I Need some opinions About This Page:

[Teresa]

I need to give you all some background on this, and I'll try to be brief. I know, hard to believe with me!

Background: My kids went to public school, until Kathryn was so bullied over a period of months, and the school wouldn't do anything about it that she became withdrawn and sad, and was in counseling for MONTHS. The counselor finally said "The problem is the school - move her." Thanks to the generousity of a family member, she went to a private school the next year, and a year later Lauren started Kind. there. Kathryn blossomed, and after 3 years, we finally started seeing glimpses of who she used to be - and the wonderful adult she will be! She's just awesome now, but still has some emotional scars from the bullying (both physical and verbal)
The school KNOWS all of this.

In Lauren's first grade year, one of the boys, we'll call him Lucifer - Luc for short - starting picking on the girls. He hit them, kicked them, and called them names. He did it in second grade. He did it in third grade, but added things like "Your butt's big" "They should call you JackA@@, since your A@@ is so big" and other things. He also pulled one little girl's pants and underwear down one day - on the playground - to show everyone her "big, fat A@@".
There are 15 girls and 5 boys in this class. This is their 4th grade year.
He's gotten sneaky (runs up next to the girls and slides the side of his foot down their shins, then stomps on their toes instead of kicking them - but only if he can't get away with kicking) He's hitting them harder, and calling them fouler names. He's still going on about their booties. And now, he's started to mimic the teacher:
Teacher: "Lauren, please get out your math cahier"
LUC: "Yeah, Lauren, get out your math cahier"


The school is aware that this is going on. I've sent the NEW this year headmaster a letter outlining Luc's behavior, and that it hasn't stopped in four years. I've quoted the student handbook that says this behaviour (done only once) is possible grounds for dismissal. And yet - nothing is done. At the beginning of this school year, the teachers started giving Luc white slips - 3 white slips = 1 Saturday (7AM) detention. NOTHING happened. Luc has never served detention, or been suspended.
Lauren reports that the other kids just "take it" now because they "Know the school won't do anything about it"

Well, yesterday has done it for me!! LUC incited another student to throw a football repeatedly at Lauren's head, striking her repeatedly. This boy has always been wonderful to Lauren, and one of her favorite classmates!! She's heartbroken, and now doesn't want to go to that school anymore - effective NOW!!

DH suggests that we start a petition, and send it to EVERY parent in the class, including Luc's, to get him expelled - which is what I want at this point.

We're going in to talk to the Principle in the AM - any ideas?? Thoughts??

(I should add that parents walking up to Luc, and saying "You will STOP being mean to my Daughter" doesn't work - I know of 6 of us who have done that)

[scottjs]

If the powers that be are too wimpy to do anything I would do the following. Talk to the principal and find out why he is protecting the bully. If he gives you a non answer proceed to the next step!!! I would contact the media and report this. (Tell the school your gonna do it first) it amazes me how much things get done when you use the media word or say your gonna contact a lawyer to consider a lawsuit. Why is the princible sticking up for the bully? Something is not right. I think its ashamed kids can't use body guards!!!

I also keep thinking about the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle!!! Remember how Rebecca De Mornay went after the bully that was bothering one of her kids?? Not recommended in the real world, but it sure worked in the movie.

[Teresa]

Originally Posted by scottjs

I would contact the media and report this. (Tell the school your gonna do it first) it amazes me how much things get done when you use the media word or say your gonna contact a lawyer to consider a lawsuit. Why is the princible sticking up for the bully? Something is not right. I think its ashamed kids can't use body guards!!!

I also keep thinking about the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle!!! Remember how Rebecca De Mornay went after the bully that was bothering one of her kids?? Not recommended in the real world, but it sure worked in the movie.

I love the way your mind works, Scott!! Actually - contacting the media was on my list of "Next steps" I plan to use it, plus Kathryn's God-Father as bargaining tools when we speak to them - (Kathryn's God-Father is our family's attorney, and Samantha's God-mother is an attorney who specializes in special education laws)

[Grandmasam]

In case you want to call the media, here's the link: Call 6 For Help Contact Form - About Us News Story - WRTV Indianapolis

[Jookiba]

Since I believe Scott and I were separated at birth (as I can always hear myself in every statement he makes), I second the notion of what he said.

That goes above and beyond physical and mental torment-I would sue that school and hold them liable for every counseling session, doctor's appointment, etc. my kids attended since it was due to the actions of a bully!!

I'd have a hard time standing by and not doing something-I'm afraid I would have went a little Rebecca DeMornay on that kid!!

[Lemap760]

The words media and attorney should get someone's attention at the school.

[eff051102]

Yes I would tell the principal that if the boy isn't removed within the week the next person he will be
talking to will be your lawyer and the journalist who will be reporting the story.

[Cheriemek]

I can't believe a jerk of a kid like that could hold everyone's happiness hostage. Do whatever you have to do, Teresa, to get that kid thrown out of school. And does he have parents? What in earth is wrong with them?

