The Mailman Brought Need of Pixie Dust
About This Page:

Nick and Ryans Mom · 07-29-2004, 08:54 AM

I really need some Pixie Dust!! The mailman delivered an invitation for DH's nephew's birthday party. It is in 2 weeks. The problem is my BIL. He is very bossy to my DSs. Even when they are not doing anything wrong he is after them. I have told him countless times "They are fine, I'm watching them, Don't worry about them". My children are not angels but they are good kids. Yesterday while running errands we stopped to eat at a restaurant and I had an elderly couple come over and tell me how well behaved they are. We were just at a party (mostly adults) and 2 people commented to me on how polite and well behaved DSs are. I don't know what BIL's problem is but I am reaching the end of my rope with him. We had company come and stay with us over July 4th and DH's cousin asked me why BIL treats our DSs that way

so it was even obvious even to them (I had not said anything). Until DS#1 came along BIL was the "baby" of the family and I think his maturity level is so low he is still jealous of being unseated.

FIL is ill and things have been rough. MIL needs help. DH and Nice-BIL have been taking turns shoveling snow, mowing lawn, fixing things around the house (they are selling and building a ranch where maintenance is included), helping sort through stuff, sitting with FIL so MIL can get out,etc.... Mean BIL WHO DOES NOT WORK has done nothing, zero, zip. I am not exagerating. Nothing. DH works full-time and does consulting on the side to support our/my WDW fix. I am doing our yardwork so DH doesn't have to, so he has more time for MIL.

Mean BIL and his wife went to WDW for their honeymoon. When they got back all they did was complain about the coffee and the children "all over the place". Hello?? You went to WDW and there were children there???

That is like going to Paris and complaining there are French people there!!! Any parent will tell you that although vacations are fun they can be very stressful. The kids are revved up, off their ususal schedules, food is different, it is hard to adjust to sleeping in a hotel, etc... Things are going to happen, that doesn't mean the children have rotten parents, it means they are children not robots!!! I know there are parents who are not great (such as trying to push in line during character meets), but you have got to expect kids to act like kids. When we are at WDW we stay for 7-10 days, during that time I can guarantee each DS will have at least one meltdown (there is something wrong with a child who can go that long without some type of issue). I'm sorry if you're in the vicinty when it happens, its not pleasant for us either. Get over it.

BIL also tries to tell me how to parent, he has been doing this since my DS#1 was born, even though he only became a parent a year ago. DS#1 has some problems. BIL tries to "help" constantly with suggestions even when I tell him the doctors do not reccommend what he is saying. Gee, who am I going to listen to the-$400-per-hour specialist or my unemployed-because-he-is-to-lazy-to-work-with-a-masters-degree BIL?

Thank you for letting me vent, rant, and rave. I'm usually mild mannered but Mean BIL really pushes my buttons. I am just grateful Mean BIL lives a 2 hour drive away, unlike every other member of our families. He and his wife moved there because they don't like to be around families "they expect things from you, like help and coming to family dinners, etc..". They have never showed up for any f DSs' birthday parties. Being the bigger person, and feeling bad for DH's nephew who has parents like this, I will go. Besides someone will have to give MIL and FIl a ride...

pparm · 07-29-2004, 09:01 AM

Cheryl,
A dose just for you!!(and BIL)

Paula º0º

vsonnier · 07-29-2004, 09:03 AM

Sending a ton of

your way! It's tough when you have a hard time getting along with family! Hopefully DBIL will learn to shut his mouth and let you raise your kids!

**LizardCop** · 07-29-2004, 09:32 AM

LOTS of

for you and your family...

I'll even send some for MBIL

Who knows

, maybe the power of

is like the power of CHEESE, it can move mountains and make mean people nice

**HiddenMickey** · 07-29-2004, 09:36 AM

Wow, what a situation. I hope the party turns out all right.
One thing I think I'd do is actually tell your Mean BIL to not talk to your kids unless he can use positive language with them. Tell him why. Tell him how others perceive his interaction with them, and how it makes your children (and you) feel. If it would be better coming from your husband, let him do it. I hope you've told your children how proud you are of them and let them know that you don't agree with how your BIL is around them.

