Question about a bride's request??? - Page 5 - PassPorter - A Community of Walt Disney World, Disneyland, Disney Cruise Line, and General Travel Forums
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I'm sorry to hear about your dad. What a tough think to go through!!!
I understand what your saying completely. It does have to be hard not having your dad involved in this whole process. I was surprised she spoke at his funeral. I was shocked at how well she kept it together. I do think people grieve differently and I don't know how she is handling all of this. She does talk about him every once in a while and it's still a shock to me let alone her family that he's not here. I will say that her personality has changed a little ever since she went through Nursing school. I don't know how in the world that did anything but she is definitely more demanding!!!
I also spoke at my dad's funeral. When someone asked how I could do that, my only response was, "how could I not." No one else could have done it like me. I, like your friend, appear strong to everyone. Just because we appear to keep it together, does not mean we are not destroyed inside...
You have to remember that people who are really demanding like that usually get what they want because people are usually to intimidated to say anything or are too baffled and don't know what to say. They act they way they do because they can and it works for them.
I have to agree.
Here is something to think about. If the roles were reversed, would she be willing to do the same things for you?
Here is something to think about. If the roles were reversed, would she be willing to do the same things for you?
I wouldn't ask my friends to do things that she is asking us to do. I would hope she would but you never know. I'm not a pushy or demanding person. I can sit back and see things what's going on. The way she talks to her mom about wedding stuff is terrible. She told her mom what style of dress to wear and what color. A sage green dress. Her wedding colors are get this...cranberry, plum, orange, and YELLOW!! My dress is the plum color. I can handle that but the colors don't look good but whatever! Where in the world does sage green go with any of those colors? She told me secretly that she ordered a pretty orange dress online and likes it but doesn't know if she should show Breanna her dress. I told her yes!! Jenny-her mom is the one paying for then she should get what she wants. Anytime Jenny tries on a dress Breanna doesn't like any of them! Either she doesn't like the color or cut of the dress. I have to shut my mouth!! I will tell Jenny in front of Breanna that some of them look good and Breanna will have the final say! I've been in other friends weddings and never had to deal with such drama!
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Here's my two cents, why are you guys providing meals for everyone else, just have everyone fend for themselves. I know its a destination location but do you have to be provided with every meal, maybe she was thinking that is was nice to have all of your meals provided for you, but maybe you could just run through the drive through at McDonalds if you choose or sleep in, do the meals all have to be as a pack?
There is no "drive-thru" at the only McDonalds in Gatlinburg. It only has a walk-up window. Gatlinburg is a tourist town that is really set up to be traveled on foot. You can walk from one end to the other pretty easily. The majority of businesses eith has a very small parking lot or none. It is easiest to park in one of the big city parking lots. That being said, it is very difficult to just run out for everyone's food. Her demands are totally unrealistic! There is no way that I would agree to this. If she can't afford her own wedding, then she needs to worry about it herself. We stay in the cabins in Gatlinburg frequently. They really aren't that expensive.
I know, a guy probably should stay out of conversations like this, but...
The meal thing (I'm not going to comment on the rest of it) seems like it might have been a good idea that either has been poorly explained, or has gone astray. Perhaps the original idea was, "We're all staying together in the same chalet, so wouldn't it be cool if we had group meals? It could be really good for togetherness." That's an idea I can get behind (I always enjoyed being involved in communally-cooked family meals and group meals in my old whitewater canoe group).
Of course, the rest of the plan doesn't make as much sense. If the idea is togetherness, then you don't stick specific individuals with the bill, and you don't assign the meal planners/cooks - you ask for volunteers. Paying? Either everyone agrees to chip in, or a host(s) step forward to volunteer to pick up the tab.
So, if the bride started from the place I suggested, perhaps there's a way to get this back on track without ruffling too many feathers.
