I am sick and tired of being nice!!! About This Page:

[Wendyismyname]

Hey all I have to vent!! I'm steaming! I'm a very nice person, I guess I am naive even!
I bought my oldest sister OzzFest tickets in March and she tells me that she will give me the money for them this next bonus check(she's a manager at Gas America, number 1 manager out of 70 stores across the midwest). Okay, cool I say, I know you'll give it to me soon.
I still haven't gotten it! I've asked her nice twice(poet didn't know it)yesterday and today. she didn't answer her phone yesterday so i emailed the question. She didn't answer her phone today, so I caught her on AIM, she ignored me. Okay okay, starting to get a little mad. Just give me an answer!!! I hate to ask for my money back, I never borrow from anyone, but I do loan it to them frequently.
Okay, my middle sister. I watch her baby for FREE, money has never been offered. I take BOTH of my sisters' kids to WDW all expenses paid, because I want to. Middle sister gets season passes to Kings Island, invites my oldest sister and her family and doesn't invite me! Now, I'm not assuming she's going to invite me and I'm not assuming she's NOT going to invite me.
I'm telling my mom this yesterday because it hurt my feelings a little bit, to be excluded yet again. Also, my mom and dad will take my oldest sister's kids to the lakes but never invites my kids. Also, my sisters eat frequently at my folks, but if I suggest us eating there(I never come empty handed) it's the greatest sin! Never mind that my folks invite themselves out often, and I never mind that, because I'm happy to share. I wanted to take my mom with us to WDW in June especially since my DH isn't coming this trip. She doesn't want to be indebted to me. I totally understand that, but it would be such a favor to me!!!
I absolutely HATE to complain about my problems because to me they sound completely petty, so I try so hard to keep my mouth shut(believe me, my tongue is swollen).
My mom says "i don't know why you three are jealous of each other" I said CORRECTION, I'm jealous of no one. My sisters feel jealous because I have a husband who is a wonderful man, we own a home, have two really nice vehicles and we're "perfect". Bull hockey! sorry, but no reason to be jealous of me guys!
I didn't want to say anything to my middle sister because I don't want her taking away the privilege of watching her baby. She's awesome! But, mom told her about it yesterday and of course she got mad. Now i have this feeling that WWIII will be erupting and I don't want that to happen! I will be once again, the bad person. Grrr, they make me so mad sometimes!! I do so much for people and then I get pooped on! I guess I am one of those people who love to please others! i love surprising people just to see the look on their faces. I love being able to take my nieces and nephews to WDW and see their faces the first time they see that castle. it's my privilege.
Things were so bad for me yesterday that I cried. I hate to cry. There's so many worse problems going on in the world, mine are small in comparison.
Thanks for listening to me, I really hate sounding like a little baby(spoiled baby sister according to them), but I had to vent to people who are removed from the situation and can give HONEST opinions.
Thanks guys! I love ya!

Wendy [img]graemlins/cry2.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/cry2.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/cry2.gif[/img]

[Heidi]

Wendy,

You don't sound unreasonable at all. I'm surprised at all the nice things you are doing, no one seems to notice it. It sounds like they expect it from you. You have probably been this way for so long, appreciation is forgotten. That is so unfortunate too. I'm really surprised that aren't noticing it and if it is brought up, they take great offense. I too have be the victim but most of the time, I get the thanks that is so much appreciated. (Another Passporter was having similar problems with her family a little while ago hope things have turned up for her).

And this is your family. I hope they come to their senses and see what a great person you are and deserve a few things thrown back your way. (I know we aren't supposed to want anything in return but is sure is nice when sometimes they do - makes you want to keep doing good deeds all the time.)

Feel free to vent anytime. I think these boards are the only place some can come to, to get their problems off their chests.

Sending you some pixie dust too to take away the tears.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Wendyismyname]

Thanks! you know, the sisters always say, well we don't have the money that you do, i say, "saying THANK YOU doesn't have to cost a darn dime". It's amazing how some one feels when you get a really nice hand written letter, or a card or even a chocolate bar!
It's times like these that I really want to move away(like closer to WDW lol), but then my sister say, you'd never make it, you'd get too homesick. Probably, but to get away from them time to time is a great thing. I think I suffer sometimes from low self esteem. could be from the fact that my dad always told me I was a mistake, I'm a hemoroid, I've got too much of a temper(having kids helped calm me down), um, oh yeah, my favorite is You're so stupid, best part of you ran down your daddy's leg(sorry guys), and you're a b*tch.

Wendy

p.s. I also always say my family puts the "fun" in dysfunctional!

[gym mom]

Wendy, I think it might be time to stop doing those little things you do....for a while. As was said, you aren't being appreciated, you are being taken for granted. When something is taken for granted, the best way to make it precious again is to be without it for a while. Time for your family to be "without" you for a while. Maybe then they will realize all that you do, providing they aren't too proud.

Hope things get better soon,
Jennifer

[Joanne929]

Sisters can be tough - I have two who are older than I am. The 'nice' thing, I think, has to do with being the youngest. It's too bad your "niceness" isn't working the way it should [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img] My oldest sister, when annoyed with me, likes to tell me how much I'm like our mother - I say, well, der she IS my mother and by the way, you are too (which she HATES to hear). And Mom's should NEVER tell one kid what another kid says - that doesn't help!!!

