Curios on parent and non-parent's opinions on this...
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**aliceinwdw** · 10-21-2009, 02:40 PM

As another non-parent here, I, like SarahJ said, rather like the idea of the kid being able to be specific about what he/she wants; every parent knows that a "Barbie" can actually be 50 different Barbies and outfits and Kens (

), etc. So anytime there is a list I can shop off of, great! And you can also avoid duplicate gifts too.

However, the emailing it to friends and family unwarranted is ridiculous unless you do a gift exchange or someone asks for a list. Then you can at least narrow down the gift options and again have specifics.

But I agree, I wouldn't be sending out the list in Christmas cards!

:

clio · 10-21-2009, 03:50 PM

It's not something that I would have ever let my DD do. Our family always had a $25 limit on gifts and we drew names.
Liz

mcc0313 · 10-21-2009, 03:55 PM

I wouldn't do it either. I have the girls make up a wish list for me. Usually my mom and my brother and sister ask for lists 9we all exchange the kids lists) but for anyone else, if they call to ask what the kids want I give them an idea or two based on their list but the idea of e-mailing the list...I don't like it either. It just takes the personal communication part totally out of it.

CinderAbby · 10-21-2009, 04:09 PM

While it's something I **might** have Abby do to have an idea of what she would like for Christmas from "Santa" (whom she knows does not give everything she wants) , I would never in a million years email the list to anyone. I think that's totally tacky. But I'm also lucky (if you can call it that) that my brother (due to his wife) and I don't buy gifts for each others kids anymore. He has 4 kids that I bought for and he couldn't buy for my one so I put a stop to that. I know it's Christmas, but I'm sorry, I'm not going to continually buy gifts for birthdays and Christmas for four kids when my one child doesn't get anything at all from them. And other than Lenny's sister who buys Abby books for Christmas (I have no problem with this as she makes good choices), we've convinced his parents and brothers to give Abby gift cards to get what she wants (which mommy controls). And we did that because I was tired of getting clothes that didn't fit her (that had no labels so I couldn't even exchange the clothes) and things that weren't fun or appropriate for her (a camoflaged backpack

- what 6 YO girl wants one of those??)

Teresa · 10-21-2009, 04:37 PM

I think it's an awful idea. I don't even like to find out what kids want. I WILL ask what they're into, but that doesn't mean I'll buy them something from that genre.

I think it's good for kids to NOT get everything they want. We always find out what our grandkids/nieces/nephews/great-nephews like, what they want, and then we usually buy them what we think looks fun and cool.
What happened to being surprised, to learning that sometimes what you didn't want is exactly what you really liked?

Nope - I'll never let my kids do that. And I also will never buy a child something from a registry. I think they're so tacky! I can just hear it now - some kid complaining because s/he didn't get what was on his/her list - and the promise from Mom that they can take back the gifts they didn't ask for and get the "right one".

Chrissi · 10-21-2009, 04:52 PM

I actually like it. I've kept a wish list for years on Amazon of the things DJ's interested in - because I know the phone calls are going to start coming in around Nov. 1st from the grandparents.

To put this in perspective - Both of my parents have been married and divorced twice and are now out in the world dating again. So, My mom and her boyfriend, my former step-dad and his girlfriend, my dad and his girlfriend, and my former step-mom and her soon-to-be-2nd-ex-husband are all asking me what kinds of things DJ likes now.

So, while I would not give DJ free reign to pick and choose and add every little thing that catches his eye to a wish list, we do keep a wish list because there's nothing grandparents hate more than the thought of buying a duplicate gift. The wish list solves that and prevents me from having the same conversation 16 times. Because my DH's mom has three ex-husbands and DH's dad is remarried, so we have the same problem on his side of the family.

Also, I have some of my own grandparents still living. (Well, my paternal grandmother and her 5th husband are still with us.

) Families aren't small and simple and just a phone call away anymore. Times have changed. It's not unreasonable to change with them when it comes to communication and gift-giving. I email pictures of DJ to my grandmother rather than mailing them. Long distance phone call = not free. Postage = not free. Email = free.

That said, we are putting more of our time and energy into handmade gifts this year, but I know that's not practical for everyone in our family who wants to gift DJ. Nor is DJ ever allowed to just rattle off a list or just email a list of 'wants'. (Check out my recent post about his letter to Santa to get a better idea of how feel about that.

)

If the idea of a wish list offends you, feel free not to use it or to ignore it if one is sent to you, but keep in mind that most of the people using the wish list feature probably aren't kids and have probably been using wish lists on other websites for years and are the parents who are feeling harrassed by all the phone calls they'll get about what to give their kids. I don't have that much time to spend on the phone - debating every potential gift with someone who isn't capable of figuring it out on their own. Wish lists are a huge time-saver for me. I can't figure out what took Toys R Us so long to catch up with Amazon and Barnes and Noble, to be honest.

BTW - DJ only wants two things for Christmas - a Nintendo DS, but only so he can play the new Indiana Jones Lego game for DS (I don't approve of non-educational hand-held game systems for young children, so that's not happening.) and a hermit crab. (The fate of that gift is in Santa's hands.

