Family Christmas Get Together question
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elbug10 · 11-23-2008, 02:45 AM

I'm sorry you and Abby are subjected to this every year. I understand that it's your husband's family, but can't he intercede a little bit with them for you and on behalf of his daughter? Just say something like "Gee, we'd love to come but you know that Abby is on a special diet. Could you make ____ dish which is her favorite so she'll be more comfortable. Oh, and I think it would be nice to have ____ drink for her since she certainly can't have liquor and it IS a holiday." Otherise, I think bringing Abby's meal in a lunchbox is a smart idea. No decent adult is going to eat food out of a child's lunchbox that is clearly intended for that child. Either that, or just be "busy" then and show up for coffee and dessert later. You could even offer to bring a dessert Abby could eat.

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jenifermg0 · 11-23-2008, 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aminspired

I would try to accomodate others dietary concerns, within reason. Abby's seems simple enough and I would make sure I had something there.

I am sorry you are going through this but try to make the best of it. Maybe you can bring something for Abby and put it in a sealed container marked "Abby". Hopefully, they won't open it and eat it.

I don't have a lot of space to entertain (we go to Dad's for major holidays)....HOWEVER, when I do have a few people over - I think about what they like and what they can eat - I try to provide something for everyone!!!

I was also going to suggest you putting together a plate/lunch box of Abby. Fill it with as much of a variety of stuff she likes as possible. And think up as many comebacks as you can for whatever the family may say about this.

I don't have any experience with autistic children, but you would think that a family who had a autisic girl as a grandchild/niece would have taken the time to learn about the condition and how to help the parents handle it!!!!! My DS has ADD and I make sure to know what different types of situations are going to do to him. His ADD is minor compared to autism, but knowing what your child is capable of handling is just good parenting and you obviously have a GREAT handle on what Abby can tolerate!!! Good Luck and try to have a good holiday. Perhaps you can keep the time there short and have a special dinner with the three of you the night before or the day after???

revral · 11-23-2008, 03:55 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I make an effort to serve things everyone can eat. The first time I invite you over for dinner I ask about food allergies and dislikes etc. I have a friend that doesn't like nuts in with other foods so I avoid serving those dishes when he's coming or if it's a salad I set some aside before I add the nuts just for him. He also loves Dr Pepper and his favorite salad dressing is thousand island so I make sure to buy Dr Pepper for him and if we're having a green salad I make sure I have a bottle of thousand island dressing for him. If I think a child wont like the main course I'll make a point of having something I know they can and do eat on hand this usually amounts to my having Stouffer's macaroni and cheese for lunch the next day. My goal when I have people over dinner is for them to feel comfortable, enjoy themselves, and leave happily stuffed and having had a good time. I can't imagine doing what your dh's family does. It strikes me as being rude, inconsiderate, mean and selfish which are not the characteristics of a good host/ess.

minniemagic · 11-23-2008, 08:29 AM

I know that I am reiterating what the others have said, but in my situation, my DB's kids are allergic to eggs and nuts, and my son is a diabetic and just diagnosed with Celiac Disease. We always make sure that there is something for each course for the children to eat with their allergies. It's just plain common courtesy and it also because we love them. I agree with everyone that you should bring her food and drink in separate containers that you keep with you. And bless you for putting up with this situation for both your husbands and daughters sake.

Cheriemek · 11-23-2008, 11:59 AM

I like the lunch box idea.

Sorry that your holiday meal is such an unhappy time each year.

SouthernBelle · 11-23-2008, 12:04 PM

Ditto, I agree with Judi, that is just wrong and RUDE!!!!!

I like Chrissi's idea of packing a meal just for Abby so that you don't have to worry about her not getting anything to eat.

a big

for you and tons of

Maybe the weather will be bad and you won't be able to attend

Christine43 · 11-23-2008, 04:22 PM

Boy, can I ever relate to you on this subject. I have an autistic son and two with AS and they are all very particular about food. In addition to that, I'm a vegetarian. My SiL is ok with it though and we both cook so everyone has something to eat. Our problem is the attitude that goes along with it. There hasn't been a holilday (what I like to call our Bunny Hops Turkey trots and sleigh rides to hell) where my brother hasn't made snide remarks about me not eating meat, complained about my son not being able to sit still etc. We try to escape fairly early each time and salvage our holiday but I can't stand it. One reason we have to do it is because my mother, who has Alzheimer's, is there and we want to be with her. We live in an apt. so we can't I make a big deal out of Christmas Eve every year knowing dinner the next day will be stressful. We're going for Thanksgiving so pray for us and believe me, I feel your pain and am sending you strength.

