Question about a bride's request??? - Page 2 - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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Do you also have to pay your Way to Tennessee & your lodging?
I must have been a silly bride to have paid for my maid of honor's dress & having her hair done for the wedding.. Didn't have bridesmaids..
We also provided for all other expenses like tux rentals for the beat man & ring bearer.. Silly us..
I would have to tell her sorry, I can't afford to be in your wedding, It is costing me way too much.
(Like the cost of a trip to WDW that I would rather be spending the money on)
All I can say is WOW I'd be skipping that wedding. I've traveled for a couple of weddings and the bride/groom have always provided almost everything including footing the bar bill the night before because everyone had to travel!
Kara, I am so sorry your friend is being a Bridezilla to make each member cook a maeal for 20+ people for her Wedding? That's not right at all. Your friend actually almost sounds like a friend of mine who's Wedding I was suppose to be in who only said here's te dresses you get to choose from and do you need your hair done? No info on where the Wedding was ahead of time so anyone could make travel and lodging arrangements, and actually pulled the same stunt expecting everyone to cook for her Wedding. Actually my sister nearly tried the same thing, even when an offer to help with entertaining out of town guests , put together welcome bags, etc. I say either back out graciously, or see if the other Bridesmaids who I would think would also find it outrageous and not the Gracious Bride Type Behavior should confront her. If not I am with the others who say to tell her "see you at the reception in Indy". It's a lousy position to be in but good luck and tons of hugs and pixies for you no matter what you decide.
actual wedding is the part for the couple. The reception/other activities are for the guests to thank them for joining for the wedding, FROM the couple. Not for the guests, from the guests.
It's amazing how many couples don't get this "rule of thumb."
Don't get me wrong, I loves me some "Bridezillas" on WE, but I never acted like that for my wedding.
Granted my party paid for their dresses, as well as their hair and make-up if they chose to have it done-- I certainly wasn't making anyone do anything they couldn't afford or felt uncomfortable doing. And my in-laws threw me my shower! I will refrain from complaining about my MOH who left the Bachelorette Party planning up to me. . .
However, the wedding reception is paid for by the bride/groom/parents as a thank you to the guests for coming and most likely gifting the new couple.
However, I've also gone to a "destination" wedding in Missouri where the groom's side of the family -- which consisted of my DH and his immediate family only -- traveled from Michigan there, paid for our own lodgings, and then at the reception were left to fend for ourselves for seats!
The bride had made sure that her side of the family all had reserved seating while we all had to grab a table -- outside -- in October!
Um, it was an unforgetable evening -- and not because the reception was fun.
So, as you can tell from my rantings, brides are nuts! They don't see things in "reality," they see things in "wedding reality." And maybe she needs a friend to remind her that with everyone coming in from out-of-town, being responsible for making all these meals probably isn't feasible, as it might be if you were in your hometown and/or it's not really economically fair to put that upon you all in her bridal party. :
Stepping down as a bridesmaid may be the least confrontational and sometimes is the best thing you can do. I've done it and the bride showed her true colors then.
I had introduced the bride to her future husband, but she couldn't understand why I had to bring my 9 month old baby and a sitter to the wedding and reception site so I could breastfeed so I wouldn't either burst out of my breast or leak all over it. When she demanded during the wedding planning sessions that I either WEAN my child in advance or go 15 hours without nursing my son or taking a break to pump during HER day, I told her not only would I not be in her wedding, but I wouldn't be able to be there on her wedding day if she was so firmly resolved not to have ANY children present for any reason. (BTW - my DH and I had an adults-only wedding and reception, but allowed nursing moms and babies to attend together. And Bridezilla was one of MY bridesmaids and knew that.)
It was the best decision I've ever made. She had no use for me after that and still refuses to speak to me because other bridesmaids with kids stepped down, too, after I told her off. She and the groom divorced just a few years later and DH and I are still friendly with the groom!
Long story short - you can't go wrong speaking your mind or standing up for yourself.
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I think your "friend" is nuts... to put it charitably.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
Uh - NO. Actually, what I want to respond is a resounding "Heck No", but in other language not looked upon well on this board! (for good reason).
3. Do it, but be mean about it and buy some granola bars and a gallon of milk. Maybe some donuts?
I think Teresa ROCKS!
I think I'm glad DH and I had a small, intimate wedding and dinner with our family (which we paid for, as we should have, including the champagne), even if we did have to invite my SIL.
I think I'm glad I only ever had to be a bridesmaid once and the worst of it was wearing the hideously ugly dress. Or maybe sitting next to the drunk, not-cute groomsman.
I think I agree with the "see you at the reception" crowd.
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Pat (a.k.a., PFlamingo) "We are the people our parents warned us about."
Honestly I would just do it (and probably grumble about it to DH).
But if you know her VERY well maybe you could call and tell her you have thought about it and you really don't cook well so would Cornflakes and a fruit platter be okay? If this is what she had in mind (or she's a great friend) then she will say sure that's fine. But if she is bridzilla then she will direct you to make a more fancy spread and you can tell her it's just too much for you to cope with...
Here's my two cents, why are you guys providing meals for everyone else, just have everyone fend for themselves. I know its a destination location but do you have to be provided with every meal, maybe she was thinking that is was nice to have all of your meals provided for you, but maybe you could just run through the drive through at McDonalds if you choose or sleep in, do the meals all have to be as a pack?
Oh my goodness...........your only job in feeding guests would be if you and the other bridemaids gave the couple a "shower"...then you would be resposible to feed "your invited guests".....Weddings cost alot to be "asked" to be part of, as we're experiencing now for a September wedding too....My DD AND the bridal party choose the dresses....and they are red,strapless cocktail dresses (bought on sale...last February) that can be worn again....especially for the holidays.....If, the girls want their her done...DD has arranged a hairdresser (a friend) to be here at our home to "do hair"....at no charge to her bridal party.......If all your brides "demands" were outlined in the beginning and you all agreed it would be one thing....but to accept to be in her attendance and then to have to meet with all this added work and cost....I too, would have to bow out of the whole thing....This is "a friend" ???? ....Good luck with your decisions rella
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I don't understand the need to feed all the guests. Is everyone staying in the chalet together? Is that why she thinks they need to be fed? I'd never expect to have all my meals prepared for me at a wedding destination. I'd expect a rehearsal dinner and a reception. If I attended, I'd expect to fend for myself at all the other meals. (We recently did this for my nephews wedding in the Georgia Mountains).
Wow, that's a new one for me! If you're not from Tenn. then where exactly are you supposed to cook this breakfast? I had a friend that had a pot luck reception where guests brought casseroles and desserts instead of gifts, but what she's asking is a little bit much. Maybe if you explained that you weren't comfortable doing this and why you weren't comfortable, she would rethink her plans. Good luck!
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As I've been a bridesmaid twice in the last 3 years, if either of the brides asked me to cook for their guests on top of the other expenses incurred for the wedding, I would have stepped down. That is unreasonable to ask the wedding party to do that. You are not the one who is getting married, and by no means are you responsible to provide food for the wedding guests!
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When she demanded during the wedding planning sessions that I either WEAN my child in advance or go 15 hours without nursing my son or taking a break to pump during HER day, I told her not only would I not be in her wedding, but I wouldn't be able to be there on her wedding day if she was so firmly resolved not to have ANY children present for any reason. (BTW - my DH and I had an adults-only wedding and reception, but allowed nursing moms and babies to attend together. 
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