Just one more reason why I don't like my in-laws - Page 2 - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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ETA - the "best" example of how self-centered the rest of his family is - including his brother - is this. When Lenny was in the hospital last year after a stent was placed because he had a 90% blockage near his heart, I called Al and Al started complaining about his life. He didn't care how Abby and I were doing, the call was all about him until I said "Al, I could have been calling to tell you much worse news than Lenny being in the hospital. I have problems of my own to deal with." He acknowledged that and then went on complaining again. I cut him off and ended the call but to this day I still can't believe someone that who supposedly cares about Lenny would do that - have only concerns for himself instead of his brother who was laying in the hospital.
Wow. Maybe my in-laws aren't as bad as I thought. Poor Lenny.
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Shawna, I'm shocked (well no, not really, I've heard the word before but I have to admit I've never thought of calling Lenny's mother one)
No you can't, but at least my mother treats him much better than his own family. Every so often she'll get on my case because he'll do something she doesn't like but there's times I do something she doesn't like either so what's the difference? If you can't get on the nerves of your family members, then whose nerves can you get on
My little secret....I have a mouth like a truck driver. Thankfully, my kids don't follow my lead. I try to watch my mouth, but I use bad words so often that I dont' even realize it. It's bad.
Back to my original reply though, the funny thing is, I love Steve's father. He's just so down to earth and real.
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oh man, i'm sure some many of us could this turn into a crazy 'what i REALLY think about my in-laws" thread....
What i'd like to say is GOOD FOR YOU for being able to say no and not revolve your life around them. It's hard for a lot of people to realize that it's YOUR life, it's a short one and you have to do what makes YOU happy. If the in-laws can't contribute in a positive way, then don't waste any more of your precious time trying to change it. Just do what makes you and your immediate family happy...
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I can def. sympathize with you about in-laws my DH's family treats him and my DS the same as Lenny and Abby are treated. My DS Alex is not even acknowledged. I think of it as they are the one's missing out not us. Abby sounds like a terrific girl and it is sad that they treat her the way they do.
I can completely understand your frustration Darlene. I have the same issues with my inlaws...maybe even a step further.
DH has 8 siblings, 4 including him (who is a recovering alcoholic of 11.5 yrs) are not alcoholics and drug addicts. Even 6-7 of his 20 nieces and nephews are as well.
MIL works across the street 7 buildings down from our house. She drives past our house 2 times a day, but she has been to our house to visit maybe 5 times in the 5 years we have lived here. The times she did come it was because we invited her for dinner, mostly. I put a stop to that. I am not bribing you mother to come visit by feeding her. I just don't care.
We don't and haven't been invited to family functions for years now, since DD was born come to think of it. Which is great because that way I don't have to be the bad guy and say no. They are the jerks because they didn't invite.
I have spent many a xmas looking at all the things said siblings have gotten for xmas while DH got a fruit of the loom pocket tee. One year, they told me all about the refridgerator they bought for SIL while DH was in the bathroom. I never told DH about that, as I listened to him tell them over and over how happy he was about his tee and that he knows they don't have much money. That is also the year I was 5 months pregnant with DD and we literally fled the house when 2 of his sisters were about to have a boxing match over who was the better non drug addicted mother...the crackhead or the junkie. ON XMAS!
Since DD has been born, I have not allowed her over to any of my inlaws houses. It puts her in physical and emotional danger, IMO. The alcohol, the drugs, the ignorance. At any family function there is a guarentee that numerous people will be drunk or high on drugs and inevitably a fight breaks out and the cops called. THey do complain about this, that they never see their grandchild/niece. I have told DH to let them know (more than once) that they are more than welcome to come to our house and visit their granddaughter (where I am in control of the situation and environment) and it's their choice not to. As far as her aunts and uncles go, keep dreaming!
They have told DH many time, all of them at one point or another, "You can think your high and mighty, that your better than all of us. But at least we don't have a retard for a kid!" (I wouldn't be so sure about that....) They say this about my 7 year old who has some slight developmental delays. I have been there to witness MIL fighting with SIL and all the while yelling the N word, while her 2 grandsons who are half african american sit by and watch (they were 5 and 6 at the time).
Think I am done? Is that bad enough? Wait...there's more. They have stolen money from us and they have straight out lied to try to have DH arrested on more than one occasion.
