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We booked our 4 day October 2009 cruise last March. Our party includes me, DH, my Mom, DD (8) and DS (3).
A few weeks ago, MIL called and told us that she had decided to come with us and had booked the same cruise for her, SIL and niece (6).
Now, I have several problems:
1. I was told that DD would "have" to go to the Club because niece cannot go to the Lab. I don't think DD would be allowed in the Club because she will be 8 years and 7 months at sailing time. Also, I'm not sure I would want her to go down in age group. I'm worried DD will not go to the Lab if niece is not there.
2. They don't have money for shore excursions and I am feeling guilty about doing what I want to do and leaving them behind on the ship, particularly my niece who will likely cry and carry on. I simply cannot afford to pay for another kid. And I really don't want to watch another kid either.
3. We have a category 4 with a verandah. They have a category 9 with a porthole. SIL, a smoker, believes she will spend lots of time in our room. This is NOT o.k. with me. or with DH How do I tell her we don't want her hanging out in our room?
4. They will not have money for "extras" like alcoholic beverages and I cannot afford to foot the bill for extra people. We are going to be seated together for meals. How do I tactfully handle this?
I have been planning and saving for this trip for over a year. Now it looks like all that planning is in jeopardy and I am a wreck about it.
Wow... this is a tough one. It's easy enough for any of us to say "Just tell them how you feel," but only you know the real dynamic of your family and what would and wouldn't fly in a discussion.
The only way I can really see to get around these issues without causing problems in the family is to have a CM do the work for you. But then, that puts a CM in the uncomfortable position of having to bend the truth a bit because you don't want to confront your MIL and SIL. Is it your MIL or SIL who is insisting you have your DD go to the club? If it's SIL, maybe share your concerns with your MIL - or better yet, have your DH do it... his mother, after all!
As far as the "extras," the good thing about the KTTW system is that things are charged to the room or to the card of the person getting them. I would hope that they wouldn't try to get around this buy saying "oh, this round is on you" about drinks at dinner, but I'm sure it's been done to someone before. The only thing I could suggest is to maybe subtly point out that beverages need to be charged to the person drinking it so that the server doesn't get in trouble for possibly illegally serving someone underage. Obviously not a consideration with your SIL's age, but you could make it out to be a technicality of a rule, maybe?
Maybe something similar with "liability issues" of putting DN on your excursion reservation?
For the smoking... maybe let her smoke on your balcony once and then mention that your neighbors complained to your room host about the smoke drifting over to their balcony?
Those are the kinds of things you could ask a CM to tell them, but again, that's putting a CM in an uncomfortable position.
Good luck. Being worried about being stuck with someone else's bill is no fun.
I think sitting down NOW and discussing this with them before the cruise will be your best bet explain while you think its great that they are going to be on the ship with you that there will be some boundries and explain what those are. Ie....not going into your room unless you ask them too, and that its your family's vacation and that you budgeted for your immediate family so if they would like any extras they better save for them to purchase it. etc.
Not an easy conversation but one I think should be your course of action and before the last date to cancel in case they are NOT ok with this and feel they need to cancel due to expenses etc. Your family should NOT have to foot the bill for anyone who you can't afford to do for.
__________________
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1. I was told that DD would "have" to go to the Club because niece cannot go to the Lab. I don't think DD would be allowed in the Club because she will be 8 years and 7 months at sailing time. Also, I'm not sure I would want her to go down in age group. I'm worried DD will not go to the Lab if niece is not there.
Talk to your daughter and find out how she feels. She's going to need to know that they'd be separated anyway, so see if she actually wants to be with her cousin in the Club or on her own in the Lab. Make sure everyone involved knows that Disney may not go for it.
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2. They don't have money for shore excursions and I am feeling guilty about doing what I want to do and leaving them behind on the ship, particularly my niece who will likely cry and carry on. I simply cannot afford to pay for another kid. And I really don't want to watch another kid either.
