The Great Disney Do-Over—PTR for Aug 2010 - UPDATED 8/2 About This Page:

[chezp]

How scary that must have been!

[mfirst]

I am so sorry about your daughter's reaction - especially since the rest of the party moved on. It's really hard for some people to understand life with food allergies! I love your report, keep writing

[benjiboo25]

Originally Posted by Nick and Ryans Mom

How scarey for you!!! I would have been an emotional wreck for the rest of the day!

And I WAS!!

[benjiboo25]

Originally Posted by mfirst

I am so sorry about your daughter's reaction - especially since the rest of the party moved on. It's really hard for some people to understand life with food allergies! I love your report, keep writing

Thanks!!!

[Nimros]

Hi Shelly - just found your wonderful PTR and read through the whole thing. You are doing a fabulous job writing, so keep it up. (It is like therapy, isn't it?) Reading the back-experience just gets me all the more excited to hear about your new plans and wondering what magic this next trip holds in store!

As the mom of a DD who would probably test on the high end of the Asperger's scale, I can totally relate. It's been my experience that the older they get, the better everything goes, so hang in there. You're doing a great job of parenting, too.

We had a few tense moments (and a totally melt-down from everyone!) on our first WDW trip - and there were only 5 people in our party. Kudos for you all for dealing with all the 'Big Group' situations as well as you did.

I'm another on who thinks that meeting "Disney Granpa Jim" was definitely not a chance encounter. What a cool experience. Wouldn't it be amazing if you all met him again this trip?

What a scary, scary experience with the food allergies!! I can just imagine how this was probably the last straw with all the stressful experiences - bless your heart!

Can't wait to hear more...

[benjiboo25]

Originally Posted by Nimros

As the mom of a DD who would probably test on the high end of the Asperger's scale, I can totally relate. It's been my experience that the older they get, the better everything goes, so hang in there.

I'm another on who thinks that meeting "Disney Granpa Jim" was definitely not a chance encounter. What a cool experience. Wouldn't it be amazing if you all met him again this trip?

Can't wait to hear more...

Thanks for the encouragement (on all th points, especially about "things getting easier" with ASD...)!! Unfortunately, "Disney Grandpa Jim" Just returned from a 2-month stay at WDW, so we will miss him on this trip. Maybe next time...

[benjiboo25]

This was the moment that led to the “Mommy melt down” later that evening. The breaking point, for me and possibly our family.
I know this is the reason that allergy specialists say the whole family needs to eliminate the allergen from their diets. When were told this when DS was diagnosed with (minor) allergies to shellfish and nuts. With the minor allergy, as well as with the severe allergy (and my DD’s ASD, for that case) I strongly believe the world will not bend to the unique needs of individuals. I want my kids to have an awareness of their special needs, how that may impact them in different situations, and an understanding of how to advocate for those needs when they do need something different. I want my children to have the experience of being aware of the unique needs of their siblings. I also hope this will make them more compassionate of others, and more aware that “we all have our issues” so they will not feel singled out by their own unique needs.

When we eat with others, I make sure the DD (2) is NOT sitting by any children who may “share” their food, and that she is sitting by a parent so we can monitor any possible reactions. She is also trained—even at 2—to not put anything in her mouth unless she has cleared it with a parent (or caregiver). Like the Mr. Yuck stickers of bygone days, I use the extreme term of “poison” to describe dairy products with her. It is poison to her. She needs to know to be cautious. And we have needed a quick way to identify things. (Hey—it even worked to call safe candy “poison”—but she soon caught on to that trick!) It is a skill she will need to have if this allergy persists. I know that puts her at risk for allergic reactions like the one above (and puts me at risk for public panic attacks).

After dinner, it had FINALLY stopped raining (for the most part…the drips seemed to hang around, teasing us, for the hours to come). Most of our group made our way to Star Tours (we all had FPs).

We got the child swap passes for DD and DN (both 2). My DD, as you can imagine, was now sleeping soundly, after 50 mg of Benadryl! This is when we most appreciated the stroller that was given to us when we entered DHS.

I went on Star Tours with all the kids and DBIL while DH waited with a sleeping DD, his tired niece (also 2) and his sisters.

