Need advice with my teen- UPDATED 3/24
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Teresa · 03-23-2008, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jookiba

She's also heard me mention to her the young patients that I've delivered (youngest to this date is 12) and her response has always been "oh my gosh mom-no way would that be me". Man did she have me fooled!

I feel the need to be a devil's advocate here, just a little. And this is why Kathryn (14, not 15 until the end of May) is not allowed to date as a couple yet:

The idea of sex, and all the stuff that goes with it sounds gross to every girl - until they're "in the clutch". Tongue kissing is considered gross - until they're in the clutch.
And, I'm sure your DD really MEANS and WANTS to believe that it would never be her, in hospital at 17, giving birth. BUT - she's not been in the clutch yet.

Even adults sometimes do things when they get a little carried away with "petting" that they don't mean to. Most of us have been there, done that.

Kathryn swears she's never having sex because of the gross nature of, not the act, but the birth of a child!! Oh, and the pain (the kid's a big wuss). I may have shot myself in the foot, but I explained there are ways to avoid that.

I truly hope things with your DD improve.

And HOW DARE his parents not answer the phone!! (if they're home!) I think you're right - go over there and talk to them. It's probably not such a big deal to them - only one of the reasons I wanted boys - if someone's pregnant, it's not comin' to your house!!

Pixies for you all!!

oldmom · 03-23-2008, 01:01 AM

No mom, she wasn't trying to fool you, teenagers truly don't believe that it will happen to them. It happens to those other folks.

Marybeth · 03-23-2008, 07:11 AM

Does your community have some kind of teen outreach for pregnant teens? Enrolling her in this might show her that behaviors can lead to a lifetime of responsibilty at a very young age. Sending pixies for your sanity.

NanaTink · 03-23-2008, 12:55 PM

No advice, sweetie, just

and

Ceara's mawmaw · 03-23-2008, 02:36 PM

Prayers for you and your daughter........being the mom of two grown daughters I can relate. Keeping them completely apart will only make them more determined to be together no matter how they have to do it. Supervised times together would be better. And making sure that she realizes that confiding in you did not get her grounded it was the lying is important too. You are doing things right, I think.......it will just take time she will get older and more mature and will appreciate you one of these days.....I am there now......

Danielle Harmon · 03-23-2008, 04:01 PM

Big hugs and love and prayers coming your way. Having been on your daughter's end of the situation (an event I regret to this day...I can't believe I thought that was love) when I was 18 and still living at home I have to say that I feel for both of you in my heart right now. The worst thing was not getting caught...it was seeing my mom cry because I had disappointed her so badly. I may not have appreciated her stance on the issue at the time and I certainly did not appreciate being grounded, but now, as a mom myself, and as a more mature person I sure do appreciate her strength and consistency in the matter. Moms who truly care do the hard things, no matter what. Keep the lines of communication open, make sure she knows the lie is what got her into this situation, but also let her know you will not be swayed on the matter. She has to learn that her choices will define her life in one way or another. You are both in my prayers.

TheGoof · 03-23-2008, 04:41 PM

Let me start by saying my thoughts are with you and your family as you deal with this troubling situation. It is not easy being a parent, and pixies to you and your DD as you work through this.

Unfortunately the experience I have from my college days was that it was the ones that were sure they would never, were the ones that got pregnant, or got their girlfirends pregnant.

I went to West Virginia Wesleyan which is loosely affiliated with the Methodist church. The pregnancy rate when I was there was higher among the devout. These kids truly honestly believed they would wait. Yet when things got out of hand they did not stop, and since they did not have any protection because they could not believe that they would ever need it, the results were sadly predictable.

This is not meant to be a knock on those that were devout, because they truly were, and were trying to live up to their faith, yet they were human and made human mistakes.

My son is only 13, but we have already begun having the talks, that yes it is best to wait, and it should be at least a committed relationship, but he will be prepared for how to keep himself and her safe, should the situation happen.

Now as for your DD's Bf's parents and leaving them unchaparoned, that was poor judgement on their part, and I would definitely call them out on it. Hopefully as it appears, your daughter got lucky this time and the only real harm came from the breach of trust.

Pregnancy of course is only one of the potential complications of unprotected relations, and the medications can not prevent the other possible problems.

