Why do they make it hard for us to love them?
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barries5199 · 10-01-2004, 01:30 PM

My DH and I got together 8 years ago, right after unsuccessful marriages. DH's mom was pretty bad about his divorce, siding with his ex--his mom didn't really even know his ex as mom lives out of state and only met the ex twice. It has taken 8 long years to get his mom to accept me & my son as family.

New fork in the road--politics. I'm not going to make my affliations, or hers, known here as they are irrelevant to this issue. She knows that DH and I are of a different mind than she is, so she insists on sending us every single negative email she can to prove why she is right and we are wrong. And, unless you've been living in Fantasyland (and don't we all wish we could

), you know there is a lot of negativity out there right now.

I have tried to ignore her blatant rudeness...until this morning. She sent us another email, painting "our guys" in a very bad light and "her guys" as heroes. I responded by saying, "How interesting that only the *** come out smelling like roses. What a load of bunk!" I got a reply from her almost instantly asking if she'd hit a raw nerve. I about lost it.

It would be easy for me to tell my family members, "Look, we don't agree and let's agree to disagree." But if I say that to DH's mom, I'll start a war and I don't want her to hold it against him. But, it's soooo hard for me to ignore it and let it go!

How would you handle it?

**Colexis Mom** · 10-01-2004, 01:45 PM

Do you have an email blocker? I'd consider blocking her messages, or if you don't want to do that, have them sent to the "junk" folder, then you can just delete them.

I wouldn't even respond, because now she's getting the response that she wanted. I'd just delete them as they come in, and pay no mind to them. Hopefully that would get her more aggravated, as if she asks if you got the emails, you could say "no I haven't"!

Good luck

Sounds like you are treading on dangerous grounds!

StephanieS · 10-01-2004, 01:55 PM

That's what I was going to say- she probably justs wants a reaction from you so don't give her one. I would just delete the e-mails and if she says anything I'd say "Oh, I didn't remember any e-mails, I've been having some computer problms".

**HiddenMickey** · 10-01-2004, 02:07 PM

I agree. I'd just not read the emails and not respond to them in any way. Keep politics out of your language when it comes to her. And if she were to bring it up during a phone call, just start talking about something completely different (and if that doesn't work, just excuse yourself off the line). And if she starts talking about it in person, just walk away. I think eventually she'll get the message that you don't want to discuss politics with her at all.

Just go out an vote your own conscience next month. You can at least cancel her vote out!

-HiddenMickey

barries5199 · 10-01-2004, 02:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Just go out an vote your own conscience next month. You can at least cancel her vote out!

[/ QUOTE ]

I

it! When DH & I both vote our way, we come out ahead of her.

I feel like a huge heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

buckysmom · 10-01-2004, 06:37 PM

Just vote! My family is very much one way (on my husband's side, btw!) while I'm another, so I just make sure I go to the polls. Luckily for ALL of us, we live in this wonderful country where we CAN vote, our vote DOES count and we aren't persecuted for dissention (well, not too much anyway!).
God bless America!

Happymommy · 10-01-2004, 08:00 PM

I can imagine how you feel. My father and I really enjoy politics (I actually used to teach AP Government and Politics to 12th Graders) and we're both pretty opinionated, however our views are very different and we side with different parties. So, he sends me every email he can find that bashes the politicians that I like. It used to bother me, but now its kind of a joke-- at least I take it that way! I got him back on his birthday by giving him a day calendar of George Bushisms (he loves George Bush!!). Its definitely something we laugh about now. He just tries to get a reaction out of me-- maybe that's what she's doing as well. When I stopped letting it bother me, it actually became a way we joke around. I don't know if that helps. But, don't stress about it!!

I just love that we live in a country where we can view our opinions about the government!!

Stephanie P. · 10-01-2004, 09:55 PM

We have a crazy political thing with my DH's side of the family. Everybody on his side of the family (including DH and I)are Republicans except for his mom and sister. It makes for some lively conversations but it never gets nasty. That's too bad that it has to get out of hand with you MIL. You should be able to say what you think and have rational conversations about it without it getting personal.

Good luck!

Stephanie

GATechGal · 10-02-2004, 08:35 AM

[ QUOTE ]
I got him back on his birthday by giving him a day calendar of George Bushisms (he loves George Bush!!).