I emerged from Star Tours to find that DSILs took the little girls to a quiet place to rest. DH thought it would be nice to walk around with just the big kids. They took the baby bag, so had all the meds needed if the hives (or worse) returned. We did not have separate tickets for the special reserved seating entry to Fantasmic, since we were all on the same dinner ressie. DSIL took the ticket and we would meet up at the special entrance for Fantasmic. My anxiety started to increase (even more). We used our child swap passes to go on Star Tours again (definitely less exciting the second time, but FPs were out and the lines were still unmanageable for anything else). After the ride, DH and I made our way to Fantasmic with DD (5) and DS.

We followed the signs that led the way to the reserved seating entrance for Fantasmic. We expected that the others would arrive at the entry point before us and were surprised to be the first ones there. We confirmed with a CM that there was not another entry point for the Fantasmic dinner package and called DSIL. They told us they were already inside the gate, waiting for us. The CM told us they would not let anyone wait just inside her entrance, that she would have the entire party gather before letting them through. The CM INSISTED there was no other entrance for the reserved seating. DH’s phone rang and he stepped away to talk to his other sister about the situation. The sister I was talking to handed the phone to her husband to explain how to get to the entrance where they were. I was telling the CM the situation, and what I was being told on the phone. It was clear she was not sure whether I was telling the truth, or just trying to scam my way into reserved seating. I was getting frantic (getting-as if I was not already looking like a total mess!).

I was anxious that DH let DSIL take my baby away, I was anxious that I did not have the tickets to get in. I was anxious that I now looked like a liar. I was angry that I was getting 2 completely different stories from this CM and from our family members who had apparently made their way past some special gate without their entire party from the dinner package. DD and DS were not making it any easier with their bickering and whining.

Just as the CM was about to believe me and let us through, DH came up and said something about going to the regular entry where our group was saving seats. We still did not know where that entry was—and the show was to start soon. I could tell by the look on the CMs face that she had, in that moment when DH said we should meet them at the regular entrance, now decided I was a liar.

I lost it. All the emotion of the day came pouring out to her. I told her of our stress-filled vacation of a lifetime, of the missed lunch ADR, and the allergic reaction at H&V and how DH let his sister take away the baby, even though she needed to be watched closely for 12 hours following an allergic reaction. She quickly hustled us through. I was still anxious and angry. We were in a backlot of DHS, making our way to some special entrance. It felt as if we were walking on a secret abandoned street in WDW. We could hear the crowds, but we were alone in the dark alley. We saw the backs of buildings, the trash areas. I was furious with DH. I was furious with his family. I was furious with myself for not being more relaxed and/or not being willing to look like a freak in front of his family by insisting I stay with DD to watch her hives. By the time we found our seats, I could say nothing. I sat there, holding DD(2) close, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I did not want to see them seeing me so upset.

Before the show started, our group talked about what attractions we would do next. The rain had now stopped, rides appeared to be running, and the park seemed cleared out. The lines should be very manageable. Since we may not be joining them at MK the next day for Thanksgiving, we should make the most of our last evening together.

As the first fireworks of Fantasmic started, my mind went over and over the trip so far—what worked—what didn’t—how we managed stress—how we treated each other—and was hit by a blast of inspiration:

This day was already a bust. We had only seen one show each and did Star Tours. But I did not think I could pull it together to enjoy the rest of the night. What if we left after Fantasmic, got to bed early, and woke up to make the am EMH at MK? What if…we took our lesson from Disney Grandpa Jim and inquired about accommodations for our family because of DD with ASD? Then we could join the others for lunch on Thanksgiving, and leave in the afternoon when MK gets too crowded, and enjoy some time at the resort pool. I knew we would not be able to function with the crowds at MK on Thanksgiving. I knew it meant a lot to DMIL to be together as a family on Thanksgiving (At that time, we did not know the specifics of the GAC, so we did not know how to access accommodation or what they may be in our case).

I leaned over to whisper my idea to DH. I prefaced my plan by telling him I wanted him to listen to what I had to say, but not react in any way, until he had time to think it over in his own mind. (He tends to shoot down my ideas before I finish them, and before he has time to process, and then comes around. It is a setup for arguing with us and I wanted to nip that in the bud!)