) He has not asked for anything else - which is why I have to keep track of what he's into and keep my own list. Otherwise, our family would be baffled as to where to start looking for a gift for him.

5SOXFNZ · 10-21-2009, 05:15 PM

It's awesome hearing everyone's perspective of this! (And Super-awesome that we here can do it in a non-confrontational/non-offensive way!)

I have a followup question....alot of people have mentioned the "not getting a child something they already have or don't want" part...does anyone feel that this is robbing the next generation of an important social skill...ie how to graciously accept a gift...no matter what it is???

SarahJ · 10-21-2009, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5SOXFNZ

I have a followup question....alot of people have mentioned the "not getting a child something they already have or don't want" part...does anyone feel that this is robbing the next generation of an important social skill...ie how to graciously accept a gift...no matter what it is???

I don't think so. Even with an electronic registry/wish list, there's a chance for duplicate gifts. Someone can find the same gift for a better price somewhere else and then it doesn't get recorded on the wish list. So the potential to receive duplicates is definitely there. Last year my oldest asked for "games" and we received duplicates of Uno, Connect 4 and another that is slipping my mind. She accepted each with grace and simply said, "Yay now we have one for home and one for the motorhome."

I think the online wish list can be a real asset and time saver if the parent handles it properly.

Mickey Mama · 10-21-2009, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5SOXFNZ

It's awesome hearing everyone's perspective of this! (And Super-awesome that we here can do it in a non-confrontational/non-offensive way!)

I have a followup question....alot of people have mentioned the "not getting a child something they already have or don't want" part...does anyone feel that this is robbing the next generation of an important social skill...ie how to graciously accept a gift...no matter what it is???

I like these boards for the same reason!

As for the followup question... YES! Kids these days don't appreciate anything! Watching my DN's open gifts is painful, because nothing impresses them.

At 13 and 10 years old they have everything they could ever want. Just once I would love for them to pull a Tom Cruise and jump on a sofa because I gave them a card full of money!

I worked hard for that and they don't seem to get it.

That's enough ranting for today... my apologies.

**KMB733** · 10-21-2009, 06:27 PM

While I like the idea of being able to see a list in front of me, I don't agree with emailing it to all your friends and family. As a non parent, if I all of sudden got an email, I would think that's pretty nervy of someone. When its one of my friend's kids birthday or Christmas, I will usually call and get a few suggestions, but don't always follow them. I know the kids pretty well and usually pick out something that I think they would like.

And yes I do think its robbing the future generations of being appreciative of getting a gift, whether its something they wanted or not. My mom always told me to say Thank you whether I liked it or not, and that I should be happy that I received a gift.

5SOXFNZ · 10-21-2009, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SarahJ

Last year my oldest asked for "games" and we received duplicates of Uno, Connect 4 and another that is slipping my mind. She accepted each with grace and simply said, "Yay now we have one for home and one for the motorhome."

That's just awesome!! Very gracious little girl you have!

It reminds me of my DS's 1st Communion last year, he was opening gifts and got to a stack of cards. he opened card after card and was seriously, geniuenly surprised when money fell out of each one. My Mother was laughing so hard because even by about the 10th card, he still didn't get it! he also would just hand the money to me without looking at it then read the whole card outloud!!

Chrissi · 10-21-2009, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5SOXFNZ

...does anyone feel that this is robbing the next generation of an important social skill...ie how to graciously accept a gift...no matter what it is???

No. I think children learn that skill by imitating their elders, not by being put on the spot and being expected to instinctively know how to handle the situation the first, second, or third time it happens. So it's more important for me to show my son how to receive a gift graciously - even if he knows it's something we already have or don't need.

Preventing my son from receiving duplicate gifts with a wish list is more about trying to prevent grandparents from competing with each other - which can and does happen in mixed families. Seems to us that adults have more trouble finding out they've given duplicate gifts graciously.

5SOXFNZ · 10-21-2009, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrissi

Preventing my son from receiving duplicate gifts with a wish list is more about trying to prevent grandparents from competing with each other - which can and does happen in mixed families. Seems to us that adults have more trouble finding out they've given duplicate gifts graciously.

Ain't that the truth!!

Carousel96 · 10-21-2009, 08:54 PM

I don't think kids need to register for Christmas and birthday gifts.

Teresa · 10-21-2009, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5SOXFNZ

I have a followup question....alot of people have mentioned the "not getting a child something they already have or don't want" part...does anyone feel that this is robbing the next generation of an important social skill...ie how to graciously accept a gift...no matter what it is???

YES!! Perfect example - years ago, we purchased one of our nieces a toy for Christmas. She was about a year old at that time. Her 10 year old sister helped her unwrap the gift, and announced (to the entire family) "She HAS this already". To which her mother said "That's okay, we'll take it back when we take back all of the stuff we don't want." WE always taught our girls to say "thank you, I'm sure it's a fun (game, toy, book, whatever)" if they already have it, since they know it's fun or good.
Only if I HAVE to will I tell the person we already have one, and ask if they mind if we return it. And that's done in private. I will also offer to donate it to a children's home or other charity.