[/ QUOTE ]
Hey I've seen that calendar and I thought it was pretty funny and I love George too. We kind of have that problem in our family as my Grandmother is a yellow dog Democrat. It has something to do with Franklin Roosevelt bringing electricity to middle Georgia. Anyway she's TOTALLY a Zell Miller fan - my Granddad and he worked together a long time ago and good old Zell can still call her name when they happen to meet. Any way after his speech at the Republican convention, we kind of teased her about how well she likes Zell now. She made a sour face and just shook her head, but it was all in fun. I agree that it's terrific that we have choices of who will lead our country and that we get to decide with our votes and not have to accept someone from the point of a gun.
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**DrDolphin** · 10-02-2004, 08:56 AM

Hello from the Swan - Cheryl's in the shower - so I thought I would jump online for a minute.

We have this "problem" in my family too -- my mom, sister and I are socially liberal and fiscally conservative and vote particular issues (women's rights, environment, education) while my US Army retired Brigadier General of a father is conservative, conservative across the oard (how the 2 of them ever got married I do not know) -- and we usually out vote dad 3-1. We have had to make an agreement that we just won't discuss politics in the house - we are all too passionate about our beliefs and why we can't stand the other person's choice.....

We have the agree to disagree rule (we bought dad the Bushism's calendar too - he was not really happy with us).

Living in Jacksonville and leaning to the left is a challenge - DC was just the opposite. I have found that it is usually best not to discuss politics.

I say store all her emails to the junk folder and filter accordingly. If she asks you "did you get the email I sent" just tell her you send all spam to the junk folder....

**LizardCop** · 10-02-2004, 08:58 AM

Similar situation here, with a different family member.

I just trash the e-mail and send back a cordial reply, usually something like "thanks for your point of view on this"..... That way we don't start another war about not reading their e-mails!

Here's some

for you...

TinkMulanMickeysMom · 10-02-2004, 09:54 AM

Lois,

DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!!! Without ever reading the e-mails. It will save you so much time and aggravation!!

I have very good friends who are of the opposite political affiliation than we are. WE DON'T TALK POLITICS!!! Even though he bought me a Rush Limbaugh book and I of course gave him the book written by Al Franken "Rush Limbaugh is a big *** I***t" (I guess you've figured out my party affiliation.) But we do this in jest. We realize that neither of us will convince the other and we accept that. I happened to stop at their house one day and my friends MIL and SIL were there having coffee. The discussion was politics, and I was asked what I thought, I openly stated who I'd be voting for and why, and the SIL came back with a slurry of reasons why my decision was wrong. I didn't have to say a word, because my good friend stepped in, simply stated that we are all entitled to our own views and we needed to change the subject!

If your MIL were truly interested in changing your opinion she certainly wouldn't be going about it with negative e-mails. SO DELETE, DELETE, DELETE !! YOU HAVE THE POWER!!!

wdwlovers · 10-02-2004, 10:12 AM

I agree with everyone else, just delete the emails. My best friend and I are on different views regarding politics and she sends me all these jokes bashing my candidate all the time. I think it's disrespectful, so I said so once. She said she was trying to "open my mind". Umm, I'm the one with the open mind, not her.

Anyhoo, now I delete all emails that are of that substance. Not worth the reaction. DH and I are also opposite of his dad, and his dad sends these long emails about how his view is right and this is why. I read them for a laugh as his thinking sometimes is so out there. Just the very thing he complains about with us.

disneypro57 · 10-03-2004, 11:35 PM

I have found after 17 years of marriage, that it is much easier to turn a deaf ear then to create an atmosphere that is uncomfortable. Take into consideration that her age may play a role in her responses to you. I have found that my mother has gotten very bold with her comments and opinions as she has gotten older. I love her, would miss her if she wasn't here and just tolerate whatever she says and discount it totally. (I do alot of eye rolling when we are on the telephone. Thank God she doesn't have a picture phone!

) Good luck. I know that it isn't easy.

snoozy · 10-04-2004, 12:01 AM

Delete her messages but, before you do, don't let her get the last word. I would tell her to shut up already and quit with the e-mails, unless she is going to be a true patriot and allow others to have an opinion other then hers without being nasty about it. I would remind her that we do not live in a dictatorship and she is not the dictator so, if she can dish it out she better be prepared to take it.