I knew the sticking point would be this:

We try very hard to not expect the world to bend for our needs. Asking WDW to give us special treatment goes against how we operate. DH is also very private, and would not want his family to know about it.

How would DH react to my suggestion?

[Nimros]

I'm on pins and needles....!!!

[mcc0313]

I hope that he went with your idea, I think it was very good and after teh day you have had I think some quiet time at the resort with an early day at the MK (where you can spend it with the whole family) was the perfect option.

[jagmom08]

I can't wait to hear more.

[stubekis]

I can't wait to hear what happens next! You were so smart to realize that the evening was a bust and to just quit while ahead and head back to the resort (or at least that is what I hope happened :-) Sometimes things can turn around and other times it's just best to cut your losses, move on and hope for a better day tomorrow! This definitely sounds like one of those situations!

[Colexis Mom]

Sorry for the stressful night!

[JoJayMom]

A very scary moment with you DD!!! I hope your DH agreed with your idea!!

[chezp]

Oh wow, don't stop there! :

[OneLittleSpark]

I hope too that you ended up with the GAC, and am glad you decided to cut your losses that night, and rest up for the next day. Hopefully....
I do applaud your decisions with your children and their allegries, about teaching them the world will not bend to them. They have to learn to function in the world.
I have a DD-6 who has global developmental delays. She has problems with fine motor skills and speech, her speech problem is with processesing. She doesnt always understand what you are telling her, even if it's something we know she knows. The easiest way to describe it is....Say you held up her father's red shirt, and asked her "Who's is this?" She would answer "shirt" or "red", not understanding what you were asking, a who, what, why, where confusion. The teachers say she has the info and answers in her head, she just has to understand the question and acsess the answer, ie...processing.
Anyhow, my point of telling you this, is I went to a Special Education meeting at the beginning of the school year. It's a meeting for parents of Spec. Ed kids the school holds once a month or so. That is the only meeting I have attended thus far. I left that one very frusturated, as I felt the whole meeting was about planning how to make the world understand and "bend" for their children. Yes, I want my DD to be compassionate towards those with disabilities. Yes, I want my DD to have an understanding of (for example) ASD, so when there is a child in her class, she understands and is accepting and "nice" to this child. And yes, I wish all of these things in return for my DD, but I do not expect the world to bend for her needs. I feel my job is not only advocating, but also teaching my DD to live within the world we already have. What tricks or skills can she learn to function within the world, and everyday life? I am not looking for what the school or community to do to make it more pleasant for her, to an extent.
I also found that out of the 20 or so people there I was the only on who didnt have a child with Autism. Made it hard to relate anything to my DD, as Autism is not something she struggles with. I do have to say though, I was shocked and saddened by how many parents of Autistic children were at this meeting.
Because of all this I truly applaud your decisions. Your DD will have to learn to live with this allergy in the world. The world isnt going to give up dairy products because of her allergy. She needs to learn to how to go out to a restaurant and to her friends(when she is older) and what not. I am sure like me, you dont want her to not be able to enjoy these things in life (like going out to eat), so she has to learn and the sooner the better. I think its great that you taught her about poison, because your right it is to her!
I also think that dealing with being around and learning about her allergy is easier taught at home for sa start. If she learns to deal in her own household with her allergy, she will be that much more prepared for the outside world. All while learning in the most safest place, even with allergens present. Just because you parents and her siblings know about her allergy, therefore can adjust accordingly. I dont neccassarily think everyone should give up her allergen, if possible (I do realize at some point it may become neccesary), as the world is not ready to give them up, and she needs to function.
So sorry for the long reply and maybe at times somewhat seemingly unsensitive responses. But I dont mean them that way, by any means!! I just thought our views seemed similar and I don't find many parents out there who think as I do. I feel alone sometimes with that, and I can imagine you do sometimes as well. (As I stated before, not pointed to anyone in particular, so please dont take offense. I find MANY parents of Spec. need children, expect the world to bend to their child.)
Great job, with your children and your TR!! I love it!! Keep it coming.