[Teresa]

Thanks for all of your input - I've spoken to my mom, dad, sister, and 2 best friends so far tonight. They all said the same thing: Have you called Mike? (Mike is Kathryn's God-Father) Nope, but I think he may be my first call in the AM.
I have researched IN code, and I can find nothing saying that a school HAS to protect a child against bullying, just that they have to have a policy against it.

Lauren asked me before she went to bed if she could spend part of her Easter break shadowing at other schools! How did she even know the word shadow and what it means??? But, I did ask her if Luc is removed from school, would she like to stay, and the answer was a definite yes!! We have to make a decision soon - the school wants their intent forms in a couple of weeks.

[DyanKJ130]

Teresa, as a parent of child who was severely bullied over the course of 2 years in elementary school to a point of where he ended up with a concussion and had to have 8 x-rays through his skull, I can totally understand your frustration, as we received very little support from the principal.

I think making an appointment with the principal to discuss the situation is the appropriate first step. When speaking with him, I would state your concerns. State the facts of what has happened and not your opinions of the child. This is the behavior, its unacceptable and needs to be addressed.

If that doesn't get you anywhere, I would go to his superior and so on until you reach the top. I eventually had to write letters to the principal, with each one cc'd to the superintendant, per his request. That usually got things moving.

Get a binder and keep a log of everything. You may want to have separate sections. One to record each incident...., one to record communication with the principal, classroom teacher, etc, and one for all the letters you may have written or incident/injury reports received from the school nurse.....state only the facts and avoid opinions. If there are any visibly any marks left on your daughter....take photographs. I also used to carry my binder to each meeting to put my notes in. It also came in handy to point out specific dates & times of things that were promised to me to keep my child safe while at school.

If you find things still aren't going well, I would call the police each and every time this child assaults your daughter. Schools don't like to see police involvement. If the police are continually coming to the school to address this, I can guarantee things will be stepped up.

I do not think a petition would be the way to go here.

Also, as a teacher of behaviorally disordered students, I think we need to focus on the question Teresa is asking and try to refrain from lashing out at a child, who sounds like he obviously needs some help, and his parents. We don't know all of the circumstances. We also don't know if the school has already started the process of finding this student another placement, which I can tell you is not an easy feat.

Hope this helps!

[scottjs]

I respectfull y disagree!!!

[stefffe]

well......DD would have already beaten this guy up... (with my full permission ) so he would NOT be picking on her anymore. One punch to the nose and this child would learn that there are a few consequenses......even if it is only involving my child.

And im not afraid of taking on mama either.....and she (DD) knows this....while i dont encourage fighting....if it got to this point.....someone should do something. And i would....i will never allow my child to be bullied.....NEVER.... if someone touches her she has FULL permission to lay them out. And then call me....and ill deal with the higher ups...


probably not the PC way of dealing with it....and im sure ill ruffle feathers.....but i wont change my mind on this one. If someone kicks that kids A$$ once or twice....maybe he will realize that he cant be a jerk.

[scottjs]

Stefffe---I very much agree with you!!!

[Jookiba]

Originally Posted by stefffe

well......DD would have already beaten this guy up... (with my full permission ) so he would NOT be picking on her anymore. One punch to the nose and this child would learn that there are a few consequenses......even if it is only involving my child.

And im not afraid of taking on mama either.....and she (DD) knows this....while i dont encourage fighting....if it got to this point.....someone should do something. And i would....i will never allow my child to be bullied.....NEVER.... if someone touches her she has FULL permission to lay them out. And then call me....and ill deal with the higher ups...


probably not the PC way of dealing with it....and im sure ill ruffle feathers.....but i wont change my mind on this one. If someone kicks that kids A$$ once or twice....maybe he will realize that he cant be a jerk.

You rock Stefffe-and I share the same sentiments. If I found out the school allowed my kids to be bullied I'd be marching up to the school and pulling a Rebecca DeMornay on their butt. NO ONE torments my babies!!

Then if any holier-than-thou parents want to get in my face about their bully child not being the issue, oh contrare-I beg to differ.

[Dave Marx]

I remember quite well that when I got caught hitting the bully, I was the one who was suspended from school.

This is a private school, right? It has to have a board of directors, and that board ought to be more responsive to parental complaints than the typical public school. So a respectful petition from a group of parents presented to the board should get some attention. They've got a new headmaster this year, so they may need to better establish how things are supposed to be done. Before that, though, it's probably a good idea to put the headmaster on notice that you will go to the board if the situation continues un-checked.

However, those are only two of several necessary steps. Definitely, consult an attorney knowledgable in education law. Private schools have state charters, and we all know that states have put a whole lot of laws on the books regarding school violence since we were kids. I'm not sure you should skip over the board and go to the media quite yet. Organizations like that tend to get defensive and feisty when folks don't go through channels and air the dirty laundry before they've been given a chance to respond. Give them the chance. If they don't act appropriately, you still have other options. However, unlike a public school system that has to deal with its students and their families, private schools can simply dump their problems on the public school system. It'd be a shame if they thought you and your children were the problem, rather than the bully. Tread carefully, and make sure you occupy the tactical and moral high ground at all times.