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There is no "drive-thru" at the only McDonalds in Gatlinburg. It only has a walk-up window. Gatlinburg is a tourist town that is really set up to be traveled on foot. You can walk from one end to the other pretty easily. The majority of businesses eith has a very small parking lot or none. It is easiest to park in one of the big city parking lots. That being said, it is very difficult to just run out for everyone's food. Her demands are totally unrealistic! There is no way that I would agree to this. If she can't afford her own wedding, then she needs to worry about it herself. We stay in the cabins in Gatlinburg frequently. They really aren't that expensive.
Yes. I've been to Gatlinburg quite a few times and it takes a lot of planning in where you are going to find grocery stores. We are driving down and the cars are going to be loaded with our dresses, clothes, and everything else for the wedding. So, it's not like we are going to stop somewhere and load the car with food. Plus, people are coming to her wedding for her and they shouldn't have to cook. This is a "vacation" basically for everyone since we all have to take 3 days off of work.
I know, a guy probably should stay out of conversations like this, but...
The meal thing (I'm not going to comment on the rest of it) seems like it might have been a good idea that either has been poorly explained, or has gone astray. Perhaps the original idea was, "We're all staying together in the same chalet, so wouldn't it be cool if we had group meals? It could be really good for togetherness." That's an idea I can get behind (I always enjoyed being involved in communally-cooked family meals and group meals in my old whitewater canoe group).
Of course, the rest of the plan doesn't make as much sense. If the idea is togetherness, then you don't stick specific individuals with the bill, and you don't assign the meal planners/cooks - you ask for volunteers. Paying? Either everyone agrees to chip in, or a host(s) step forward to volunteer to pick up the tab.
So, if the bride started from the place I suggested, perhaps there's a way to get this back on track without ruffling too many feathers.
I think it's a combination of the two things you've mentioned. I can see having at least one group meal a day. That would be fine and fun. We do that during family reunions. One family will provide desserts, another will provide a main dish, another a side dish, etc. It's not the entire meal though. But, you shouldn't expect your bridal party to provide meals for your wedding weekend. She put people in an awkward position. If we say no then we look bad. If we say yes then who knows what she will want us to have for her meals. It's a catch 22.
I wouldn't ask my friends to do things that she is asking us to do!
Perhaps I put that badly. Trying to find another way to put it that will make more sense...... If you are good friends, you should have an idea of how she would react to certain situations. How would/does she react to a request that you make that she thinks is unreasonable? I was thinking of a "friend" of mine from years ago who had a clear double standard. For example, it was fine if she blew off plans or cancelled at the last minute but if the same was done to her -Look Out ! I remember her being furious that I went to visit my sister for a weekend and didn't invite her because she would have enjoyed it so much and she felt I excluded her on purpose! It had nothing to do with her -I was visiting family for goodness sakes!! In any case.....that you get thru it.
I've been thinking about this request and I have some thoughts... (some all may not agree with)
First it sounds like you are all staying in one location together - someplace that may have a kitchen. It also sounded like most of the accomidations are being paid for.
I think the bride has just gone about asking (well telling) in the wrong way.
I realize this is a wedding but I think she is thinking more along the lines ...... everyone staying at the Chalet is family and close friends, we should plan to share the meals (cooking and planning) and the costs associated with them - kind of like if we all were renting a cabin for a few days for a vacation, heck, we have to eat.
It doesn't sound like she is asking anyone to feed the group for the actual reception to me.
That being said, I don't think it's the right thing to ask that of the family and friends coming to the destination wedding to be responsible for food and beverage.
In addition, if a plan for meals isn't worked out (by them or the bridal pary) - look at the costs you will have from going out to eat for multiple days at restaurants. It would probably be more than the cost associated from one meal.
I think you should talk with the bride and explain how uncomfortable the request sounds and see if she was really trying to ask for a favor or her intentions were really for a good. Sometimes brides get stupid around their wedding and forget how things look or sound to other people.
Now this bride does sound a little more out there then most - but I did want to share another side.
