Advice PLEASE... BIL's GF dresses inappropriate!! - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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Advice PLEASE... BIL's GF dresses inappropriate!!
Okaye So my BIL's "Fiance" dresses INAPPROPRIATE all the time!!!
ex: For Mothers Day she wore a extremly low cut tank top & too short shorts, she wears clothes that are literally 3 sizes TOO SMALL!!!! <--- (she buys her clothes a S or XS & clearly she is not either of these sizes)
now I am not a ity bity skinny mini like i was before I had DS & I consider myself a little chunky but I am comfortable with myself, She either thinks she is still skinny or just doesn't care how she looks in these clothes or maybe she wants to dress this way. When I first told my Mom, she said maybe these were clothes she had before she had DNiece & at first that thought crossed my mind but then I realized these are all clothes she bought after having DNiece. So everytime we go over to MIL's house (where they also live) she is dressed like this & it is BAD!! she see that the tank top she is wearing is half way down her chest & does nothing except look at it. She sees her too small shorts are half way up & down her bum, again she does nothing. She even dresses this way in public & it bothers me bc I dnt like seeing her "STUFF" & IMHO it is disrespectfull to dress that way infront of your FIL or other older male relatives & their wives I mean come on grow up your an adult now. Sorry for the RANT.
here is where I ask for advice...... DS 3rd bday party is next Saturday & of course she is invited, even though I really wish she was working just my luck she is off. So I know she will be coming & I already know how she is going to dress. I have alot of my family, friends, & my mom's friends that are coming over & how embarrassing is it going to be for me when I know how these ppl will be thinking about her, then I have to introduce her & say this is my BIL's Fiance. Plus the fact that there will be a ton of kids in range from 1 - 16yrs old. She has a 11month old, so she is gonna be bending down & flashing everyone. If she has no respect for herself the least she can do is have some respect for Me & The guest at the party!! So I was thinking of talking to my MIL or BIL or even HER about this!!?? Should I talk to one of them or just grit my teeth & let her come dressed that way????
TIA for any advice
__________________
Elizabeth (Beth, Liz, Lizy, or Emma)
Last edited by Landons_Mommy; 05-12-2011 at 12:42 PM..
Reason: a few sp. errors
If it really bothers you, you should try to find a time to talk with her alone about it. Be gentle but direct. Let her know you would would be willing to help her find new, appropriate things to wear. If you are feeling this way, chances are others are too. Even if she gets angry with you, at least she will know how you feel and maybe she will stop dressing provocitively in front of you.
Deep breath....
remember, what she wears is a reflection on her, not you.
Your guests will not judge you, they will judge HER. They know you didn't dress her. They also know that you aren't responsible for her behavior, dress, actions.
They are there for you and for your child. Enjoy that... and let the other feelings go.
You could always tell your her that you are having a business casual/church
wear party and see what she shows up in. People will wonder about her but if
she dresses like that then maybe they should.
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Your guests will not judge you, they will judge HER. They know you didn't dress her. They also know that you aren't responsible for her behavior, dress, actions.
They are there for you and for your child. Enjoy that... and let the other feelings go.
Agreed.
We recently went to my DNiece's birthday party and DSis had invited one of their friends and his wife. The wife was really rude to everyone (except for my DSis and one of their mutual friends) and sat in the rocking chair and SLEPT through most of the party. The LAST thing I thought was "Why on Earth would you invite HER?!" towards my sister . . . instead, my thoughts went straight to the friend with a "Gosh, how rude was she?".
You can't really not invite her but you aren't responsible for her style (or lack thereof ) . . . if she wants to make herself look like a clown, it's all on her. She's only making herself look silly!
Leave it. It's not worth the issues that can come up when she gets upset and asks your BiL and MiL to pick sides.
It's a reflection on her. She knows how she's dressing and if she thinks it's okay, then it's okay for her.
You can only pray that one of the kids, in their innocence, will ask her "Miss X, don't you have money to buy clothes that fit you?"
Actually, you raise a point about dressing like that in front of older men. I bet she loves it! Honestly, I find more at fault the gentleman who may be ogling her than the woman who is dressing thusly.
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Deep breath....
remember, what she wears is a reflection on her, not you.
I agree completely! I wouldn't want to jump into the bees nest that saying something would stir up. It could be years before things settled down after that, if ever.
We have an aunt in the family she is 50+ and wears the shortest skirts, tight shirts, fish nets and 6 inch heals, she has the body for it too. She give Ozzy a run fro his money in the make up department. I find it best just to say nothing, who am I to say what she should wear she is a grown up and I do not pay for her clothes.
I understand where you are coming from but it may be best to keep the peace. Maybe invite her to go shopping and pick somethings out and let her know how great you think she would look in it....
