So you thought we canceled? (A Sept. PTR) About This Page:

[stardust190]

I'm so glad to read your last few posts. Sounds like David is on a good track right now. for him returning to work today and for you and Bri as well. It's a stressful situation for everyone, but I think you're doing pretty well with the hand you were dealt.

[OneLittleSpark]

for David's return to work.

I am so happy reading your last update. I am glad that David is feeling some benefits from the meds and is going out. Keep up the good work you two.

[mommapants]

Sending many your way.

My heart is breaking that you all have to go thru this at all but so happy that David is getting the help he needs and continues to improve.

[Jessie092408]

Originally Posted by chezp

I think every single little thing you're seeing David doing is a really positive step forward for him. It does sound like it was a great day for both of you and I hope it's "upwards and onwards" for you guys from here on in.

Thank you for the hugs and good thoughts!

Originally Posted by ilovedisney247

Hang in there! You guys can get through this

Thank you for the pixies!

Originally Posted by guerns17

The fact that he feels better and is telling you he feels the meds are working is so great! It seems like taking those little steps to get out and have fun have really helped. Disney should be great for you guys!!

Thank you!

Originally Posted by Coop

That's GREAT news! Got me crying!

Thank you for the hugs, pixies, and my mailbox surprise today, Coop! And I cried while I was writing the post, so I hear you.

Originally Posted by Colexis Mom

Just getting caught up Jess! I'm so sorry for all that you guys are going thru! Tons of pixies for David and you! It sounds like he is making good progress and that the meds and therapy are working!

Thank you for the hugs and pixies!

Originally Posted by Cam22

Tears of joy reading today's update! Loads of pixies and prayers headed your way, especially for David managing work tomorrow and every work day afterwards.

BTW -- I the new sig pic!

Thank you so much for the pixies and prayers, Cam. And I love my new pic, too, it's so cute! David takes good cell pone pictures.

Originally Posted by mushu22

Originally Posted by KMB733

Glad David had a great day!

Thank you!

Originally Posted by scdisneyfan

I know you don't know me very well nor have seen me on here much lately but I've been on the boards for years and I'm so sorry to read this but this last update is so encouraging! I'm a therapist. I work with people like your husband. FEEL FREE to PM me and ask any questions and I can give you my number if need be. Sounds like he is doing MUCH better. I am praying for you guys and keep taking the meds!! It takes two weeks for antidepressant to start working and month to see heavy positive changes. I will say that I agree with you, if he is doing little things he likes that is very positive and keep encouraging him. Pixies and prayers and positive energy coming your way!!!! Please feel free to ask me anything and do not hesitate. You will not be bothering me!!

Thank you so much! If you PM me your phone number I may take you up on that.

Originally Posted by oddboysmum

Awwww ... So glad David had a good day and you too, it brought a big smile and goose bumps. Yay!

Aww, I'm so glad you're so happy for us, it makes me happier, lol!

Originally Posted by JKnott17

That's wonderful news! I'm glad that David had such a great day, I hope it continues!

Thank you!

Originally Posted by lfredsbo

So sorry Jessie - I am just get caught up. I know first hand what it is like when you see someone you love going through so much, and it's heartbreaking, but I agree that it does sound very encouraging that he is on the right track with starting to engage in regular activities.

Thank you so much for the pixies and hugs and encouragement. I really appreciate it!

Originally Posted by iwonathomas

I was so happy to read your last update and that is definately a good sign that he is getting back to doing what he likes. Not doing my hobbies or reading are big signs for me and my husband that my depression is creaping back up on me.

I've noticed the same thing with my own depression, so it was encouraging to see him start to engage again!

Originally Posted by honeybee723

I'm so sorry to hear you and your family are going through this. Depression is a very scary thing, and it takes a strong person to get through it.

I've never shared this with anyone but my close friends and some family, but back in 2005, after I had my second brain surgery, I went into a depression myself. After a few weeks of being stuck at home, I guess my mind just went a little astray, and I began crying constantly, for no reason at all. Then when it would come time for Chad to leave for work, I'd begin to have panic attacks, especially if I would call him and he wouldn't answer his phone. I was also going to PT for the neck pain I was having from the surgery, and seeing the elderly stroke patients on a daily basis didn't help my frame of mind. So my mom made me call the doctor, and they put me on meds, which helped tremendously. They told me that when you go through a big event like a surgery, or a death, etc, it can play mental games with you, and I guess that's what happened to me. Me getting mentally better wasn't an overnight thing, and it took time for me to get back to my normal self, but I did, and I haven't been on those pills for almost 7 years now.

