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There are other changes as well.
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We go on to the joy and through the tears
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Moving on with the current of the years.
We go on
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It's time to move on and move forward.
PassPorter is a small business, and for many years it supported our family. But the world changed, print books took a backseat to the Internet, and for a long time now it has been unable to make ends meet. We've had to find new ways to support our family, which means new careers and less and less time available to devote to our first baby, PassPorter.
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You mentioned that you moved recently. How has your DS handled that transition? Did the uptick in sneaking coincide with the move? He may be feeling a bit unsure of himself and his surroundings and not able to express himself. I know my DS (10 and not on the spectrum) would probably have a hard time dealing with such a transition
I have thought about getting locks on everything, but I get so frustrated with everything being locked up. I already have to lock up the Wii, DVD player, TV remotes, iPhones etc. because he sneaks out in the middle of the night to play or watch tv and I feel like I'm running a prison.
Have you considered just alarms ...?
Also, how "high functioning" is he, really? I'm not familiar with autism, so I don't know how he'd respond to (say) a point-based system that rewards good behavior and penalizes bad behavior - by restricting or granting privileges, treats, etc.
In terms of using locks ... if you have a closet in or near the kitchen, you can lock up all the sugary treats that don't need to be refrigerated, at least ... and it doesn't have to be prison-like at all. When I was 13, 14, and 15 years old, I was in a boarding school for emotionally troubled youth (St. Annes Home in Methuen, Massachusetts). The snack closet was locked 24/7 - the kids were allowed ONE snack per day, chosen from that closet ... and a canned soda counted as that snack if it's what you wanted. Anything other than that, was fruits or vegetables only. Even as a boy, that didn't seem like a prison to me ... it was just, "strict rules". (My only complaint was, that I couldn't have a soda and a small bag of chips ... even though, to me, the two were made for each other!)
So putting all of those in one place, and locking it, shouldn't seem prison-like. IMO, anyway. The refrigerated stuff ... that's harder, you'd have to lock the fridge itself. Or if you have space (and money), get a second refrigerator, even just a small one, and lock THAT.
Quote:
[...] I feel he has to learn how to control his own eating, [...]
Then again ... autism spectrum or not, he's nine. Nine year olds don't normally have a lot of self-control, especially where treats and snacks are concerned. Even tweens and teens can be pretty lacking in that department. Yes, without any especial developmental issues.
I'm just wondering if anyone with neuro-typical kids has this problem or if this is stemming from his autism. Also, any suggestions on what to do would be great.
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You mentioned that you moved recently. How has your DS handled that transition? Did the uptick in sneaking coincide with the move? He may be feeling a bit unsure of himself and his surroundings and not able to express himself. I know my DS (10 and not on the spectrum) would probably have a hard time dealing with such a transition
We moved in December and the sneaking didn't start till mid-June. It's also very very interesting because he has adjusted far better than we expected. We moved from suburbs of Colorado to rural New Mexico and he has loved it. We were homeschooling him in Colorado because he had so much trouble in school. We decided to try the schools here in the small town and he did great. It is very small classes (14 kids) and his behaviors improved drastically. I honestly think summer has thrown him off because he keeps asking when school starts.
You mention punishments fir bad behaviors. Do you reward good behaviors? My kids responded much better to reward than punishment when they were young. Make sure you Let him know when he's doing things right too.
You need to find out if he is hungry. If I was a hungry kid I would take things that I could eat on the run like a finger full of ice cream or a bag of cookies. Autistic kids have a higher rate of SID/sensory issues. Each tiny part of their body can be over, under or normal. Some kids are under sensitive in their stomachs so that they cannot tell that they are full. Others are over sensitive and barely eat. He might not feel sated and you can tell this by the quantity of food he eats.
It is rare but he could have pica. People with pica crave something so much that they will eat large quantities of that item. It is obvious that he has a need to eat not just steal. Another thing you mention is that he is not hiding the evidence. I used to take candy from my grandmother's fridge and I would hide the wrappers. Based on my experience I feel that your child is taking the food to sate a need in his body. He does not see the stealing as being wrong. It is more like someone has gone to the fridge and taken food then left the wrappers on the floor.
Make a log of everything he eats and drinks. It is an allergen log that tracks movement, food, drink, and anything else that may cause a person to act in odd ways. Such logs have helped people pinpoint allergens or other problems.
There could be something that you are missing that is causing this behavior.
You can try switching real food with food doused in pepper sauce or other edible but yucky stuff. I would not have stole anymore candy from my grandmother if the candy tasted like vinegar or hot peppers. This could give you clues. A pleasure seeker might put down the food while a child who is hungry would keep eating. Then there are the documented cases of sleep eating that you can look into. A sleep eater will eat cat food, vinegar, or rotten food without knowing they got out of bed and raided the fridge.
__________________
Mom calls to check on me and reminded me to pay the gardener. I love her so much.
Disneyland was fun with flag retreat and pickles. I have a home here, thank you. GAC is NOT a "front of the line pass".
She is gone but keeping signature. Laundry is getting done. My purpose in life is to help poor people in FL. Farewell, will miss you.
You mention punishments fir bad behaviors. Do you reward good behaviors? My kids responded much better to reward than punishment when they were young. Make sure you Let him know when he's doing things right too.
Oh yes, we reward good often. I don't reward with food or treats though, as I think that sets a bad example. But we reward with praise, Wii time, tv, games etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pax
Maybe it's a texture thing?
So .. have you tried those bacon-crumbles, maybe some grated cheese, and so on? You know ... basically, a kind of dry salad dressing ...?
If we do that he would eat the bacon-crumbles and cheese and leave the rest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mechurchlady
You need to find out if he is hungry. If I was a hungry kid I would take things that I could eat on the run like a finger full of ice cream or a bag of cookies. Autistic kids have a higher rate of SID/sensory issues. Each tiny part of their body can be over, under or normal. Some kids are under sensitive in their stomachs so that they cannot tell that they are full. Others are over sensitive and barely eat. He might not feel sated and you can tell this by the quantity of food he eats.
It is rare but he could have pica. People with pica crave something so much that they will eat large quantities of that item. It is obvious that he has a need to eat not just steal. Another thing you mention is that he is not hiding the evidence. I used to take candy from my grandmother's fridge and I would hide the wrappers. Based on my experience I feel that your child is taking the food to sate a need in his body. He does not see the stealing as being wrong. It is more like someone has gone to the fridge and taken food then left the wrappers on the floor.
Make a log of everything he eats and drinks. It is an allergen log that tracks movement, food, drink, and anything else that may cause a person to act in odd ways. Such logs have helped people pinpoint allergens or other problems.
There could be something that you are missing that is causing this behavior.
You can try switching real food with food doused in pepper sauce or other edible but yucky stuff. I would not have stole anymore candy from my grandmother if the candy tasted like vinegar or hot peppers. This could give you clues. A pleasure seeker might put down the food while a child who is hungry would keep eating. Then there are the documented cases of sleep eating that you can look into. A sleep eater will eat cat food, vinegar, or rotten food without knowing they got out of bed and raided the fridge.
I know he is not eating it because he is hungry. When he's hungry he will come tell me he's hungry and ask what he can eat. This always happens late in the evening, after I've put him to bed. He is actually hiding the evidence, he's just not very good at it. Like hiding the package of cookies under a wash cloth in the shower (BTW - Girl Scout Samoas in nasty shower water smell awful, yuk!) or empty boxes under his pillow. I do think he is filling a need, I just don't believe it is hunger.
I am fairly certain it is not Pica as it is not consistent. It seems to happen for awhile and then stops for awhile. The cookies had been in the freezer since April and he only started in on them a couple weeks ago. It almost like he felt no one else was eating them that he should. We have been pulling a box every week or so, but I could see him rationalizing that they were just sitting there so therefore he should eat them.