You'll have 2 potential days where you could have excursions. Are you planning on both ports? If so, you can "get around" it by being excited about meeting up with them after the excursion. Something like, "It's going to be so much fun exploring the Straw Market with you. Let's plan on meeting at XXX."
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3. We have a category 4 with a verandah. They have a category 9 with a porthole. SIL, a smoker, believes she will spend lots of time in our room. This is NOT o.k. with me. or with DH How do I tell her we don't want her hanging out in our room?
Leave this up to DH (I'm assuming his sister?), but it needs to be in no uncertain terms. If she wants to be able to smoke "in" her room (meaning on the verandah), then she needs to get one. It's too easy for the smoke to drift back into the room and it will be uncomfortable for you to be on your verandah that you worked hard for. Don't be dishonest about this one, finding excuses that she could find a way around. Be direct. (After all, it's not like you're asking her not to smoke at all or not to smoke in her own room, but in your room - totally your right.)
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4. They will not have money for "extras" like alcoholic beverages and I cannot afford to foot the bill for extra people. We are going to be seated together for meals. How do I tactfully handle this?
Perhaps, under the guise of helping her plan, send her a list of the extras that she needs to consider saving for, including gratuities, alcoholic beverages, etc. By making it clear, she'll have no reason to be "surprised" when it comes around. You could be gracious and maybe one night buy a bottle of wine for the table (but not the first, so that you don't set a precedence), but there's plenty of drinks to be had and if she sticks to the drink of the day, it can be affordable for her to enjoy one or two...
Hope all goes well! Remember, this is your vacation. While it's important to work with everyone, don't give up your desires in doing so.
I agree with Amy and sit down with them now. If they decide not to go then
they have time to get a refund. I would explain that you have these plans
for off the boat and you will be keeping them. They cost extra and you
have been saving up all year for them. Also make sure to tell the CMs that
the meals should be split between the 2 rooms.
As for the smoking I would tell your SIL that you just don't want that smell
in your room nor on the balcony so she won't be able to smoke there.
I noticed that your countdown shows you going to WDW also. What if instead
of the cruise they meet you down at WDW and spend some time with you there?
They could stay in a value or mod. Just a thought.
This is a tough one, but my first thought (and not in a mean way) is that your DH needs to deal with these issues - and before the cruise. For our cruise this November, it is us, my parents, my sister and her family, and DH's parents. Luckily we all get on really well (especially since DMiL invited herself and DFiL along ). But if there was going to be a problem, I would sit down and discuss my concerns with my DH and ask him to speak to his family. Now, I know my DH would deal with this, and I DON'T know if your DH will. But I would hope so, especially since you planned your vacation first, the way you want it.
I think Heather gave some very excellent advice. I'd say the sooner you have the conversations the better. If they're really put out maybe they will change their plans. But it is not fair to you to have to be worrying about your cruise being ruined. I would just let them know you're "happy" they'll be along but you have already made some plans and you intend on keeping them. Also agree that your DH needs to speak up.
You need a WHOLE LOT of pixie dust here!!!! ( I don't know how to make them, sorry) I agree with a lot that has been said.... My inlaws are going with us, but although we did get them a few things (due to bdays); We all sat down and discussed the things that have to be paid for, what activities are available, etc. They also know that they have to pay for excursions and have a CC on file or $$ on account when they board to cover anything they may want to buy, or drinks... There are some pretty activities for people that don't go into port as well that maybe they would be interested in.... I got my inlaws booked through AAA so they were able to get an OBC to use as well.... It is so easy for us outside of the situation to comment, as we are not in your shoes... but I do really feel for you........ Is there anything at all that your DH can say or do, since they are his blood relatives??? (not that that matters a whole lot in this day and age) ... I also agree with iamgrumpy in that it should be done before the cancellation date so if they decide it's not worth it, they can cancel and get their $$ back. They do have time to set up a trip "savings account" for their incidentals, maybe you or DH could sit down with them and see what exactly they want to do and help them set up a budget to meet their goals... If it doesn't work, maybe they can transfer their $$ to a future family vacation where they have more time to save up and do it just as eventful as your family.... As far as smoking.... I am a nonsmoker and I would not bend on that .... you need to be comfie and breath freely in your own room and there is a smoker's area that she can go to besides your room... Talk to your DD to see what she wants and how she feels about the club.... This is YOUR vacation that YOU have saved up for... ENJOY it and DON'T let ANYONE ruin it for you.... I hope it goes well and I'll send prayers your way... (they're just as good if not better than pixie dust)
Thanks everyone. I have thought about having DH talk to his family before hand, but this will be tough for him. He is not a talker. If you happen to be on our cruise you will know who we are right away because he is the tall guy that doesn't speak! Mostly the potential problems are with SIL and niece, so I think he should be able to talk to my MIL and she can take care of it.
