Rhetorical Question About This Page:

[simbarel]

If you were babysitting your 3.5 month old step-grandson, would you feed him ice cream?

ARRRRG!

I'm so disappointed in myself! I knew something like this would happen but I looked the other way hoping that it wouldn't. Wally and I are working together about setting boundaries with my parents and apparently should have done it before now but COME ON! She robbed us of our first food experience with Jimmy. I should have known better, I now REALLY know better for the future, how come no one told me the politics of parenting was so tough (don't get me started on what my sil, the NICU nurse said about our sleeping situation.)

Maybe I'll accept that company transfer to Utah that we were offered.

Thanks for listening to me gripe.

[Chrissi]

Originally Posted by simbarel

how come no one told me the politics of parenting was so tough (don't get me started on what my sil, the NICU nurse said about our sleeping situation.)

Begging to differ, my friend, but I did warn you. And tell your SIL to stuff it. You can tell her I said so, too.

Rules, routines! No one can be trusted with your baby but you until they understand and accept the rules.

[fairestofthemall]

I feel your pain! My mom is always doing something like that - like trying to get them to walk to her before we have tried doing that - that really chaps my behind! My mil does the same thing with the walking. I told dh, they have had their turns for firsts - this is our child. (the walking thing has happened with both girls and I am sure they will try with Aidan as well) What is up with that? Mil would take my dd and go in her bedroom and shut the door! Then later come out and say, Halli did this or that or said this or that - lucky for her it wasn't Halli's first time. Mil tried to tell me one time that Halli called her my nana, "before she has called you ma ma"!(untrue, btw) This comes from a woman who has never been to our house for a visit or to any birthday parties - ever! She only lives 3 hours away and does nothing but decorate her house. But I digress.

I am sorry for what you stepmom did, she should know better.

Danielle

[simbarel]

I was just kidding about no one warning me how the relatives can be. I'm truly disappointed in myself because I really thought that I would put Jimmy's needs before my own, but when it came down to it, I didn't want to look like I had a power trip over my parents and it landed me in a pit of resentment and mistakes. We are, no doubt, nipping this in the bud. I knew, knew, knew, knew x1000 that I would be faced with certain issues, but I just get flabberghasted over how people will so willingly give you their 2 cents about parenting YOUR child-----without even thinking to look at other perceptions or my own feelings. Throwing myself and my son under the bus ends here---and I know it because I have a husband who is way less wimpy than I am and doesn't care as much about hurting the feelings of our loved ones.

Danielle, that is ridiculous that your own child's grandmother would say such things, what on earth do people think?? My eyes have officially been opened!

And may I never, ever, ever, in all the years that I live behave in such a manner! (sorry for being dramatic, but people just amaze me right now.)

[Chrissi]

Rachel, I think we all learn through trial and error. I was being bratty. Sorry, sweetie. I have so been there, done that with my parents AND his parents. I blithely try to save my friends from the same heartache, but I tend to try to get my friends to do it the way I would. (DJ was right - I am bossy. ) I learned the hard way to be a hard*ss with my in-laws. I'm sorry it's come to this for you.

BTW - what was she thinking giving him ice cream?!?! ICE CREAM?!

On a happy note - you get to be the one who gives him pickles and a wedge of lemon.

[Lumieregirl]

What a shame some people can be so careless. A friend's MIL gave her infant son coffee, with sugar and the pathetic remark "I let it cool for him".
hope the situation improves.

[simbarel]

Thanks guys, even though some of these stories are sad, my misery s company.

I'm starting to think that my stepmother is less of a controlling she-beast and more of an...idiot. Maybe even a little mental? I was so nervous before they moved back that she would try to tell me how I was doing everything wrong, but after a few visits with them I felt pleasantly surprised at how she seemed to take a step back and allow ME to parent and seemed to trust my judgment on how to handle Jimmy. My FATHER on the other hand (grrrr) just couldn't grasp the concept of swaddling a newborn, but word on the street is that he finally realized he had stepped over the line with his criticisms (basically, I stopped talking to him) and was thrilled when I called for their help earlier this week.

