What questions would you ask... About This Page:

[DisneyMomma]

I hope this topic is not too depressing for anyone but I have been thinking a lot about this in the past few weeks. I'd really like some ideas from others too.

Both of my parents are very ill. My mother has had rhematoid arthritis for nearly 40 years and I think her body is just tired of fighting. She is on a new medication but it is just not working for her (but is working "miracles" in other patients). My dad has heart problems and multiple myeloma (cancer). So far, his numbers have been good but he just doesn't seem to be able to bounce back from a cold, etc. I don't know how much longer either one of them will be with us (and the thought of losing them is tearing my heart out [img]graemlins/cry2.gif[/img] ).

So, this long post is to simply ask this:

What questions should one ask a parent (or friend, or other relative) before their passing? There are a few I would have loved to have asked my grandparents but now it's too late. [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img]

[Sunrayherosgirl]

If they are still able, have them tell them about their life. I know their are hundreds of stories that my grandfather could have told me but i didn't hear. I would love to know things about the people i loved before i was born. And i know people love remembering the good stories. And it is something you will have to tell your kids and their kids. So their memory always lives. My prayers are with your family. [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img] Melissa

[AKLRULZ]

God Bless you, Vicki! Life is full of ups and downs so I'm glad you posted this question.

Have you ever considered getting one of those "Mom Remembers" or "Dad Remembers" books that prompts the recipient to respond to a variety of questions about growing up, favorite memories, etc? I know that Christian bookstores often carry them, although they are plenty that are quite secular. My wife and I have given them to our parents to have as keepsakes long after they're gone - the hardest part is getting them to write in the book. It's a great activity to do together - and you might be able to ask the questions and jot down their answers for them.

And something my MIL did with my wife's grandfather a few years before he passed was to interview him on video. She used the memory book and asked him the questions and had the video camera set up on a tripod. Now that Papa is gone, it's a speical keepsake to have him voicing those words and seeing him.

Hope that helps. You have my prayers!

Edited - I found a link to a book similar to what I am referring to that may help. It's not the one we gave out - ours were a Thomas Kinkaid theme, but you'll get the idea. I really hope it helps.

[ 10-01-2003, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: Dad2jbj ]

[eliza]

Preserve their voices on a voice recorder. One of my father's cousins did this at a family reunion and I thought it was an interesting idea. The sound of your mom and dad's voices could be a great comfort to you later...
I am sorry your parents are going through such tough times - and you as well...take care.

[mrsmaup]

((()))

I agree w/having their voices on tape or video. My dad died when I was 12 suddenly, but we had several audio tapes and a video tape w/him on it. helped me to remember how he sounded and his mannerisims.

I also agree w/finding out about thei rlives. My grandfather died before my son was born, but because I had written him a letter in 5th grade asking what his life was like at my age, my son is able to get to know him better.

Get their favorite recipies and familiy traditions down on paper so you can carry them on.

[poohsgirl]

Steve brought up some terrific ideas!
I have my great grandmother both on video and audio tapes.

I don't know if you would also want to ask them, "What is something so simple but you never got to do or have?" etc. Maybe you would be able to grant that wish for them? Just a thought!
May you enjoy all the time you get to share with them Vicki.

[loobyoxlip]

I agree with recording (either video or audio). My cousin passed away at 24 and they have a conversation with him on tape.

Think about what you would have liked to have asked your grandparents and build from there.

I'm sorry to hear about the tough time you're going through, Vicki (((hugs)))