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Old 07-31-2010, 10:52 PM   #1
magic mickey
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To go or not to go..............

We just came back from a family trip to DC and had a great time, that is all of us except DH. A little background info; DH had a massive stroke 10 years ago and is paralyzed on the left side of his body. He cannot sleep in a bed or lay flat for any amount of time because of terrible leg pain, and therefore sleeps in a lift chair while at home. He was very uncomfortable on this trip and in a lot of pain most of the time. He ended up sleeping in his wheelchair and stayed back at the room sometimes while the kids and I went out to do things.
Well now he has informed us that he will know longer be going on any more trips because it is too painful for him and he isn't having a good time. We are planning a WDW trip next summer and he says that he will not be coming. The kids feel very sad about going without him. I have very mixed feeling about it, on one hand it is very hard to take care of him on a trip and usually ends up being very stressful for me and the kids, but on the otherhand we feel bad about going without him.
So now the question is do we go without him or not go at all. He insists that we go without him, but of course we still feel guilty.
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Old 07-31-2010, 11:44 PM   #2
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Understand your feelings on this - my dm had a severe stroke 3 years ago and did not want to come with all 17 of us (my dh, children and their spouses and children) which was also arranged to be an 80th birthday celebration for her. She has some use of left side and we got a ecv for her use. We stayed at kidani in 2 2bd villas which has the option (believe 1 bd has too) of chair that opens out to a bed - this was the selling point with my mom but the sofa beds in most rooms too give the person ability of sitting up to sleep. My dm would have loved to have a reclining chair and just throw a blanket on her (her place of choice at home) but the chair she thought was comfortable and easy to get in and out of. Hopefully your dh will change his mind but in talking with my children and my dm after the trip (she was glad she went this one last time but will not make the trip again either) She feels it is best to stop going on a high note so to speak. She has enjoyed the trips before this last one more and had more interaction with grandchildren and greatgrandchildren previously. She wants them to remember her having fun and knowing that when she doesn't go in the future and we do that she is happy for our opportunity to be together there in whatever configuration the trips are taken.
All that to say this - I would try to implore him to go but would go if he insists that he won't go. Time with family while they are healthy makes for memories that last.
Best with your decision. Love much!
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Old 07-31-2010, 11:49 PM   #3
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This is of course just my opinion and I do not have any experience with your situation, but I think you and your kids should still go. Your DH knows that you all enjoy vacations, but it sounds like they are just not fun for him anymore. If I were in your DH's place, it would probably make me really sad to think that I had caused my family to miss out on their vacations because it wasn't comfortable for me to go. As long as he would be ok while you all were gone, I think you should go, enjoy yourselves, and I bet he will be really excited to see all of your great pictures when you get home!!
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Old 08-01-2010, 12:02 AM   #4
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My dad has COPD and CHF and a lot of other issues. He also sleeps in his "bed chair", his lift-chair, at home. He can no longer vacation with us because he can't be in the car for long, and he can't fly.
I know there are products you can purchase to raise the head of the bed, such as this: bone Mattress Genie mailer - queen : Target

You could always call WDW and see if they can bring a recliner into the room? They're always so eager to do what it takes to help out. You can also rent lift-chairs!
If your DH is determined not to go with you and the kids, you should still go. But I'd try to figure out a way to include him in the vacation.
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Old 08-01-2010, 10:50 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashli View Post
This is of course just my opinion and I do not have any experience with your situation, but I think you and your kids should still go. Your DH knows that you all enjoy vacations, but it sounds like they are just not fun for him anymore. If I were in your DH's place, it would probably make me really sad to think that I had caused my family to miss out on their vacations because it wasn't comfortable for me to go. As long as he would be ok while you all were gone, I think you should go, enjoy yourselves, and I bet he will be really excited to see all of your great pictures when you get home!!
These were my thoughts as well. Are there local day trips that your family can still do that would help your children still be able to have vacation memories with their dad? If you can add some of them to the summer activities, that would be good.
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Old 08-01-2010, 11:19 AM   #6
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I think that if you DH is truly ok with you taking the kids and going, than I say go. Kids need to be kids. They need to have those memories and perhaps a get away from the challenges of daily life. Caring for a family member no matter what the disability is tough. Take lots of photos and video, buy DH some souveneers. If it were me in his situation, I wouldn't want to be the one holding everyone back.
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Old 08-01-2010, 01:21 PM   #7
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I think you should do as your DH suggested and go without him. If he is truly in pain during vacations, then it's really no fun for him. Why make him suffer so you can have fun? If there's a way to make him comfortable enough to enjoy the trip, then by all means bring him along. But if there isn't, then go ahead and enjoy your children. He will feel better knowing that he's not spoiling your fun and the children won't feel badly about making Daddy feel uncomfortable. Take lots of photos to share with him and keep in touch throughout the trip. You shouldn't feel guilty about leaving him home, it's what he wants.
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Old 08-01-2010, 02:06 PM   #8
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I would find out if it were possible to rent a lift chair for your room while you are there. Then ask him if he would go it that were possible? If accomodations could be made that would make it as pain free as possible for him, would he want to go?
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Old 08-01-2010, 08:19 PM   #9
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So sorry Lisa! I'd discuss it with your DH again, but I'd probably go without him!
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Old 08-01-2010, 08:59 PM   #10
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That is a tough situation, Lisa. I would do everything possible to create other special memories with him and also go to Disney with the rest of the family I'd guess that he would truly want you to.
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Old 08-01-2010, 09:42 PM   #11
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Old 08-01-2010, 10:37 PM   #12
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I think your DH might need some counseling as it seems as if he's giving up.

However, I would go without him. Sometimes when you see life passing you by, it makes you want to participate.

Try and assure him that Disney can make him comfortable (I think they have lift-chairs - call Special Needs and ask!) and that he shouldn't miss out on this opportunity with the kids. Let him know you all love him very much and will do everything to make it as easy on him as possible, but you can't stop living and enjoying things. I know that might sound selfish, but you only get one life too and we all have to make the best of the hand we've been dealt.
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Old 08-02-2010, 10:49 AM   #13
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Old 08-02-2010, 11:30 AM   #14
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If he is truly in too much pain to go and enjoy himself AND he is honestly ok with all of you still going, then I would go. Good luck
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