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I'm posting this separately than my first post I Knew This Was Coming... (read if you want background) because even though it's about the same wedding, this next piece of info is not directly related to why I'm not comfortable attending this wedding.....(or maybe it is....)
DH gets a call from his son today - who tells him, yes - everyone in the wedding party is wearing formal wear (men in tuxes) BUT since we were the only out-of-town people coming, he didn't think his dad would want to bother with getting a tux. So just a nice suit would be okay.
Now - correct me if I'm wrong, but if you are having a fancy wedding, aren't ALL members for the wedding party supposed to dress the same? Wouldn't it seem odd to have the father-of-the-bride in a tux and the father-of-the-groom in any old suit? Maybe I'm too close to the issue and am mixing up my own feelings in it, but to me, that's the same as DH being told - "Since you're not really a member of the family in our eyes, you can wear whatever."
DH is arguing with me on this one - "They're just trying to be nice and make it easy for me." Uhhh - no. They are making a distinction, in my opinion.
Okay - now it's time for all of YOU to be brutally honest with me and tell me if I'm reading more into this than there really is. I really need to take a few steps back and see this more clearly.
***Update :****
Ahh, you PassPorters - you're always the voice of calm reason. Just reading your posts helped me calm down.
What the heck - DH can wear what he wants! It's not my wedding and they're not my kids and maybe I'm a little protective of DH feeling left out of things, but he's okay with the situation.
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Having never done this before, I have to ask, do the fathers rent the tuxes themselves, or are they rented w/ the ushers/best man's/groom's tuxes so they're all the same?
Pat, for my first (the big) wedding, the fathers both wore tuxes (not matching the groomsmen's attire.) But all the main family members wore formal wear. Just what we did and to be honest, who cares? It's the bride and grooms day and what they want counts.
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Since he's not in the wedding party itself (traditionally, the FOG - father of the groom never is), he doesn't HAVE to match the wedding party.
The tricky part is this: IF he's going to be in photos, as the FOG, with the wedding party, then he may want to match.
It's not a big deal for them to tell you where they got the tuxes, the brand and style name, and colors. Then, you can find the same tux in your area, OR you can have him measured at a local tux place and call in his sizes to the place the wedding party is getting their from.
Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. If your DH is comfy with it the way it is, I'd let it be. IF however, he would be more comfortable matching everyone else, I'd go ahead and get the tux.
From the way you describe it, it sounds like "Dad can wear a tux if he wants to, but doesn't have to if he'd rather not." Having never done this before, I have to ask, do the fathers rent the tuxes themselves, or are they rented w/ the ushers/best man's/groom's tuxes so they're all the same? If the dads are supposed to get them on their own, I think I'd interpret this like I said. Did he say to NOT wear a tux? Now, I'd interpret that as "you're just another guest".
But what do I know? DH2B's mom & brothers aren't even coming to our wedding, and I told my family to wear whatever they want - there will only be about 10 of us there.
__________________
Pat (a.k.a., PFlamingo) "We are the people our parents warned us about."
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Oh, and make sure you won't clash with OR match exactly the colors the MOG and MOB are wearing!
When my DD got married last year, I thought it was funny as heck that her step-mother and I matched! Her gown was different, but it was about 2 shades darker than mine. The MOG wore a sun-dress (to a 6PM formal wedding!!) - but that's another story.
Me, I agree with what you said in your other post - just skip the wedding and stay home. Since that doesn't seem to be a choice, maybe your DH should call his son back and find out exactly what his (your DH) role will be in this whole thing. If he's going to be treated like an unwanted relative once you're there, let DH dress how he wants. If he's going to be in pictures with the wedding party, then maybe he should think about getting a tux.
But then again, what do I know? I got married by a JP wearing a dark green dress with Lenny wearing a Tux that was several sizes too large because he had gotten sick and dropped over 60 pounds. And I don't remember at all what everyone else wore.
A really nice suit is just fine for the FOG or as Teresa suggested have your Dh call and find out the tux in order to get one rented for himself. I say whatever makes your Dh comfortable. If he is happy with the suit and not the tux then so be it.
I think a suit is just fine. I don't think the father of the groom is a part of the wedding party. You can check Emily Post or another etiquette book but I don't usually envision the father of the groom (other than in those rare occasions where he is best man) as a part of the bridal party.
I also think you need to take as positive an attitude towards everything as you can. You never want to put your DH in an it's him or me situation.
Ahh, you PassPorters - you're always the voice of calm reason. Just reading your posts helped me calm down.
What the heck - DH can wear what he wants! It's not my wedding and they're not my kids and maybe I'm a little protective of DH feeling left out of things, but he's okay with the situation.
Quote:
Having never done this before, I have to ask, do the fathers rent the tuxes themselves, or are they rented w/ the ushers/best man's/groom's tuxes so they're all the same?
Pat, for my first (the big) wedding, the fathers both wore tuxes (not matching the groomsmen's attire.) But all the main family members wore formal wear. Just what we did and to be honest, who cares? It's the bride and grooms day and what they want counts.
I say let DH make the decision. If he is comfortable wearing a suit then let him. The bride and groom will be just as married no matter what he wears and in 10 years who will even remember or care what he wore.
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When my sister got married last year, both the FOB and FOG wore nice suits. And when my best friend got married even though the groomsmen wore tuxes and so did the FOB, the FOG just wore a dark suit. So I think that DH would be find wearing a nice suit.
I agree: Father of the Groom doesn't need to wear a suit.
From the weddings I've been a part of, the "wedding party" is strictly only the groom, bride, groomsmen and bridesmaids.
The Father of the Bride typically matches the groomsmen if he's going to walk her up the aisle or take part in the stand-up portion of the ceremony. But that's not a hard rule. I've seen the FOB wear just a dark suit.
I don't see this as a slight. I see it as part of general wedding practice.
Eileen
I agree with you - whatever he's comfortable in is the most important thing. If he's not a part of the wedding party (traditionally, in the South, the Father of the Groom is the best man, but I understand it's not usually that way the north of Mason Dixon line ), then I think a suit is fine.
Well at our wedding the groom, groomsmen, FOB, ushers and readers were all in
tuxes. However this was a formal wedding so that is something to keep in mind.
I think wearing a suit would be fine.
I think a suit is fine - mind you, this is coming from the girl who was told categorically by all the men at her wedding (husband, father in law, father) that they would never wear tuxedos in a million years!
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), then I think a suit is fine.
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