It's wonderful that you're being so supportive of your husband because right now, that's what he needs, but for your own peace of mind as well, you need to have people you can talk to as well. And I know you want to keep it from your family and friends, but maybe if you let just one or two of them know you need someone to talk too for support, it might help you get through this hiccup as well.

Good luck!

Thank you for sharing your story with me, I know that can be tough to do. There is one person I have been talking to at work who knows of the situation. I haven't known her that long, but she is one of my supervisors and I feel like I can trust her. She's been very helpful and supportive of my want/need to call home a couple times during my shifts to check on my hubby, so that is very helpful.

Originally Posted by KHarrod

Hey Jess! I'm just getting caught up with your posts from over the weekend. I'm so sorry that you're working through a difficult situation. David is very lucky to have you for a wife; someone who loves him unconditionally and puts his health above all. Some of the best advice anyone ever gave my DH and I was that marriage is not 50/50; it's 100/100. Both people need to give 100/100; because when one spouse cannot, for whatever reason, the other spouse must be able to continue at 100 to keep the marriage strong. That is exactly what you are doing right now and I'm so proud to see you working your butt off to keep the man you love and your family happy and healthy. I am very proud of you and David for acknowledging the need for medical support; too many people have a sour view of therapy and medication, and it's a shame; particularly if it can save a life! I'm overjoyed to hear that David is dappling in his old hobbies again; as others have said, this is a great sign that the steps you took to help him are working. I encourage you to stay the course; because there will still be tough days and he will need you to help him work through what he learns in therapy to pull himself back up.

I know we don't know each other very well, but I offer you my love, hugs, and prayers and hope to hear more encouraging updates as time moves on.

Thank you so much for your encouraging words, and for the love, hugs, and prayers! I'll take it anywhere I can get it right now.

Originally Posted by lauriep

I know today will be an anxious day for you, as I think you said David returns to work today. Sending more that all goes well for him and he continues to improve in health.

Thank you! I'll update in a bit about how the last couple of days have gone.

Originally Posted by stardust190

I'm so glad to read your last few posts. Sounds like David is on a good track right now. for him returning to work today and for you and Bri as well. It's a stressful situation for everyone, but I think you're doing pretty well with the hand you were dealt.

Thank you for your encouragement and pixies!

Originally Posted by OneLittleSpark

for David's return to work.

I am so happy reading your last update. I am glad that David is feeling some benefits from the meds and is going out. Keep up the good work you two.

Thanks, Larisa!

Originally Posted by mommapants

Sending many your way.

My heart is breaking that you all have to go thru this at all but so happy that David is getting the help he needs and continues to improve.

Thank you so much.


Okay, folks, here's the deal...

Yesterday was not fun. Especially after having such a good day on Saturday, yesterday was such a letdown, and very discouraging.

I worked an earlier shift yesterday than I usually do, and our roommate also worked early, so David was alone with Bri for about five hours in the middle of the day. He did splendidly, and then I got home, and he started to act really withdrawn and depressed and anxious. I knew it was about going back to work today, so I tried to give him his space but also be there for him if he needed me to be.

The frustration came in when he started snapping at me and treating me kind of badly. Everything I said was wrong and everything I suggested was wrong, and everything made him mad. I finally lost my patience and told him to stop talking to me that way - I understood he was anxious and worried about going back to work, but I didn't deserve to be treated badly, or used as an outlet for his frustration/fear about having to go back to work. He apologized, but things were still a little tense for most of the evening. (I'll admit part of it was the fact that I had a migraine and wasn't feeling well, which made it hard to be as supportive and patient as I have been trying to be lately.)

Anyway, last night before bed, he finally talked about his anxiety and started o explain why he was so nervous about going back to work. He asked me to let him quit his job...he said that part of the reason he is so depressed is that he HATES his job. I told him that I wished I could, but we couldn't afford it, and as soon as he can find a new job, he can tell Walmart to go to....a very unhappy place...and quit.

He was too anxious to come to bed last night, so he ended up sleeping in the living room. He said it felt safer out there where he could see everything. It made me sad, but I went to bed without him.

This morning went smoother than I feared it would. He was obviously nervous, but he didn't have a breakdown or let his fear control him. He showered and shaved and got dressed, kissed me goodbye, gave Briana a hug, and headed to work.

I held my breath for most of the morning (figuratively of course) fearing that he would come home early or I would get a phone call from him when he panicked, but I didn't even get an "I want to come home" text message. He did come home for his lunch because he said he needed to see me to get through the rest of his day, but there was no fight about getting him to leave to go back to work afterward. He did say he felt emotionally spent, and that it was taking a lot of effort to keep his anxiety under control. I encouraged him as best I could and sent him back to work.