Best wishes and pixie dust! -HiddenMickey

Teddysmom · 07-29-2004, 09:54 AM

I wholeheartedly agree with Hidden Mickey. I would straight out tell him not to speak to your kids. If your DH would be a little calmer with this discussion then have him do it but definitely do it. My DS has a bunch of physical and medical issues. There are a few people in our circle who think they know better than the doctors or they think they can correct DS's behavior.

I am also normally mild mannered but not when it comes to my kid. I am wishing you a bunch of

for this. It doesnt sound like an easy one.

**Luvsun** · 07-29-2004, 10:05 AM

and prayers go out to you! I agree that either you or your hubby (or maybe both of you) should sit down with your BIL and tell him how uncomfortable it is to be around him, and tell him that your children are exactly that- YOUR children, and that you will and can take care of them. It is wonderful how you and your hubby are helping out his parents - and I think it is great that you can see the need to be there for your nephew. I hope that some resolution can take place - especially for your little girls! Take care and good luck!

**Luvsun** · 07-29-2004, 10:08 AM

I am so sorry - after I re-read my post I realized that I mentioned girls instead of boys! I am so sorry! Anyway - I would say the same - just protect those little boys - they are God's gifts to you!
Again - sorry!

disneymom9092 · 07-29-2004, 11:01 AM

Here it is

My thought and prayers are with you and your DS's.

Dianne

Nick and Ryans Mom · 07-29-2004, 11:25 AM

Thank you everyone for all of the pixie dust. I think it worked. DH called from work and told me he spoke with NICE BIL and he and his wife will give MIL and FIL a ride home from the party. This means we will not have to stay while MIL gets her quota of hugs from nephew (who is very cute). DH said he knows his brother won't refrain from being a jerk and this way we can leave when I've had enough

I am so relieved

I have tried to politely and firmly tell Mean BIL what I think of how he treats my DSs, but it goes in one ear and out another. I even mentioned to MIL a few months ago hoping she would say something to him but she started to get sad about Mean BIL being such a slug and so I dropped it. I would push DH to say something but I don't think it would do any good. DH makes his feelings known to his brother about what a deadbeat he is with no reaction. I will just try to keep DSs away from BIL until at least the cake is cut and presents opened.

Thank you again my Disney friends

Nick and Ryans Mom · 07-29-2004, 11:33 AM

Dear Hidden Mickey,

Thank you for reminding me to mention to my DSs it is not their fault. During our last family party I ended up walking DSs home (a few blocks) because I couldn't take anymore. On the way DS#2 said "I am sorry we are so bad" I was torn between wanting to cry and wanting to go back and punch Mean BIL in the nose. I immediately reassured DSs it wasn't them it was Mean BIL. DS#1 said "He is not my family, family doesn't treat each other that way" I think it is sad that an 8 year old with his problems has more insight than a 30 yr old man.

**HiddenMickey** · 07-29-2004, 11:40 AM

I am so happy that you will have the freedom to leave if need be! {{{Hugs}}}!

-HiddenMickey

**Colexis Mom** · 07-29-2004, 12:24 PM

Sending you lots of pixie Cheryl

snoozy · 07-29-2004, 12:32 PM

You said you have tried to be polite and nice about this matter. And alot of others have said to sit down with him and talk it out but, obviously that has not worked.

Well I guess I'm not as nice as everyone else. I would just tell him to shut up and not to speak to your children that way and if he doesn't like it he can shove it. And if the rest of the family doesn't like it either to bad.

Sometimes being polite to people especially your relatives gets you no where. Sometimes they just need to hear the straight up truth the hard way.

Here's some pixie dust for you to get tough.

arielrocks · 07-29-2004, 12:51 PM

Sadly, I am in almost the same situation as you are. What started out OK with my DH and I before we got married got horrible afterwards. No matter what I do it gets worse. Trust me, DD has a grandfather who flatly stated after she was born, I don't do children and I don't want anything to do with yours. HUH? He does with the others.

You know what? Keep an eye on your son. Be a bee and stay within range of your son vs where BIL is. If he makes a bee line for your son? Get in the middle and say hey, BIL you are needed in the kitchen or somewhere. Anywhere. Trust me, the abuse he is getting now? Will affect him later. Be a blanket and hoover. If you don't now, your son will hate you later for it. I know, I remember abuse and wish my mother protected us. I've told my mother I hated her, but we still talk. She has gotten better and is a better Nana now then she was as a mother. Who knew.
Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes.