Update on my life.....still need tons more pixies!!
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Sunrayherosgirl · 07-03-2005, 05:00 AM

Hi Everybody,

I just want to thank you all for being there for me and just letting me vent...you have no idea how much that really helps. It's almost 5 am and I am up so you can imagine how my life is still going. We will start with the easiest problem.

Vacation- I spoke with the owner of the house and he moved my deposit to the new dates (at the end of August)....I don't know if I can go now....See other problems.

Mom & Bro- My mom and Bro have finally started talking on what to do but the news doesn't look good. I don't know if it's because I can't go outside of the problem and see it, or if I'm being selfish or what. They both think that the best thing for them would be for him to move in with his father. He thinks he will get the discipline he needs, I think his dad will give him more freedom and show him even more how life is easy. His dad has alot of money and acts like it comes easy. Perfect example....Jimmy's step-mom bought 3 cars for herself for mother's day just because. He also has 2 young kids and I love my brother to death and I really am going to miss him if he goes there. My mom think that she can't control him and she has no choice. My brother doesn't think he has a choice because his dad is going to make him. My mother was pushed around for 9 years by this man and it irriates me to no end that she won't stand up for herself. I don't know what he could get there that he couldn't get at my house. Now I feel so strongly because he molested me for 4 years of my life, my mother knows this and we went to court but they showed my mother was un-stable...and they said we were just doing it to get custody of my brother. Now that's why I think I can't look at it from the outside...How can a man who controlled my mom so bad and is a child molester turn out to be a good father. I know its been 10 years but still I just can't see it. And I won't tell my brother because I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him ever have to choose between his father and me. Perfect example of this guy...He never let my mom get the mail, he made her work the night shift even though she hated it bec it paid a little more, she attemped suicide and was "allowed" to be in the hospital for excatly 10 days and he told her that she had 10 days to get better and get back to work and he wasn't sexually attracted to her. During that time he told me it was my fault because he was a control freak and I would never listen to him. He told me when he left her that if she never had me then he would have never left. I could give you a thousand stories but I think that's enough reasons for you to see how I feel. It's killing me inside that my brother and mom think it might be better for him to live with his father.

3rd Problem...I don't even want to call this a problem because a child is not a problem. But I took the pregnancy test today and I am defintely pregnant. I am guessing I'm 2 months because me and my boyfriend broke up in the beginning of May I think. I broke up with him because I am very independent and he is very spoiled. He is 28 and works part time at a grocery store.. he lives with his mom and doesn't pay rent, for his car, car insurance, basically nothing and she hands out money like its nothing. He also drank all the time and was very verbally abusive when drunk. He has told me has stopped drinking but I still think he is way too immature for this kind of thing. I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm going to make a appt on Monday to see what are my options. Right now I also have a head cold that is killing me, I can't breathe, my throat hurts, my nose is dripping, head clogged the whole nine...I don't think I should take anything though because of the baby. I only have myself to blame getting myself into this mess.

All & All I do think you guys are right and I'm going to see if there is a counselor I can talk to or just anybody. Me and my mom just fight when it comes to my brother but she loves me no matter what and I know she would help me if I decide to have this baby. The thing that scares me is that financially I can't afford it. I have horrible credit and I'm trying to pay of my bills. My mom and brother and a couple best friends are the people I really talk to in my family. I have alot of friends at work I consider family and I know my work would help me anyway they could. I'm not sure if I could afford daycare or what's going to happen in the next few months with me or my brother or anything. I just feel like my life is out of control and I'm just grasping to hold on....Thanks for listening guys and I love you all... If you could recommend any good baby websites just to tell me what to expect I would appreciate it. Thanks again

P.S My bro wants to move in with his dad for one year then come back here to graduate...that's just insane to me. He failed 10th grade but he still has a chance to graduate with his class if he bust his butt!

**chezp** · 07-03-2005, 05:17 AM

Melissa, sending continued

to you.

disneyxscollectr · 07-03-2005, 05:26 AM

and lots of

Please take care of yourself. Eat well, rest, try not to stress out. Remember that you and your baby are important too.

Whatever your decisions are I wish you the best.

Try to sleep. Things look much better after resting.

Maria

magic mickey · 07-03-2005, 07:42 AM

Melissa, just remember we are always here to listen. Try to find someone professional to talk to, it really helps. I had a very rough time a few years ago and talking it out with my counselor really did help. It is really important to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. Sending tons and tons of

your way. I am also going to keep you in my prayers.

Tara O'Hara · 07-03-2005, 08:03 AM

Melissa, I honestly don't know what to say to you but here's tons of

and

. Please take care of yourself.

**Colexis Mom** · 07-03-2005, 08:26 AM

Disneyfan62 · 07-03-2005, 08:40 AM

Sending lots of Pixie Dust your way.

**rescuesk** · 07-03-2005, 08:45 AM

More

and

coming your way. Definitely go see a counselor. An outside person can be a huge help.

**DrDolphin** · 07-03-2005, 09:09 AM

Lots and lots of

!!!

loobyoxlip · 07-03-2005, 10:11 AM

Oh Melissa

I got goosebumps just reading your post. I can't even begin to imagine everything you're going through right now with your brother. As for you, there are lots of federal and state programs to help you out financially and otherwise until you can get back on your feet. DO NOT feel bad using them. That's what they are there for - to help you until you don't need the help anymore. Apply now for some things have waiting lists. Keep your head up, you're a great young woman and have a lot of potential. You will do great in life and be a wonderful mom!

You can send me a PM if you want. I've been there (single when pg, single mom, etc.)

**Cam22** · 07-03-2005, 10:17 AM

Luv4My4 · 07-03-2005, 10:23 AM

Melissa, I wish I could help you with all of your problems but the only thing I can give you is tons

for most of them. I can't imagine what you are going through now with your brother and your mother and what you went through in the past with your step-father, it makes me want to cry for you. I wish there was something I could do.

However, I was a pregnant teenager (age 18) and a single mom to my daughter until her father and I got married when I was 25 so I can definitely help you in that area. My DH was obviously very immature when we had my DD (he was only 17) so I know how that is as well. PLEASE PM me if you need to talk!!

disneymom9092 · 07-03-2005, 10:31 AM

Take care of yourself Melissa

**cjadkins** · 07-03-2005, 11:08 AM

Sorry to hear your update. Now that your PG, you really need to put YOU first. I hope you find a counselor you can talk to... sometimes it takes an outside party to help you find your perspective and position. Loads of pixie dust and group hugs coming your way: