Advice About School & Overweight Daughter About This Page:

[sraymer]

I can completely relate. I am 33 yr old, but when I was 20 I was diagnosed with PCOS. When I was in HS the doctors didn't know much about it so they would just tell me I was over weight. (I didn't start gaining weight until I was around the 8th grade) Anyways, now they know that even though I diet, I will never be like the "other" girls that are so small. It is 100X harder for someone with PCOS to loose. I have been in WW for over a year now and have only been able to loose 17 lbs, but my doctor said that may be all my body allows me to loose. As long as I continue to eat healthy & excercise at least 3 times a week that is all they can ask for. You daughter sounds like a strong young woman and needs to realize that she is special in her own way. Even if she doesn't loose anymore she is a beautiful person and noone can take that away from her. As far as the choir goes, Have you tried talking with the choir director to see what sizes they will be able to order? It may just be an issue of your DD not wanting people to know her size so maybe if you spoke with the director privately that would help. I wish you both luck and hope that everything turns out for the best [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[MELLAMOUSE]

I definitely sympathize with you and your daughter. I have fought being overweight my whole life. The hardest part for me is finding clothes, bras etc. I long to be stylish and look good but that is a difficult thing to accomplish, and when you don't have a lot of money that makes it even harder. I don't spend a lot of money on clothes because I am always trying to get into the next lower size and don't want to waste money on things I don't intend to be wearing long term.

I remember how hard it was in school, willing to give anything to look "normal". Keep working on the self esteem issues, it will help her make better choices when she gets older. I have a failed first marriage in part because I was so in need of attention that I was willing to stay in a terrible relationship just to say that someone wanted me. I still am not completely able to accept myself as I am and be happy. But that's my problem not anyone else's.

And thank you for being a good mother and willing to really hear what she is telling you. Not everyone is so lucky.

[Cheriemek]

As one of 5 girls, and as the mother of 4, I know about weight issues! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

[lonereb]

[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

for your daughter. What a great mom you are. There are alot of girls out there that wish they had a mom like you.

[disneyfan4994]

Tons of [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] for both of you. Your daughter sounds like an amazing young woman & she is lucky to have an understanding Mom. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img]

[angiek1024]

Yvonne, I really hate to hear that Kassie is going through this. Since I had the pleasure of meeting you both, I can tell her that she is a beautiful, wonderful young lady. I think that you are on the right track to helping her. Just your talks alone are giving her assurance that someone understands her. I would definitely speak with the choir director and see if accomodations could be made. Unfortunately, it might also hurt Kassie to be different than everyone else so it may be a no win suitation. I would talk with her and see if maybe wearing pants (if allowed) would make her feel better.

Weight issues are never easy. I have lost and gained all my life. The main thing is that she is taught to make healthy eating choices and lead a healthy lifestyle. It sounds like you are doing well with her in that.

Hang in there and just continue to be that loving, supportive mom that she needs!

[DonDon]

I deal with teenage girls all the time and it is so sad the pressure they face about weight, looks, and clothes.

My suggestion would be to talk to you daughter before approaching the teacher. She might not want to even try wearing pants and making herself different from all the other girls who are wearing dresses.

But make sure she is involved in something. And let her be her own self. I know a lot of kids who find comfort in the clothes they wear. If she likes wearing black then let her. It's her style and makes her unique.

And just continue teaching her that being a good person is the most important thing in life!

[BritDisFan]

Sorry to hear about Kassie feeling down about her weight [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]. I can really relate to the black clothes wearing, I still wear black most days now, if I wear a coloured top to work it's quite unusual and people usually comment.

I'm sure she is a lovely young lady 'just as she is' (one of my favourite quotes from Bridget Jones).

Karen

[heather2148]

Have you checked out a store called Torrid? I don't know if they have one around where you live, but they have a website. www.torrid.com. My 18 yr old niece wears a size 24 and absolutely loves their clothes. Very different from what you find at Lane and Bryant. They also have great shoes for people with wider feet.