I may have to do a food log again. I did this in the past because we were concerned as he would skip many meals and we thought he was filling up on treats. When we did the log we found that he has very unusual eating patterns. Day 1 and 2 he may only eat an apple, a chicken nugget and a slice of bread each day. Day 3 he would eat 4 eggs, toast, 15 chicken nuggets, meatloaf, veggies, 2 apples and a piece of cake. But over the course of a week or two if you logged all the food he was eating in a graph, he was eating an exceptionally balanced diet. This was a few years ago and we stopped worrying about what he was eating, but he didn't seem as focused on sugar as he is now. So a food log may be necessary, but I will need to have the food secure so he can't get to it.
I ordered a key for the freezer today and am working on trying to find a way to lock up at least one pantry.
Hiding the food indicates he knows he is doing something wrong which is good news. Since this is off and on I think there is some hidden trigger. It might be emotional eating where he gets stressed out to the point that he grabs snacks at night to relax. It would be nice if you could get paid for having this mystery, it is a hard one for sure.
to me it is lookling like hunger, cravings, or something triggered by an emotion or stress. For me sweets and chips are comforting food that boost my happiness level. When I am stressed all I need is a handful of potato chips or a few jelly belly candies. Since you cannot sit there all night watching the fridge you have to get a guard dog or locks. Do not feel bad if you have locks as the locks are there for his safety and show you love him.
Sending you hugs and prayers
__________________
Mom calls to check on me and reminded me to pay the gardener. I love her so much.
Disneyland was fun with flag retreat and pickles. I have a home here, thank you. GAC is NOT a "front of the line pass".
She is gone but keeping signature. Laundry is getting done. My purpose in life is to help poor people in FL. Farewell, will miss you.
Hiding the food indicates he knows he is doing something wrong which is good news. Since this is off and on I think there is some hidden trigger. It might be emotional eating where he gets stressed out to the point that he grabs snacks at night to relax. It would be nice if you could get paid for having this mystery, it is a hard one for sure.
to me it is lookling like hunger, cravings, or something triggered by an emotion or stress. For me sweets and chips are comforting food that boost my happiness level. When I am stressed all I need is a handful of potato chips or a few jelly belly candies. Since you cannot sit there all night watching the fridge you have to get a guard dog or locks. Do not feel bad if you have locks as the locks are there for his safety and show you love him.
Sending you hugs and prayers
Thank you for the prayers and hugs. It would be nice to get paid for a lot of what we go through. I am just thankful that my DH does well enough that I can stay home with the kids.
You made me think of something that could be the trigger. I have done a lot of research on kids and sugar. I found that sugar does not make the child hyper as everyone use to think. However, it does cause them not to be able to focus or concentrate (especially kids with AD/HD or other neurological disorders). We avoid feeding sugary foods during the day and give the treats in the evening before bed (kids don't need to focus and concentrate while they sleep). I'm wondering if as he is getting older if he subconsciously realizes that if he eats sugary foods that it will calm his brain. He is highly intelligent and his brain never seems to stop. Maybe it is a self-regulation to help him calm down. Maybe I need to increase the portion size (or sugar content) of the desserts and treats I give him at night and see if that helps him. Kind of a backwards thought but who knows.
I can't figure out why he doesn't like any kind of salad dressing. Aren't kids suppose to love Ranch at the very least?!?!?!
My DS, now 16, has Asperger's. Thankfully we haven't had your issue. After reading through all of the posts so far, like it or not, I think you need to lock everything up. You certainly seem to be a great mom. You already do so much for him. I know psychologists advise us to find the child's motivator, but as a mom and a teacher, it's been my experience that that's easier said than done. Plus, you've already tried a lot of those things. So, I'd say lock up the food.
I know with my DS I've had to occasionally have a conversation about trust and how important it is...and that it's a two-way street. He trusts me to take care of him and do what's best for him. I don't let him down, and conversely I want and need to be able to trust him too. Maybe you could explain it to your DS in that way as you put on the locks.
