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Old 04-17-2006, 09:32 AM   #16
ripkensnana
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

[ QUOTE ]
It is YOUR daughter and SHELBY'S day, so it should be up to you two. Thank your SIL for her opinion and tell her that you and Shelby have decided that the dress you already have is the dress she wants to wear.

[/ QUOTE ]

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Old 04-17-2006, 09:58 AM   #17
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

I agree that you should not have Shelby be the one to stand up to auntie. SHE is EIGHT for goodness sakes.
YOU need to tell auntie that this is the dress she is wearing. I would let her know that you tried to wait until she could help in the choosing of dresses, but couldn't wait any longer.

Maybe she could pick an appropriate bouquet? Or, could she buy a nice necklace or the shoes or bag or whatever.
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Old 04-17-2006, 10:23 AM   #18
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

The dress is perfect!! It is soo pretty [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/082502yes_prv.gif[/img] As for your SIL I would tell DD that she needs to stand up to her and how she feels about the dress, she loves it and wants to keep, end of story [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 04-17-2006, 10:47 AM   #19
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

[ QUOTE ]
The dress is STUNNING! It sounds like your SIL is so wrapped up in what she wants that she isn't paying attention to what your daughter wants. Pixies for you to make things better! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

That's EXACTLY what the problem is.. When my oldest niece made her communion we went looking for dresses & almost the exact same thing happened..my niece is a no frills girl & wanted a plain A line dress. Well, SIL kept trying to make my niece pick one 'she' liked (frilly etc.. which is soo not my oldest niece) .. it got to the point the poor kid was in tears & no matter what I said, she wanted that dress.. it didn't end until my niece finally told her she wanted the plain dress & got my brother involved..
I HAVE told SIL that this is the dress Shelby wanted numerous times over the past several days & we even got into an argument over it on Friday but when Shelby did her little pleading thing to me to PLEASE let them go shopping that was a green light to SIL thinking Shelby didn't 'really' want the dress.. instead of Shebly telling her I love it.. she cow tailed.. so it's kinda got to be up to Shelby to tell my SIL .. she thought about it & this is the dress she wants..
Shelby & I talked last night & I asked her if she really really wanted to look I didn't care ( & I really don't ..this is her day) & Shelby told me she doesn't want to look for another dress, she just wanted Aunt Debbie to stop talking about it & she didn't like it when Aunt Debbie kept saying it needed altered.. she told me it felt wierd when it was too tight... I do intend to tell SIL that this IS the dress but Shelby also can't back down either she must tell her as well..

As for the bra.. that's a whole other vent post in itself.. I was beside myself angry .. she is 8YO.. not 18... nor is she a little Barbie doll for SIL & nieces to dress up & parade around.

this is only the beginning of the problem with SIL.. we are inviting only family & I *KNOW* she is going to ask me if I invited her sister.. when I tell her it's only family. she will still want her sis invited saying "She's like family, she loves your kids" she will want to parade Shelby around & show all the things she bought for her... ( yes, the barbie doll stuff again)

thanks guys for your help.. will keep you posted!!
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Old 04-17-2006, 11:09 AM   #20
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

The dress is beautiful and Shelby loves it - she should wear it. Tell her it is HER special day and she should do what she wants.

I had a similar situation with my wedding dress. I saw a wedding dress in a photo when I was about 15 or so and told my aunt I loved it! She knew the girl, she had gotten married at my aunts house. Well, fast forward 13 years later and my aunt tells me that she bought me the dress a long time ago. What? I did not ask her to do that. When I announced I was getting married she said that she would send it to me. Well, of course, I wanted to find my own wedding dress. I did. I was just going to tell her thanks but no thanks, very nicely of course. She is one of my favorite aunts. It ended well, the girl found out my aunt was going to give it me and she wanted it back for her little girl. Whew! My aunt ended up sending me a very generous check to help with wedding expenses. My aunt is just precious.

Anyway, tell Shelby to do what her heart wants so she will have no regrets.

