meltdowns. What works for me is to have a very VERY small expectation "list". You mentioned knowing you won't be able to do it all. Maybe make a priority list and pick a place on the list that you'd be happy getting to. If you make it past that point then that sense of accomplishment may push you further. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, that will surely lead to a meltdown. Good luck

[PamelaK]

There are a lot of great ideas here, and not just for avoiding adult meltdowns. I will use some of these ideas with my nephew next year. (He is bipolar and gets very easily frustrated with long waits and sudden routine changes.)

Another idea is to take something with you for the lines. A book, or a handheld video game, iPad, Kindle, etc. could help with the waiting in long lines that may throw you off a "schedule" of getting things done. This will give you something else to focus on besides the wait and the change in routine/expectations. Also when you need that down time to recoup, you have something to take your mind off of what keyed you up in the first place.

[littleacceb]

I know just how you feel! I think it has got pretty bad since DS2 was born - I rely so heavily upon my carefully-laid plans and I use a spreadsheet to tell me what household chore/work task I have to do next that I panic when I don't have such a thing in place. I have self-diagnosed ADD, so I tend to seek advice on home treatments for that.

My parents and siblings are always terribly late and terribly unaware of how strict a routine I run, so I have had to resolve to plug on with my planned activity regardless of what they are doing, as far as it is possible. For example - my mother recently said she'd meet me at my house so we could go to soft play with DS and announced last minute that she would be an hour late. Ordinarily, I would use that hour to agonise about how late she was, panic about DS's enjoyment of soft play if his sleep and meal patterns weren't adhered to, and cry over my mum's lack of respect for my feelings. Instead, I left at the time I planned to leave anyway and told her I'd meet her there. I felt so much better taking absolute control of what I could, and handing the rest of it over to the universe.

It seems to come down to the opening to the serenity prayer - if you are not a Christian, adjust accordingly

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

If I were the one going, I would get the Lines app (or devise a touring plan using any of the free services out there) and hand the control over to that. Deciding to actively hand over control in that way should help minimise the sense of frustration and injustice that you (if you're like me) might feel as the result of missing something.

Plug in the attractions that are most important to you and follow the instructions. Having a checklist can help give you back control over the things that are within your power, if that makes sense.

I've also tried a variety of medication but haven't found a perfect fit, so have to find tactics to help I can get a bit worse when at Disney - DH says (affectionately) that I'm like a young child who acts out when I'm sad that we're leaving soon.

[yalibrarian]

My son is 25 and has autism. We go to WDW every year, and yes, we do have meltdowns sometimes, but not as many as we used to. We have practiced waiting in lines so now he knows that he will have to wait. We take something with us to occupy his time (his iPod is a favorite, and also drawing materials). We don't skip meals, because if you have low blood sugar you will tend to get tired and upset more easily. We don't say that we have to do a certain attraction or be a certain place at a particular time, so we don't need to worry about being late. That's why we normally eat counter service meals at WDW, so we don't need reservations. We also use the Companion Restrooms to get a private moment away from others, which will sometimes avert a complete blowout. Ask to have them marked on park maps for you.

Meditation can really help. You might try taking a class or borrowing some CDs or DVDs from your public library to help you get started. Although you say you have not had luck with medications, there are many options to try, so it might be worth pursuing (after you get back) to see if you can find one that will at least take the edge off for you.

My husband has Aspergers, diagnosed as an adult, and he too is easily upset by the crowds, the lines, and the noise in the parks. But he has learned to go sit on a bench with a cold drink and just chill out a bit when he feels anxious. He has also taken up photography as a way to focus his attention on something besides how he feels. It's a good distraction, and we like having the pictures too! You might also want to vist the Wrong Planet website, as you do sound like you might have Aspergers. www.wrongplanet.net. Have a nice trip!

[revral]

I think we have all been there done that even if it's not the result of other issues. I'll periodically stop & ask myself what I call "My Fun Questions." The first one is always: "Am I having fun/enjoying myself?" If the answer is yes I'll keep going with what I'm doing. If the answer is no then I start asking myself questions that will help me figure out why. The questions are things like "Am I tired?" "Am I hungry and/or thirsty?" "Do I need to go to the bathroom?" "Am I hot or cold?" "Do I need some quiet?" (even if it's the relative quiet of taking a train ride around MK) Do I just want to sit down & relax?" "Do I want to go somewhere else or do something else" Once I've answered these questions my next question is "What can I do to resolve the ones that got a yes answer?" Say for instance I have to go to the bathroom & I'm tired what I'll do is go to the bathroom & than get a drink (because I don't like to just sit when at DW but will if eating or drinking) & just sit somewhere & people watch. I know for me that if I'm feeling the desire to just melt down that there's something causing it & a lot of the time it's something that's simple to deal with by say going to the bathroom, getting something to eat or drink or moving on to another park or even going back to the hotel & relaxing in my room for a bit. I also bring my kindle & smartphone with me (since I go solo) in to parks with those I can read, play a game or check what other parks are a good choice for the day. Being able to sit & read while eating lunch makes for nice break & gives me something other than the people seated around me to look/stare at. Another thing I've found helpful is to make a list of three to five rides/shows that are must do's for the day & then focus on getting those done when you get to the park. That way once you've done those things you've met your expectations for the day & anything else is extra. I also always have 33db earplugs with me as sometimes all the noise just gets to be too much. It's amazing what a 20 minute break spent reading with a cold drink while wearing earplugs can do to restore a person.

[Sandra Bostwick]

Hi there! I'm so glad you posted.

There are so many great general suggestions, here. I won't even comment on any of them because the best one would be the one that works for you. Thanks for the great ideas, all!

Do you have a PassPorter guide? Maybe you can turn that into a resource, use the PassPockets to store things, and try to create a realistic, general plan?

Try getting yourself acquainted here Disneyland Park | Disneyland Resort


The best plan is individualized for you by someone who knows you well. These melt-downs sound like they might be getting in the way of your day-to-day comfort, especially when you seem to say they've been getting worse lately. When you get back, maybe find someone who can work with you on this?

Please let us know how it went!

Have a magical trip!

[Asuka]

I know this is way after the fact, but I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone who posted here and helped.

I ended up having a lovely time in Disneyland. Things did not go as planned in some aspects (we had to miss our breakfast with Minnie). But I got to see everything I wanted to. The only issue I had was with the tremendous post-Memorial Day crowds. I was fine in CA but some lines in Disneyland were almost overwhelming. Especially the Jungle Cruise. But I didn't have any meltdowns.

I've been seeing a therapist and am getting evaluated by an occupational therapist. Hoping it will shed some light and get me some help.

Thank you again everyone!

[Roxie2006]

Glad to hear you had a great time!!! It is really great to hear you are getting help!! Hope they figure out what to do to help you!!!

[Her Dotness]

You say you're "getting older." Female, judging by your name? Could be peri-menopause, too. Seriously!

Feeling bizarrely whiny and unreasonable, bursting out crying at cute puppies in tv commercials or other similarly cute things that previously I'd have reacted not at all to--that's what I found myself doing and was sure I was going wacky. And no matter how hard I tried to control it, I COULD NOT.

Just hormonal changes causing mood swings that signal the very start of the process, said my doctor.

It's unusual, but some women start that in their thirties or even rarely, late twenties. So, do speak with your doctor or ob-gyn, anyone with similar symptoms, before concluding you've gone mental.