Anyhoo...I think my stepmother is just a dolt. I don't think she fed him ice cream maliciously, or even thought of it at all. I think it's completely unacceptable, particularly when she said "he had a Blizzard" and when I said "WHAT??!!!!" because Wally had already lectured me on giving Jimmy tastes of our food (ok, I admit it...I tried to do it...but I'm the mom! And I realized that Wally was right when he said 'no' to it) and then she retracted and said no, that he hadn't. Silly me thought it was a cute joke she was playing on me until my brother informed Wally last night that he witnessed her feeding him ice cream. Now, why my father or my brother didn't say anything, I don't know....I think we all just have a habit of standing there and watching the trainwreck. Wally doesn't have that habit.

Living and learning, that's me!

[Colexis Mom]

[stefffe]

hmmm... i had to set boundries with both sets of grandparents from early on. but all in all....they were such a HUGE help to me and DH that i let some things go. DH and i both had to work so they kept kayla most weekends... i just could not nit pick them on every last thing. kayla was eating fresh sweet potatoes picked right out of the garden and fresh creamed corn all smashed up as early as 3 months.... and drank sweet tea out of her bottle i didnt mind at all.....my MIL is a nurse and would never harm kayla intentionally. my mom would change her clothes the MINUTE i brought her there...since of course i could not dress her correctly (to this day i think she just wanted to make sure i knew how to put a diaper on her ) but it was MY decision not to micro manage everything that everyone did to kayla.....i knew her grandparents loved her and that they would take such good care of her. and now she is a happy and healthy soon to be 10 year old who loves her mama and still has her dad and all her grandparents in her life. So i guess it all worked out okay Kayla is very much bonded to me....and knows who her mama is and is proud to say that she has both parents..which to me is the MOST important thing i can do for her. i used to be jealous of the time her grandparents had with her....with time i got over that...and grew to enjoy the time she was with them...since it was the ONLY time i could go to the bathroom alone .

well i successfully rambled this right off topic...so ill hush but you guys know what i mean!!!! just do what you feel is right for your child

[vsonnier]

I've totally been there! When Josh was 3 months old I went to pick him up and found him and my idiot mother sitting in bed eating a chocolate creamsicle. I went off over that....I thought she was better then at 6 months I caught her giving him popcorn - POPCORN - a big time choking hazard for babies under one. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with it and just rolled her eyes at me when I explained why I didn't want him eating that. Oh and did I mention the time that I sent him over to her house at 13mo and explained that we had just discovered he had an allergy to juices with citric acid...he came home with a horrible rash and I asked her what she had given him to drink and she innocently said "orange juice"...DUH....Or what about the time I picked him up and he was literally covered in over 60 mosquito bites....so many that he ran fever and had to be taken to the dr. because of it...because she had him in the pool at 10 oclock at NIGHT...My mother is the QUEEN of stupidity! It is hard to set boundaries when it is your parents...I mean they are your parents and obviously at least knew a little bit since they raised you, but my answer to my mom when she tries to tell me what to do is that #1 it was by the grace of God that I survived giving her parenting choices and #2 he is my child and she already had her chance to screw up a little innocent being...its my turn now!

I will say that before Josh turned about 18 months old his visits with my mom were short and very infrequent because she couldn't be trusted to feed him the way he needed to be fed or care for him the way we wanted. Now that he is older, I feel like I don't have to be quite as obsessive over things so she does get to see him a little more often although DH and I are still a nervous wreck the entire time she has him. I thank God every day that my in laws expect me to leave a detailed list of everything I want them to do with Josh so that they do everything perfectly. They are totally against cosleeping but when he has stayed overnight my DFIL has even slept on the couch so that DMIL could sleep in bed with Josh so that he felt at home. I LOVE them!

So I totally feel your pain right now. You know you are doing the right thing with your child so stand up for your family...no one has any right to go against what you want for him - even if they are just doing it because they are stupid.... :grin:

[poohmaine]

Rachel, I am so sorry. I am so glad Jimmy did not have a bad reaction to the ice cream! Who feeds an infant solid food at 3 months? And junk food, too? Yikes.

I would be up front and very clear with your dad and stepmom. Tell them that unless you can build trust that your wishes will be upheld, you will not feel comfortable leaving their grandson with them. And be ready to enforce your statement, i.e., you see your stepmom breaking a rule, you get up and leave immediately. This is your son! You can do this!

