Suggestions needed...(Thanksgiving and Christmas) - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
As of January 1, 2019, we have closed our forums. This is a decision we did not come to lightly, but it is necessary. The software our forums run on is just too out-of-date and it poses a significant security risk. The server software itself must be updated, and it cannot be without removing the forums.
So it is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to our long-running forums. They came online in 2000 and brought together so many wonderful Disney fans. We had friendships form, careers launch, couples marry, children born ... all because of this amazing community.
Thank you to each of you who were a part of this community. You made it possible.
And a very special thank you to our Guides (moderators), past and present, who kept our forums a happy place to be. You are the glue that held everything together, and we are forever grateful to you. Thank you aliceinwdw, Caldercup, MrsM, WillCAD, Fortissimo, GingerJ, HiddenMickey, CRCrazy, Eeyoresmom, disneyknut, disneydani, Cam22, chezp, WDWfan, Luvsun, KMB733, rescuesk, OhToodles!, Colexis Mom, lfredsbo, HiddenMickey, DrDolphin, DopeyGirl, duck addict, Disneybine, PixieMichele, Sandra Bostwick, Eeyore Tattoo, DyanKJ130, Suzy Q'Disney, LilMarcieMouse, AllisonG, Belle*, Chrissi, Brant, DawnDenise, Crystalloubear, Disneymom9092, FanOfMickey, Goofy4Goofy, GoofyMom, Home4us123, iamgrumpy, ilovedisney247, Jennifer2003, Jenny Pooh, KrisLuvsDisney, Ladyt, Laughaholic88, LauraBelle Hime, Lilianna, LizardCop, Loobyoxlip, lukeandbrooksmom, marisag, michnash, MickeyMAC, OffKilter_Lynn, PamelaK, Poor_Eeyore, ripkensnana, RobDVC, SHEANA1226, Shell of the South, snoozin, Statelady01, Tara O'Hara, tigger22, Tink and Co., Tinkerbelz, WDWJAMBA, wdwlovers, Wendyismyname, whoSEZ, WildforWD, and WvuGrrrl. You made the magic.
We want to personally thank Sara Varney, who coordinated our community for many years (among so many other things she did for us), and Cheryl Pendry, our Message Board Manager who helped train our Guides, and Ginger Jabour, who helped us with the PassPorter-specific forums and Live! Guides. Thank you for your time, energy, and enthusiasm. You made it all happen.
There are other changes as well.
Why? Well, the world has changed. And change with it, we must. The lyrics to "We Go On" for IllumiNations say it best:
We go on to the joy and through the tears
We go on to discover new frontiers
Moving on with the current of the years.
We go on
Moving forward now as one
Moving on with a spirit born to run
Ever on with each rising sun.
To a new day, we go on.
It's time to move on and move forward.
PassPorter is a small business, and for many years it supported our family. But the world changed, print books took a backseat to the Internet, and for a long time now it has been unable to make ends meet. We've had to find new ways to support our family, which means new careers and less and less time available to devote to our first baby, PassPorter.
But eventually, we must move on and move forward. It is the right thing to do.
So we are retiring this newsletter, as we simply cannot keep up with it. Many thanks to Mouse Fan Travel who supported it all these years, to All Ears and MousePlanet who helped us with news, to our many article contributors, and -- most importantly -- to Sara Varney who edited our newsletter so wonderfully for years and years.
And we are no longer charging for the Live Guides. If you have a subscription, it's yours to keep for the lifetime of the Live Guides at no additional cost. The Live Guides will stay online, barring server issues and technical problems, for all of 2019.
That said, PassPorter is not going away. Most of the resources will remain online for as long as we can support them, and after that we will find ways to make whatever we can available. PassPorter means a great deal to us, and to many of you, and we will do our best to keep it alive in whatever way we can. Our server costs are high, and they'll need to come out of our pockets, so in the future you can expect some changes so we can bring those costs down.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your amazing support over the years. Without you, there's no way us little guys could have made something like this happen and given the "big guys" a run for their money. PassPorter was consistently the #3 guidebook after the Unofficial and Official guides, which was really unheard of for such a small company to do. We ROCKED it thanks to you and your support and love!
If you miss us, you can still find some of us online. Sara started a new blog at DisneyParkPrincess.com -- I strongly urge you to visit and get on her mailing list. She IS the Disney park princess and knows Disney backward and forward. And I am blogging as well at JenniferMaker.com, which is a little craft blog I started a couple of years ago to make ends meet. You can see and hear me in my craft show at https://www.youtube.com/c/jennifermaker . Many PassPorter readers and fans are on Facebook, in groups they formed like the PassPorter Trip Reports and PassPorter Crafting Challenge (if you join, just let them know you read about it in the newsletter). And some of our most devoted community members started a forum of their own at Pixie Dust Lane and all are invited over.
So we encourage you to stay in touch with us and your fellow community members wherever works best for you!