By the way, my DS hates salad dressing too, even ranch. I am constantly trying to get him to try new foods. He's so picky!
My DS, now 16, has Asperger's. Thankfully we haven't had your issue. After reading through all of the posts so far, like it or not, I think you need to lock everything up. You certainly seem to be a great mom. You already do so much for him. I know psychologists advise us to find the child's motivator, but as a mom and a teacher, it's been my experience that that's easier said than done. Plus, you've already tried a lot of those things. So, I'd say lock up the food.
I know with my DS I've had to occasionally have a conversation about trust and how important it is...and that it's a two-way street. He trusts me to take care of him and do what's best for him. I don't let him down, and conversely I want and need to be able to trust him too. Maybe you could explain it to your DS in that way as you put on the locks.
By the way, my DS hates salad dressing too, even ranch. I am constantly trying to get him to try new foods. He's so picky!
Thank you, there are definitely days I don't feel like a great mom, but then I regroup, rethink and start over. It's especially hard because after the kids were diagnosed and I started learning and reading about all of it, I came to realize that I am probably on the far end of the spectrum. I have OCD tendencies, become easily overwhelmed, don't do very well in social situations and become easily frustrated. Having them has taught me a lot and it has pushed me out of my comfort zone in many areas.
We have the trust conversation almost daily. The biggest one is brushing his teeth, which he hates to do. He was doing really good for awhile and I stopped sitting in the bathroom with him. Then we went to the dentist and the dentist said it didn't look like he was brushing, I found out he wasn't using toothpaste only water for a minute. So I had to start watching him again. He was so angry, but I explained that he broke our trust. He doesn't like me "watching" so I read a book while he brushes and watch him from the corner of my eye. I guess it will be the same conversation about locking up the food.
The funny thing with foods, is my kids are really eclectic eaters. They eat tons of things that I know many kids wouldn't try. I actually thank our Disney trips for that. We have different "Disney Rules" than some rules at home and one is if you order something at a restaurant you never tried before and don't like it, we will get you a burger or something from a QS restaurant. We did this when we had the dining plan and often had a couple QS at the end of the trip we had to use, so it wasn't really a concern about money (and in fact we have never had to buy a burger). They have tried many new things including salmon, fish, shrimp and more. DS tried calamari when we went to DL in February and now orders it as his meal many places. But he just doesn't like salad dressing and DD does not like cheese. Oh and they are picky that they don't like things mixed, i.e. They want an ice cream sundae with chocolate (DD is no chocolate), no whipped cream and cherries on the side (don't like the cherry juice mixed with the chocolate, but like cherries). But they like whipped cream on key lime pie?!?!?! They confuse me and often times waiters/waitresses.
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I've got the freezer figured out (replacement key is on the way), but does anyone know how I can lock a bi-fold door? It's a single bi-fold not a double so I can't lock the knobs together. I've looked at a lot of options but they are designed for younger children and aren't actually "locked" just unable to open without sliding the piece off the center of the door. He would definitely figure this out quickly. My DH is overseas right now, so it can't be anything really complicated, as I am not the handiest person when it comes to that kind of thing.
I'm not going to worry about the fridge right now because mostly what we keep in there is fresh fruits, veggies, yogurt, and drinks. All of which I don't mind him eating anytime he likes. So I think that will be the one I leave in case he is hungry and needs a snack. The only time this will be an issue is if I make a cake or pie, but maybe we will make some progress before I do that.
BTW, I want to thank everyone for all of the great advice. I am rethinking many things and this has helped a ton. I knew everyone here would be helpful. Many of my friends don't get it sometimes and just make me feel frustrated and alone in our problems. So
Is there any way that you could rearrange your kitchen so that the bi-fold door closet isn't used for food and you move the food to cabinets that you can lock? It may not be ideal, but I can't think of a way to lock that type of door that a preteen wouldn't figure out.