Taking A Break from Life with a Trip to My Happy Place About This Page:

[honeybee723]

Taking a Break from Life with a Trip to My Happy Place
November 13th – November 19th

Now that I’m officially 30 days from our trip, I thought I’d begin my next trip report. I guess you could call me a follower, or a sucker for punishment, because here I am writing another TR that I wasn’t sure I was even going to write. It’s not that I don’t like sharing my adventures, or that I feel like they’re a burden to do, it’s more of the fact that I don’t see my vacations as anything too exciting. In fact, there’s even an underlying sense of guilt as I’m writing these insatiable page turners, because in a way I feel like such a fake in the Passporter world of trip report writers, and that’s why I’ve decided to come clean to everyone this time, which also became the inspiration for my title.

I’m sure anyone who’s ever written one of these things has tried to prevent people from having a peak behind the proverbial curtain that is their personal life. To keep a bit of their private life, well, private…too not give it ALL away. Yeah, I’ve done it. I’ve done it every time I’ve written one of these, and looking back on everything I’ve shared, and everything I haven’t, it makes me feel like a faker, a master of illusion, and a person who didn’t want to write another report.

We all know life isn’t perfect, in fact, it seems that in at least two of my reports I’ve had a loved one pass away, and I’ve also had a handful of arguments or disagreements with a few family members, and while this trip started out as being something for us to do before our annual passes ran out, it became something that I needed to do in order to take a break from everything that seemed to be coming unhinged in my life. Now, please don’t think this trip report is going to be the ultimate downer or a “glass half empty” sort of thing, because it’s not, but as much as I’m not the type of person to put my business out there for all of the world to see, I needed to give all of you a bigger peak behind my “curtain” before I could continue writing about all the happy planning I’ve been doing.

It’s like the universe whispered to me when I decided to approach my mom about taking this trip, and the whisper went something like this, “You need a girls only trip”. Well, if you say so. Mom and I started going on our Girls Only Disney trips back in 2000, and since then we've gone on one in 2004, 2006 and 2010.


Girls Trip in 2000


Girls Trip in 2004


Girls Trip in 2006


Girls Trip in 2010

Going to Disney with my mom is an entirely different kind of trip when it’s just us. We walk at a faster pace which makes seeing everything a lot easier and we like the same things, which means that we don’t have to constantly ask each other what to see or do. I guess it’s that unspoken connection we have between us, and I think deep down the universe knew that a few months down the road we would need to feel that connection once more, and so this vacation went from being more than just us needing a Disney fix. After some unexpected events, and some recurring troubles, this vacation became more about us spending time together than it did about visiting Disney World.

I apologize now for the length of this first installment, but there was no other way to shorten it. Let’s rewind a bit…

Before the start of summer, my brother decided to rent out his townhouse and get a single family home built about 25 minutes away from us in a more rural area of our county. They ended up moving in with my parents so they would have some place to live while the new house was being built, of course, the quoted time of completion ended up being way off, and needless to say, they won’t be moving in until the beginning of December. At first, my parents didn’t want them moving in since their house isn’t that large to begin with, plus my niece Trinity is a big handful with a naughty streak thrown in for good measure, and I don’t think they wanted to deal with the added noise that comes with a bad toddler. However, they couldn’t say no to their son, and come to find out, the new living arrangements weren’t as bad as they originally thought they were going to be. I can tell that as my brother’s been living with my parents, his relationship with them has gotten stronger, which is something that my brother needed and my mother wanted.

It’s a running joke in our family that I’m the favorite child, and that I’m still attached to my mother’s hip even though I’m 36 years old. I take it as jealousy that I have a stronger bond with my mom, but in a way, such a close relationship can make it harder to let go. I’ll never forget what my mom told me one day. She said, “If I would have known someone like you when I was in school, we would have been best friends”. That sentence pretty much sums up our entire relationship. She’s my best friend, and I know there are tons of kids in the world that say the same thing about their mom, but my mom really is my best friend. Yes, I have close girlfriends that I call my best friends, but my mom comes before all of them, and without her in my life it would be like part of me is missing, and how can anyone function with missing pieces?

A few months ago, the heating and air conditioning company my dad was doing estimates for started bringing in less and less work, which meant my dad was bringing home less and less money. To make matters worse, his sister still hasn’t given him any of the money she owes him from the sale of his HVAC company, which lead my mother to become the sole bread winner. [IMG][/IMG] Somehow my brother was able to talk him into getting an attorney and taking my aunt to court, which is a big step since my father didn’t want to do that to his own family, but we looked it like all family ties went out the window a long time ago, and it’s now time to look out for yourself and your wife.