Welcome! We're happy you've found the PassPorter Community -- the friendliest place to plan your vacation to Walt Disney World, Disney Cruise Line, Disneyland, and the world in general! You are now viewing the PassPorter Message Board Community as a guest, which gives you limited access. As our guest, feel free to browse our messages by selecting the forum you want to visit from the list below.
To post messages and ask questions, join our FREE community today and you'll get access to tools and resources not available to guests, such as our vacation countown timers, "living" avatars, private messaging system, database searches, downloads, and a special PassPorter discount code. Registration is fast, simple, and completely free. Just click the Join Our Community link.
If you think you've already joined, log in below now. If you don't remember your member name or password, please visit our Member Name and Password Recovery page. You are also welcome to contact us.
Very long, very detailed back story goes with this, but I'm going to try to bring it down to a few points:
1. DD Samantha and her DH are in big power wheelchairs
2. They can't get into anyone's home but ours and my FiL's.
3. Our house and FiL's are both too small to accommodate all of DH's family.
4. We've always had Thanksgiving and Christmas at DH's brothers (large enough for all of us, including the wheelchairs) The ones in the wheelchairs CAN get into the house basement (where we have all of our gatherings), but they have to go through the yard and then either drag in tons of mud, and dirt or they can't get in because it snowed. When they've dragged in mud, I've spent over an hour OUTSIDE with a hose and their chairs, cleaning them off.
5. A couple of years ago we thought we had it - everyone agreed to go to Samantha's. THEN, DH's oldest sister decided she didn't want to and called everyone to tell them the venue had been changed back to the BiL's house. SHE didn't want to change.
6. Last year, same thing.
7. My DDs (all 3 of them), feel as if DH's family doesn't give a flying fig about them. They want to do something with that side of the family, we always enjoy spending time with them, but it's really hard to get excited.
DH is right now trying to talk to all of his siblings (4 of them) and his dad and figure something out. I'm suggesting that we may want to look into renting a hall at a local hotel or something. His oldest sister already hung up on him.
Any ideas I'm not thinking of?
We all live near Indy, all within an hour of each other.
Do you have an option to go somewhere catered like a hotel for a meal? Or a function centre where you are joining 100s of others for a celebration but just sitting at your own tables? We have done this for about 10 years as it is the only day our business is closed. We tend to book around August as places fill quickly. The places we go have full decorations, buffet meals, drink packages if needed, gifts for children, music and carollers and a decorated area for official photo portraits. We always leave full and happy!
Have you tried actually sending a printed invitation for a gathering at your DD's home? I would react to a paper invite more so than a phone call or email.
Really if your DH's family are continually so insensitive about accommodating the wheelchairs, I would just do your own celebration and visit those family members that you like on another day close to Christmas. Christmas is all about family and if someone doesn't want to play fair than they don't deserve your presence!
PassPorter Guide Community Rank: Legend Extraordinaire
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Chapel Hill, NC USA
Concierge Level: 6
Posts: 36,592
Post Thanks / Like
We did Thanksgiving at a Holiday Inn banquet place once.
I'm actually surprised you are all still trying to "celebrate" holidays with them, seeing as how they haven't treated your girls well these past years. If this new idea doesn't take hold, I'd say it's time to just spend the holiday without them.
This is the classic rock and a hard place situation. You want to have your kids be and feel accepted. You want to gather with your husband's family. But you've got this one unreasonable SIL. Does anyone know what her problem is? Why is the location seemingly more important to her than the feelings of other family members? If it's the tradition of going to the same place, can't someone convince her that new traditions are okay to establish?
More to your point, I think a neutral site is a fine idea. Will your DH speak up about the need for wheelchair access? He shouldn't need to, but apparently some aren't on board with it. I guess I just don't understand what seems like insensitivity.
I know this won't help you, but we solved the family/holiday bind by going out of town--just our family. We weren't torn by "sides" or had to deal with extended family members that we would rather not.
You may also be surprised by the number of restaurants that are open on those holiday days. We've had holiday meals--Thanksgiving, Christmas, even Easter at restaurants and were surprised the first time by the number of folks who go out to eat. Saves lots of hassle.
Good luck with your decision.
Your DD and her husband's accessibility should be the priority. If you have some family members who aren't "ok" with that, then honestly I wouldn't be ok with them. Actually, as soon as someone hung up on me, I would no longer be taking them into consideration. People will continue acting the way you let them. If you plan your dinner and invite DSIL, then it's not your problem if she continues to not show up for no reason.
__________________
MNSSHP 2015: DH (Bane), Me (Batgirl), Genie, and our friends
Registered Message Board Members save 30% off PassPorter guidebooks! When you register you'll have access to a discount coupon good for 30% off the list price of PassPorter books in our online store.
I'm actually surprised you are all still trying to "celebrate" holidays with them, seeing as how they haven't treated your girls well these past years. If this new idea doesn't take hold, I'd say it's time to just spend the holiday without them.
