Had a Come to Jesus with 20yo. Didn't go so well. Long. Venty and Long. - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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Had a Come to Jesus with 20yo. Didn't go so well. Long. Venty and Long.
I talked w/ 23yo earlier today to make sure we were on the same page. Yes, yes, I agree, we need to have this talk. 23yo had to pick 20yo up from work, so I asked her to not say anything to her b/c 20yo is notorious for working herself into a frenzy and starting one of her bipolar swings or whatnot, so it's better to catch her unawares if you want to accomplish anything. 23yo promised. 23yo lied. 20yo came in and went straight to her room, so by the time I got her to come down, she was in hysterics. It was a huge blowout.
THEN, the BF had the NERVE to interject and tell me about all he's "witnessed" in the last month that he's been living here (rent-free) and how he's put gas in my car whenever they go out (BS, I keep track of my mileage and if he's put any in, it's been a couple of bucks). All 3 of them blame my younger 2 for the older 2's dog's peeing and pooping in the house b/c "they don't take her out for long enough". They walk the stupid dog several times per day, but she can never find the perfect blade of grass to pee on, so she waits until she's back inside (just like she did for MONTHS before we even moved here). IT AIN'T OUR DOG. I don't like the dog, she has the attention span of a gnat and despite all of our efforts to train her, is too high-strung and will not even learn to sit.
23yo then was the "holy" one, trying to be the "voice of reason". I was so POed by this point, I was a wreck. I thought we were on the same page after our discussion this morning, but apparently, she's as 2-faced as her sister. I firmly believe that genetics plays a much stronger role in disposition than upbringing at this point. They are both as conniving as their father. I did NOT raise them this way and there were some things said to me today that will never fully heal, I'm sure.
I've done my dangdest to be a good roommate and have not done the micro-managing mother thing at all. Their moving in with me was the "worst decision" they ever made (according 20yo), even though they are saving $80/mo in rent/utilities, plus all the free food, gas, and much, MUCH nicer home they have to live in, that is half the distance to work. Not to mention needing my car since 20yo is car-less and insurance-less after crashing into someone.
My mother is a horrible micro-manager who's been telling me for weeks that I have to DO something, but it's like pushing a string, short of kicking her out (which 23yo won't have, we're "family" after all...), my hands are tied. I blew it and finally told my mother about the BF living here. I haven't mentioned it before b/c I knew she'd blow a gasket, but it came out in the conversation (b/c BF had interjected his remarks about me and younger DDs) and yes, she blew a gasket. Now my Dad's thinking of coming down here to "take care of it". I honestly don't know what they think they can accomplish with a 20yo who thinks she is perfectly in the right and it's all someone else's fault all the time. Boo-hoo, "I'm trying", but I looked at her bank account today and heck, no, she isn't. I've given her one month to get her finances in order (and she has to give me all of her next 2 paychecks, plus $100/week after that for rent). If she doesn't straighten up, she's out and if 23yo has to go with her, so be it. I'll take the both of them to court for renegging on the lease.
I don't blame you, Dawn. : If it were me in that situation, I'd do exactly the same thing . . . she's been given a warning, last straw, if she doesn't want to work it out, then she can go elsewhere.
So sorry to hear, but understandable that you are at wits end. We have had "issues" with dd2 and her husband of 10 years - they have been kicked out every apt/trailer/house they ever lived in - including a church house that is supplied to get people back on track for a lower than normal rent. sil thinks he is the spiritual one who should be able to live by faith and not work if he doesn't feel it is what he should do at the moment. The sense of entitlement really gets to me.
Sometimes the lessons learned in growing up are hard and you need to take care of yourself mentally as well as physically. If 23yo and 20yo want your help they should take it on your terms not theirs. Won't you have less to pay out in the long run if you are not feeding 3 extra mouths and gas money?
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So sorry all this is happening. Pixies for a happy resolve of this mess.
Danielle
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WDW Oct . 2012
Since Minnie's chair is gone, I had to find a new place to have our photo taken this past Oct. Not sure this will be the permanent place.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, and you are definitely right in this situation. You all made a deal and just becuase you are her "mom" does not mean that she can fly by the seat of her pants...if you were not her mom and just a roommate she would be out by now. Hope things get resolved for you...I know how hard this must be for you and definitely hard on the younger ones.
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Had a Come to Jesus with 20yo. Didn't go so well. Long. Venty and Long.
20yo came in and went straight to her room, so by the time I got her to come down, she was in hysterics. It was a huge blowout.
They walk the stupid dog several times per day, but she can never find the perfect blade of grass to pee on, so she waits until she's back inside (just like she did for MONTHS before we even moved here). IT AIN'T OUR DOG. I don't like the dog, she has the attention span of a gnat and despite all of our efforts to train her, is too high-strung and will not even learn to sit.
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: If it were me in that situation, I'd do exactly the same thing . . . she's been given a warning, last straw, if she doesn't want to work it out, then she can go elsewhere.
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Danielle Harmon
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