Just a big 'o friend vent - uh..rant
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fairestofthemall · 12-22-2005, 03:18 AM

I am not sure where to start. I do not want to seem like I am being whiney or sensitive. Anyway...

I went to eat and exchange gifts with my two best friends (bf's 16 years) tonight. We talked forever. As we were leaving we were discussing what we would be getting for Christmas from our men. I said that my Dh was probably getting me a gift card and that I did not want one.

I just think it is weird for my Dh to give me a gift card. (I think this because I feel it is like giving me money and I do not need a gift card to shop) [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] I think he should find me a gift or two; he knows what I like. You know the saying, it's the thought that counts. I just feel like a gift card is something I get from a parent not my husband. Just my feeling.

Anyway, my friend says, maybe he is just worried he will get you the wrong thing. I know that does not sound too bad - you have to know the situation.

Here it is. I have told my bf's that my dh has bought me things I did not like. One thing in particular, my engagement ring. (that is a whole other post) I have talked about the ring on more than one occasion with them. The ring is a real sore spot with me.

It was just the way she said it, like I am some horrible person. Like, my dh should be afraid to buy me anything because I might not like it. I mean if you can't tell your best friends things, who can you tell them too? I do not throw things up in her face. Are you not supposed to tell your best friends deep thoughts? Tell them your inner feelings? I thought that is what friendship is maybe I am wrong.

It just really stung when she said that. I thought it was mean. Because, really, what is it to her whether I like what my dh buys me or not.

I guess I will not be telling her anything else she can use as ammo toward me.

Thanks for (reading) listening,
Danielle

poohmaine · 12-22-2005, 07:44 AM

Maybe she was just kidding?

Tell her how much bringing that up hurt your feelings. She's your BF, right? You two should be able to talk things out.

[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] to feeling better! And Happy Holidays!

Jammers · 12-22-2005, 07:49 AM

I would be upset by a gift card too, because:
1. It shows absolutely ZERO thought, time or effort and
2. It totally ties you hands on where you can shop

And your friend sounds like she may be a little jealous. Maybe she is getting a battery charger or jumper cables for Christmas
Next time she says something like that say, "Thanks, that sure was supportive."

**DrDolphin** · 12-22-2005, 08:12 AM

:[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img][img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img][img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img][img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]pixie:

krisk11 · 12-22-2005, 08:50 AM

Last year my dd's dad (we aren't married althought we have been together for the better part of 19 years) was going to buy me a cordless screw driver for Christmas. Now mine did stop working and I would like to get another one but to me that isn't what you buy someone you love for Christmas. I made a statement to that effect and instead I got some lovely perfume and a dvd of a movie that he knows I love. I was much happier with those things althought I still have to screw all my screws manually [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Happymommy · 12-22-2005, 09:02 AM

Do you think your friend was just trying to make you feel better about the gift card?? Maybe she didn't want to see you upset.

My DH gets me gift cards too. Tell your husband if he wants to get you gift cards to get them from a spa. My husband gets them from Toppers which is a really nice spa around here, and I actually love them because I use them for things I wouldn't normally pay for myself (guilt free). I know what you mean about the gift card for shopping though from your husband, because its coming out of the same bank acct. that you would probably shop out of-- so it doesn't really make sense. Otherwise I like gift cards, especially when people go out of their way to find a store you like (I just don't like them from my husband-- except for the spa, ok I'm rambling now). Try and not let this ruin your friendship, we all say stupid things from time to time. I just gave up on a good friend who was always saying things that hurt my feelings, and now I wonder whether I was just being too sensitive (not that I think you are, but who knows why she said that).

If your engagement ring bothers you that much... would your DH mind if you had it reset?? My sister in law added diamond begets to hers (I was a little surprised she did it before her wedding-- I mean she did it like a week after she got the ring, and walked around telling people "I added some diamonds to it"-- but that's another story)-- its not something I would do, but people do it, and if it really bothers you that much, maybe you should think about it??

*Pixie*Dust* · 12-22-2005, 09:09 AM

Maybe your friend has a point. I don't know how long you've been married, but if you're stilling ranting about your engagement ring, maybe your DH is afraid to disappoint you again.
My DH is a horrible gift giver. Our first Christmas together, I got 6 turtlenecks [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img].
My advice,in the future, make a list of things you'd like and give it to him.

