Thanks a lot, GrandDad (long, sorry)
About This Page:

JoanneS · 06-08-2010, 09:27 PM

I had the glorious opportunity to spend a half hour in my son's principal's office today, thanks to my Dad.

Apparently, while visiting with my Dad, he mentioned that sometimes the kids in school like to tease him. First of all, kids do this all the time and I've told Maclane it's always best to turn the other cheek and not let the kids see that it bothers him. We always knew that he would probably be teased a little; he's one of the smallest kids in the school, he's one of only two Asian boys in the school, and he's a Barry Manilow fan. Three strikes, you're out. We've prepared him for teasing and so far, he feels good about himself and has been one of the more popular kids in his grade.

But my Dad, the military man, decided that he needed to know how to defend himself and taught him this neck/shoulder grip thing that brings someone to their knees. And this morning, some boy said something to him about his "weird" eyes and Maclane took him down. Right in front of the P.E. teacher. He got sent to the principal's office and I had to go and get a lecture about physical violence in school. He has to do two hours of community service and write an apology to the other student.

I'm ready to strangle my Dad. I want to tell my Dad how angry I am with him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings either. I know he meant well. He's really protective of his family and he's 80 years old. But, I want to know that I can leave my son with him and not be worried about what he teaches him.

How would you handle this?

buckinghammr · 06-08-2010, 09:43 PM

That's a tough one. I think knowing how to defend oneself is very important. I don't think the manuever Grandpa taught was so bad, it was just used in the wrong situation. I guess I'd have a talk with DS about when it's ok to be physical when defending yourself and when it's not. Then talk to Grandpa about his lessons. Also having Grandpa talk to him about when it's ok to be physical (as long as you all are on the same page) could help too.

This is just a really hard part of parenting!

Carousel96 · 06-08-2010, 10:04 PM

I think you need to explain to your Dad that schools and school behavior are different now than when he went to school. It's not an issue of whether that's good or bad, it just IS.
My FIL is the same way -- a kid bullies you, you fight back. Hit him hard enough and its over. He doesn't understand that schools today don't ignore playground fights like they did in the 1930's.

ColeeC · 06-08-2010, 10:22 PM

Any chance the other student had to write an apology to your son for being such an ignorant brat?

Teresa · 06-08-2010, 11:02 PM

I'm with your dad on this! I did a huge research paper a couple of years ago and kids who have been bullied and never stood up for themselves suffer as many problems later as kids who have been abused at home. It's scary stuff! Kids who are "escaped victims" fare almost as well as children who have never been bullied. An escaped victim usually escapes because they stand up to the bully.
Your son will be bullied until he stands up for himself. Turning the other cheek obviously hasn't worked yet and it probably won't. Maclane probably turned to your dad because YOUR solution wasn't working for him.
Personally, I'd talk to the school about WHY your son is being bullied and why that's allowed, but your son does one thing and he's in trouble!
Can you tell - mom of formerly bullied kids? One solved because we moved the kids to a new school, and one solved because my DD punched a boy on the playground and made him cry???

Stripes · 06-09-2010, 04:16 AM

Quite honestly I would be informing the school that my son would NOT be apologizing for standing up for himself.

Your son is being bullied and harrassed and obviously turning the other cheek isn't working. My son went thru something similiar where it escalated from names and teasing to physical confrontations and I didn't know until I saw the huge bruise on his back right where his kidney should be. Should be because my son was born with only 1 kidney - can you imagine what would have happened if they had damaged the 1 kidney he does have?

My son didn't say anything to me because I had told him to ignore them and eventually they will tire and stop. Guess what? That doesn't hold true and the schools, for all their talk of no tolerance don't do squat.

I told my son that I don't want him starting it, but he sure as h%^& can finish it and I will back him every step of the way. There is no reason your son should have to go to school and know he is going to be bullied. You are your son's advocate - I wouldn't let the school get away with telling him that defending himself is wrong.

Tigger71 · 06-09-2010, 04:29 AM

Well done Gramps and Maclane!!!

I bet the bullying stops now. Maclane has learnt a lesson (actually two) - how to defend himself and 2 - the school rules but ultimately I hope the 'victim' knows not to pick on Maclane.

Say nothing to gramps, you don't want to encourage anymore self defence classes but he clearly is looking out to teach Maclane his way in the world.

PS I love Barry too - don't tell anyone!

**rescuesk** · 06-09-2010, 08:01 AM

**Colexis Mom** · 06-09-2010, 08:31 AM

I would ask the school what the punishment was for the other boy is who was bullying your son. Sounds like he was just standing up for himself, and it sounds like they are not taking the bullying seriously!

home4us123 · 06-09-2010, 08:35 AM

CinderAbby · 06-09-2010, 08:39 AM

From my point of view, I don't think you should blame your dad for anything. You said it yourself - he's very protective of his family. He doesn't want to see your son bullied or worse, hurt so I certainly do not fault him for that. Another reason why I wouldn't blame your dad? Yes, he showed your son what to do, but he didn't make him do it. Your son made the decision to do that in school. Wrong place, wrong time? Apparantely but as others mentioned, maybe now the kids will see your son might be small but he's not defenseless.

bitterchickey · 06-09-2010, 08:39 AM

I'm with the majority here. When a victim finally stands up to a bully, they cease being a victim. They may get picked on again, but they won't feel powerless again. I also would inquire as to the school's bullying policy-use the trigger word-"HARRASSMENT". They'll back off right quick with the right trigger words. Liability can be your friend sometimes. Almost all schools have a zero tolerance policy on violence today; yet bullies get away with mental torture daily.

Nimros · 06-09-2010, 08:57 AM

I'm a martial arts instructor and I gotta say - Go Gramps!

Seriously though, everyone's given you some great advice. Maclane just needed to understand there's a time and a situation to stand up for yourself physically and a time when it's best to use your head instead. None of us were there to really see what happened - and I'm sure Maclane did what he thought he needed to do.

But I guarantee the other boy will think twice about teasing him from now on. I'm really hoping the school officials will look at BOTH sides of this situation and that BOTH kids get a chance to talk about their actions.

lukeandbrookesmom · 06-09-2010, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColeeC

Any chance the other student had to write an apology to your son for being such an ignorant brat?

That was my thought! I say

to Maclane standing up for himself! Maybe it wasn't the best way to do it in school, but I certainly don't think he should be punished.

guitardiva · 06-09-2010, 09:12 AM

When I was young, I was bullied often. I mean almost daily. I was shy, overweight, red headed and had a Southern accent in a very non Southern school. I took it and took it until 6th grade 2 of my bullies were at it again and I nutted out and beat the tar out of them with my metal lunchbox. I got in trouble and a stern talking to (with a wink) from the principle. Thing is I was left alone after that. So while I have taught my kids that non violence is the road to follow, sometimes all you need is a good ole Scooby Doo lunchbox.