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Old 03-11-2014, 11:42 AM   #1
Huntermom
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On line dating advise

Have you ever done it? I am ready to think about a new relationship. I have been divorced a year after 35 years of marriage and being with my ex for over 40 years. I'd like to explore new relationships but am so out fo the loop it's crazy.

Any advice, recommendations, cautions?

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Old 03-11-2014, 11:57 AM   #2
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I'm interested to see the responses. I was with my dd's dad for 20 yrs and have been alone now for 6 years (my choice haven't looked for a relationship as I'm enjoying myself right now)
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:19 PM   #3
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I have done online dating. I met my husband online, Catholicmatch.com.

Talk for along time online through e-mails
If you do not feel comfortable dont meet
Meet in public the first couple months and drive yourself and do let them walk you to your car.
Also make sure someone knows who you are meeting, where and what time to expect a phone call saying all is fine.

I was single for about 10 years after DD Dad passed away. You will know when its right and when you are ready.

Good luck!!
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Old 03-11-2014, 01:44 PM   #4
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My husband and I met online in 1994. Things were a little different back then, there was no such thing as the world wide web (the first web browser, Mosaic, would be invented shortly after we met) and there was no "home internet," it was mainly government and educational institutions.

We actually talked online in a text based environment called a MOO for over a year before we met - I was in Maine and he was in Seattle. The first time I "saw" him was when he walked out into UW's Red Square where one of the very first internet cameras was set up (it's still there! http://www.washington.edu/cambots/camera1_l.jpg) We actually met when I went to UC Irvine for an internship. After I graduated, I moved to Seattle and there you have it!

I still have friends from the MOO and two of them are also married with two kids!

The internet has both changed and remained the same since those text based days. Everyone's always said, and may still say, that the internet is a scary and dangerous place, but I don't really buy it. It's not significantly more dangerous than "real life." You don't really know someone you meet, say, in a bar, any better than you know someone you meet online. Use common sense precautions.

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Old 03-11-2014, 02:01 PM   #5
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I met my husband through an on-line dating site back in 2003. We married in 2004 lol.

First thing I would do is research the different sites out there. There are a million now! I personally tried about 3 different ones while doing the on-line dating thing.

As others have said, talk/email/instant message, whatever you prefer to do a lot before you meet. That's what we did & i felt it really helped build a friendship before we fell in love.

Take things at your own pace & always meet in a public place. Good luck!
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Old 03-11-2014, 03:34 PM   #6
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DH and I met online in early 1995 in an AOL chatroom. That was a good way to get some sense of what others thought of him judging by how they reacted when his username popped onto the chat as having entered the room.

We instant messaged after learning we liked each other's sense of humor and gradually went to email then long distance since I was in SW Kansas and he in Brooklyn. You can't begin to envision how much money I was racking up in long distance bills either! The nearest access number for America Online was 200 miles away. Let's put it as three months' worth would do a Value stay for four at WDW for a week to 10 days at current prices, airfare included. Yeah, THAT bad! But, my best friend said, "You'd pay that much for analysis, and this has gotta be more fun. You can afford it, so why not?"

The weirdest thing that ever happened was the night his ex-wife IM'd me completely unexpectedly, telling me he and I should get together, that we'd be "just perfect for each other." I nearly fainted, I was so surprised! Who wouldn't be???

After we'd known each other for over a year online, email and phone, a bunch of people in the chat decided to have a gathering in Richmond, VA. I almost didn't go but asked a couple of women in the chatroom whom I trusted if they'd ever met him in real life and what did they think of him. Both said he was a terrific guy. One said if she weren't happily married she'd grab him for herself.

So, I went. Instant chemistry as if we'd been married for years. That comfy with each other.

It took us two months to work out the details, and we've been together ever since. (Btw, he's 18 years younger, so don't think the man necessarily must be your age or older.)

No advice to add to what's been given about how-to's and precautions. Just good wishes for your own happily ever after. And invite us to your Disney World wedding.
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Old 03-11-2014, 11:19 PM   #7
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Not me, but DH's middle brother has done on-line dating. He specifically narrowed the area down to within 50 or so miles of his home, as he wasn't interested in moving and having a long-distance relationship was not something he wanted.
He met one wife on-line, everything seemed to be okay, but her kids were awful (loose morals, stole from them, adults with no jobs, no ambitions, and she didn't see anything wrong with it). The final straw was when he found drugs in HIS car she'd loaned her son without DBiL's knowledge. He found the drugs while searching for napkins for his grandkids - and the wife wasn't upset at her son at all that he would put DBiL in that position (like he said, what if he'd been pulled over?).

He is currently married to a nice woman he also met on-line. He finally realized what he really needed and held out for that. We all love her, and she's a wonderful addition to our family. She also has kids, but they're adults and upstanding citizens. She has a son who is autistic (non-verbal), and she even holds him responsible for his actions.

So - if you take the dip, go slowly, know what you're really looking for, and be willing to compromise.

Good luck!
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Old 03-12-2014, 12:16 AM   #8
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It is hard to find someone as you get "older". I got divorced at age 50 and 3 years later decided I wanted to start dating. Where could I meet someone? I didn't want to date someone I worked with, or meet someone at a bar - so I turned to online dating. I did meet my DH online, but we lived in the same large apartment complex. After our first date he said he wasn't interested (he later said I talked non stop - which isn't surprising since I talk a fair amount - and even more when I'm nervous - and he was the first guy I had been on a date with since my divorce). We later became friends while we were both dating others and ran into each other around the complex - a few months later when we were both free he asked me out again - and now we've been married for 3 1/2 years.

My take on online dating is that it is a very strange process. You talk for a while through messages, then maybe on the phone and then you meet for a cup of coffee or a meal. In the brief time you have together you both decide if you want to "date" and if there is an attraction. In my experience it's very superficial. My best relationships have always been with men I was friends with first and the relationship developed over time. I met a couple of really nice guys, a couple of creepy ones and several who were not as they represented themselves - I swear one guy I never met was married - he only responded to my messages M-F during working hours and when I asked him if he didn't have a computer at home he became defensive and disappeared. I really didn't enjoy it that much, but if I hadn't done it I probably wouldn't be with my DH today - so for that reason I'm glad I did it.

If you do try it don't take it too seriously at first, keep it light and do meet in a public place. Limit the first meeting to something you can leave fairly quickly if the guy is a total dud. I used to have someone text me about 15-20 minutes after we were supposed to meet. That way I could make up an emergency with one of my kids if I needed to. Good luck!
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Old 03-12-2014, 12:51 PM   #9
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I have no advice or experience, but I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find your prince charming!
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Old 03-12-2014, 01:12 PM   #10
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Look, ten years ago I was 35 years old, mid-career, no husband. I owned a house, a car, a cat. I had given up on happiness and just stopped dating. I don't drink much, and didn't want to seek out my soulmate in some bar. I don't "club", so that wasn't an option. The only club I belonged to was for Women in IT, and my crocheting club. Not many guys there, and the ones who did attend often had their own boyfriends. As you get older, there's not a lot of places to meet men.

I had thought that I would never meet anyone, that I would forever remain a spinster, so I thought, "What the heck" and tried it. I was terrified. Like many women, I had a string of crappy relationships, and I think I had a neon sign over my head that said "If you're a crummy boyfriend, inquire within".

I met my WookiePants in 2004 on match.com. Yes. Match.com. We were both 35 at the time. In July, we will have been together 10 years - we're perfectly happy not being officially married, though he's as much my husband as if we had a piece of paper. He has been the best thing to have happened to me in my life. He is my best friend and my family.

I won't lie to you...not every guy I interacted with was Prince Charming. Some of the guys match.com set me up with were real doozies. I met some nice guys who I simply didn't click with, and had dates with guys where I thought to myself "No wonder you're single...". But I persevered and found my WookiePants (see picture below). I even gave him the Disney bug!

Online dating gave me a sense of empowerment and self confidence that I didn't have before because I had some measure of control over who, when and where I would date. I wasn't beholden to chance or the hopes that one of my friends could 'set me up' with someone. It was MY decision who I wanted to date and if I wanted to continue to date them, and I had to answer to no one but myself.

My advice: give it a shot, what do you have to lose? Ensure that you are ALWAYS safe - make sure friends/family know where you're at and with whom, and what time you should be expected to return. Always meet at a public location, like a Starbucks. Be open minded - sometimes the perfect guy will be hidden away behind the exterior. Heck, WookiePants had a MULLET (yeep!) when I met him. Normally that would have been a gamechanger, and he cut his hair properly by the time I met him face to face (no, I didn't tell him to...I'm not THAT rude), but if I would have dismissed him just because I didn't like his hairstyle, I would have missed out on the perfect man for me. And most of all, insist that any man treat you like the Lady that you are - with respect and kindness.

Sorry for such a long post - but I saw your post and wanted to share with you that there's hope out there. Good guys still exist, and I'm proof that you can find these good guys. You have a sisterhood out here who have gone through what you have and we've found light at the end of the tunnel (and it wasn't an oncoming train!). I wish you nothing but fun, success, love and joy! Oh, and a man who is as crazy about WDW as you are! << hugs >>
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Old 03-12-2014, 10:09 PM   #11
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I haven't done it, but I have recently considered it. My ex and I divorced when my son was 8 years old. Now, he's almost 18! I've been alone all that time. Mostly, it's been fine, and I am pretty much independent to a fault, but I completely understand that you might like to have some adult companionship. These days, for a lot of us, online seems a good way to vet people. Good luck with it. I hope you find what you're looking for.
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Old 03-12-2014, 10:57 PM   #12
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You've gotten some great advice already so I don't have much to add other than go for it! It's worth a shot just be open minded and find a site that works for you and be honest with yourself what you're hoping to get out of it!


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Old 03-13-2014, 06:49 AM   #13
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No advice, but good luck and let us know how it goes!
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Old 03-13-2014, 11:09 PM   #14
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Im also thinking of trying it out. Tell us how it goes and so i can have the confidence to try it.
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Old 03-14-2014, 09:59 PM   #15
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Im also thinking of trying it out. Tell us how it goes and so i can have the confidence to try it.
Welcome to the boards, Saturn!
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