Whoa! Here's a new parenting dilemma I've never had to deal with! - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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Whoa! Here's a new parenting dilemma I've never had to deal with!
11yo and 8yo got in a fight in the basement yesterday (8yo was annoying 11yo and she didn't want to play anymore). I heard a door slam (their bedrooms are down there, as well as their play area) and 8yo started SCREAMING, breathless, intense pain screaming, tearing up the stairs. Once I got her calmed down, she told me that 11yo had thrown a toy at her and hit her in the neck, sure enough she had a mark at the base of her throat. So, I call 11yo up who swears she knows nothing about it, she was in her room with her Gameboy when she heard 8yo scream. Another fight ensues, so I told them they were both grounded from the computer for the rest of the weekend b/c one of them was lying and I was tired of these scenes.
Fast forward...after dinner, I'm working in my office when 8yo comes in, takes a deep breath, and says, "Mom, I made up the story about Sarah throwing the toy b/c I wanted to get her in trouble for not playing with me. I pulled at my throat to make it red" {cricket, cricket, cricket} My brain was rapid-firing, trying to figure out if this was a real confession or merely a ploy to manipulate me. I called Sarah in and Miss B told her and apologized. I was very proud of Sarah, instead of flipping out with the "I TOLD you I didn't do anything", she just said, "It's OK, but please stop doing that". {cricket, cricket, cricket} Who are these children???
Anywho, b/c 8yo told the truth, I lifted the grounding (we have a rule that if you lie, you get in double the trouble), but 8yo's time is VERY limited b/c of what she did do. I'm just stunned. I'd NEVER admit when I on-purpose-by-accident got my brothers in trouble...
It sounds like you are raising some very honest children. My 7 yr. old is very honest as well she tells on herself all of the time. My 5 yr. old on the other hand tells on everyone else
Wow! Great that Miss B told the truth - but the serious question here is: Why did she do it in the first place? My younger brother used to pull at his neck until he had bruises (looked like hickeys) and when we were younger, accused me and another brother of doing it. As he got older, it was just a habit, and didn't go away until he was in his early 20s.
I'm glad you lifted the grounding from both of them. Sisters FIGHT nothing like what brothers and sisters do. My sister and I actually both have scars that are more than 30 yrs. old from fighting each other.
And - how great is it that Sarah with her problems can say it was okay??
You should be very proud of both of them! (and also tell Miss B that it is NOT okay to hurt ANYONE, including herself!)
How wonderful that your DD came forward and told the truth. And it's nice that your older DD was able to let it go.
One very effective thing I did when my kids were younger and it was often 2 against one, was at the very first sounds of arguing, they had to spearate and go into separate rooms. If they had trouble each getting somewhere, they went to their rooms, which never had any electronics. I wouldn't get mad and wouldn't get drawn into siding with anyone. I would just tell them "separate rooms" until they could get along. No attention from anyone works really well.
Of course, two of my three were boys, who are ten times easier than girls.
Wow! Great that Miss B told the truth - but the serious question here is: Why did she do it in the first place? My younger brother used to pull at his neck until he had bruises (looked like hickeys) and when we were younger, accused me and another brother of doing it. As he got older, it was just a habit, and didn't go away until he was in his early 20s.
(and also tell Miss B that it is NOT okay to hurt ANYONE, including herself!)
this is what is worrying me. She's done this kind of thing before and I've actually seen her scratch her arm, then start screaming that Sarah did it. She didn't know I was watching in the rear view mirror and saw it happen. Also, she has what we call "insta-rage" where she will go from playing happily to screaming in milliseconds. We know she's bipolar, but the docs say there is nothing to do at this point, no meds, etc, just try to keep her from hurting herself and others. I'm hoping that this finally being able to tell the truth is a breakthrough and her brain will process that it's not such a good idea after all.
That is true. She needs to learn a new behavior when she is frustrated/angry/mad/etc. And telling the truth now is good, but she really needs to learn something constructive to do to help deal with it. I had a friend that would draw what would make her happy to combat it and it seems to work. Even 25 years later
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