Hopefully, they'll all "get" it soon. Hang in there and here's something for you ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[jams67]

Wendy, you sound like me. The only thing you're missing is the 2 chronically ill children in addition to the family. I know how you feel. I'm trying to talk DH into moving to Omaha just to get away. I just keep telling myself what comes around goes around. If I do something nice for someone, then when I need it someone will do something nice for me. Even simple things like opening a door for someone or letting a car go ahead of you. It might be little but those little things add up and make me feel better. My family has the nerve be shocked and/or surprised if I say no to a family function or gathering. It's amazing how insensitive family can be when they are so close to the situation. I think it takes much more energy to be mean, backstabbing and just downright unpleasant and honestly, I have much more important things, pleasant things to put that energy into.

I think you have your priorities in good order. I can't tell you what to do but I think whatever you do it's for the right reasons and that's most important. And if they are jealous at least too it's for good (I think) reasons. I too would be jealous of someone who has loving and supportive husband if I had nothing. That's not too shabby huh?

Good luck dealing with them. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask! [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]

Julie

[Wendyismyname]

Thanks everyone! I needed those nice comments! I've not been asked to watch my niece this week and when I do catch my oldest sister online she doesn't answer, however she does have to call my mom tonight to talk to her oldest boy, who lives with mom and dad. Now, both of my sisters are half sister, oldest--we have the same dad, middle--same mom. But, you can't have half of a sister, so they're just my sisters.
The thing is with my sisters, it's not unusual that we go without conversations for months at a time, but I'm closer to my niece's and nephews and would rather talk to them, but my sisters don't feel the same way about my kids, come to think of it. my son has spent the night with each of them only once in 8 years and my daughter has spent the night with my middle sister once in 7 years and have never been asked to spend the night at my oldest sister's. I've lost count of the many times that I've had all the kids over(even at once)
Things will get better eventually, seems we always have to have a big blow up.

Wendy

[Dumbo]

Sounds just like DH's family. DH is the oldest and his father has been mean to DH and our sons for ever. Sister and other brother are perfect with perfect children.

To bad we can't choose our parents, brothers and sisters. I know DH would send his back. When we were married he adopted my parents and they have always thought of his as a son rather than a son in law.

If you would like I can send you some nasty pills. When my Mom gets angry we tell her she must have taken those nasty pills again. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] She's even shared them with our son. If you want them, let me know and I'll take a few while she's not looking. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[ariel1]

i'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having. it sounds to me like you're surrounded by miserable people who enjoy making others miserable too. hang in there. if it seems like you need a break, take a break. i agree with the others that it seems your generosity is being taken advantage of. people who are so self-centered will end up blaming you for everything- even if it's just stepping away from their abuse for a little while. don't let them make you feel bad. you're a truly generous person with a heart of gold for all you do for them and the grief you take to boot. thank god for all you do have then ask for his wisdom in how to handle this situation. i'll be praying for you. best of luck! [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[A. Monster]

Just wanted to add my support. It's so hard sometimes when being giving come naturally to you and not to those that you give to. (I hope that made sense! [img]graemlins/dizzy.gif[/img] ) I know today I'm feeling down because there are certain people that I'm constantly thinking of surprises for, or things I can do to make their day easier or happier and I never seem to get any in return. There's no talking to these people, either, as I'm sure you've noticed. Sometimes you just need to step back and redirect your energy before they turn it against you and make you bitter. Plus, when there are someone else's children involved that are important to you, you don't want to risk being cut off from them out of spite, that would hurt you and them - it's good for them to be around you to see what caring, giving people are like. [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

And no problem is too small to vent about if it bothers you! {{{hugs}}}

[Wendyismyname]

Thank you!!! Yes, my biggest fear is being cut off from my nieces and nephews. I love them desparately. i've watched all of them be born, except for the twins who were born very quickly before we could get to the city(also 3 months early). Also, of course, when my sisters and I have a big blow up, even my nieces and nephews picture me as the bad guy. Of course they are loyal to their parents....as it should be, but the older ones know better. Oh well, things will get better!!

Amy, I would love to hear an update about your trip, this fall i think, where you are taking your sister in law??

wendy

[A. Monster]

Wendy, so far the October trip with DSIL is coming along smoothly. There was one hitch where DBIL tried to get in on it, but thankfully he couldn't afford it (long history of him not being nice or at all respectful to me). However, turns out that DMIL is going to come which is fine by me. She's easy enough to get along with and very happy to follow my lead. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

I know just what you mean about being afraid of losing your neices and nephews. My sister has a personality disorder (diagnosed but refuses to be treated) so I tend to walk on eggshells around her because I'm so attached to my neice (and new little nephew) and she's the type to "punish" you by taking them away. I hope you find the strength to hang in there - it's not easy! God bless!

[chezp]

Sorry to hear you're having problems with your sisters. As I've said before, you can pick your friends, but not your family. [img]graemlins/pout.gif[/img] Stick in there - you've done nothing wrong, if anything you've done too much for everyone else. I agree with what's already been said - stop doing so much for everyone else and then maybe they'll stop taking you for granted... because they shouldn't be! [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img]

Cheryl

[markb]

stop doing so much for everyone else and then maybe they'll stop taking you for granted

<font size="2" face="Comic Sans MS, Arial">I agree. Maybe they'll then realise how bad they make you feel too


PS Hi Cheryl. How's life down the hill? [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Wendyismyname]

I agree with you all, I need to stop doing so much, but it goes against my nature. I'm not really a doormat, but I guess when it comes to having fights with my sisters(we've had doozies, fist fights even) I don't want to fight, we're all adults here.
We'll see what happens. Oldest sis is picking up her son tonight, let's see if she leaves my money. I wouldn't be too mad if she didn't, IF only she'd tell me she can't right now. I also know how forgetful she is. She'll carry her bill money around and forget to pay the bills, but she never spends that money!
I haven't heard from or seen my middle sister all week. We'll see about that too!
Wendy