I'll tell you I can go on and on, I have almost 15 years of this stuff saved up. I could write a book! Seriously, did I mention that out of the 8 kids, 3 of them are half siblings? They are kids that FIL had with his gf's he cheated on my MIL with and FIL and MIL were together till the day he died in 2009. One of the 3 half siblings mother left and moved to CA when she found out she was pregnant. CLEAR ACROSS THE COUNTRY! I live in MA. He is one of the 4 who don't have problems.
It seems to be a trend in his family to have a bunch of babies, live on welfare, do drugs and drink, or give your kids up and abandon them all by the age of 18. I don't mean give their kids up for adoption either, I mean like "Hey can you babysit for an hour?" and never come back.
I agree with the posters who said, it's your life and your family. Do what is best for you and yours. Forget the others. I know easier said than done, especially when it's not your family. I struggle with that all the time. My DH goes from not caring about it to crying about it. He wants them to do right by him so badly. But I don't see it ever happening.
They hate to hear about the fact that we are doing well and have our life on track. They hate that my DD takes horseback riding, dance class, and goes to WDW. They don't get it's because we don't choose to spend our money on alcohol and drugs!
for your situation. I think by reading this thread I see we are NOT alone with this situation at all.
Well, Darlene - thank you for opening up a forum discussion that led me to believe my in-laws aren't as bad as they could be. But, let me give you my run-down:
DH is the oldest of 5, with an additional 3 step-siblings added when they were adults.
His two sisters are as different as night and day. One is working on her doctorate and has OCD - I have watched her pick fuzz up off a clean carpet, you can't set a cup down in her house without it ending up washed, dried, and put away before you reach for it again! The other sister graduated from HS, is a hoarder, and has lived off welfare and her child support for years. She had to start working when her child turned 18 and moved out. I think working upset her more than the kid moving out with her loser boyfriend (seriously - he dropped out of HS, smokes "weed", is drunk most of the time we see him, and can't seem to hold a job). DH's brothers are: a manual laborer who I think is a borderline idiot (but the nicest guy), and an anesthesiologist - while he's educated, he's a functional alcoholic, IMO. As a matter of fact, DH is the only one who has not had any addiction problems.
Oh - and for the one (the youngest) to be a doctor, his parents did everything they could, including sitting DH down his senior year when he was getting ready to apply to colleges and saying "We have enough money to send ONE of you kids to college. We think your (10 years younger) brother will be a doctor, so we'd really like to save our money to send him to college." The other 3 kids were told the same thing - and so, the youngest child went to university and medical school and left with no debt, but the other kids either didn't go at all, or went later in life.
FiL married a year after MiL died, and things have gone downhill from there. They buy "her" grandkids elaborate birthday and Christmas gifts, take them on trips to WDW, Grand Canyon, NY, etc. but give our kids a $20 gift card to someplace we don't ever shop and never even take our kids to dinner - although we live just a couple of miles down the street from them. "Her" grandkids go camping with them - my kids aren't allowed to set foot in their trailer because they "Might make it dirty" according to FiL's wife. For Christmas, they joined the adult gift draw that the siblings have - which bothers me, because they only give gifts to whoever they pull, and then sit and talk about the elaborate gifts they bought each of her kids.
I could go on and on - as could almost anyone, I think.
Point is: In-laws don't always do things the way our own families would. Sometimes I look at DH and wonder where he came from?
Sometimes I look at DH and wonder where he came from?
Me too because Lenny IMO doesn't look anything like his family. His father and brother are all shorter than him and very thin while Lenny is Lenny (tall and Pooh Sized). He says he looks like his mother's uncle - the one brother she couldn't stand supposedly and never spoke to. That's still no reason to treat him the way they do.
But anyway, while it doesn't make me happy to learn other people have it just as bad - and worse - than me, it does make me happy to know I'm not alone in having "bad" in-laws.
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Me too because Lenny IMO doesn't look anything like his family. His father and brother are all shorter than him and very thin while Lenny is Lenny (tall and Pooh Sized). He says he looks like his mother's uncle - the one brother she couldn't stand supposedly and never spoke to. That's still no reason to treat him the way they do.
But anyway, while it doesn't make me happy to learn other people have it just as bad - and worse - than me, it does make me happy to know I'm not alone in having "bad" in-laws.
Exactly! I have to say, when I tell even just a couple of details about my inlaws, it's usually enough to make whoever I am telling change their mind about how bad theirs are. Not that it doesn't change their situation or make it better, but usually I get the jaw drop wide mouth, and the "OMG!" response.
