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[Huntermom]

You say you know many of your neighbors. Are they home after school? One other option may be to put the word out you are looking for after school care and you may find a neighbor is interested. I had a friend who cared for my DD and at times her brothers, whom I had no idea would be interested in providing child care until I mentioned the provider I had had just given notice she was moving (which was for the best). My friend mentioned she would be interested in caring for my DD (and at times my boys who were in pre-school, !st grade). So for the next 4 years, I had the most wonderful, reliable, trustworthy caretaker for my kids.

While I think Judy may be a tad protective, it's better to be a tad protective than take a chance. And I know if something happened while she was walking down the block to the mailbox, she would be devastated and it only takes a minute.. A few years ago, we had a storm, lost power, had power restored and then 2 days later, my appliances has alarms going off (that I had no idea they had) the lights were either going off or really bright and anything electrically powered was acting crazy. Although I was several decades older than your kids, it was absolutely frightening and took me many phone calls to the power company and an electrician to get everything back to normal. It turns out some type of resistor or regulator was broken but still functioning storm but eventually broke off all together. I cannot imagine a child dealing with that, especially of your DD has sensory issues.

Also, one of the reasons my kids went to a friends and my first son had the option of staying home was that my kids, wonderful as they were, would fight on occasion. Not very often and pretty mildly, but tp me a huge reason for supervision.

[benjiboo25]

Originally Posted by Teresa

Shelly, I don't see any reason why not to. As long as your kids know that there are rules, and you feel they're okay, why not?
Are there other moms on your block who might be willing to earn a few extra bucks a week?
I started leaving the kids alone for short periods of time at about those ages. As long as they know how to get a snack and not to answer the phone or door, they'll be fine.
My mom was a single working mom, and we didn't have babysitters after we were 6&7 (stories I could tell you to curl your hair, including getting me drunk!). We were required to call her at work and check in when we got home, that was it.
Today's parents have earned the title "Helicopter Parents" well. Great for child safety, not great for kids learning how to grow up. And that's my ultimate goal - grown adults who can take care of themselves.

I am trying to let go of being a "helicopter parent." Working in a school, every year the teachers complain that the kids are less and less self-sufficient--while we as a school need to tighten up rules because a few mess up...all the while me (and so many other parents) hover and schedule...I am starting to wonder which way the relationship goes---do we hover because our kids are less independent and responsible? Or is it the other way around?

Originally Posted by TinkBrat

Shelly, I completely understand what you are going through as I've been there myself. In Texas, it is illegal to leave children under 12 alone at all, and I didn't know what to do. I was lucky, I went to my next door neighbors and asked them if it would be all right for my (then)10yr old son to stay with them for the short time between school letting out and me getting home. They agreed easily. I hope you can find someone like that for your little ones, because I, too, would worry about the worst case scenario. That being said, I was home alone with my younger brother from the time we were 9 and 7. Nothing major happened, but my mom still doesn't know about half the things we got into!! Which is why I don't leave my son alone lol. Good luck with your dilemna and I hope you get what you need!!

I remember getting myself to school in first grade. I was probably not home alone more than a half hour, but I was able to cross the street to get to the bus alone...My parents both worked. I was very responsible...

[QUOTE=Ashli;3456205]My DS is 9 and in 4th grade. I am going to keep him in the YMCA after-school care at the school until he is in 6th (11 yrs old). Our school's after care is only $33/wk (and that's for before and after school...it is cheaper if it's just after school) for one kid, and I believe it's 25% off of the same price for additional kids. If your school's prices are anything similar that would still be a significant savings over your current $1100/month bill, right?QUOTE]

Wow that is cheap! Our school age program is the same as our daycare--0but its more if before school care is needed. I believe it is $65/kid/week for after school only (times 2 kids = 130...times 4 weeks in a month = $520...). My littlest is in preschool, so she will be with our daycare/preschool provider at least through kindergarten...but it would be nice to eliminate half our bill...

[OneLittleSpark]

Originally Posted by benjiboo25

I am trying to let go of being a "helicopter parent." Working in a school, every year the teachers complain that the kids are less and less self-sufficient--while we as a school need to tighten up rules because a few mess up...all the while me (and so many other parents) hover and schedule...I am starting to wonder which way the relationship goes---do we hover because our kids are less independent and responsible? Or is it the other way around?

