A Dream is a Wish--Mini-TR [UPDATED WITH PIX posts 316 & 320] - Page 14 - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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Sounds like your nephew had "reactive attachment disorder" which basically has him striving to get those who love him to reject him on his terms, seeing as he believes he will eventually be rejected. It is very common in children who are adopted at an older age and yes, 4 is older.
Many, many thoughts and prayers for your DSis. Parenting one of these children is very, very hard and so many adoptive/foster parents just give up. I hope you and your family are able to provide her with a bit of support she will need. And this poor child, behaves so people will not love him and needs love more than most.
I have worked in the system for 40 years, first as a social worker than a lawyer. The system needs to put as much money keeping kids in their homes as they do once they take them out. I have told social workers if they gave my client half the money they are paying for residential care for his/her child(ren), my client could parent the child.
I couldn't agree more about spending more to keep kids at home.
DN definitely shows signs of RAD. He's diagnosed with ADD. He also may earn a diagnosis of ODD. My sis just can't figure out what she's supposed to DO for him, despite all the acronyms to discribe why he has severe social problems. She doesn't know who she can turn to for support. She doesn't have friends dealing with similar issues and she feels so alone.
As much as she is please by the outpouring of support for little "O", it's hurting her that she doesn't feel like she can ask for the same kind of support because her son's problems are psychological and behavioral, even though it feels like her family is being torn apart in the same way. Her son refused to talk to his counselor yesterday, refuses to shower, and she feels like she has to walk on egg shells in her own home. She can't take him anywhere. He won't engage with her. When he talks, he's cold and mean.
It's so sad and hard. She adopted because she wanted a family, but this isn't what she imagined. I'm holding the candle of hope for her, because she's all out of hope right now. I work with teens with all of the above conditions, and I see that with support, the kids I work with have become good, fun, productive people. They need help, but they are a blessing to others as well. I believe this will happen to my sis's son too, but when and by how much? Right now all my sis can see is that she's going to provide for the physical needs of this little person and eventually, he will be in jail because he treats others badly and acts out.
Thanks for holding her in your thoughts and prayers.
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What terrible news! That poor family with the little boy who was injured. Glad your nephew was doing well when you were there. So sad for him and for your sister and her DH that he has to deal with these attachment issues. He needs to know that this is his family now and I hope time spent with extended family and a cousin will eventually help him with that.
That's my hope as well. I made a promise to him 2 years ago that I would be there for him no matter what's going on between him and his parents, and that he could talk to me about his grief in losing his birth mom and his previous foster mom. He's not talking to anyone right now, but I want him to feel my continued presence as a support person in his life.
Your sister needs to find someone trained in dealing with RAD kids-and someone good. They are not easy to find. It is such a difficult issue. I know the diagnosis is prominent with children adopted from Russia so she may find a support group for them that helps her. She may also be able to get a program that comes into the home. DCYF (or whatever it is called out there) probably knows better than most. they deal with the issue day in and day out.
Your sister needs to find someone trained in dealing with RAD kids-and someone good. They are not easy to find. It is such a difficult issue. I know the diagnosis is prominent with children adopted from Russia so she may find a support group for them that helps her. She may also be able to get a program that comes into the home. DCYF (or whatever it is called out there) probably knows better than most. they deal with the issue day in and day out.
Yes, looking for support for international adoptions, esp from E. Europe, was my first thought.
I took DS up again last weekend and took the 2 boys for a city day in downtown Portland. We went to 3 jewelry shops, including Tiffany's. Both boys were really well behaved in all the shops, and spent lots of time marveling at the treasures. We were all thrilled when we were offered drinks while we browsed at Tiffany's, even though we were not serious shoppers and frankly looked like we just walked in off the farm. The coffee was delicious!
They started squabbling more after that and I knew it was time to wrangle them home. Thankfully, we had taken the city train in to town, I find that back seat riding is the worst squabble trigger a young boy could have. We stopped into a candy shop, Leonidas, just for old time's sake (I lived in Belgium for years, where this company is from, and it surprised me that they had one in Portland) and we each got a fancy chocolate to have while we waited for our train. It was a lovely day, and we made it home without anyone killing anyone else.
Over the weekend, DH told me he's feeling more and more like he would like to stay home and get some home organisation/decluttering done rather than come along for the ride. He doesn't go to the parks, but I'm bummed that he isn't planning to join us. I'm mostly bummed because I like telling him about our day, and also, he so good about taking over with little boy energy when I'm just too darned tired. But, it will be a great trip regardless, and I always knew he wasn't sure if he was coming. It's ok, but I hope he changes his mind.