All we as parents can do is to teach our children right from wrong, provide for them a solid moral base, and hope that they can accept it as their own. We cannot live their lives for them, and they will make mistakes, just as we did, and unfortunately they have to make them themselves, they will rarely learn from ours. The only other thing we can do is to help them to learn from their mistakes, and if necessary help them to deal with the consequences of their actions.

I truly hope that the relationship between you and your daughter will heal quickly and that this incident soon becomes just one of life's never ending lessons.

tndisneyfam · 03-23-2008, 05:23 PM

I don't have teens yet, so I am no help. But I am sending tons of pixies and hugs your way!

klositis · 03-23-2008, 11:19 PM

No real advice, but going to the MD to me is a right start, I agree its not saying go on do what you want, but if shes going to anyway, at least shes safe in that respect. Maybe taking here for one of the blood tests that scans for certian "disesases" might scare the bejezzers out of her, then she sounds like my dd, kinda of stubborn and a massive drama queen, it would just add fuel to the fire.

Were here if ya need us!!!

krisk11 · 03-24-2008, 06:28 PM

I hope everything goes well. My dd is 13 so I know this is in my future. I understand wanting to take her to the MD for a Rx but you might want to buy her a big box of protection which will protect against everything and not just pregnancy. Anybody around you have a 9 month old that you could leave with your dd for the day. I would think a long day with a cranky smelly baby could be a deterant. I know at that age it would have been for me. Make sure dd's bf is there too.

**Jookiba** · 03-24-2008, 07:11 PM

We missed our appointment today because I was awakened at the sound of her throwing up @ 2AM. It is rescheduled for next week.

Being in her weakened, sick state has made her confess more and more to me and I'm just absolutely heartsick. I told her I loved her no matter what and will help her but I'm very disappointed in her-I didn't expect this from her.

Apparently it was a one-time thing that happened on the trip I allowed her to go on to Niagara Falls. I am enraged because his mother SWORE to me they would NOT be left alone. I put my faith in another adult to chaperone my teenager and this did NOT happen. She has been unreachable and if I don't get ahold of her tomorrow AM I'm driving over there. Apparently they went out of town for Easter.
Off-subject, I know many of you are probably thinking the worst seeing that DD is vomiting. I believe it's the flu because it was both ends and she has a fever/body aches as well.

Again, I thank you all for your support and encouragement. I was supposed to head into work tonight and thankfully have been able to have at least until 11 off as census is low-I pray I get the whole night off as I don't want to leave her here crummy to look after her brother too. My parents usually are here but they're elderly and I don't want to expose them to the potential that this IS the flu, just the stomach variety.

**Colexis Mom** · 03-24-2008, 07:40 PM

I hope your DD is feeling better soon

dejavu · 03-24-2008, 07:41 PM

I will continue to send you

for your situation. Please know that you are helping the rest of us with younger teens by sharing your experience-heartbreaking as it is. I will keep in the back of my mind to NOT openly trust my child to another set of parents if that situation ever arises. Hope your daughter feels better soon- the flu is a crummy thing on top of how she probably already feels given all that's been going on.

**disneydani** · 03-24-2008, 07:58 PM

Continued pixies for all of you.....I am glad DD was able to talk it out honestly with you which is definitely a step in the right direction. Hope this is a flu of the 24 hour variety.

danielle

Son'sFirstWDWTrip · 03-24-2008, 08:10 PM

It has been a while since I last visited the boards, but after running across this thread, I felt a dire need to respond. I hope no offense is taken as I am only posting my opinion as an outsider.

I am a mother of a boy. I have no girls. First of all, I would NEVER leave my son alone (as a teenager) with his girlfriend, so I am in no way shape or form defending the BF's parents. But, I do believe fault lies with both parents in this situation.

From what I understand, you let your daughter go away (for a long weekend) with her boyfriend and his parents to whom you have only spoken with ONCE prior to the trip. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

In my opinion, that is a bit risky all in itself irregardless if his parents were going to be there (people you don't even know). Therefore, you feel that ALL responsibility lies on his parents' side even though you were none the wiser about who you were sending your daughter away with (except the boyfriend). I'm sorry, but that is asking for trouble!

I just believe that both parents share blame. DD's mom should have been more careful about who she was letting her daughter go away with AND BF's parents should have kept a closer eye on the teens.

Everyones to blame!!!!!