And if you need a babysitter, I am not far away, and my DD13 is a Red Cross certified Babysitter! She would never dream of feeding an infant anything that the parents hadn't specifically told her to. And she's just 13!

[Disney_Scarlett]

Originally Posted by Chrissi

On a happy note - you get to be the one who gives him pickles and a wedge of lemon.

That's too funny! We do that to our dogs (Quincy is food crazy, so it's hilarious to see him lunge after a pickle and then spit it out) - never thought about surprising kids with it! Unfortunately, all my nieces and nephews are now past the point of being fooled, so I can have any fun with them on it.

Rachel - I'm so sorry that Jimmy's grandparents went over your head on that one. Ice cream for a 3.5 month is pretty crazy! My siblings have never had any problems with my parents and their grandparenting methods (I don't think it's because my parents are "perfect" by any means, but I think it is a combination of my siblings raising their kids in a very similar way as they were raised, my mother is pretty good about butting out when she needs to , and to be honest, they depend on my parents a lot for help with childcare ), but one of my sisters has a time with her MIL. For a while, it got to the point where she really did not want them spending the night with them at all, because she just never knew what kind of ideas she would put in their head. She has a really bad habit of promising big things to the kids and never following through. I think they've worked through a lot of it at this point, but my sister always feels as if she has to watch very carefully. You're not alone!

[disneyprincess]

Sorry to hear that your stepmom is acting that great! I did have some issue with my in-laws on various occassions with my kids at one time or another. My mom I have to say didn't do stuff like that, however she was and still is good at making comments to me all the time like, "I can't believe you......" which annoys the heck out of me but for some reason I don't open my mouth and say anything. I mean I'm 42 for heavens sake and have had four kids. I think I kinda have it down by now, if not theres a really big problem!!!

[simbarel]

Thanks you guys, I you all! Valerie, I love that your ILs actually asked for a list, that gleams of respect all-around.

And if you need a babysitter, I am not far away, and my DD13 is a Red Cross certified Babysitter! She would never dream of feeding an infant anything that the parents hadn't specifically told her to. And she's just 13!

Thanks! And perhaps you guys could have helped on Tuesday when they ended up with a flat behind the Windham HS. They were in touch with Wally, but by the time I got in touch with them, AAA was on the way and they had me meet them at the store on River Road and 202 and STILLLLL I was too wimpy to ask "WTHHHHHHH are you doing in Windham with my baby????????" However, at this point I didn't know about the ice cream and it turns out they were going to some game that my step-niece was in, but still. This is another arena that needs to be fine-tuned. Wally's going to tell them NO LEAVING THE HOUSE when they're watching him. Right now they have too many strikes against them and we need to lasso this in a bit.

But we do realize that we will need their help. DH is working on the exterior of the house and he needs them to watch him while I'm at work, and we need this done before DS gets baptized on the 30th. My stepmother wasn't around me when I was very young (thank God) and my dad did raise me.....but we're also the kids who slid around the back of the stationwagon with the seats down, the car was like that for MONTHS and we also flew around the back of the pickup truck with no seatbelts there either. Times have changed, these aren't the 70s anymore.

But again...thanks for commiserating with me, all. It helps to know I'm not alone.

[tndisneyfam]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this!! I think the first year is so hard when dealing with parents and other family members. I have had a lot of trouble with some family members criticizing the way I raise my kids. Some arguments have been over a family member, ok a parent of mine, giving our young DD Mountain Dew. I am not just talking a few sips here. I am strongly against giving my young children Coke products. It made me mad, but he didn't see it that way. He saw it as me being uptight. Ok, that's the pot calling the kettle black. I mean really, he was very tough growing up and on kind of stupid things. Another argument was the way I handled my newborn son after he was released from the NICU. He was born prematurely and with some lung problems and I was told a few different things to do and not to do by the SPECIALIST. But, I was cricized for keeping him home so much, it was cold and flu season by the way. So anyways, sorry to go on so long. But I sure know how you feel. I am labeled the bad guy for telling the grandparents what not to do, but there are my children. Hope it gets better for you!!! Oh I forgot, that is our #1 rule... no leaving the house while watching the kids.