Yes. I've been to Gatlinburg quite a few times and it takes a lot of planning in where you are going to find grocery stores. We are driving down and the cars are going to be loaded with our dresses, clothes, and everything else for the wedding. So, it's not like we are going to stop somewhere and load the car with food. Plus, people are coming to her wedding for her and they shouldn't have to cook. This is a "vacation" basically for everyone since we all have to take 3 days off of work.
There is a Food City that most tourists don't know about. When you first come into Gatlinburg, where the road comes to a "Y" & the main road goes to the right, if you turn left, there is a Food City on that road on the left. I don't remember exactly how far it is , but it's not too far although it is out of the way.
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I've been thinking about this request and I have some thoughts... (some all may not agree with)
First it sounds like you are all staying in one location together - someplace that may have a kitchen. It also sounded like most of the accomidations are being paid for.
I think the bride has just gone about asking (well telling) in the wrong way.
I realize this is a wedding but I think she is thinking more along the lines ...... everyone staying at the Chalet is family and close friends, we should plan to share the meals (cooking and planning) and the costs associated with them - kind of like if we all were renting a cabin for a few days for a vacation, heck, we have to eat.
It doesn't sound like she is asking anyone to feed the group for the actual reception to me.
That being said, I don't think it's the right thing to ask that of the family and friends coming to the destination wedding to be responsible for food and beverage.
In addition, if a plan for meals isn't worked out (by them or the bridal pary) - look at the costs you will have from going out to eat for multiple days at restaurants. It would probably be more than the cost associated from one meal.
I think you should talk with the bride and explain how uncomfortable the request sounds and see if she was really trying to ask for a favor or her intentions were really for a good. Sometimes brides get stupid around their wedding and forget how things look or sound to other people.
Now this bride does sound a little more out there then most - but I did want to share another side.
Good luck
No, she is paying for the reception which is in Indiana on Oct. 9. It would be different if we were asked to make one main dish, or side dish, or dessert for 20+ people but this is an entire meal. That gets expensive. Plus, what if everyone decides they want to go and look around Gatlinburg and they eat lunch or dinner there. It's ridiculous. We should be able to fend for ourselves.
I think she should have thought about meals and the expense before she booked the location. She told me that Jason and her have spent a lot on the rental and everything else for the wedding and that this would basically help them out. I guess that's what gets me the most. If you can't afford it don't do it. She asked us to go we didn't volunteer to go.
Why not just tell her you will not be cooking for all her guests because you can't afford it..
Tell her you broke your budget covering all the other expenses you have to cover for her wedding
No, she is paying for the reception which is in Indiana on Oct. 9. It would be different if we were asked to make one main dish, or side dish, or dessert for 20+ people but this is an entire meal. That gets expensive. Plus, what if everyone decides they want to go and look around Gatlinburg and they eat lunch or dinner there. It's ridiculous. We should be able to fend for ourselves.
I think she should have thought about meals and the expense before she booked the location. She told me that Jason and her have spent a lot on the rental and everything else for the wedding and that this would basically help them out. I guess that's what gets me the most. If you can't afford it don't do it. She asked us to go we didn't volunteer to go.
Kara, I completely understand from your comment on choosing something you can't afford, not to do it for your Wedding (that's why I gave the example of my DH's and my own Wedding). I don't think you are in the wrong for your thought. I just don't know how some Brides & Grooms can plan a wedding like that and expect their bridal party to cook a whole meal for 20+ of their guests (when technically you are a guest). It would be one thing if she set up a registry in lieu gifts, her guests Cook the meal or a dish for the meal. It is certainly unreasonable to make your Bridal Party Cooke when everyone can fend for themselves for meals.
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I've been in other friends weddings and never had to deal with such drama!
! I remember her being furious that I went to visit my sister for a weekend and didn't invite her because she would have enjoyed it so much and she felt I excluded her on purpose! It had nothing to do with her -I was visiting family for goodness sakes!! In any case.....
that you get thru it.
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