I agree completely Shelly and Teresa. Kids live up to our expectations.

[B.M.]

Well, you know your kids best. There are definately laws to take into consideration. For our state: 8 and older can be home alone for up to two hours and 12 and older can be home alone for longer periods of time.

When my two oldest were 10 and 11- I started letting them stay home while I took my dd to gymnastics.... it was 5 minutes down the road and 45 minute sessions. I would speak with them on the phone several times during the time I was gone. I felt it was good practice and they enjoyed the responsibility.
My oldest is now 13 and he is extremely responsible for his age. My two oldest are now middle school age- They still stay home during gymnastics once a week, but other than that, not often...... But they are definately capable, if need be.
My elementary kids are 4th grade, 2nd grade, and pre-k. No way would I leave my 2nd grader alone, he simply is not ready. My dd (4th) is more than capable and responsible enough, BUT I have never been in a situation where it was necessary and I'm not ready to "practice" with her yet. She does carry a key in her backpack, but it is for if there was an emergency where they got off the bus and I was not home. This is her first year carrying the key, as her older brother was still in elementary last year and carried it. One day I miscalculated time and decided to run a quick errand on the way home and the bus beat me home. They were home less than 5 minutes without me, but I was really glad to see that she was responsible in getting herself and her brother in the house quickly, locked the door, and called me. That is the only time she has been at home alone and she did well. I do trust her and feel she is responsible enough, but at this time there is not a need for my elementary kids to be home without me.
When considering this, another thing to think about is that even once a child is old enough to stay at home by themselves for small amounts of time, that does not mean they are old enough to be responsible for someone else/another younger child........

[Huntermom]

Having successfully raised three independent, sucessful, law abiding, responsible, never so much as a parking ticket children, I have to say providing supervision for children under the age of 12 is not being a "Helicopter Parent" it is being a proactive and responsible parent. I don't think Judy is at all a helicopter parent but rather one who wants to make sure her kids are safe and have a healthy childhood.

Kids can learn independence and responsibility in many ways other than being left alone. Look at all the posts about things parents never found out about. I don't think kids learn much by getting drunk, home alone. Statistically, latch key kids are at a much higher risk for juvenile delinquency and sexual activity and teen pregnancy. The police here say that between school letting out and folks getting home is a big time for crime-not murder and rape but kids getting into trouble-shoplifting, criminal mischief, trespass. It's really hard if they've been left along at 9 to convince them they need to be supervised activities at 13.

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Originally Posted by Huntermom

While I think Judy may be a tad protective, it's better to be a tad protective than take a chance. And I know if something happened while she was walking down the block to the mailbox, she would be devastated and it only takes a minute.

I am more than a 'tad' overprotective I am a retired police officer/detective who worked in the special victims unit. I've seen what I posted first hand, far too many times. And in 90% of the cases there wouldn't have been a case at all if a responsible parent/adult was at home or with the child.

I also live in a very affluent area where a 7 year old child was abducted and killed a year ago this month. She was walking home from school with her twin brother and 12 year old sister. She was walking only a couple hundred feet in front of them when she was grabbed. They found her body a couple of days later in a dump in GA. The story made national news. It without a doubt, would not have happened if she was walking home with a responsible adult. Unfortunately her mom was a single, working parent and thought this was the best situation for her children. I am not here to second guess her - she is living with a tremendous amount of pain and guilt as it is. These are just the raw facts of what happened.

All I'm saying is that I personally, would be looking for the best alternative solution to leaving them alone. Perhaps talk to a teacher at school to put the word out. Many times there are teachers looking for nanny-type after school positions to supplement their incomes. Check with your local childcare facilities to see if there is someone looking for extra hours.

As for being helicopter parents......you can't raise a responsible adult if the child is not protected and safe until adulthood. I will continue to hover.

[B.M.]

Originally Posted by Huntermom

They need to have the judgment to deal with the unexpected. All it takes is one wrong choice and there can be dire consequences. While your DD may be a rule follower, the problem is not following rules, it's thinking things through when there are no rules that fit.