[EmpressLizBunny]

[ QUOTE ]
Have you checked out a store called Torrid? I don't know if they have one around where you live, but they have a website. www.torrid.com. My 18 yr old niece wears a size 24 and absolutely loves their clothes. Very different from what you find at Lane and Bryant. They also have great shoes for people with wider feet.

[/ QUOTE ]i was just about to suggest this i love thier clothes they range from med prepy to goth and sizes12-28

im sory i cant help much on the other stuff but i just wanted to say be there for her im a size 28 and have been since 10th grade i dont think i could have made it through without my mother being there for me

[vsonnier]

I so hate that Kassie is having to deal with all of this right now. All the way up until I started high school I had weight problems and unlike Kassie, I didn't have a mom who was the least bit sympatheitic. I remember spending hours sitting in dressing rooms crying hysterically because nothing fit and my mom refused to admit that her daughter wasn't thin enough to fit into the trendy clothes. Kassie is so lucky that you understand!

As far as school is concerned, I would have been absolutely mortified if my mom called the school for ANY reason, but Kassie may be completely different from me. If schools are willing (required) to make exceptions to dress codes (i.e. allowing marching band members to wear long skirts instead of the uniform pants if it conflicts with religious beliefs) then I don't see why there would be a big issue with them letting her wear something different because of her situation. If it were me, I would talk to Kassie about it and see if she would mind you contacting the teacher. It sounds like the two of you have a very open relationship. I hope everything works out for her!

[WDWJAMBA]

Yvonne,
In meeting you and Kassie in June, I know Kassie to be a sweet girl with a good heart, a love of all things Harry Potter, and an impish grin. Image issues are a definite tender area for ALL girls at her age. I can assure her even Miss Preppy Prep who walks the halls in her Aeropostale or Abercrombie has some area of herself she's not pleased with. Part of this is adolescence.
The other part is Kassie's health. Now that you've identified the problem you can begin to work on making positive changes a little at a time. Could you consult a registered dietician for ideas on how best to proceed? They might be able to help.
Kassie's lucky to have a mom that listens so well to her. Hugs to you both! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img]

[stonewall]

I think that I can help you with the part about the Chorus dress at least. The dresses come in ALL sizes (we went through ordering all new dresses for our Show Choir last year, and some of our girls were Plus-sized AND dancers to boot!), so there will be one that will be in her size range- you can have it altered to fit her precisely when it arrives; if the choir director doesn't rountinely do this for everyone, then talk to her about having it done on your own and find a good dressmaker/tailor. As you know, pantyhose come in Queen sized show any leg at all, professional choreographers wqill always suggest black fishnet stockings as they minimize the legs of the larger girls and make things look more uniform-trust me on this one and if it is not being done at your daughter's school then SUGGEST it as it really WORKS! My D goes to a private, Catholic, girls' school and once the Principal saw how great the stockings looked, she was thrilled with it. You can pick them up at Wal-Mart or Target, just make sure that ALL girls by the same brand as they can look different and that defeats the purpose!).Shoes (probably "character-shoes" come in widths). Head to a large sporting goods store and look for "compression shorts"- and they DO come in all sizes, both for men and women (many of the women on the major college softball teams are quite large and they all wear them). Don't let her drop out of Chorus for those reasons! If there is anything else I can help you with,such as where to get the shoes at a resonable cost in the width you need, please PM me). [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[IdahoDisneyMom]

[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] for you and your DD. Like many others, high school was a hard time re: weight issues. I wasn't even that heavy then, but I thought I was. The best thing to do for your DD is to be there for her and listen when she needs you. The best parents are those who truly listen to their children and are their #1 supporters. I like the idea of talking with the choir director, if it's ok with DD. I LOVE the idea of the 504, being a teacher too I know that this can truly work to your advantage for the next 4 years!! More [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] dust to you, and from a girl who grew up with a single mom to a single mom, be there for her, and she'll trust you to be the one to go to.

On a side note...I was in Lane Bryant yesterday and coudn't stand any of their clothes. They were all peasant style tops, or half top jackets. How many plus-size girls want to wear tops that make them look pregnant or show off their middle?! I ended up at Dress Barn. Maybe a little too old for your DD, but check around and I'm sure you'll find other options out there.