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When I married hubby, we gave up our tradition of opening gifts on Christmas Eve, partly b/c it's his birthday and partly b/c "that's just not how it's done" and he felt strongly about it. We did incorporate my family's tradition of Advent. Each of the 4 Sundays before Christmas, we light a candle, have readings, and sing Christmas songs together. I've had Advent at home for as long as I can remember and DDs look forward to it every year. They choose things to read or draw pictures and LOVE to sing together (you should hear our rendition of Jesus Our Brother complete with animal sounds!)
DH announced today that he doesn't like Advent and even though this will be our 13th year doing it, he "just can't get used to it because it's not something [he] grew up with". I didn't grow up with waking up at some unGodly hour on Christmas morning or skipping Christmas Eve services, either, but I adjusted. He hinted that he didn't want to do it anymore. Advent is AS IMPORTANT as Christmas Day is to me and he knows that. I'll do it with DDs whether he participates or not, but how far would you go to maintain an important tradition? Insist that he participate? Do it without him?
Did you change traditions or conform to someone else's when you got married?
The views and opinions expressed on this post are mine and do not necessarily represent or reflect those of The Walt Disney Company and Affiliated Companies
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I'm not married (and am grateful about that ), but advent IS important. Do stick to your guns about it!! Remember, the family that prays together stays together.
My family never really did anything for advent (the church I grew up in did the candle and all thing in the services), but I like advent and the candle thing, so in my house (my household of one ) I started the advent tradition with the candles and reading and all. I enjoy doing it and if I ever do get married that will be a tradition I will keep.
When I was a kid my family had a tradition of opening one gift on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas morning. We don't do that anymore and I don't miss it. We always have and always will go to Christmas Eve services (except for those who are ill), though! Church is very important. It is important that we remember the real reason for Christmas.
I'm sorry you're having trouble with your hubby on this. Maybe you can get your pastor or some friends to help him see the points of these things?
DH more or less is the only one who had to make changes as I grew up celebrating Christmas very much the same way he had and I was willing to continue to participate in those traditions despite my conversion. When I converted in my teens, I began other traditions that DH willingly adopted. There are some he does not participate in and I'm fine with that. We have different beliefs, so I wouldn't expect him to adhere to all of the traditions I'm passing on to DJ, but neither does he make an ordeal out of his non-participation. He observes without comment or occupies himself with something else.
We exchange gifts both on Christmas and the Solstice and it's never been a problem.
WEll, when I was young, we opened gifts on Christmas eve.. when I married Jim & had kids, we started opening gifts on Christmas morning..
Last year ( DD's first year of 'knowing') the kids were all excited & begging to open gifts Christmas eve .. DH had to work so we asked him if he minded we open without him & he agreed with no problem.. thus we decided every year from now on we would open gifts after dinner Christmas eve.. (DH will be present tho.. we won't leave him out this year )
If your DH doesn't want to participate.. so what? do it without him... you girls are old enough that tradition isn't a SET thing
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I think that if it's important to you, and important that you instill the tradition in your girls, then you should continue doing it. However, there's honestly no point in forcing him to do it if he doesn't want to. It's not going to make him more appreciative of the occasion, and (sorry to be pessimistic), it's probably just going to make him even more resentful of the Advent. It seems to me that the fact that you guys have been doing it as long as you have, and he still hasn't had that, "AhHA!" moment, shows that forcing him to do it is just going to make the situation even worse.
So, long story short - if it's important to you and something you think is important for your DD's, then keep doing it. Invite him to join, and if he refuses, just ignore him - could be that he'll find being left out isn't as much fun as if he'd participate!
DD grew up opening gifts on Christmas Eve, I grew up opening on Chirstmas morning. For us it was an easy compromise. We spent Christmas Eve with his family, Christmas day with mine. After DH's parents passed and the family all moved out of town, we continued the Christmas Eve tradition with a big meal at our home. We let the kids open presents from each other,a nd one from us (new Christmas pajamas every year) and from whatever guests attend. Santa still surprises the kids in the morning when they wake up and the tree is full of presents.
Keep your Advent celebrations whether DH participates or not. Your daughters enjoy them, and will celebrate them with their own children someday.
I grew up going from one house to another (divorced parents, all grandparents living nearby).
DH grew up with married parents, and only one grandmother that usually spent Christmas Eve at his house. They didn't go to church - ever!! Maybe once or twice a year with his Grandma.
Now, we spend most of Christmas day or the days around it driving from one place to another. I just want to stay home for once!
I grew up going to Evening Mass, with the younger kids in their jammies, and everyone always singing "Silent Night" while holding candles as the last song.
I miss that!
I think that it's perfectly acceptable to have something that your DH doesn't like or can't get into. Tell him that it would be nice if he would go along with it for the DDs' sake, and if he chooses not to, he needs to come up with a reason to tell them. Other than "It's dumb!" Kids need the traditions that they can carry over. It gives them a base.
Traditions....mine is a mixture. We grew up opening our Santa gifts in the morning and then waiting until like 5 PM after Christmas dinner to open the rest and it took hours as we had to open one and then go around a circle...in the end it made us appreciate each gift and also to enjoy seeing the delight in everyone else. Unfortunetly, my borther and his wife hate to be off their schedule so in past years we have opened up gifts much more in a rush and I don't like it but it keeps any arguments down so we just give in...
When I got married my husband's family celebrated with a big dinner Christmas Eve and we opened the gifts at midnight after Mass...
When he passed away I still spent every Christmas eve with them so the kids would open their gifts from them on Christmas eve, they open their Santa gifts at whatever ungodly hour they wake up, then around 10 or 11 they open their gifts from me. Then my other inlaws come and the girls share with them...