Briana had her 9 month check up today, so after the doctors visit, we headed to David's work to visit with him for the last hour of his shift. Seeing his face light up when he saw us was totally worth hanging around the laundry soap aisle for an hour while he worked on price changes.

After I got there, he visibly cheered up and started joking with me and talking to Briana. After he got off of work we did a little bit of shopping and then we headed home in our separate cars. He took Briana upstairs for me and fed her her dinner.

What happened next was SO darling. He fed her most of her food and she started to lose interest. Then he gets this little boy mischief look on his face and dumps the rest of her banana apple pear puree on her tray and shows her how to bang her hands in it. When she got some in her hair, he laughed and put some on her face. Then she grabbed his glasses with her fruit covered hands and he started CRACKING UP LAUGHING. Full on joyous laughter, and so contagious. By the time he was done playing with her, we were all laughing, and she desperately needed a bath. I handed David a towel and told him "You made the mess, you fix it," lol. So then he got to play with her in the tub, too.

So...yesterday was awful, but today was better. I think that knowing he made it through his first day, and that both of his bosses were happy to have him back (including the evil one that is 90 percent of the reason he hates his job), made him feel good. Encouraging! Now if he can just hang on for a couple more weeks, we can head to Disney and he will get another week off work! Woo hoo.

I'm going to update on Disney related things after dinner, I just knew you guys would be curious about how David's first day back at work went.

[oddboysmum]

Glad his first day back went (some what) well.

[OneLittleSpark]

Glad he made it through the day. One day at a time, that's all he (or anyone) can do. Sounds like it was a nice evening full of laughter. That is good to hear.

for David, you an Bri as well.

Love....Sparky (aka sparks, sparklytoes, sparklypants, etc.)



I realized you started calling me Larisa suddenly. I miss my funny nicknames...though I do understand your thoughts are elsewhere lately...as they should be.

[lfredsbo]

so happy to hear his day went as well as it did - I was thinking of you guys all day! And I knew watching the little video on FB that it had to have been a good day!

[Cam22]

So glad David conquered that first day back to work. Sending that he can find a job that fits better or the situation where he is improves for him. Still thinking of you three!

[Hugmonster]

Hugs, love and understanding. From someone who has gotten thru depression and is staying on top as well as the wife of someone who needs to talk to a therapist and will not. There will be good and bad days. Live for the good days and let the bad days go is the only advice I can give.

[ilovedisney247]

Glad David made it through day 1

[lauriep]

So glad David made it through the day today and that the night ended on a happier note, with him showing his playful, happy side. Must have been such a relief after the tough day Sunday.

[Jessie092408]

1. Put together travel book (print, have bound).

2. Purchase sunscreen, and first aid kit refills.

3. Do Garden Grocer order.

4. Purchase shoes/sandals for Briana.

5. Purchase new shoes for David.6. Purchase a small clip-on fan for Briana's stroller.

7. Print Mousekeeping Envelopes and put tip money in there.

The list is getting smaller, one little bit at a time!

Today, I found tank tops at Walmart for $3.94. (Plus David's 10% discount! Woot!) I only bought three, but I'm going to buy three more on Friday, and then I'll have enough shirts that fit me reasonably well on the trip. Yay for cheap clothing which I can afford!

I've decided not to purchase new shorts. While I only have one pair of non-maternity shorts that actually fit me...my maternity shorts still fit me just fine. I've lost all my pregnancy weight, but my body is shaped differently, and I simply can't justify spending money on shorts right now when by next year my size will be different and I would have to spend more money anyway. So I'll dig around and see if I can't find more non-maternity shorts hiding in my closet, but as of right now...*shrug* I'm just going to roll with it! If David hadn't have been on leave, I might have figured it out, but now, the money just isn't there. Nobody will even know but me, David, and all of you, and even if they did, I don't think anyone would care!

I've also decided to skip purchasing travel sizes on shampoo and stuff and just use some little plastic travel shampoo bottles that I had taken on a previous trip and fill them from our full sized bottles. More money saved.

David really does need new shoes, so we're going to have to find that money somewhere, but I am going to skip my flip-flops. I can walk to the pool barefoot or wear my flats...water won't kill them, and they're cheap flats from Payless anyway. We've also decided that we can skip buying new socks for now. The only reason that was on the list in the first place is that we usually buy new socks once a year - right before our trip to Disney. But the socks we bought last year are holding up reasonably well, and that's another expense we don't really need so we're skipping it.

(Being on a desperate budget certainly clarifies what is necessary and what is not for a trip!)