I think Eileen said it very nicely. It really is her business, not yours. I'm sure she has a mirror. I have seen people come to court very inappropriately dressed so i am not sure saying the party is business casual will work.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carousel96
Deep breath....
remember, what she wears is a reflection on her, not you.
Thanks, I need to remember that the day of DS party.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoanneS
If it really bothers you, you should try to find a time to talk with her alone about it. Be gentle but direct. Let her know you would would be willing to help her find new, appropriate things to wear. If you are feeling this way, chances are others are too. Even if she gets angry with you, at least she will know how you feel and maybe she will stop dressing provocitively in front of you.
That is what I want to do, but I'm not sure how to go about it bc anytime someone tells her something or gives her advice she either blows things out of proportions, or does things even more just to be spiteful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caldercup
Your guests will not judge you, they will judge HER. They know you didn't dress her. They also know that you aren't responsible for her behavior, dress, actions.
They are there for you and for your child. Enjoy that... and let the other feelings go.
thanks! I think that when the day of the party comes I will be too busy & happy to see DS having fun that I will not be thinking about how she is dressed or at least I hope so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eff051102
You could always tell your her that you are having a business casual/church
wear party and see what she shows up in. People will wonder about her but if
she dresses like that then maybe they should.
that did cross my mind, but then DH pointed out that at other parties she has completely ignored the request of dress code.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HiddenMickey
Your BIL must like it or surely he'd say something.
I agree with the others. What she wears in no way reflects on you.
You could always nominate her for "What Not to Wear". She's exactly the type of person they love to help.
since you mentioned it, I always think that when I watch or see a commercial for that show. Thanks for the laugh
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvsun
Oh gosh....that is too funny! I was thinking the same thing!
Quote:
Originally Posted by DopeyGirl
Agreed.
We recently went to my DNiece's birthday party and DSis had invited one of their friends and his wife. The wife was really rude to everyone (except for my DSis and one of their mutual friends) and sat in the rocking chair and SLEPT through most of the party. The LAST thing I thought was "Why on Earth would you invite HER?!" towards my sister . . . instead, my thoughts went straight to the friend with a "Gosh, how rude was she?".
You can't really not invite her but you aren't responsible for her style (or lack thereof ) . . . if she wants to make herself look like a clown, it's all on her. She's only making herself look silly!
what a rude friend your DSis has!! That is what my DH & DMom say about her, she makes her self look silly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
Leave it. It's not worth the issues that can come up when she gets upset and asks your BiL and MiL to pick sides.
It's a reflection on her. She knows how she's dressing and if she thinks it's okay, then it's okay for her.
You can only pray that one of the kids, in their innocence, will ask her "Miss X, don't you have money to buy clothes that fit you?"
Actually, you raise a point about dressing like that in front of older men. I bet she loves it! Honestly, I find more at fault the gentleman who may be ogling her than the woman who is dressing thusly.
I agree - deep breath and let it go.
My MIL has asked my BIL to talk with her about the way she dresses bc she feels the same about her dressing that way infront of the older men in her family but BIL of course said nothing to her. I agree some older men do ogling of women like her, but thankful none of the older men in DH family do this.
Haha I would love for one of the kids to say something like that, maybe it would help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goofysdtr
I agree completely! I wouldn't want to jump into the bees nest that saying something would stir up. It could be years before things settled down after that, if ever.
She already has some kind of issue with me, bc everytime I am slightly dressed up around her she makes a rude comment to me, she just did this on mothers day. But I wouldn't want to stir up anything by trying to have a nice talk with her at home about this,but only bc of the respect I have for my Inlaws & it is there home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by llgmommy2
We have an aunt in the family she is 50+ and wears the shortest skirts, tight shirts, fish nets and 6 inch heals, she has the body for it too. She give Ozzy a run fro his money in the make up department. I find it best just to say nothing, who am I to say what she should wear she is a grown up and I do not pay for her clothes.
I understand where you are coming from but it may be best to keep the peace. Maybe invite her to go shopping and pick somethings out and let her know how great you think she would look in it....
Oh wow, that is something if she could give Ozzy a run in the make up department, too funny. I might just try that with her, even if she doesn't like what I pick out for her. It might be interesting to see things she picks for herself & why she thinks they look so good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntermom
I think Eileen said it very nicely. It really is her business, not yours. I'm sure she has a mirror. I have seen people come to court very inappropriately dressed so i am not sure saying the party is business casual will work.
She dress inappropriately to work from what my MIL has said so your probably right it wouldn't help any, & it could make her dress worse.
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) . . . if she wants to make herself look like a clown, it's all on her. She's only making herself look silly! 
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