I would say that it is for sure that DSis and family are not coming. Their foster daughter is not going to be re-placed, even though they requested that. DHS has agreed to pay for full-time daycare for her outside of their stipend to give them some more respite. I actually think this is good, I wouldn't want DNeph to get the idea that foster kids are disposable and can be sent back if things get tough. Between her and DNeph needing more support, this isn't the right time for a trip for them. That makes it easier on me, with the family dynamics and the pressure for me to put my foot down about Dfosterniece.
I'm starting to freak out a little bit about how soon the trip is, mostly because I have to sew a dress and a button-down shirt in the next few weekends! Yipes!
I'm going to go over to the DL site and see about making a few more ressies that I will cancel later.
Mon 11/30: DL
Tu 12/1: CA
We 12/2: No park, Goofy's Kitchen at 10:30 for DS and I
Th 12/3: DL-Magic Morning AKA run for Peter Pan's Flight as fast as you can.
Fr 12/4: No park
Sa 12/5: Park hop with Frozen Focus, Lunch at Blue Bayou 2:30
Su 12/6: No park
Mo 12/7: Park hop with DL focus, Dinner 6:30 at BigThunder BBQ
I was not going to reserve Blue Bayou at all (this is a budget trip, after all), but this was DS's request, because of the view. He won't ride pirates, but we snuck in for the end of our family's dinner last trip and he gobbled up the rest of the rolls and loved the atmosphere. We can still cancel, but my plan for now is to 1. request and wait for a table at the railing as long as possible 2. share 2 plates between the 4 of us with water to drink. We should get out of there for under 70 bucks...I might change my mind, but now I've got it reserved at least.
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It sounds like you had a really nice day in Portland with the two boys. I agree with you about the decision to keep the three-year old in the family. It's a tough journey for your sister right now, but I hope things will get much better and she'll be able to sit back and enjoy the family she's wanted.
Too bad your DH is feeling right now that he'd rather stay home, but you sure will have a great time no matter what. Your plans are looking great!
Great plans! My DD and I fast-walked to Peter Pan on our Magic Morning, and we still had to wait in line for 15 minutes (which isn't too bad, but I thought we walked faster than that... LOL). Sharing meals at Blue Bayou sounds like a great plan to save money. Portion sizes are always too large anyhow!
Sorry your DH won't be joining you, but great news about the extended hours!
Thanks. I just learned that Thursday, our planned Magic Morning day, opens for MM at 7am. Yeah, I don't think that's happening. Sounds like a way to ruin an entire day. Yuck!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lauriep
It sounds like you had a really nice day in Portland with the two boys. I agree with you about the decision to keep the three-year old in the family. It's a tough journey for your sister right now, but I hope things will get much better and she'll be able to sit back and enjoy the family she's wanted.
Too bad your DH is feeling right now that he'd rather stay home, but you sure will have a great time no matter what. Your plans are looking great!
Yeah, I hope he comes, he makes life more fun. I think things have taken a turn for the better at Dsis's house. I really think this explosion has been a necessary part of making their family "real", for both DSis and DBIL and DNeph. He has said that he doesn't want to be part of their family, and they have been able to be really honest and tell him that, while they know he feels that way, this is as good as it gets. There isn't another choice, but he can chose to accept it or let it make him miserable. They actually had this conversation, DSis with DNeph, and he thought for a bit and said "I'll accept it, I guess." and since then, he's been a little more agreeable. They haven't had episodes of major violence. They have had some very serious and real conversations, and I think this is overall really a very healthy thing. They've been told that they will likely be waiting another month before he can get into the therapy school. That will be another blow-up 'cause right now he's not being required to do any schoolwork. Keep them in your thoughts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pamcarey
Great plans! My DD and I fast-walked to Peter Pan on our Magic Morning, and we still had to wait in line for 15 minutes (which isn't too bad, but I thought we walked faster than that... LOL). Sharing meals at Blue Bayou sounds like a great plan to save money. Portion sizes are always too large anyhow!
Been there, done that! We raced (actually ran), last time and got on within 10 mintutes, but the fast walkers in our party (literally on the rope at rope drop) waited about 20 minutes. Silly!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cam22
Plans are looking good, and I hope your DH decided to come along.
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It's ok, but I hope he changes his mind. 
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Yeah, I don't think that's happening. Sounds like a way to ruin an entire day. Yuck! 
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