I think our biggest problem will be the on board charges at dinner thing. SIL is the type that will order a drink (or two or three) at dinner, or while at the pool, and will expect us to pick up the bill. I don't mind once or twice, but times three drinks by four days and that can get ridiculously expensive!
I am going to talk to DD about the Club vs. the Lab thing. I think she will want to do the "older stuff" and I need her to understand that because of her age, it is likely not possible for her and Niece to be together for that stuff. I was going to show her some of the Navigators I printed from past cruises to show her the activiities.
I will have to put my foot down myself about the smoking thing even if DH is not able to. I can't stand the smell of it and definitely don't want her hanging out on on balcony smoking. Actually, I don't want anyone hanging out in our room when we are not there....it's just weird.
We were going to do either the Atlantis Beach Day or the Blue Lagoon Beach Day, we haven't decided which yet. We definitely want to try a beach in the Bahamas....if it rains on our Castaway Cay day, we wanted the kids to have gone to the beach at least once on our trip. On Castaway Cay, we were going to get some floats and/or tubes (or bring our own from home and inflate them there). We will have to let them know that we cannot afford to take another child along with us. And even if we could (or even if they paid for her), that I don't want to be responsible to watch her. This is my time with my family. MY DD is 8. My son is 3, has some developmental delays and needs lots of attention. Adding a third child will just make it that more difficult (and way less fun for us grown-ups!)
They live in Florida. Both MIL and SIL have been on the cruise before. They know what to expect. Unfortunately, this also means they are telling me things like "Oh, don't bother with that, it's a waste" or "You should do this instead of that". for things I mention that I want to try. I would like to find out these things for myself, you know what I mean?
Remember, this is your vacation. While it's important to work with everyone, don't give up your desires in doing so.
I completely agree with this statement! You have gotten alot of good advice here. I know that it is and will be difficult. I hope it will all work out for you!
I would like to agree with what everyone else is saying. Talk to at least MIL , remember also because they live in Florida, they are probably getting a special Florida resident rate, which is lower than what yu are paying. There is also 3 of them & 4 in your family. So your expensives are already alot more than theirs.
Now on the subject of smoking, I am a smoker, but I don't smoke around people that do not & respect their wishes. We have a verandah on our cruise next year, but I'm not even going to smoke in our room, for fear it might drift to the next verandah, & offend someone. Don't get me wrong if I haven't quit smoking by then, then I will be wherever is the smoking spot, but it won't be from my verandah. Since you don't smoke, does your SIL smoke when she comes to see you ......................just either talk to her or put a NO Smoking sign up on your balcony.Rooms are already NO smoking.
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). But if there was going to be a problem, I would sit down and discuss my concerns with my DH and ask him to speak to his family. Now, I know my DH would deal with this, and I DON'T know if your DH will. But I would hope so, especially since you planned your vacation first, the way you want it.
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activities for people that don't go into port as well that maybe they would be interested in.... I got my inlaws booked through AAA so they were able to get an OBC to use as well.... It is so easy for us outside of the situation to comment, as we are not in your shoes... but I do really feel for you....
Enjoy a Disney Lifestyle......Everyday!
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