Parenting fatigue...anyone ever experience such a thing?
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graygables · 09-12-2005, 01:05 PM

If you count being pregnant, I've been a mom now for 20+ years. My DDs are 19, 17, 9, and almost 7 and they each have had their own issues. DDs 1&3 have Asperger's, and 2&4 are bipolar, so it's been a looooong haul. I've homeschooled the younger ones from the beginning and homeschooled the older ones for a few years. Not homeschooling is not an option for us (I'm a former public school teacher and DH insists on it). As they say, "there's never a dull moment" at my house and I am *desperate* for a dull moment! I don't know if I just have a personality flaw or what, but I've been going through an "I want to quit" phase and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the problems, of the parenting difficulties, kid meltdowns (that are becoming more frequent), etc. It's Monday and I've already sent DDs next door to visit with Grandma for the afternoon.

Does anyone else ever feel "parenting fatigue" or are you blissfully happy as a mom/dad? If you do, what do you do about it?

disneyprincess · 09-12-2005, 01:15 PM

OOOhh no I am not blissfully happy!

There are many, many days when I say "Hey, this isn't what is signed up for". And many days where I just don't want to be a mom anymore. All and all though I really can't imagine what I would do without the kids. Heck this Friday the baby will finally start school and I spent half the night crying about it that today I am dead tired.

Here's some pixies to get you through the day!

Luv4My4 · 09-12-2005, 01:31 PM

Oh no Dawn, I am not a blissfully happy parent. I love my kids and I am happy most of the time but since I am a stay at home Mom too (although I don't homeschool, they would have to commit me) I never get a day off. There is always something that needs to be done or cleaned and there is always a fight that needs to be broken up. I have one teen a girl (15 with ADHD) and three younger girls ages 7, 4 & 1 and somedays I feel like I am losing my mind. Others, (like yesterday) are so nice and it reminds me of why I had so many kids in the first place.

I am having alot of problems with my teenager right now and that makes me dread the thought of the the other three all being teenagers at one time. That said, even on days when I want to quit, I can't imagine life without them.

GoofyMom · 09-12-2005, 01:43 PM

I'm blissfully happy as a Mother *now*, but if you had asked me a few years ago, I would have hit you with the parenting fatigued SAHM blues! DH travels a lot for work, and it's not uncommon for him to be away a total of 4 months out of the year (cumulative - not all at the same time thank goodness!) My son has ADHD and that was an incredible challenge when he was young. Thankfully we've developed coping mechanisms and have figured out most of his triggers now, but it was rough going for quite a few years. I can remember shutting myself in my room and having major pity parties.

I'm still working on the Housewife Fatigue factor though! Why am I the only one who cooks and cleans in a house of basically 4 adults?!!!

Taleena · 09-12-2005, 01:44 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Does anyone else ever feel "parenting fatigue" or are you blissfully happy as a mom/dad? If you do, what do you do about it?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think there's any such thing as a mom or dad that's blissfully happy 100% of the time. I'm a stay-at-home mom of a 9 year old DD (not home-schooled) and, while most of the time she and I get along pretty well, there are times when I swear I must have been crazy to want to have a kid. What I find helpful is taking a "me break" at least a couple times a week - a time where I am to be left completely alone to de-stress in whatever way I choose (long baths by candlelight are a big thing for me, as is meditating) unless a dire, life-threatening emergency comes up.

krisk11 · 09-12-2005, 03:00 PM

I work full time outside the home and have a 10 yr old dd. I would love to say I am blissfully happy but am afraid of the lightning bolt that would strike me down. I don't have alot of time with dd and would love for it to be good times when we are together but she has developed such an attitude that I just can't stand it. She went out with her dad yesterday afternoon and it was bliss. I just laid on the sofa and watched the US Open all by myself. Dad is going to start taking her running as part of her athletic training and I told him last night he better run the attitude right out of her before I loose my mind. He said he would try. She isn't even a teenager yet and I'm afraid it is going to just get worse. Can you tell I had a bad weekend with her. Maybe this week will be better.

muffy'smom · 09-12-2005, 03:24 PM

Funny you should ask that today, I was just sitting here thinking I'm ready for DD #1 to move out! She's an 18 yo who is jealous of her 9 yo DS, it drives me crazy. If I tell her to do any type of chore around the house she comes back with "Emily doesn't have to", Emily is 9 and can't do some of the things I want Aimee to. We pay her cell phone bill, car insurance, college, and feed her boyfriend and not once has she ever offered to help out. Today I can say I am so far from a "blissfully happy" parent it's not funny. My 22 yo DS was never as difficult as Aimee. Now because I'm mad at her she will take it out on Emily.

iamgrumpy · 09-12-2005, 03:34 PM

i know i drove my mom crazy when i was growing up but now we have a very strong relationship although i do have to send her an apology for snapping at her earlier but thats a whole different story. I am 23 and live with my folks its way to expensive to move out and finding a job that pays enough is hard with limited schooling. I am working on getting into nursing school so once i get my license to be an RN hopefully that will help spring me into my own place and start being self sufficiant. My mom has issues with my dad so she is glad i am there to destress that area but I always let her do her own thing so if i am stressing her out it isn't a problem.

Dawn your not alone in the SAHM Blues.

Amy

joyjoy · 09-12-2005, 03:36 PM

I went through a rough period with my kid a few years ago. I can remember thinking to myself, "If I had to look over my shoulder and see another one that's like 11 or 12, I would KILL myself knowing I had another teenager to deal with." All of you with more than one, God love ya. I couldn't do it.

