Church Wedding Question **Update** About This Page:

[simbarel]

Has anyone gotten married in the Catholic Church?

What really goes on in the pre-marital counseling? My DFiance is baptized Catholic, but not religious. My brothers think I'm asking too much of him...but he's the one who suggested it in the first place! The rest of my family is too excited that I'm getting married in the Church so there's no turning back now (not that I would even want to.) We have an appointment with the priest next Monday, but can somebody fill me in on the details? I've looked up some stuff online, but I want to hear it from someone who's gone through it. Thanks!

[ 10-05-2003, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: simbarel ]

[jillb]

DH and I are Catholic and were married within the Catholic Church. It is my understanding that if you want to be married by the Catholic Church, you must attend Pre-Cana counseling.

Usually, there are 3 formats available:
-meet alone with the priest over a period of weeks;
-meet with several other engaged couples over a period of weeks;
-meet with several other engaged couples for a weekend.

The idea is to ensure that you and your betrothed will support each other and grow in your religious life together. Topics you explore include finances, children, prayer life, conflict resolution, family planning, etc. It actually turns out to be very romantic (assuming you are both on the same page). You will probably learn some wonderful things about your fiancé that may not have surfaced for years.

Don't be surprised if your Priest asks your fiancé to be Confirmed. While not a strict requirement to be married within the Catholic Church, our current Pastor as well as the one at our previous church both believe that it would show a commitment to both the marriage and his personal faith to do it.

Good luck with your planning and preparation!

[OffKilter_Lynn]

Hi, Rachel!

While also a Catholic who married a Catholic in a Catholic Church, I also work in the church offices so I answer this question alot!

The particulars can vary from church to church and from diocese to diocese, but the above post is accurate: all will require attendance / instruction in the Pre-Cana program. The type and frequency of the program may vary - our parish offers a 3 part session and you must attend all 3 parts. It's only offered at the beginning of the year and we require that you attend 6 months before the wedding. So your first hurdle may be finding a program. If you're lucky enough to find a weekend encounter, go for it! It's a lot easier to fit into a busy schedule.

But your initial meeting should be very informal, more of a information session than serious discussion. Our church, too, would like to see both parties "fully initiated in the sacraments" before marriage, but this is for your priest and/or church to tell you.

I think it's wonderful that your fiance suggested getting married in the church - it sounds like it's something important to you and he's willing to do what you would like. Best of luck and RELAX about your meeting ~ you'll both be fine [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]

[mattjs]

We met with the priest alone once for an hour or so and then we were able to find an accepted one day (all day) pre-cana program which was great. Pretty basic stuff. Ours wasn't so much "religious" in nature, but focused on relationship issues. Making sure you've talked to each other about things like when/if to have children. Where/how to live. Improving communication skills and the like.

We weren't too excited about it going in but it turned out to be a worthwhile, painless day. I get the impression it can vary a bit from place to place though. If you know some folks that have gotten married recently, ask around. It's a little like picking professors in school. Word gets out quick about the good ones.

[statelady01]

We went through Pre Cana on one Saturday- and they had sessions on natural family planning, finances, children, etc. It was almost like a conference. Additionally, we met with a sponsor couple- we went to their house for dinenr a few times and they basically just talked about their marriage and answered questions- in our church participation in both programs was required. Our first meeting with the priest was laid back. Like Lynn said, different churches require different things but I am sure it will be fine!

[Joanne929]

Married in the Catholic church as well. We attended a 6 week pre-cana program (once a week for 1 or 2 hours?) about 6 months before we got married. It was interesting - talked about the things already mentioned.

We also met with the priest 2 or 3 times before pre-cana. We took this compatability 'test' of some sort - kinda weird. Don't think we ever found out if we passed or not [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img] That was over 9 years ago, so I guess we're doing ok.

(Quick story: At one of these meetings with the priest, we were talking with him and he asked if we would accept children willingly into our lives if it was to be God's will, and we of course said yes - I was 8 months pregnant at that point -LOL!. I'm not sure how he missed that when I walked into the room.)

[simbarel]

Originally posted by Joanne929:


(Quick story: At one of these meetings with the priest, we were talking with him and he asked if we would accept children willingly into our lives if it was to be God's will, and we of course said yes - I was 8 months pregnant at that point -LOL!. I'm not sure how he missed that when I walked into the room.)

<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Arial">Haha! Too funny!

Thanks everyone for your input. I took some of this information to DFiance last night, and I got the initial resistance I was expecting, but then he quickly laughed and said that if I wanted it, he would do it. [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img] Seriously, if you would have asked me 2 weeks ago if he would do this, I woulda said "NO WAY." I'm more proud than ever of my guy...however, I still have some lurking fear that he's gonna "screw it up" somehow. I'm afraid he's going to butt male heads with the priest (they're both strong personalities) but he wants me to give him a little more credit. Time will tell with that one! Thanks all!

[andreaseratti]

RAchel,

I'm sending Pixie Dust from my DF to yours! Eric was very resistant to having a mass wedding at first. Even though we were both confirmed, he's not currently practicing and has not intention to start. It's been my dream since I was a child to have a catholic wedding. So, I'm getting my wish.

Eric butted the idea of a religious ceremony until I actually took him to meet our parish priest. Our Pre-Cana classes were a little different too:

Session with Priest (we chose our date right off the bat)
4 sessions on the Church with the priest (group setting)
1 Natural Family Planning Course (group setting)
Compatibility Quiz with Sponsor Couple
Meeting with Sponsor Couple
2 session Communication Class (group setting)

It's been pretty laid back and easy for us. The biggest problem he had initially was with the sponsor couple. But, I managed to stay with the head guy and Eric liked that.

I'm glad he's agreed to go through with everything. Just remind him to keep an open mind about things and everything will be okay!

Email me if you want to talk more!
Andrea

[simbarel]

Guess what we did todaaaaay.......

DF and I spent the day in Pre-Cana classes, and it was really quite enjoyable! We were given a workbook with duplicate pages for us to compare our answers to different topics, like communication, family background, discovery of each other, and sex. All I can say is DF passed with flying colors and I'm more sure than ever that he's a decent and caring person who loves me very much, and is the one I should marry. [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]

I think what Mattjs said best reflected our experience. It was pretty laid back and they also served us a rather nice lunch. Last week we met with the priest who will be conducting our ceremony, and they're treating Wally as a non-practicing Catholic--so no Mass celebration--but I believe the sacrament of matrimony will be there.

DF said on the way home that he "wasn't upset" that we attended the course. I myself am impressed that the Church requires so much thought, preparation, and concern for our marriage. And there was an engagement ceremony, so our engagement is now blessed. [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img] Just wanted to update!