?

I definately agree that this is something to take into consideration. I have allowed my oldest to babysit for brief periods a few times as he is very responsible and capable. I was talking to my neighbor about it just the other day and explained to her that even though my second son is only a year younger and also very responsbile, I feel he is still lacking the skills to respond in an unexpected situation.
I gave the example that if they were keeping an eye on the 4yr old in the yard for me and he tried to run for the road-- my second son would tell him not to, but may not be agressive enough to truly prevent it. My oldest son would tackle him if he had to before he would let him get in the road.

[JoanneS]

This is so tough. I was fortunate to work in the same town as the kid's school so they took the bus to my place of business and hung out in my office doing homework until I could bring us all home. We just let them come home by themselves this year; my daughter is 17 and my son is 12. Many times my DD stays after school for activities and DS is home alone. I'm still nervous about this.

You need to to what you think you can live with. Will you be worried about them at home alone? Will you be able to concentrate on your work while they're home alone? If they come home to a problem, leak, electric outage, sickness, etc. will they be able to handle it on their own in a way you can live with? Just recently, a stranger came to our door and my DS12, even though he's been told a million times about strangers, opened the door to ask what he wanted. The stranger tried to come into the house, but luckily our dog went after him and chased him out of the house.

I think if it were me, I'd try to find a different solution. Either a neighbor or a different after school program that is less expensive.

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Originally Posted by Huntermom

I don't think Judy is at all a helicopter parent but rather one who wants to make sure her kids are safe and have a healthy childhood..

Originally Posted by Huntermom

Kids can learn independence and responsibility in many ways other than being left alone.

Absolutely!

[benjiboo25]

Originally Posted by lukeandbrookesmom

I am more than a 'tad' overprotective

I also live in a very affluent area where a 7 year old child was abducted and killed a year ago this month. She was walking home from school with her twin brother and 12 year old sister. She was walking only a couple hundred feet in front of them when she was grabbed. They found her body a couple of days later in a dump in GA. The story made national news. It without a doubt, would not have happened if she was walking home with a responsible adult. Unfortunately her mom was a single, working parent and thought this was the best situation for her children. I am not here to second guess her - she is living with a tremendous amount of pain and guilt as it is. These are just the raw facts of what happened.
.

EEK!!!

Originally Posted by JoanneS

This is so tough. I was fortunate to work in the same town as the kid's school so they took the bus to my place of business and hung out in my office doing homework until I could bring us all home. We just let them come home by themselves this year; my daughter is 17 and my son is 12. Many times my DD stays after school for activities and DS is home alone. I'm still nervous about this.

You need to to what you think you can live with. Will you be worried about them at home alone? Will you be able to concentrate on your work while they're home alone? If they come home to a problem, leak, electric outage, sickness, etc. will they be able to handle it on their own in a way you can live with? Just recently, a stranger came to our door and my DS12, even though he's been told a million times about strangers, opened the door to ask what he wanted. The stranger tried to come into the house, but luckily our dog went after him and chased him out of the house.

I think if it were me, I'd try to find a different solution. Either a neighbor or a different after school program that is less expensive.

I think it would be 2-3 times a week that they would be home "alone."

As far as concentrating...They would get off the bus at 2:30. I work in a school that gets out at 2:50. My contract time ends at 3:15 and it takes about 20 minutes to get home. Now, since the kids can stay at daycare later, I do not necessarily rush out if I have a lot to do--I generally leave before 4.

A few years ago, another office staff member arranged to come in to work late (about 45 minutes after contract time) so that she could bring her kids to school. She then stayed 45 minutes past contract time. Perhaps I could talk to my principal about coming in 30 minutes early and leaving 30 minutes early. Although at that time of morning, it would not be "direct student contact," much of my job has nothing to do with student contact, anyway--I send a ton of emails, write summary reports, make case notes, analyze student test data, etc...I imagine that I may also be more productive without as many interruptions in the morning hours...something to consider...

I know that the majority here think it is less than ideal to leave kids home alone for nay amount of time...and I agree...but I would love to hear from any parents who have done this and feel it was the right move for the family.

