Bad Step-mother (long, probably very long) - Page 3 - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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I think the one thing that people are overlooking here is that your step-daughter is an adult now...so it's not like you are telling your DH he can't spend time with say, a small child who very much needs that interaction with her father.
That is exactly what I was thinking. She is a grown woman not a child. I think that it is unfair for your husband to ask for her to stay that long when he will be working most of the time. What is the point of her being here for so long if you will be the one spending all of the "quality time" with her?
Just my opinion!!
BTW if she dislikes you and the other girls so much, why would she even want to have to spend so much time with you while her father is working?
Good luck and I hope you and your family have a great holiday!!!
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I think the one thing that people are overlooking here is that your step-daughter is an adult now...so it's not like you are telling your DH he can't spend time with say, a small child who very much needs that interaction with her father. I know I may be the unpopular opinion but, I think you are completely within your rights to say, she can stay here for 3 days but then she needs to find other arrangements if you two (your SD and DH) want to visit longer. I also think it's a little ridiculous that your DH wants her there for 2 weeks when he'll barely be home during that time...so 3 days or 2 weeks, it's not like there's going to be a whole lot of father/daughter bonding going on based on his schedule. While I could see if it was just you and your SD who didn't get along, maybe sucking it up and dealing with her for longer, but that fact that she has obviously made some bad choices in her life and that your one daughter is terrfied of her (probably not without cause) I think outweigh any obligation you might have to let her stay longer than you are comfortable with.
I know I'm outside the loop on this one (there's a reason why DH and I have dogs and not kids), but like others have said, she's an adult - not a small child, not even a teenager. She is well into adulthood and it's high time she acted like it.
No offense to the males here, or to your DH, but I think sometimes men just don't get how deep women's feelings run. My dad and DH can just shrug off the rude, mean, obnoxious things my SIL (DB's wife) and niece say and do, while Mom and I are ready to lob grenades at them. And neither of them has ever attempted to stab us (as far as we know). The fact that your DD is terrified of this woman (not "girl", WOMAN), and might have to go to stay with relatives would be more than enough for me. When I read that, I thought, "no way!"
So I have no useful advice for you. I wish I did. I think you're the one between a rock and a hard place. Good luck getting your DH to work with you on this. I hope you can have a good Christmas anyway.
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Pat (a.k.a., PFlamingo) "We are the people our parents warned us about."
BTW if she dislikes you and the other girls so much, why would she even want to have to spend so much time with you while her father is working?
That's the thing - she only dislikes (hates) Kathryn. She could take me or leave me at this point in our lives, I think she realizes I'm kind of here to stay. While she doesn't love me, she doesn't hate me either. She hates her mother, so I'm better than nothing. And she ADORES Lauren! I just don't get it. For some reason, she sees and has always seen Kathryn as a threat. I think it goes back to when my MIL died. Everyone went on and on about how much she was looking forward to that baby I was carrying (9.5 months pregnant at her funeral -with Kathryn). That baby (Kathryn) was the first grandchild she was REALLY looking forward to, and MIL made the mistake of telling people that. There were 6 other grandchildren, but for a lot of reasons she was looking forward to this baby (first grandchild conceived within marriage with a spouse MIL liked).
I'm not sure she knows/realizes that DH won't be here quite a bit of the time she's here.
I'm letting DH have this, with the caveat that ONE time that Kathryn feels threatened and Candi leaves. Candi will be told that, and that's it. She's an adult and should be able to control herself for a week or two.
First trip DW--Nov. 1975; Senior Class Trip DW--Oct. 1979; First trip w/kids--Oct. 1995; Halloween at DW--Oct. 2002; Spring Break at DW--April 2004; Christmas/Pop Warner Nationals-POR--Dec. 2005;Cruisin'--April 2008; Mom/Son trip-POP--March 2010;Taggin' along w/DD on DH's conference-BWI--Oct. 2011; 50th birthday with the Gartner Geeks--Adults only!--BWI--Oct. 2012; The Trip That Almost Wasn't--BWI--Oct. 2013; We climbed The Summit (National Cheer Competition)--ASMovies--May 2014
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Teresa, I think letting your DH have what he wants is probably the best thing for your marriage. Will the rest of his family invite her over-a day with grampa, etc. You can also try to empower Kathryn to say something to her half sister. Maybe let them sit down and express how Candi how she makes her feel.
It also sounds like you have a lot planned. I would not give her tickets you purchased for DH, but invite one of the girls' friends instead and let DH spend the time with his DD. Who knows, the special, focused attention may do a lot of good.
WOW! I will be thinking of you and your family over the next couple of weeks. I have no idea what to say. What a terrible position to be in as it is a catch 22 on both sides. I think saying the first time your DD's feels threatened she has to leave is good. It is just crazy you have to give that ultimatum to a grown woman.
I would not make myself "the wedge" in their relationship. I might ask that she stay with someone else for at least part of the time she's visiting, but I wouldn't put limits on how many days your husband is allowed to see his daughter.
It's not really about the daughter, it's about your relationship with your husband.
ETA: I would have a talk with my husband and ask him to set some firm rules/boundaries about how she is to act and how she is to treat people while she's there. There's no reason that he cannot tell her what he expects from her in terms of behavior. But it needs to come from him, not you.
I don't care how long ago that was, that's an admission of an attempt to commit premeditated murder, with you as the victim!! Get a restraining order, and to heck with the three days!
Seriously. Do not let that creature anywhere NEAR you or your kids. O_O
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