TroianRae's Crazy Adventures in the World - DAY 5, PART 1- UPDATED 8/15
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TroianRae · 06-14-2005, 03:00 AM

I'm having trouble sleeping, like usual. For months now I'm the one who's up until all hours (usually 3 or 4 am) unable to sleep, wanting to, just not able. There's more to this trip background than I put down, because I didn't think I could share it. But I'm going to, hoping that maybe it will help me, to be able to express it. A lot of thoughts and feelings have been swirling around since I read Wendy's post about the young boy drowning. So here goes..........

I'm getting scared about going back to WDW. Why you may ask yourself if you realize how excited I have been about going back. Because it's another trip for me to WDW without Ian. It will always be a trip without Ian, because he'll never be able to go back to WDW. Ian died 1.4.2004 - suddenly and without much warning.

Ian Andrew was born 2.6.97 after a 48 hour labor. I was high-risk, they induced me, they were careless, and they lost his heartbeat. The anethesiologist (sp?) was too far from the hospital so they couldn't do an emergency c-section; they tried to get him out as fast as they could the regular way. My first glimpse of Ian, he was blue and not breathing. They revived him and rushed him to NICU. We didn't know until later the extent of the damage that had been done. I didn't even get to really see him for almost 48 hours; it was torture. Anyway, to make a long story short (too late), we accepted that things with Ian weren't going to be the way we had thought. We went home after 32 days in the hospital with much, much medical equipment and the knowledge that this would now be our life. But we had Ian!!!

We changed our lives to revolve around Ian and the way things were. He required around the clock medical care and the insurance wouldn't pay for help since it was a lifetime condition, so we adjusted so that the someone was always awake with Ian. We almost lost him multiple times, had many, many hospital stays, for awhile they had a room that they kept for us (Rm 3607); finally things were going better, we kept Ian isolated from as much as we could so as to protect his health and he made it almost 3 years without an overnight stay at the hospital (that was a BIG deal for him and we were so happy). We even got to take him to WDW in July 2001; we always said that we needed to take him while he was doing really good (I felt that he'd never return, but I kept that to myself.)

Then Ian started getting sick again and ending back up at the hospital; we knew he wasn't doing so great. We found out in the fall of 2002 that he had been nominated for a Make A Wish wish. We asked to take him back to WDW; he had loved the sounds and the bright colors that I really wanted him to see it all again. We planned to go in July 2003. But, in the late fall, right before Thanksgiving, we found out that the Board of Directors denied our request for us to drive. (I had felt/known that with all of his equipment and supplies it would not work for us to fly.) So we had to scrap the trip to Disney and they granted Ian a shopping spree. He had spent the 2nd weekend in January 2003 in the hospital with another near miss so they pushed through his request and sent him shopping on 1.18.03 before it was too late.

As the year went on Ian had his ups and downs, but he was a fighter and always pulled through. So we decided to plan a trip to WDW for May 2004; I really felt that we needed to take Ian one more time. Meanwhile December 2003 rolled around, and I was planning like crazy for Troian's 1st birthday party; Ian didn't look well, he had been getting paler and paler all winter, but the doctor just said he'd had the flu. We made it through Troian's birthday, through Christmas, through New Year's Eve, and then the bomb dropped.

We were out 1.2.04 with some friends for dinner when Ian got really sick. When we got home, we found out that he had a temp of 102. We called the doctor and spent a lot of that nite and the next day on the phone with them. She had prescribed an anitbiotic for Ian that she wanted us to try before we took him into the hospital. The medicine wasn't helping and he was getting worse. It became obvious that he was now having even more trouble breathing(it was always difficult) and we needed to get him to the hospital. My mom and Nathan rushed him to Sioux Falls while I waited for the babysitter to come take care of Benji and Troian. As I drove to Sioux Falls, I knew that we had come to the end of the line. I didn't want to believe it but I knew that he wasn't going to be going home with us again.

At the hospital they admitted him and put him into his old room (that was a portent of things to come); they thought he was stablizing so the doctor went home and my mom went home to get some clothes so she could stay with him overnight.

Within two minutes of my mom returning to his hospital room, she told us not to leave; three minutes later Ian died. We don't know why really - I wouldn't let them do an autopsy. He had already been through so much - surgeries, invasive procedures - way more stuff than any little boy should ever have to be put through.

So, we went through with our trip to WDW for May 2004 - we felt we needed to continue on as normally as we could. Problem is it wasn't normal; it probably won't ever feel normal without him again; it was the most horrible trip of my life for various reasons (previously mentioned).

Now I'm getting scared about this year - I want to go back - I just need to know that I can make it through this year without constantly stopping and remembering our 2001 trip with Ian - I want to remember - I just don't want the memories to destroy this vacation. Pixies, please!!

buzzspal2 · 06-14-2005, 08:16 AM

Jana,
I just sent you a PM.

LSUtigerfan · 06-14-2005, 10:19 AM

Here are some pixies & well wishes for a wonderful trip for you & your family.

