Some "you're NOT a bad father" pixies for DH, please......LONG - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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Some "you're NOT a bad father" pixies for DH, please......LONG
DH talked to his (our) DIL last night. She finally told us something they've been trying to keep from us for a couple of months - (D)S is in the process of being DIS-honorably discharged from the service. Evidently, at least according to DIL, he kind of didn't get that whole "week end leave means you have to come BACK" thing. Yep, he went AWOL, not once but twice. The first time he was just disciplined. The second he is being sent home.
DIL hinted around, not too subtly, that they really would like to come back here, and try to make it work. Based on the past - the whole trashing of the house we let them use, and the not paying us for the car we sold them, and his not taking and keeping any of the (well paying) jobs that our friends bent over backwards to give or find him, DH said no.
Now, he has been accused of not caring about the Grand-kids, and being a bad father. It broke his heart to tell them no, he wouldn't help them out again. He's seen the conditions that they were living in before, and assumes that's what they've gone back to. (think the stereo-typical reservation Indian, and add filth and you've got it!)
We'd love to not have our grandkids living like that. We'd do about anything for them, if the parents would actually use that as a stepping stone and not disregard all we did.
So, now DH is down in the dumps because he's questioning whether he's been a good parent. (son's bio-mom took him when he was 12, and they disappeared off the face of the earth for 9 years, so now DH is even questioning if he should have been more aggressive in looking for them - we hired PIs, and talked to her family all the time, to no avail - we tried all)
Can you send him some "tough love is sometimes the only love you can give" pixies, please? This man is so caring and loving, and now he's wondering if he's even a fit father for the 2 we have left at home.
Thanks in advance.
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Many pixies!
He definitely did the right thing by not helping/enabling them again! He's actually being a good father in doing so! I'm so sorry the Army didn't work out for him....I was so hoping would be their saving grace.
He is a good father by not being an enabler! The only way to help them at this point is to let them help themselves. If someone else is always responsible for pulling them out of the holes they dig for themselves, they'll never learn not to start digging in the first place.
I hope this all works out well for the grandkids and that your husband starts to feel good about what he's done -- it's the RIGHT thing!!
What a yucky situation. How nice that he left his wife to do the asking. I can imagine you husband's inner turmoil, but I think he totally did the right thing, how long does he have to let someone poop all over him???? And then to have a guilt-trip laid on him, that's just wroooooooong. I hardly ever say this, but that son needs to GROW UP, and I hope something works out for the grandkids.
Wow, it's hard but it does sound like he did the right thing. I can only imagine how he must feel. Here's some pixies to help you get through this tough time.
__________________
Gina Nov. 2000 - CBR
September 2003 - Fort Wilderness Cabins
August 2008 - Pop Century for Gracie's 7th b-day!
June 2009 - POP Century Family Vacation!
It's a shame that your DS is being discharged from the army. It was a chance for him to learn some discipline that maybe he could turn into self-disciplne.
I think you husband is doing the right thing for his son's family. He is also doing the best thing for the children who are still at home by teaching them some important values.
If he is concerned about the grand children, he can call social services and let them try to help the family. I represent both parents and children in neglect and abuse cases, and while the social service system is far from perfect, they do help lots of families, especially those who are ready to change. So long as your DS and DDIL are comfortable with their situation, they will not change. for strength and resolve for your husband to stand his ground.
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I can imagine you husband's inner turmoil, but I think he totally did the right thing, how long does he have to let someone poop all over him???? And then to have a guilt-trip laid on him, that's just wroooooooong. 
I hardly ever say this, but that son needs to GROW UP, and I hope something works out for the grandkids. 
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