I was also VERY surprised that your still trying to find some way of celebrating
together since your girls know how that family feels about them. Good luck but if
it doesn't work out I would just spend the holiday with people who truly care
about them.
I was also VERY surprised that your still trying to find some way of celebrating
together since your girls know how that family feels about them. Good luck but if
it doesn't work out I would just spend the holiday with people who truly care
about them.
I agree with all of you about this. We (the girls and I) do this for DH. It's not that his family is mean. Some of his siblings are wonderful to my DDs. Some are not, but they're not mean. They just don't really care. His father says he loves the girls, but he and his wife do little to show it.
Our problem has been, truly, DH's oldest sister. Unfortunately, since their mother died, this SiL has been the one everyone has allowed to decide what will happen. SHE likes going to the brother's house, there she can control everything and dictate what we all do. Besides that, he has a fully stocked bar. She REALLY likes that.
I'm not big on going out to eat in a room with a lot of other people - to me, that would not allow the family togetherness that we do have. The ideas of rooms/banquet halls/etc. are great.
I'm ready to say the heck with it all, and just have a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving at my house. Or go to my sister's. Which we almost never do. Maybe we'll get to that point this year. I kind of hope, but I know it will break DH's heart.
Registered Message Board Members save 30% off PassPorter guidebooks! When you register you'll have access to a discount coupon good for 30% off the list price of PassPorter books in our online store.
Teresa, I'm glad that you are letting your DH take the lead with his family on this. YOU ALL are being reasonable and trying to reach out. Can he not get a couple of his other siblings on his side to talk to everyone. I mean REALLY. Are these folks not compassionate enough to see how difficult it is for your DD? Seriously. If you can't go out of your way for family who will you go out of your way for?
PassPorter Guide Community Rank: Legend Extraordinaire
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Chapel Hill, NC USA
Concierge Level: 6
Posts: 36,592
Post Thanks / Like
I also think it's up to your husband to work this whole thing out. He needs to talk to his brother (the one married to the SIL that runs the show) and let him know that if some family events aren't held at a house that's accessible now and then, he and your family won't be able to attend at any time. If his brother really cares about having him around, he'll want to help his wife understand the situation, and make it work.
Have your own family celebration on a different day. We always celebrated Thanksgiving on Friday so former BinLaw's kids could always be there. It also lets out of town family fly in on Thursday, which saves a ton of money.
Plan your celebrations, invite them all and accept some may not make it.
And why willit break DH's heart if you don't go to a celebration all your family cannot access?
PassPorter's Free-Book to Walt Disney World It’s hard to believe anything is free at Walt Disney World; but there are actually a number of things you can get or do for little to no cost. This e-book documents over 200 free or cheap tips to do before you go and after you arrive. You could save a considerable amount of money following these tips. Perhaps more importantly; you can discover overlooked attractions and little-known details most people whiz by on their way to spend money. Click here to see free sample pages from the e-book! Get this popular e-book free of extra charges when you join the PassPorter's Club for as little as $4.95. A club pass includes access to all our other e-books; e-worksheets; super-size photos; and more! This e-book is also available for separate purchase in the PassPorter Online Store for just $5.95.
We have Thanksgiving every year with Luke's extended family on his father's side. Each year we rotate among the four branches of the family. Only one of the 70+ family members has a home that would fit us all comfortably. So for years now we've used the fellowship hall at churches, fire station rec room, or church family life centers. It was strange at first when we switched from someone's home to a more roomy, yet less homey place. But we've all adapted and enjoy the ability to spread out and also to have so many cooks in the kitchen. Hope you all can come up with something so your girls can feel wanted and involved.
Your DD and her husband's accessibility should be the priority. If you have some family members who aren't "ok" with that, then honestly I wouldn't be ok with them..
You are to be admired for your willingness to keep on trying for your husband's sake. Unfortunately, you can't control his family. You can, however, control how you react to their behavior.
If his family refuses to compromise on accommodating your child's disabilities, then you don't go. Period. End of story. Why would you want to be with such people? The selfish behavior of this woman is bad enough-- but then there are other family members that enable her who are just as bad, maybe worse, for their silence.
Life is too short to waste your time with such people, family or not. My 2cents. I hope everything works out for you.
__________________
poohmaine
Last edited by poohmaine; 11-04-2013 at 07:51 PM..
I also think it's up to your husband to work this whole thing out. He needs to talk to his brother (the one married to the SIL that runs the show) and let him know that if some family events aren't held at a house that's accessible now and then, he and your family won't be able to attend at any time. If his brother really cares about having him around, he'll want to help his wife understand the situation, and make it work.
This isn't his brother's wife. This is his Sister. The same woman who expects us all to bend over backwards because her DH is allergic to cats.
Registered Message Board Members save 30% off PassPorter guidebooks! When you register you'll have access to a discount coupon good for 30% off the list price of PassPorter books in our online store.
About This Page: 
Like
Thank
Pixie Dust
]Read all about our Disney Experiences on the Williams Family Blog: 
I hope everything works out for you.
Linear Mode