Not that it doesn't change their situation or make it better, but usually I get the jaw drop wide mouth, and the "OMG!" response.
Yeah, you hit the nail on the head - it doesn't make my situation better but that was exactly my response OMG! And unless someone else comes along, I'd have to say you and Teresa definitely have the worst in-laws
Yeah, you hit the nail on the head - it doesn't make my situation better but that was exactly my response OMG! And unless someone else comes along, I'd have to say you and Teresa definitely have the worst in-laws
I'll keep my not in the picture semi-hoarding in-laws that live 16 hours away, thanks. I know they say it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, but I do wish it didn't mean we had to put up with the worst sort in our daily lives. Bless you ladies for having to deal with that.
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Yeah, you hit the nail on the head - it doesn't make my situation better but that was exactly my response OMG! And unless someone else comes along, I'd have to say you and Teresa definitely have the worst in-laws
Yeah, I think I just about the worst...I know their are others who do have it worse. But yeah, they pretty much are awful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nyreak
I'll keep my not in the picture semi-hoarding in-laws that live 16 hours away, thanks. I know they say it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, but I do wish it didn't mean we had to put up with the worst sort in our daily lives. Bless you ladies for having to deal with that.
Thanks. But honestly ya know what? It doesn't seem to matter that they live within walking distance (really) of me, I mean not my neighbors but a good 15-20 minute walk. My DH said recently "If I moved away it wouldn't make any difference to them would it? It would be the same as always." Well, I hate to say it but yeah. It's like we don't even live in the same area, sans a few snags here and there. We stopped talking to the family completely for about 2 years after they stole money from us, and it was like they didn't exsist mostly (unfortunately they are always in my DH's head). They just don't even try or seem like they care at all. Which is fine by me!
Exactly! I have to say, when I tell even just a couple of details about my inlaws, it's usually enough to make whoever I am telling change their mind about how bad theirs are. Not that it doesn't change their situation or make it better, but usually I get the jaw drop wide mouth, and the "OMG!" response.
When I read your original response, I thought oh my, she must've married into my dh's family too. Seriously, Steve was the last one to have any kids, and he was 19. His younger sister was 14. Although, I will say, she finished school, went to college and is probably one of the best mothers I know. He had 2 uncles in jail for molesting his sisters. In fact, when his grandmother passed away a few months ago, I met them for the first time. And by "met", I mean we were in the same place at the same time. I spent most of my time with my sister in law (one of the uncles molested her and when she was 12, it resulted in a pregnancy, she put the baby up for adoption, but sadly, he passed away at 4 years old). Anyway, she was unsure if she wanted to go to the wake/funeral, because they would be there, so we got here there and then just surrounded her so no one could get close to her. Drug and alcohol addiction run rampant in Steve's family. Steve himself is a recovering addict (as am I, which statistics say our kids have a 75% chance of becoming addicted themselves). My kids haven't seen Steve's mother since before my youngest was born, and he's 6. They don't see Steve's father that much, but they still see him. He tries to treat all his grandkids equal, but I see a couple of my nieces following the wrong path. One is 17, on her 2nd pregnancy (she lost the first one), has been to detox at least 2 times that I know of, and last I heard was living on the streets. One is 15 and she has tried to kill herself. Their mother is the junkie sister that I cannot stand. I feel bad for them, but they saw what happened to their mother and seem to be following in her footsteps. Oh, but Steve is the bad one. He and his father just started speaking again because money was missing (this was back in 2008). While I know Steve had relapsed and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he was involved, I knew he wasn't alone. Sure enough, comes out now that his pos sister was involved too. It's ok though, she was arrested for violating parole and has been sent to a state hospital until she is deemed to no longer be a threat to herself or society.
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(well no, not really, I've heard the word before but I have to admit I've never thought of calling Lenny's mother one)
for your situation. I think by reading this thread I see we are NOT alone with this situation at all.
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Not that it doesn't change their situation or make it better, but usually I get the jaw drop wide mouth, and the "OMG!" response.
OMG! And unless someone else comes along, I'd have to say you and Teresa definitely have the worst in-laws
I'll keep my not in the picture semi-hoarding in-laws that live 16 hours away, thanks. I know they say it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, but I do wish it didn't mean we had to put up with the worst sort in our daily lives. Bless you ladies for having to deal with that.
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