Frustrated and angry About This Page:

[tinker_me_happy]

Today is the last day of my vacation. I am REALLY pretty frustrated and angry right now. I have three ADULT children in my house who have done NOTHING but make messes this week! I am about to throw all three of them out on their behinds! I AM NOT THE MAID! LAST CHANCE! They do not take me seriously!

Any suggestions other than changing the locks to my house... cuz I am seriously about to do that!

[southerngirl1014]

I have no suggestions. Other then putting all the trash and mess they create in their rooms and seeing how they like it.
Many pixies it gets better! Or pixies for the strength to kick them out!

[Luvsun]

I would make it very clear, clean it up, keep it up and help out, or find another place to live - oh which by the way you will have to pay rent, utilities, buy your own groceries and actually become responsible!
Hope you are able to get them to help out!

[Huntermom]

I email a list of to dos to my young adult DD. I think it makes it seem less like nagging and she tends to get what I ask done. Some days are more lengthy than others and there have been times when she's really run with it. I'll ask that she sweep the downstairs and come home to the entire downstairs clean.

If you kids don't pay rent/board let them know that if they continue to leave messes you will begin charging them so that you can hire someone to come in and clean their messes.

One problem is if they haven't learned to respect common areas by now, it's going to be hard to teach. I've always said my kids rooms are theirs to mess and clean and I do not go into them. The common areas need to be respected. I cannot stand food left all over the place and from very early on my kids knew that eating was for the dining room and kitchen and glasses were returned to the sink.

Are your kids working? If they are not, they should be employed as household help-yours. If they don't want to do it, they can live elsewhere and pay rent.

[tinker_me_happy]

I'm done fighting with them. They've been told for the last time. I work way too hard! DD wants to ARGUE with me... fine. She wants to THREATEN to move to NY with her friends (And I'll be lucky if she even comes home for the holidays HAHAHA... ok) Go right ahead honey! Go BE the grown up you keep calling yourself but are NOT acting like right now! DS #2 (the youngest of my 3) is the MOST responsible of them all when it comes to helping around the house.
The FIRST thing to go will be their cell phones. They have been "asked" for the last time. I come home to ONE mess and I will GLADLY pay the fee to shut them OFF!
This has been an ongoing battle. Tried dumping stuff in their room - hasn't worked. Tried sending lists, leaving lists, asking nicely - hasn't worked. Pretty much let them have it. Told them I was DONE and they could GROW UP and act like the adults they are supposed to be or GET OUT! Also told them I WOULD START by shutting off their phones which I still pay for. Don't think they took me seriously... boy won't they be surprised!

[southerngirl1014]

I say turn it off! I was paying for my own cell phone by my freshmen year in college. I worked all through school and aside from once in a while my parents helping me out ($50 when I really needed gas money) I was on my own.

I am 25 have a house, a DVC time share, we own one car outright and are paying off the other. I work and pay all of my own bills. Sometime kids need a kick in the butt. Has it been easy for me? (And I am married but only for the last 2 years) Let them know you are not the bank and tons of young adults can do it so they should be able to as well! Stand up and be strong we are behind you!!!

[JoanneS]

How old are these "adults"? Sometimes you have to push the little darlings out of the nest. My dad showed my Dsis the door at age 30, but my brotherinlaw is still in his dad's home, paying no rent and not helping at all and he's 47 . Lay down the law and stick to the plan. Good luck. I hope they all shape up soon.

[Fortissimo]

When I was home form college in the summer, my mom used to charge me $100 a month rent. If I didn't clean my room or pick up after myself, the charge went to $150 a month. She did cut me a lot of slack she shouldn't have because I worked 14-15 hour days at the waterpark with no days off, but I still should have been responsible enough to wash my own breakfast dishes ( I would rather clean toilets than wash dishes - don't ask).

My mom saved my rent money in a seperate account without my knowledge. When I finally grew up and bought my first house at 26, she gave me all the "rent" money she had collected from me.

[Tigger71]

Deliver an invoice to them weekly.
I gave my 14yr DS an itemised invoice and charged him $60 (he earns $130 he's still at school). I also pay the non data part of his phone plan and I pick him up from work when he does nights. I charged him for laundry, rent, meals and the taxi service.
Yes he sat up and took notice. He's not perfect but he is house trained AND he puts the $60 into savings instead!
Good luck!

[Teresa]

I solved the leaving their things laying around very quickly. One warning: If I come home to a mess, your things that are laying about are in the garbage.
Then, when I come home to clothing, food, shoes, etc. all over the house, I pack the clothing up in bags and they go to the Goodwill immediately. The food and dirty dishes go to their beds. NOT their rooms - their beds. If they want to live like pigs, they can wallow in their own mess.

If they bought the stuff themselves, then they should have more respect for the amount of work they did to earn that money. If I bought it, it was mine to begin with anyway! I'm a huge believer that everything in my house, unless purchased with money my kids earned is MINE. EVERY SINGLE THING. That hairbrush? Mine. "your" toothbrush? Mine, I'm just letting you use it. Clothing on your body? Mine. Keys to my car that are on the keychain you bought? Still mine. Phone in your hand? As long as I'm paying the plan, still mine. Well, might be yours, but it's not going to do you any good if I cancel the plan. Door on your bedrooms? mine. TP? mine - let's see you do without that!!

Oh, I'm mean, and I'm evil, but my kids know I'm serious when I say "Clean this up, NOW!"

Have fun. Maybe announce you're going out to a movie with friends, and when you get back, things better be fixed - or else. Works for me.

[Colexis Mom]

Sorry for your pain! I have the same issues, but my kids are younger!

[Huntermom]

You can offer to pay half or even a full months rent for your DD. She sounds like she needs to move out. Tell her she can stay until the first of the month and then she is on her own. Please don't let her emotionally blackmail you. If she doesn't come home for the holidays, so be it. You will all survive and she will grow up.

In the meantime, give them chores to do. I would give a list so it's clear what is expected. On days they don't work, they can have a simple chore -like putting clothes away. If they are not working, I am serious, they need to work for you-housework, yard work, my kids did office work for me. Or they can volunteer. If you are an adult, you don't have the summer free. The first day they are not done, the phone goes off. They will wake up very quickly. They need to pay the fees to have it turned back on or buy their own (they can get a repaid one for not much money)

[mcneal]

When my adults kids have lived with us, they were told that they had to do certain things or they could not live under my roof. Oldest DS moved in and with a couple of weeks was ignoring my few rules; he was told to find somewhere else to live and be out in a month. THat gave him plenty of time to find something but I told him no second chances. He now owns a house, a car, a motorcycle and is engaged. THey have to learn to stand on their own even if it seems like we are being mean. I would stop their cell plan right now and if you do not have other non-adult kids, stop buying groceries. I tell people all the time that adult childrens are WAAAAAAY more trouble than growing ones!

[CinderAbby]

Some people learn the hard way - and it sounds like that's the route you're going to have to take. and Good luck

[KMB733]

Sorry the kids are being disrespectful. I like Teresa suggestion of throwing stuff in the garbage or packing it up for Goodwill. Plus I think you should go ahead and shut the phones off. If they can't be responsible enough to act like adults in your home, then they need to learn the consequences.