Tara O'Hara · 06-14-2005, 10:22 AM

Tons of

for you and your family! I hope your trip is magical!!

Jillybean · 06-14-2005, 12:24 PM

Jana,

Here is some

for a magical trip!

Just keep looking at the smiles on those two precious children's faces and know that Ian is there with you in your heart

.

Jill

TroianRae · 06-15-2005, 02:01 PM

Jill, Lea, Tammy, & Tara -
Thanks for your kind words and pixie dust!! I need all the help in the world to have fun this trip and not feel guilty.
Thanks again,

TroianRae · 06-25-2005, 10:59 PM

[b]
Okay, so I'm into the final stretch.............

We leave 6 am Friday morning, and it's 9:35 pm on Saturday night. I still have several things to do.

I have to cut Benji's hair; it seems to be growing like crazy (again). That's okay though cuz at least I know that I need to cut it.
I still need to put all the stuff into the van. It's all packed and ready to go; it has been since Friday morning. (Can you tell I'm ready to go??) So the van needs to stay clean until we can get it packed; that's somewhat feasible considering I won't be going to Sioux Falls until probably Wednesday or so. I need to put the luggage carrier on top of the van, but I'll need Nathan's help to do that so it'll have to wait until Thursday.

I have all of have last minute stuff bought.........extra Gameboy games for the kids' Gameboys, little USA map books, coloring binders with Disney pages, Pez, coloring pencils, a Thomas the Train DVD (that they don't know about

) to go with all the Disney DVD's already in the van, plus some other odds and ends that I have tucked away for them in their containers for the van. I still need to work on stuffing the Mousekeeping envelopes, but I need to get some one's before I can do that. So I've got most everything done except muy brain keeps freezing up as is evidenced by the following....

Trail's End............ I just remembered last night that Trail's End now takes ADR's (PS's) and that it might help A LOT to have one for lunch on the 4th of July. Christiejay and I spent a lot of Thursday (and maybe even Tuesday?) discussing having lunch at Trail's End; it turns out that we both planned on eating lunch there not realizing that the other would be there as well.

So we arranged to meet up at noon. Okay, all good. So on Friday night I inform DH (Nathan) that we're going to be eating at Trail's End like planned, but that we'll meet up with Christie, Jay, Joshua, and Melanie there. Okay, still good. Then he asks me "So we have a PS for that, right??" Uh, no.

I didn't even think about it, because once upon a time you couldn't make a PS there, but now you can. Uh oh!! So quick as a bunny, I hop onto the computer and shoot off an email to Maureen asking if she can try to get us an ADR for noon. (Otherwise, we'll just show up before noon and hope to get in!) Yeah!!! I get an email back from Maureen saying we're in!!! (

, Maureen!! You couldn't ask for a better TA!!!) Okay, so that is taken care of.

Now if I could just buckle down and finish those 3 weeks of Sunday bulletins that I HAVE to finish........or we don't go anywhere!

lauren-roxy · 06-25-2005, 11:24 PM

Jana, you and your family are going to have such a magical trip! Take a deep breath, you are a wonderful planner and everything will get done before you leave. I was so sad to read about Ian, but he will always be in your heart and he will be with you on this trip too, even if it's not the way you had hoped.You are going to have a fabulous time and I hope I get the chance to meet you!! Wich you could fly into Akron-Canton to cut my son's hair, I suck at it!!

Annabel · 06-26-2005, 04:42 PM

I don't know how I missed this before Jana, I thought I was all caught up. I hope this trip turns out to be truly magical for you all, you truly deserve it. I also hope you are sleeping better. Sending lots of love, hugs and

Not long to go now

TroianRae · 06-26-2005, 04:55 PM

Annabel, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am that you're going to be at Disney at the same time we are. And we're even having tea along with tink_and_co and tinksmom (Becki and Tenya, respectively). It's going to be an awesome trip; I have to believe that!!
See you soon!!
BTW, Benji is demanding to say hi.
Hi! (Benji typed that!!!)

TroianRae · 06-26-2005, 04:56 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Wish you could fly into Akron-Canton to cut my son's hair, I suck at it!!

[/ QUOTE ]

That's so funny!!! I live in Canton, SD

The Canton airport is just a few miles from my house!!

kimdisneynut · 06-27-2005, 03:07 AM

Great report. Have fun.

Kim

Annabel · 06-27-2005, 03:51 AM

[ QUOTE ]
BTW, Benji is demanding to say hi.
Hi! (Benji typed that!!!)

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Benji

DawnDenise · 06-27-2005, 09:02 AM

I hope you and your family have a magical trip this year. Know that Ian will be there with you in your heart and you'll feel his spirit there!!

for a fabulous trip and

just because!!

TroianRae · 07-18-2005, 12:22 PM

We just arrived home last night. I'll try to pull together some resemblance to a trip report; I told Christie (christiejay) that my trip note-taking was a fiasco so we'll have to see what I can make of my notes.