Best wishes,
Danielle
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Old 04-17-2006, 11:19 AM   #21
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

The dress is beautiful Ann. I think Shelby should wear the dress that she wants and I would just tell my SIL that.
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Old 04-17-2006, 02:36 PM   #22
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

FWIW, I think this drama over the dress is just part of a huge power struggle in the family, and you need to set some clear boundaries for your immediate family. i.e. not to be crossed by non-immediate family. You may hurt your SIL's feelings. She may not talk to you for a while. But in the end, the drama will end, and you won't have to relive the drama with every family function or milestone.
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and sold it on eBay. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
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Old 04-17-2006, 02:50 PM   #23
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

[ QUOTE ]
First of all the dress is beautiful. As for your SIL, YOU, not Shelby needs to tell her to back off. You got the dress Shelby is going to wear and that is the end of it. Here's some [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] to get tough with her.

[/ QUOTE ]

I totally agree, It is your place as "MOM" to tell SIL to back off.The dress is very pretty, she has great taste!
A child shouldn't be made to talk to grown-ups about these things.
If SIL still won't shut up, Tell her she can be uninvited, So she won't spoil the day for Shelby. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
Deb
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Old 04-17-2006, 08:27 PM   #24
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

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but when Shelby did her little pleading thing to me to PLEASE let them go shopping that was a green light to SIL thinking Shelby didn't 'really' want the dress.. instead of Shebly telling her I love it.. she cow tailed.. so it's kinda got to be up to Shelby to tell my SIL .. she thought about it & this is the dress she wants..

[/ QUOTE ]
I don't think it needs to be up to an 8 year old to stand up to her aunt. I really think you need to tell your SIL that she is NOT going to be taking Shelby shopping. Period. End of discussion. You can tell her what Shelby said, but I really don't think your SIL will listen. It really sounds like things have been building to this point for a while and you need to put your foot down. If it was me I wouldn't let SIL be alone with Shelby for a while. Your SIL is trying to control you, not your DD.
Hang in there, I know this can't be easy. Just keep reminding yourself that the long term benefits of standing up to your dominering SIL are going to make this worth it!
[img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]
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Old 04-17-2006, 08:40 PM   #25
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

[ QUOTE ]
I agree that you should not have Shelby be the one to stand up to auntie. SHE is EIGHT for goodness sakes.
YOU need to tell auntie that this is the dress she is wearing. I would let her know that you tried to wait until she could help in the choosing of dresses, but couldn't wait any longer.

Maybe she could pick an appropriate bouquet? Or, could she buy a nice necklace or the shoes or bag or whatever.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with everyone else. 8 is too young to stand up to someone who is a manipulator. Maybe when she's 15 but not 8. I was going to say the same thing about suggesting SIL buy jewelry or flowers. maybe that'll appease everyone.
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Old 04-17-2006, 09:30 PM   #26
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

The dress is beautiful [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]
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Old 04-18-2006, 09:59 AM   #27
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

Hey, I have an idea! Let SIL take Shelby shopping, buy whatever she wants, but on THE day, have Shelby wear the original dress to the communion. What's SIL gonna do? Drag Shelby out of the church so that she can take her home to change dresses? I don't think so.... Or Shelby can wear SIL's dress to the party afterwards....
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Old 04-18-2006, 10:25 PM   #28
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

[ QUOTE ]
Hey, I have an idea! Let SIL take Shelby shopping, buy whatever she wants, but on THE day, have Shelby wear the original dress to the communion. What's SIL gonna do? Drag Shelby out of the church so that she can take her home to change dresses? I don't think so.... Or Shelby can wear SIL's dress to the party afterwards....

[/ QUOTE ]

I LOVE that idea!!! & I KNOW Shelby will love having 2 dresses.. (I had 2 communion dresses.. one was a hand me down from a cousin & one was brand new.. only wore one tho)

GREAT thinking, Carol!! No arguments.. I tell SIL, I love that dress, she likes another so Shelby wears BOTH...

Actually, I think SIL will not even get her another dress as by the time they go shopping everything will be picked over!
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Old 04-18-2006, 10:47 PM   #29
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Re: Another in law vent~ what is with my in laws & shelby\'s communion??

Glad I could help! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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