How Upset Would You Be? About This Page:

[Teresa]

My mom has been researching our family history and has traced people back to the 1500s and further.
Well, I was checking out her info tonight, it's all on-line, and realized something I'm sure I knew once. I guess I've (purposefully) forgotten. My mom's father - yes, my Grandfather, and I man I loved dearly, DIED on my 12th wedding anniversary!

I actually always thought he had died around the holidays, but no, it was in August. I've never been able to remember the date, but always the circumstances and going to visit, etc.
So, now I'm upset. There's nothing I can do about it. Nothing I can change. Now I think I know why I've "forgotten" the date.

[B.M.]

I guess I would just try not to associate the two together- but I'm sure that's hard knowing the dates are exact. My grandmother (who raised me) died just shy of my and my son's birthdays.... When I think about it, it's sad- but, I like you have somewhat "blocked" that those dates coincide and tend not to think about it...

[jenjen1127]

I know it's hard to disassociate a holiday or birthday or anniversay with a death. It's always in the back of your mind. My mother died on New Year's Day so when everyone is toasting to a Happy New Year, I cry because I miss her so much.

[GoofEme]

My maternal Grandfather passed away on my 11th birthday. I came home from school to my Mom standing at the kitchen table icing my cake, and crying her eyes out.

[Chrissi]

You know...I can't tell you the dates of any of my grandparents' passings. I know about how many years ago they happened and whether or not I went to the viewings/church services/funerals/graveside services, but not the date of their passing. I couldn't even tell you where to find some of ther gravesites. I'm not a dweller. I do know my paternal great-grandmother is buried in the same cemetery as Jayne Mansfield. Every time we went to a service there, Mammy and her sisters and daughters would bring flowers for Jayne and take pictures around her heart-shaped headstone. It's a thing people do: Pen Argyl, PA - Jayne Mansfield's grave It's been 15 years since I last saw my Mammy do it and people still bring Jayne pink and purple flowers year round: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attra...jaynegrave.jpg

Anyway, that's the only reason I remember where my Mammy is buried. Because we pass Jayne's headstone on our way to the grocery store every week. Don't be so hard on yourself. Let it go. It's just a date.

[HiddenMickey]

I think I'd prefer to remember how much I loved my Grandfather when the anniversary date rolls around....not that he died on that day. Try to keep your outlook positive. It's sad to find this out, but don't dwell on it.

[Christine43]

My best friend died on November 25th in 1988. She died exactly one month after my first child was born and the anniversary of her death falls on or very close to Thanksgiving every year. I have decided to forcibly sever her death and any happy occasions in our home. Do I still think about it on Nov. 25th, sure but I don't linger on it. I concentrate more on her birthday every year which is a happy thing.

[lukeandbrookesmom]

I know how you feel. My mom died on Thanksgiving Day in 1995 and although the date is not always on Thanksgiving, I always feel the same that day. Your anniversary is a day for love and I think you should just add the love of your grandfather into that day

[Teresa]

Thanks everyone. Reading your posts made me remember: my MiL, whom I loved dearly, died the Thursday before Mother's day. Her youngest DD refuses to celebrate Mother's day - and refuses to allow her daughter to get her anything, or even acknowledge the day. I always thought that was silly, since it doesn't seem like a good way to remember your mom. Guess I'll just mark this down to 'isn't that a coincidence'.
I was a bit unsettled by it last night, but today, it's okay. Thanks again.

[jodileigh]

I understand how you feel. My great grandmother (whom I was very close to and loved dearly) passed away the day I found out I was preggers with my oldest ds. I comfort myself by thinking it's part of the grand "plan". Sometimes you need something really good (in your case, your wedding anniversary, in mine, the knowledge that I had my first child on the way) to soothe the pain of something not so good. Of course it's upsetting for you and it was for me. But it really helps to turn it to that perspective. I like to think my grandmother was with me in spirit on a wonderful day and stopped by to spread her love and joy before going on to heaven. I hope that helps you as well.

[Landons_Mommy]

My paternal Grandfather died on Fathers Day {when I was 5 or 6 I can never remember my age} although I remember attending everything. My dad always wanted to celebrate Fathers Day as a way to remember his Fathers Life. Ever year when Fathers Day rolls around I always push the memory of his death to the back of my head, there is always a moment when I catch myself feeling a little sad, But then I always remember that he would want me to be happy and he would want me to celeebrate fathers day. & I'm sure your Grandfather would want you to be happy and celebrate your anniversary

[Tigger71]

Jodi - You said it perfectly.
There is a grand plan and Teresa I think your grandfather didn't want you to have a day to be sad so he went on a day that would always be filled with love. Really thoughtful if you ask me.
My maternal grandmother passed away the day prior to my birthday and was buried the day after my birthday. I take comfort in that I was visiting her the Sunday prior and she forgot to give me my gift (I lived interstate & was only visiting for the week). She sent it later that afternoon with my cousin...she died the next day unexpectedly. I will always believe she knew.
Your grandfather would want you to be happy and I can see your sig pic says 20yrs + Remember the joy.

[Fortissimo]

My dad died on my birthday. It was hard for a few years to even think about celebrating my birthday. But, as others have said, I now use the day to remember him.

[KMB733]

My grandfather died around Thanksgiving in 1991. Its gotten easier over the years but its still hard not having him around.

[Carousel96]

My dad died on my husband's birthday.
The only reason it bothers me is because it makes it so easy to remember the date. I really prefer to remember the way he lived, not the day he died.