I took the sunshade for the stroller off of the list, but I'm debating putting it back on. There is a substantial shade on Briana's stroller already, but when you are walking towards the sun, it doesn't shade her legs, and since she'll be in shorts I am worried about her getting sunburned. I doubt she'd tolerate even having a receiving blanket on her legs in the FL heat, so we'll see. I haven't found one at the stores yet anyway, so I would probably have to order it online, and pay shipping. Hmmm. Again, I'm not sure. What do you guys think? Shade or no shade?

I also debated taking the little clip on fan off of my list, but I saw one the other day that wasn't very expensive, and it might make the difference between a good day and a bad day for Bri if it gets really hot, so...I left it on.

I'm a little concerned about the Garden Grocer order, but I've been thinking that all we really HAVE to have is something for breakfast and water bottles. If I have to, I'll pack our breakfast food in our luggage (which means breakfast bars and such like that instead of anything more nutritious, but oh well), and we can suck it up and buy water bottles individually while we're down there. It'll be more expensive (for the water at least - groceries are definitely cheaper here than with Garden Grocer), but it would again, be one less thing to worry about right this second...and snack credits can be used for water bottles, if worse comes to worse.

All that being said, I'm hoping we can do a proper GG order so we don't have to worry about packing food.

I'm trying to decide what to do about feeding Briana. A lot can change in a couple of weeks with her. Right now, she is still mainly eating baby food, but she has also started to eat things like Cheerios and cheese and bread and stuff. So should I pack in (or order through GG) baby food, or should I feed her off my plate...or...Agh! I don't know what to do. I think maybe I should just plan on having food with us for her. That way we'll be prepared either way?

Anyway. Sorry this post is kind of boring, but that's what's going on with my trip prep. I haven't even been able to think about starting to pack, with everything going on with David, but at least I have my packing lists done!

I'm getting excited, just a little bit. I think I have been holding back on getting excited because in the back of my mind I've been worried something terrible would happen and we would be prevented from going. It's been that kind of year.

But we really are going! In just 26.3 days, according to my countdown app on my phone. That's 3 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 16 minutes. I love technology.

Goodnight everyone!

Oh, P.S.

I opened my mailbox today and there was a card inside from Tracy and Chuck! And inside this super sweet card was a Disney Gift Card! I cried. I thought it was just so sweet! Tracy said she had actually sent it before they knew everything that was happening. THANK YOU AGAIN you guys. We love you and so appreciate the kind gift! It made our day a little brighter, and put a big smile on both our faces.

[Jessie092408]

Originally Posted by oddboysmum

Glad his first day back went (some what) well.

Thanks, me too!

Originally Posted by OneLittleSpark

Glad he made it through the day. One day at a time, that's all he (or anyone) can do. Sounds like it was a nice evening full of laughter. That is good to hear.

for David, you an Bri as well.

Love....Sparky (aka sparks, sparklytoes, sparklypants, etc.)



I realized you started calling me Larisa suddenly. I miss my funny nicknames...though I do understand your thoughts are elsewhere lately...as they should be.

Aww, I didn't know you liked them that much. I thought I was getting old. I don't want you to miss it, Sparkleface, so I'll start doing it again, okay? Stay sparkly.

Originally Posted by lfredsbo

so happy to hear his day went as well as it did - I was thinking of you guys all day! And I knew watching the little video on FB that it had to have been a good day!

He wouldn't let me post the video I got of Briana grabbing his glasses because he said he looked silly, but I still love the one I posted!

Originally Posted by Cam22

So glad David conquered that first day back to work. Sending that he can find a job that fits better or the situation where he is improves for him. Still thinking of you three!

Thank you very much for the continued pixies! He's been trying to do at least one application every couple of days, so I'm hoping someone calls him soon. He's gotta get out of there, they treat their employees terribly at his store.

Originally Posted by Hugmonster

Hugs, love and understanding. From someone who has gotten thru depression and is staying on top as well as the wife of someone who needs to talk to a therapist and will not. There will be good and bad days. Live for the good days and let the bad days go is the only advice I can give.

That's good advice!

Originally Posted by ilovedisney247

Glad David made it through day 1

Thank you! We'll see how day 2 goes. I think the part he was most dreading went better than he expected (seeing Evil Boss Lady), so I think that encouraged him.

Originally Posted by lauriep

So glad David made it through the day today and that the night ended on a happier note, with him showing his playful, happy side. Must have been such a relief after the tough day Sunday.

It was a very nice day that more than made up for both of our Snarky Attitudes on Sunday.

[chezp]

Oh I'm so glad that he made it through the first day Ok.

It's good that you're gradually getting through the to-do list as well.

[KHarrod]

I am so, so glad that David made it through his first day back to work! At the very least, David just proved to himself that he can do it! Continued hugs and prayers that good days continue!