I wish we made enough money that daycare expenses were a non-issue--we make enough to justify my working, but we are barely cutting it. My insurance costs have gone up each of the last few years, negating the minimal salary increases I have had. My DH was laid off about 3 years ago when the company shut down--it was (thankfully) bought out by another company, and he was hired back at the same salary--but minus the bonuses he used to get and his pay has not increased a dime as he started at the top end for the position.

[Huntermom]

If you aren't making a significant amount after expenses and you don't need benefits, you could think about doing something like child care for a few years. You may find that with just a couple of kids you may do as well as you are now. Like I said, my DD's provider was a friend who just watched my kids part time, but it was better than working out of the home. I had two other friends who took care of one child at a time, usually an infant or toddler. Because they only cared for one child, they were paid well.

[samg0627]

Originally Posted by Ashli

My DS is 9 and in 4th grade. I am going to keep him in the YMCA after-school care at the school until he is in 6th (11 yrs old). Our school's after care is only $33/wk (and that's for before and after school...it is cheaper if it's just after school) for one kid, and I believe it's 25% off of the same price for additional kids. If your school's prices are anything similar that would still be a significant savings over your current $1100/month bill, right? It's totally up to you as long as laws allow it though of course. I actually think my son could stay at home alone after school without any catastrophes, but I like him going to the school care because they make the children sit quietly and do their homework before they are allowed to play. They also prepare a snack for the kids. It is really helpful to DH and I that DS has already done his homework when he gets home, so all we have to do is check over it and talk about any problems he might have had. Big time saver for the evening. If DS had to discipline himself to do his homework at our house alone, I am concerned that video games might be too big of a temptation.

I love the "Y" that is what we use totally affordable they also have financial assistance for the full day preschool which we use. It is great for middle class families becuase we were not eligible for state assistance but were eligible for the Y assistance

[Connieq288]

I have 3 kids, two boys who are ages 12 and 10 and then Dd who is 3. We have just started letting the boys stay home at times by themselves. We live in the mountains and almost everyone one near us is family. In fact we share the same driveway with my inlaws and most of the time we do leave them my father in law is home and we let them know that they kids are home. My 10 year old wants to be left alone without my 12 year old and that we wont do yet. We have let my 12 year old stay home alone though. Now we do not let them babysit the 3 year old yet though. That will come later although I think I was around 12 or 13 when I started to babysit when I was younger. It really is a hard decision to make.

Connie

[DawnK]

Katie was 12 before I gave her the key to our house and she would have to walk down the hill to get to the bus stop. She would have to call me when she left the house reassuring me the house was locked and then when she got to the bus stop. I usually got to the bus stop to pick her up. When I worked late or on weekends and she was alone, she wasn't allowed to answer the phone unless it was her father or me and definitely wasn't allowed to answer the door.

I had a hard time leaving her alone at 12. I see so many little kids walking on our streets from and to the bus stop on their own. Unfortunately in this day and age, we have to make the choices that are right for our families. Personally. I would not leave them home alone any younger. Anything can happen...one time Katie forgot to put water in her easymac container and almost caught the microwave on fire. My husband was home at the time but he was sleeping.

Katie is 14 now. She still has to call when she leaves the house and when she gets to the bus stop. Now she just texts me. I still get nervous if I don't get a call by 6:47am...the bus comes at 6:48am. It's what we have to do because I work 5am-2pm and David's schedule is all over the place and is only home on Thursdays to take her to school.

[2princessmom]

Good luck with your decision. It is a tough one. I am a single parent and have been debating this for a couple of years. I am also a teacher and therefore have the same vacation and days off. But it is a struggle to pay for daycare and make all my bills. I have been able to go thru the Y and get a scholarship for half of my costs. You haven't mentioned if that is a possibility. That makes the daycare affordable. However, my oldest is now in a different program and there requirement for scholarships is much stricter and higher.

I have chosen to continue with daycare until junior high. My oldest is responsible but it isn't her that I am worried about it. I worry about every one else.

Good luck with your decision it is tough no matter which way you go. Financially if you keep in daycare and stress and worry if you allow them to go home alone.