Disneymom62 · 09-12-2005, 08:34 PM

I know I don't have it nearly as bad as many parents out there, but as many of you know, one simple word makes my parenting life miserable - TEENAGER.
She's almost 16, and as all of them do, knows EVERYTHING. Grades aren't great but there's a lot worse problems she could have that she doesn't. But, she's either great to get along with, or has a huge attitude problem. And of course, the mood changes like switching on a light. The good times are nice, but during the 'bad' times I think and feel the most awful things about her. Call her all kinds of bad names (in my head) and can't wait for her to get out of the house. Tonight would be one of those times....

Teresa · 09-12-2005, 09:27 PM

Oh, yes, do I have fatigue.
I am 38 years old, and have a 22 yr. old! Wouldn't be bad, except she's a quadraplegic. this means that she demands and needs more care and time than the others. But, she wants to be an adult, and that seems to mean to her "tick Mom and Dad off to the point that they will support my decision to live with my BF, even if they really don't like him, just in the hopes that it'll stop the fighting" We think that she believes to be independant (or as much as she can, given her condition) means to be completely alienated from her family. She's getting there.
Oh, and did I mention that she owns a shop, but is relatively uninterested in running it, so DH runs it?
It will be closing at the end of the year, yet another thing started but dropped when it ceased to fun.

The others - a 28 yr. old Step daughter with a couple of records for indecent exposure, and something that strongly hints to being a "lady of the evening" that only calls when she wants money for bail, lawyers, or court fees. Also had a baby and gave it up for adoption (an arrangement that has worked out fine, but still caused stress)

a 22 yr. old Step-Son, married at 18, 2 kids in 2 years, calls when he wants money or gifts.

All 3 jealous of the last 2 - in our older age, DH and I have more time and money and a much more stable home than any of the first 3 got to be in.

Last 2 - spoiled little kids, get most everything they want. Sometimes is okay, sometimes it goes to their heads. I drive them a total of 3 hours a day to a private school, where the 5th grade field trip is a 2 week trip to France!

How do I handle it?
I have a lunch date with 2 friends every week. the day varies depending on each lady's schedule, but we ALWAYS go to lunch.
We take turns picking the restaraunt and picking up the tab - that way, the person paying has control over the bill a bit. We talk about our families, other friends, etc. and just be there for each other.

Also, we laugh a lot. We find humor in things that are obscure. And, I try not to think that after 22 yrs. of motherhood, I have at least another 11 to go, before I can be close to being done. (youngest DD just started 2nd grade)

**2princessmom** · 09-12-2005, 10:21 PM

Well I have only been a mom for 5 years now. But there are days when DD's are pushing every button and talking back etc. and DH is not much help and many times exhibits the same behaviors which make it very hard to DD's to understand why something is wrong.

DH also works such long terrible hours that I am usually on my own most of the week. So I usually need at least one or two nights that are all my own and I can take a bath. I also try to have a ladies night once a month.

SuperKate · 09-12-2005, 11:34 PM

I know we gave my mom some problems...my sister WAY more than me (Mom and sister will both admit to that) but we are best friends now.

This actually is kind of scaring me. The only thing I have ever known that I wanted to be is a mom, but I'm so afraid of all of these kinds of stories.

for all you moms' out there! What would we do without you?

Happymommy · 09-13-2005, 04:36 AM

I don't know if I have parenting fatigue, but somedays are so hard. Aidan's gotten much easier, but when he was 3 he was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder, which we were told was related to autism and aspergers. And, even for that first year we weren't sure if it wasn't mild autism or was it aspergers-- doctors kept going back and forth. I was devastated, Joe was in denial, until he started experiencing some things first hand. Everything was a struggle with Aidan-- nothing came easy. Feeding himself with a spoon, potty training was a nightmare- then my sister in law kept going on about how he was too old not to be potty trained (I think he was 3.5 before fully potty trained-- which isn't unusual for SI), but according to her, I'm the worst parent, so... He never played on park equipment, he doesn't eat at all-- eats like 5 foods. Anyway, he has gotten much easier, physical therapy has done wonders, and he is doing great in school now. But, that first year and a half--I felt like I was the worst mother, because I felt like I never had enough patience. That one poem that was posted on here once (about special needs)-- what was it, about going to Amsterdam-- do you know what I'm talking about Dawn-- that really got me through the bad days (but I lost the link to it last year). Things are better now, and he's doing well. But, my house is always a mess-- and there's toys everywhere-- and I feel like I'm in a cluttered mess-- and I get so overwhelmed with everything, that I don't even know where to start. And, I'd be lying if throwing in the towel never came to my mind. But, then I look at them, and realize they're the best things that ever happened to me, and I don't know what I'd do without them. Hang in there, Dawn!!!

GATechGal · 09-13-2005, 08:07 AM

Ok, after reading all these posts I'm not even going to add complaints. But EVERY parent needs a break. Last week Hikie asked me if maybe we should try and get tickets to the ball game and take the kids with us. But I just looked at him and told him that I wanted a date ALONE with HIM. So Lizzie baby-sat and we had a great time. I realize that some of you can't leave your kids with other folks, so you and your spouse need to work out a schedule so that each gets some time AWAY from the kids. But we all hang in there, cause at the end of the day we love those little stinkers.