Oh, brother, more on the 50th (DB emailed...) is any of this tacky? - UPDATED 5/1 in OP About This Page:

[graygables]

He's ticked about the whole thing. Mad that I can't be there on THE day, mad my parents are going out of town on THE day, probably mad that he married his wife.

He doesn't like "oriental" food, but that's what my Dad suggested. He also doesn't believe we should invite my parents' neighbors. Part of that is that he doesn't like them; neither do I, for that matter, BUT they are the closest thing my parents have to friends and are almost like children to them (they are DBs ages) and they are there to help out when the rest of us aren't. I think they need to be included, but my brother doesn't want to "foot the bill" for everyone. He thinks we need to each pay for our own families (particularly b/c the "compound brother" has 6 kids), then split the cost of my parents' meal, the cake, and any gift we come up with. He also doesn't see the need for invitations, but I'll probably make some anyway, if for no other reason than to have something to scrapbook.

I know I'll be inviting my mother's cousin, and I'll happily pay for her dinner (she's on a fixed income). I really want to invite the neighbors and do believe they should be there, but I don't know how to ask them to pay for their own meal. I'm pretty sure they won't mind, BUT the wife is unpredictable, so she might be offended by that (tacky? and how do you even ask such a thing?).

then there's the gift. My parents don't need anything and another *thing* will push my dad over the edge. They are driving to Colorado, so I was thinking of giving them a Visa gift card they could use for gas along the way. I know my Dad would be very grateful for that, but my mom will probably think it's "low".

thoughts? suggestions? tacky-free pixies?

UPDATE: Finally, my brothers are coming on board...thanks for the pixies and ideas! I LOVE the gift basket idea. I happen to have a mini-cooler for the car that I was going to give my Dad for Father's Day, but I suggested to DBs that we make up the travel gift basket (we're going to include some books on CD from Cracker Barrel, too). I also located their hotel ressies for the road trip part and we are going to pay those for them. The cake was approved:
Now I just have to decide what colors to put on it. The bakery wants $50 extra for gold, so I'm thinking that's going to be a : I'm thinking about finding out what color their wedding was (isn't it sad that I don't know that?) and then doing a special topper with flowers somehow incorporating gold into that.

It was agreed that I'll take care of invites and non-tacky wording; I'd not considered my grandma/step gma, so DBs are paying for them and I'm paying for the cousin.

My older 2 DDs are going to pay for/handle flowers and my younger 2 are going to choose/pay for decorations (they asked if they could, even though they aren't going...awwwww!)

Thanks again for all the ideas and pixies...they worked!

[chezp]

I think all I can offer is and

[emtpej]

If I were running something like this I would set up it so there is a set price per person, to include the meal for the guests of honor, cake and a gift. Then, all those that get invited pay a set amount, or they may choose not to attend. You could include the cousin as your guest (so you pay for that person). The neighbors would be invited, just like everybody else. The menu and cake and gift should be something that would please the guests of honor, anybody who does not like it can eat before they come or have something from the 'american brat' menu. People need to check their pride at the door and do something nice for dear ol' mom & dad for change -- yeesh!

Gift cards have the reputation of being a cop-out, I am sure someone here has a good idea -- I'm just a guy with a computer, after all...

[DebbieG]

Asking the neighbors to pay for their meal is definitely tacky. I think you and your brothers should decide how you are going to foot the bill among the 3 of you, with your guests being your parents, their neighbors and your mother's cousin. I don't believe that the bill necessarily needs to be split equally 3 ways, but I firmly believe that the 3 of you need to foot the bill. It is up to the guests to bring a gift if they wish to, and you and your siblings can go together on a gift.

My 2 cents...

Debbie

[Princess_Wantabe]

Just a thought about the gift...we did this for my DMIL/DFIL for Christmas (they were driving the Florida). We put together a gift basket filled with stuff they'd need for their trip: snacks, tylenol, small cozy travel blankets, we also thru in gift cards for places along the way (Dunkin Donut, gas cards, restaurants, etc...). You could fill it with whatever your parents like for the trip...then throw in a nice gas gift card. That way they get both a thoughtful & practical gift!

I wanted to toss in earplugs for DFIL, but DH didn't think that'd go over very well

[Grandmasam]

No real suggestions at this time, just that everything works out and your folks have a great 50th!

[RobinKay6573]

For my parents 25th eveyone at their party paid for their own meals. My sister and I paid for my parents meals and our own. My "aunt" (mom's best friend) paid for the cake. My sister and I also purchased the decorations and the guest album. We didn't encourage gifts but many did bring gift cards for my parents to use...one was even for a night out at the Inn at Essex (very NICE hotel!!!)

[chelle89]

to you for going through all this, too do something nice!

[eff051102]

For the dinner the night before my parents 50th, everyone paid for their
own meal. It was only family and the main event was the next day, but there
was at least 30 people at the dinner.
Now for the celebration...my siblings and I shared the cost of the food, cake,
flowers, decorations, invitations, scrapbook, video memory tape, etc.

If you are doing the one get together for you parents, I would say that
you and your DBs need to divide up the meal and any other costs that come
up. You count all people say over 6 and divide by 3?

As for the gift card, I would go ahead and give them an on the road gift
basket like Sherri mentioned. Good luck.

[klositis]

I dont think its tacky for the neighbors to pay for their own meal, heck its your parents day, not theirs, I wouldnt even entertain the thought of not paying for my own meal at something like that.

[jams67]

I've got nothing but and .


Although I personally love the idea of a gift card. I've given gas gift cards to DN.

[Marybeth]

[HiddenMickey]

I've been thinking about this while reading the other replies.

I don't really think it's tacky to have the nieghbors pay their own meal. You can word it such that you're planning a dinner to celebrate your parents 50th and that you'd like to include them in your plans if they are interested. Tell them each family is paying for their own meals and that the dessert will be supplied by the children. If I was close to my nieghbors and were asked to attend like that, we definitely would. Your brothers and you should split the cost of your parent's meal and the cake and each pay for the family they are bringing (in your case, the cousin).

I agree that it would be best if you could get a meal planned that is a set price, so everyone knows going in how much it will cost.

[bonphil]

[wheatenwalker]

I think its tacky to invite someone to a party and expect them to pay for their own meal- can you invite them for cake or something?