MAria R · 12-22-2005, 09:29 AM

[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

jimmymac · 12-22-2005, 10:11 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe your friend has a point. I don't know how long you've been married, but if you're stilling ranting about your engagement ring, maybe your DH is afraid to disappoint you again.
My DH is a horrible gift giver. Our first Christmas together, I got 6 turtlenecks [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img].
My advice,in the future, make a list of things you'd like and give it to him.

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/yeahthat.gif[/img] You;d be surprised how many guys are actually fearful that whatever they get their SO will not be appreciated. A gift card is an easy (if somewhat emotionless) way out. And don't stop talking to your friends - I think she meant well

joyjoy · 12-22-2005, 10:12 AM

I can hear me saying something like that. Maybe she was joking.

RobinKay6573 · 12-22-2005, 10:49 AM

Sounds to be like she was playing the Devil's advocate. My mom does that and it drives me up the wall. Just let it be but don't stop being her friend. Maybe she was just trying to point out that it is nice to HAVE someone to give you things. Being single and not having a love for Christmas is not much fun.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!

fairestofthemall · 12-22-2005, 12:21 PM

Several of you had great points. My friend is not getting anything or very little for Christmas. She just got engaged and her fiancee said he is not getting her anything else. So maybe that was her problem. He is an even bigger cheapie than my dh. My dh is very proud, btw, that he is a cheapie.

My dh is not afraid to buy me anything, he would be the first to say that. No, my dh does not like lists. He wants it to be a surprise. He might get one thing I tell him I want but the rest is stuff he picks out by himself. He usually does a really good job. The reason I think it will be a gift card is because he has not bought me anything yet. No he is not just telling me has nothing - he has nothing. My dh is not the type to say one thing and mean something else. I learned this before we got married.

[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img](que the ring story)

It really is not the ring. The ring is beautiful and I love it. What hurt my feelings is this - we looked at rings together so he found out what I liked/what I wanted. My dh had/has a really great paying job. (I do not want to sound like I am shallow because it is not about the ring size or the cost) We looked (over many months) at several loose diamonds, I told him which one I liked. The jeweler asked him a price range and that is what we looked at. So I was not wanting some Paris Hilton ring just the ring he could afford. What hurt my feelings is the fact that he bought the one he liked not the one I liked. So my point was why did he take me to look? On top of this, his horrid mother made comments about the size and asked if this was just my starter ring! I told her no it was not my starter ring it was my ring forever! I had several comments from rude (jealous?) people about my ring. Another friend said wearing her big 3 carat diamond (the diamond came from her mom) that I should like my little ring. Then my dh's stepsister talked about upgrading our rings, hers and mine. What tha? My ring is not that small! It is just over half a carat and it is really beautiful. So all of that is what I had told my best friends. I just recently told them about it this year(I have been married 5 years) and it was in a moment of being upset with my dh over something completely other than the ring. You know, I was just on a rant about him and that popped into my head. I really do not give it any thought on any given day. Well, except today.

So there it all is.
Danielle

lauren-roxy · 12-22-2005, 02:05 PM

[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

Ursunique2001 · 12-22-2005, 02:45 PM

Sometimes our friends say things to us that hurt our feelings but mean well. My mother always said to me that a person can't give their advice if you don't tell them your business. I think what your friend was trying to say to you is that your husband may feel that giving you a gift card is safer than buying something because if he buys something then he may get the same response as he got when he gave you the engagement ring.

My DH knows my only stipulation on gifts is to not give me cash. When I am given cash I always end up spending it on bills/my son/etc. So if he gives me anything (and it is not mandatory because I am not one of those "he'd better get me something people") then it has to be something other than cash.

Ursula

fairestofthemall · 12-22-2005, 03:20 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Sometimes our friends say things to us that hurt our feelings but mean well. My mother always said to me that a person can't give their advice if you don't tell them your business. I think what your friend was trying to say to you is that your husband may feel that giving you a gift card is safer than buying something because if he buys something then he may get the same response as he got when he gave you the engagement ring.[ QUOTE ]

I did not say anything to him about the engagement ring when he gave it to me. I love my engagement ring. So there was no reponse. I have told him not to buy me anything for Christmas, that I would rather spend the money on my girls. He insisted he was going to buy me something. I really do not care what it is. I just do not want a gift card because it always ends up buying something for someone else. Just like your reason for not wanting cash. I just think a gift card from my dh is an unthoughtful gift.

What your mom says is true. I just think that
you should be able to tell your friends things without them throwing them back in your face. Know what I mean?

BTW - Really, this whole gift card thing was just a joking reference I made to my friends about what I think I am getting for Christmas. The reason for the post was her rude remark to me.

Danielle