Somewhere mixed in with all of this talk about money and the house, and what they could and could not afford, my brother offered them the opportunity to build an in-laws residence on the land he was building his house on. Their mortgage is paid off, so any money they got from the sale of their house would go towards the building of this new house, plus my dad wouldn’t have to worry about the upkeep of the yard because my brother would now take care of all of that. It seemed like the perfect solution, and you’d think I’d be happy for them, but the only problem with that is I didn’t even know any of this was being discussed, and when I did find out about it, it wasn’t my mom who came to talk to me, it was my dad.

He told me that she was afraid to tell me because she knows how close we are and she didn’t want this to upset or hurt me, but how could it not? First, I was hurt that she felt she couldn’t tell me about this herself, and second I was upset that not only would she possibly be living 25 minutes away from me (I know it doesn't seem like much, but it is), but that she would be having a house built right next to my brother. Now, before all of you think this is sibling jealousy, it’s not. Back in October of 2009, I had discussed doing the exact same thing that my brother is now offering to do with them, the only problem we had was finding a builder who was selling the land and his services in one combined price that was also in an area we wanted to live. We never found it, and it broke my heart that my brother finally did, and was planning on helping them out in a way I couldn’t.

In my eyes my relationship with my mom was going to change because of the distance between us, and her relationship with Hope would also suffer, but when I finally spoke with her about it, she said that would never happen, and I let it go. A few weeks later she casually asked me if I was happy for them, and I said it would be selfish of me if I said I wasn’t because they need to do what’s best for them, but I’d be lying if I said I was happy about the situation and with the fact that she’s moving so far away, and of course she didn’t like that answer. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to sugar coat my answer just to make people feel better. Again, I let it go, and just pushed this whole situation to the back of my mind, until one day my SIL, Corinne, told me that my mom was unusually sad lately, and she thinks the reason is because I don’t know how to be happy for other people. I had finally reached my breaking point with this entire topic, and I lost it...I broke down and cried. I told her that she can’t understand the relationship I have with my mom because she doesn’t have that with her mom. I told her that I feel like I’m being pushed to the outside of the family with all the secrets and lies that I’ve been told about what’s really going on with this whole house building process. I told her that I know how to be happy for other people, especially my family, and I in fact told my mom that, but explained that I wasn’t happy with certain aspects of the situation. I also told her that I was jealous that my brother was able to give my parents the things I couldn’t, and when they get to the age where they need help being cared for, he would be more responsible for them than I would, and I just can’t see him being that good at it.

I think I surprised her with my response because she suddenly felt really bad for me, and started crying a bit herself. Not sure if it was an act to make me feel better or because she really did feel bad for coming at me the way she did, but either way, I decided that it was time for my mom and I to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart…and we did. My mom told me she knows I know how to feel happy for other people, and she understood where I was upset about everything, but that our relationship would never change, and that we would find a way to make the distance work for us. She also said that they don’t even know if the house can be built because of some building code issues, and right now everything was up in the air. And even though I felt better after that talk, I’m still very sad about it, and I still feel like a piece of me is being ripped out of my chest.

I honestly don’t know where they are right now with the house because I haven’t heard anything about it lately. It’s not like my parents are knocking down my door to give me the answers, and I half expect to find out they really are moving once the moving van pulls up in front of their house, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it I guess. For now I’m looking forward to spending a much needed vacation with my mom and daughter, and after I get back I’ll once again be faced with a reality check if they go through with the build. I had thought, in a plan to make me feel better, that this would help me down the road when it came time for her to leave me in life, that the distance between us would make it easier for me to let her go, but the only person I’m kidding is myself, because no matter how far away she is, and how little I get to see her, she will always be my best friend, my missing piece…my mom.

So, I hope I haven’t depressed too many of you already with that long drawn out story, but I just couldn’t see myself writing this report without a bit of honesty thrown in. Our mothers are there to comfort us when we’re sick or sad, and this trip has become a sense of comfort for me during a time of uncertainty. I promise there will be a lot more light-hearted fun stuff to write about than sad depressing stuff, but to quote good ‘ole Dr. Phil, if I plan on “getting real” than I need to keep it real for all of you too. And maybe this will end up helping me out in the long run because at least I will know there are a few people out there that I can let it all out too, and they will be ready to offer advice, understanding, and even a bit of comfort of their own, and I would be extremely grateful for that.

Up Next: Do We Even Know Where We’re Staying? And Some Exciting News (no, I’m not pregnant)