NanaTink · 11-23-2008, 06:35 PM

I agree, pack Abby a meal that is HERS and DARE them to make a remark...if they do...then say "if there was something here she could eat, I would not have had to bring her a meal.: Sorry, I guess that was mean, but it's just rude the way they act. You deserve a medal for going.

emtpej · 11-23-2008, 07:00 PM

I would take into account other family member's preferences in that we would agree on their bringing something to share, and then they could bring something the kids will eat. Otherwise, I when we go and we're pretty sure there won't be something our youngest will like, we will get something from McDonald's or get him something on the way home...

**Cam22** · 11-23-2008, 08:29 PM

First, I am so sorry that you have to put up with this kind of behavior.
Second, on both my side and Luke's side our families make accommodations for each family member who will be attending. Stefanie is also a picky eater (always has been), but never has any of our family made this more difficult for you.
Third, you are a saint for dealing with this so amicably every year.

with this year's dinner.

MBUS · 11-23-2008, 08:30 PM

My whole life we've had a big party for Wigilia (pronounced Vee-gil-ya) on Christmas Eve. It is a Polish tradition, and they always served seafood. Even though I am from New England, I don't like seafood. As a kid, my Christmas Eve meal was mashed potatoes, rolls and pickles. Once we got older, my cousin married a girl who only ate ham, no other meat. So they brought a ham for her. Then my mom had it one year, last minute (host got sick) and had Chinese. Now, we are more flexible. We still have baked stuffed shrimp, baked haddock and fried smelts, but we also have some pasta or cold cuts.

When I was a kid, we had to tough it out. Now that I am the parent, I make sure there is something for everyone.

I feel bad that Lenny's family is not more welcoming to you. Unfortunately, it seems like this is a common problem (one family or another is not nice). I hope you are able to have a nice Christmas anyway. If it is that important to Lenny, go as you normally do - only stay a short time, and bring enough food that Abby will eat that it can be shared. And maybe, if Lenny sees how uncomfortable you and Abby are, he can reconsider this tradition.

Beth

omd · 11-23-2008, 08:41 PM

I cannot imagine myself having a dinner party of any kind and not take into consideration my guests special needs. I agree with everyone about taking the kinds of foods that Abby will eat and pack it in a lunch box and keep it with you bringing it out when it is time to eat, making it as festive as possible for her.
She deserves to celebrate too!

ilovejack72 · 11-23-2008, 08:49 PM

well first of all i know where your comin from i have a sister in law from you know where. she doesnt like me and i dont like her, but she goes out of her way to make it very hard for me to be around her we were so happy when my brother inlaw and her split last christmas eve was great but guess what they just got back together so she'll be around again so i wont be so many people tell me just go dont let her get the best of you but i cant take the stress she causes i made the choice not to go my hubby goes to his parents with them and i go visit the next day when she]s not around. i have allways gone out of my way to get gifts her kids like and my son allways ends up with the worst crap i know its not about the money but if you goin to give a gift that bad dont bother. but i were your hubbys family and knew his daughter had eating trouble i would make sure to call you and ask you what she would like to eat and i would make that for her people need to keep the comments to themselves good luck this year hope all goes well

mcc0313 · 11-23-2008, 09:12 PM

Darlene, I am so sorry that your holidays end up being more of something we "have to do" then something that you all enjoy. Going somewhere where you are not made to be comfortable can really ruin the time that you spend there...holidays should not have to be that way.

I host Thanksgiving each year and I always make sure that there are things on the menu that everyone can enjoy, my aunt and daughter are vegaterians so even though there are tons of sides that they can partake in I make sure that there is a dish especially for them (even though everyone enjoys from it), my brother has certain allergies and even if I am cooking with the ingrident I make sure that there is a portion that I make without it so he has his own "platter".

I really think that if you are going to host a meal, you should try to make it that everyone can enjoy. Being that they know Abby and her eating issues I do not see how hard it would be to make some rice or potatoes so she can enjoy as well...

BethC · 11-24-2008, 10:29 AM

I have an autisc (sp?) cousin who also was not allowed any dyes, preservatives, of any kind. My mom or I would always call my uncle and ask him what Max was allowed to eat (his diet changed every year). We usually had a few things for him to eat (usually veggies and meat only) and my uncle would bring him dessert, a drink (he had a "special" drink) and anything else he wanted. We did/do try to have things on hand for Max to eat. My uncle says it is usually easier for him to bring Max's food with him. There are still comments about what he eats (normally from grandma and maybe an aunt), but for the most part everything is ok. My other cousin married a woman who does not eat beef so for Christmas we make sure we have a chicken dish along with a beef dish. We have the people who do not like coconut or nuts and they get "special" plates.

IMO if you care about the people coming over to eat, you should make them feel like you care. Good Luck!