Said to me at my dad's service About This Page:

[KMB733]

I'm sorry that you had to answer the insensitive question at your dad's service. With all that you were dealing with, this is the last thing you should be answering. This woman probably thought she was just making idle chit chat with you but it didn't come out that way at all. It's a personal decision and you shouldn't have to answer to anyone.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

[Teresa]

People are uncomfortable with anything that doesn't fall into the "norm". And for our society, the norm is that women have children. It was a rather awkward question on the part of the asker, but I understand her thought process. It still startles me when people tell me they've chosen to be childless (or child free) or single or whatever. I know it's not my place to decide what you do with your life, but it is still a little startling when it's not the answer I'm expecting.
Just shake it off as one of those socially awkward moments, and forget about her. She obviously wasn't very close to either you, your dad, your sister or your mother since she had to ask if you had children.

[Fltatndnt]

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is harder than I ever imagined.

Second...good for you for making the decisions YOU want! I have friends that have traditional children, adopted children, four legged children, feathered children, and no children. It's a personal decision!

Lastly, perhaps she was just worried about you being alone now? Yes, I agree that some people are idiots and do not have a very good mouth filter. I just try to think that they have good intentions...just not the best brains.

[Her Dotness]

While "Do you have children?" is a typical question, nothing whatsoever requires a response to it other than perhaps, "That's personal."

I expect that you hardly had your wits about you enough to think of how to answer without appearing just as rude. Understandable in the circumstances. You have my sympathy doubly as a result.

As my grandmother once advised me, "A ringing phone, knock at the door or a personal question are all requests you don't have to grant." No one need feel obliged to provide such personal information.

[rescuesk]

[tkm1005]

While I am not sure if you are child free by choice or by circumstance it is so sad that people feel the need to judge the value of a person by whether or not they have reproduced. There are some parents who should have made the choice to not have children (for the sake of the children) and some people who would give anything to have a child, but can't. It is a very personal question and not one that you needed to deal with on that day.

[wmanderson]

I am sorry about hurtful things being said to you on an already emotional day. Don't let it make you feel bad.

[RobinKay6573]

Thank those of you that posted thoughful sensitive posts. I have a dog named Belle and she is my child. Just under 60% of the households in the US own dogs... and just under 40% have children. The "exception to the rule" is the norm now. Maybe the conversation needs to change.

BTW I don't have children because I never found someone good enough to marry. That was my second choice... my first choice was not to have children out of wedlock (my personal belief not dogging anyone who does but I just didn't choose to do that and raise a child on my own).

[lauriep]

Robin, I just don't get how people ask such personal questions to begin with. You never know what stories and decisions-- painful or happy ones-- have gone into a person's life. One of my friends has a standard answer when people say to her, "Why is it you'be never married?" She says, "Just lucky, I guess!"

[mzozzietj]

Originally Posted by GingerJ

Any chance she was apologizing for asking a personal question? If not...well, I guess she didn't know what to say and blew it.

I'm sorry about your loss.

Ginger

This was what I was thinking! Maybe she realized after she asked it wasn't appropriate and was apologizing for asking.

I am very sorry for your loss!

[Her Dotness]

Originally Posted by RobinKay6573

I have a dog named Belle and she is my child.

There's your answer right there--"Yes, I do. Her name is Belle, and she's x-years-old."

A fur-kid is just as much a family member as the human variety, sez me, having had kitty kids for many years.

[Carousel96]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy to lose a parent.

As to the lady at the funeral -- don't read too much into it. It's an awkward place to start a conversation, and she may have asked in the hope of finding a topic to talk about. And she may be kicking herself over the conversation, too. I think we've all said things where in hindsight we realized our brains were connecting dots that aren't visible to the others. It's not like she flat out asked "why not?"

[Eeyore Tattoo]

Sorry Robin for your loss, We both lost our Dad's within weeks of each other.. Hope you are doing OK.. It's still hare to believe Dad's gone ..

[coffeechef]

Originally Posted by lauriep

Robin, I just don't get how people ask such personal questions to begin with. You never know what stories and decisions-- painful or happy ones-- have gone into a person's life. One of my friends has a standard answer when people say to her, "Why is it you'be never married?" She says, "Just lucky, I guess!"

That is a great answer.. lol It is a rather sensitive question to ask. DOn't let it get to you. Your Dad had a good life and how sweet that he bought baseballs to hand out to the kids. See , if he had grandkids , then these children may have never felt the kindness that your Dad showed by this gesture. I have no children of my own, but since I was 14 yr old I have had many children in my life, from kids I babysat for... to neices, nephews and children of friends. My life has been fullfilled giving my time and attention to them , when they needed it.
My sympathy to you as you mourn the loss of your Dad.

[kelleigh1]

First, that was most definitely not the time or the place. (So sorry for your loss.) Second, there really is no time or place.

Comments about not having children is one of those things that bothers me more than most people will ever know. We don't have children. It doesn't mean we aren't worthy. It doesn't mean we aren't a family. And besides that, you never know why someone doesn't have children, so comments are not only out of line, but can be extremely hurtful.

My doctor told me several years ago that she didn't think I'd be able to have children and that if we didn't have any before I turned 40, she was going to strongly recommend that we not try. Hubby and I discussed it and we decided not to put ourselves through the heartache of trying and failing. So do we not matter because we didn't have kids?

I will forever remember a comment that my nephew made one time several years ago. My sister and I were talking about being a family and having kids and my nephew asked her about it. She said that people don't really consider us a family because we don't have kids. He said, "she has kids. She has us (meaning him and his sister)." He's right. He and his sister mean more to me than anything and I always remember that whenever someone makes a comment about the fact that I've never given birth.