We then go to my parents and they get to open their Santa gifts there and open the other gifts at 5....
Not that I finished all that I would say you should never have to give up something you believe in...you gave in a lot by opening on Chrsitmas Say and if he doesn't enjoy Advent then fine...you and the kids do it and enjoy it what makes you feel good and he can either join or not....
I grew up in a family where we went to either grandma or aunt's house and exchanged gifts with them on Christmas Eve then came home and opened all of our gifts at home.
DH grew up in a family that got together with family on Christmas Eve and exchanged gifts, but once they came home, that was it until Christmas morning.
After DH and I got married, we started our OWN "tradition" of opening ONE gift on Christmas Eve and opening the rest on Christmas morning. Since then, BOTH of our families have adopted the same.
I think, if it is something that it that important to you, and you want your daughters to participate as well, then you need to keep on doing it. If your DH doesn't want to, then there is no point in forcing him. He may eventually feel left out and decide to start participating again.
Remember, the family that prays together stays together.
Church is very important. It is important that we remember the real reason for Christmas.
AMEN Sister! I get so upset this time of year when the focus seems to be on the commercialism and how many packages are piled under the tree. My kids always ring the bell this time of year for the Salvation Army as they are taught to never take anything for granted, appreciate what you have, work very hard to get what you have, and have love for one another. They also know the REAL meaning of Christmas.
Unfortunately since I became an RN I miss out on alot of Christmas Eve services. If I can't go I send my kids with my parents or their Uncle.
It's always been our tradition to open things Christmas Day.
My DH's family always opened their gifts on Christmas Eve and we opened ours on Christmas Day so we go to DH's cousin's house and open gifts with them on Christmas Eve and open our gifts and gifts from Santa on Christmas Day at our house. There was really no discussion that's just how it worked out and it has worked for us for the last 18 years (of dating and marriage).
I think if Advent is important to you you should continue to do it with your DDs but don't force your DH is it really worth the aggravation and won't it just dampen your enjoyment of it if he is sulking during the prayers and lighting of the candle? Maybe he will come around eventually but I wouldn't give it up if it was something I really enjoyed doing :
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Dawn - if it's important to you, continue on. There's no reason your DH has to participate. (I'm just kind of curious why he doesn't want to anymore...)
My poor DH - he grew up with no traditions at all for Christmas - or any holiday, for that matter. And I am always introducing new things for us to try; if everyone likes it (after a couple times,) then we tend to add it to our list of holiday traditions.
There are some things I do with the kids that DH doesn't really 'do' with us. One thing we like to do is on Christmas Eve. We have a little creche and our Baby Jesus figure stays 'hidden' until right before bedtime on Christmas Eve. Then the girls and I have a candlight processional; one girl carries the baby, the other carries a candle (for the star) and we all proceed through the house singing "Silent Night" until we finally end up at the creche and place the baby in the manger.
It's not a big deal, but the girls really look forward to it. DH just kind of watches from the sidelines, but that's okay.
Advent is fun, too. I guess I just love anything that gets the family interacting together and gives meaning to our lives.
I would keep doing it if it's important to you. If he doesn't want to participate, you can't make him...although I can't understand why he wouldn't give a little since it doesn't seem to be AGAINST anything he believes in.
Every year, on Christmas morning, my family has brunch at my mama's house, and has been doing it since my mama has had kids, so for forty years. It used to be a set-time, sit down at 11:00 am and eat brunch together in the dining room type of thing, which made sense because the only people coming in that didn't live at home were my grandparents (my mama is an only child). But, when my sisters got married and started families of my own, my mom made it a come-and-go buffet. Whoever is there around 11:00, we do sit down with the Christmas china and eat, but the food is available all day so that no one feels like they have to get up and leave Santa's toys at home in the morning. My sister Donna and her hubby and boys usually don't get there until around 3:00, which is fine. You just got to roll with it!
Sounds like the real issue is your DH is not willing to give and take on the things that are important to you. That would really bug me. Please hang in there and don't compromise your beliefs...if he really cared he would discuss his reasons with you. If he just wants to whine about advent traditions suggest he goes for a walk!
We sort of incorporated traditions from my family (his didn't really have any - just did whatever they felt like each year) and started our own. We go to Mass on Christmas Eve which is a big deal for me. I grew up in a religiously-split Irish Catholic/Protestant family. Long story made short - I married a Catholic man and I am Prostestant. We found a wonderful priest who agreed to marry us (being married in a Catholic church was important to DH and his family - just before God was fine with me). The only thing that the priest asked of us was that we raise our children Catholic. Fine with me - off to Mass we go! I'm just happy if someone believes in a higher being - I don't get hung up on who/what that is. Anyway, back to our traditions. They all pretty much start this weekend here. The day after Tahnksgiving is our decorating the house inside day. Saturday is the day we get our Christmas pictures taken and decorate the outside of the house. Today we go to cut down our tree and decorate it. Each year Brooke and Luke get a new ornament for the tree and we also have the one purchased at WDW that year to hang new. The each have a 4' tree in their rooms and they are decorated accordingly. Brooke's tree is 100% princess and Barbie. Luke's tree is Red Sox/Patriot's, POTC and Star Wars. On Christmas Eve after Mass we go to Uno's for dinner. This started the year we got married and I was pregnant with Luke and I craved Uno's on Christmas Eve When we get home we read a few Christmas books and off to bed they go. DH and I exchange our gifts to each other then and have some champagne. Once the kids are asleep we put it all the gifts under the tree and fill the stockings. The stocking go by their bedroom doors. When they wake up they bring their stockings into our room to open and then we head out to the tree.
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