I need tips, support and pixie dust with dreaded wedding weekend!! (VERY LONG!)
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goofy4goofy · 10-09-2004, 09:07 PM

I'm sending you a ton of pixie dust to get through this!!!!! Keep thinking about that wonderful cruise you will be taking!

At work, when I'm feeling really stressed, I start thinking about Dory. I chant to myself, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." Sometimes I even say it out loud and it makes me laugh. Maybe this will help you too! LOL

Good luck!!!!!!!
Kelly

Tara O'Hara · 10-09-2004, 09:27 PM

All I can say is that at least if it weren't for her, you wouldn't have your wonderful DH!

Keep your cruise in sight!

Queen of Everything · 10-09-2004, 10:50 PM

In my opinion it is not in your best interest to have anything to do with these people. It will only shorten your life. I'm sending some pixie dust your way.

Amy

IvyandLace · 10-10-2004, 06:30 AM

You all don't realize how wonderful it is to log on here and see your wonderful thoughts of encouragement...it's like a breath of fresh air to my soul (I know, so poetic!), but it really feels like that. Thanks for all your "plans of attack" for the dreaded weekend...it's exactly what I needed-things that I can do to prepare and deal with what that weekend will bring!

Yes, we will be limiting our time with everyone, as much as we can. Here our schedule for that weekend so far: We are flying out on November 4th and will land in Phoenix by 4pm. Though Sue will be having an "open" casual dinner for everyone flying in, I am going to try my darnest to avoid that...I'm hoping that the time change and flying will be enough to convince DH to just "take it easy" and enjoy the resort we are staying at. Though we have a non-stop flight from Raleigh, NC, it will still be a longer flight that we are used to (than MCO...1.5 hours...we are spoiled!), and my back can't take much sitting. My DH isn't a "planner" (I'm almost obsessive compulsive when it comes to trips!) so if I don't say anything about the dinner that night, he won't even be aware, though he's smarter than he looks!

What I'm worried about is that MIL will definitely be calling us on our cell and asking why we aren't there!

The next day I have a *secret* appointment with a national spine institute; we are keeping this quiet from the family as I don't want to have to deal with questions especially when I have had a lot of disappointment lately with doctors. This is MIL's forte too as she thinks she knows everything (we are both nurses) and no matter what they say (good OR bad), she'll have something to say...and will keep harping on it all weekend. I just don't want them to know. We will be missing a hike that is planned, but I wasn't going to go anyway since I can't really hike! Later that afternoon Sue is planning on taking those who don't hike (I read that to say "me"!) for a drive in the Arizona desert. Don't have a plan to get out of that one...yet! Any ideas?? It's tricky cuz as much as DH doesn't want to be with his family, he will be feeling the obligation that weekend so I'm trying to get away with spending time AWAY from them without it actually looking like that! That evening (Friday, November 5th) there is a pre-wedding dinner that includes meeting her side of the family...joy! joy! The stress of blending two families...AGH! That should be an interesting night. We will HAVE to be there. Unfortunately, the only people we know in Arizona is his brothers so I'm afraid that's who we will be hanging with. Probably his older brother and his family...which might be the best plan since you all know how great the in-laws get along with them!!! I guess you could say they are the lesser of two evils!

It's either them or hang with MIL/FIL or BIL/Sue....hmmmm....

The wedding is very informal (I have NO idea what to wear to a wedding that is informal...NEVER been to one that isn't formal or semi-formal...Sue has written me to say "church" dress but no ties for guys are needed so I'm thinking that my guy will be dressed to the nines!

He looks great in a tie!) There is a pre-wedding breakfast that we will probably have to go to unless I can drug DH to sleep in...which might actually work! (He loves his sleep!) After the informal, family-only wedding, there is a reception lunch at our resort so I'm afraid we won't have much "privacy" to escape to our room that day!! That night they will be having friends and family for a casual cake reception at their house...I'm NOT looking forward to this cuz I don't know their friends and will already have been with the "family" all day!! Yikes! Maybe I'll pray for food poisoning from lunch...!

They are leaving for their honeymoon (I have a sinking feeling that FIL is paying for this as well, but it's not REALLY my business...but it still GRATES my nerves!) on Sunday so we have made tenative plans to drive to Tucson to see older BIL's house. This should be an interesting day as well since MIL will be in her "depressive" state of her "manic depressive" disease since the wedding is over (and her "baby" is now married!) so she will be meaner than ever and that much more emotional. Wonderful, eh? I can promise you that older BIL and family will NOT be speaking to her by now so I'm not sure how she's going to take us going to visit them for the day. She'll have a definite "plan" of her own for us that day, I'm positive. All I can hope is that we can leave for BIL's house before she wakes up and keep our cell phone on "silent"! Oh...she is going to HATE us, and I'm sure we'll get an earful. Either that or she'll just show up at BIL's house, only speaking to us, and tag along the whole day. Not awkward at all....

Thankfully we fly out early the next day (Monday, November 8th) so we should be able to avoid seeing anyone that day!! (Well, a person can DREAM, can't she?)

I do, in fact, have a WONDERFUL husband; I truly thank God for him every day! He is a blessing! I was thankful for the person who made me remember that MIL is DH's mother and is responsible for my having him in my life. Having MIL as a mother has been a strengthening influence in his life-kind of like if you had a parent that smokes, many times that will turn you off smoking. He has been vigilant to control his anger and to insist that we are effective communicators in our relationship.

WHEW! Another LONG post...I apologize! Thanks again for listening to all the sordid details! Such great therapy...and so inexpensive!

Thanks again, you wonderful people!

IVY

Beth L. · 10-10-2004, 06:53 AM

Yikes! I had to do deep breathing just to get through reading your experiance with MIL & BIL forget ever having to deal with that in person.

You're definately a much braver woman than I am!! Sending lots & lots of

for you to get through the wedding (personally I would run, not walk in the opposite direction) and wishing you a wonderful, wonderful time with your family on the cruise!

wdwlovers · 10-10-2004, 07:47 AM

**LizardCop** · 10-10-2004, 08:47 AM

[ QUOTE ]
WHEW! Another LONG post...I apologize! Thanks again for listening to all the sordid details! Such great therapy...and so inexpensive!

Thanks again, you wonderful people!

IVY

[/ QUOTE ]

Post Away!!! If you can't let it all hang out with your passporter friends, who can you hang it all out on???

**Colexis Mom** · 10-10-2004, 10:02 AM

Sending you tons of pixie

**rescuesk** · 10-11-2004, 09:03 AM

And I thought my family was dysfunctional!!

for you and your wonderful DH to get through the wedding. When I have to deal with stressful family situations (not nearly as stressful as yours, though) I always say to myself, it's only for ______ hours (fill in the blank). I can put up with anything for _____ hours. That always helps me to realize that there is an END to this!!!

and

You can vent to us anytime!!!

AmyAngel · 10-11-2004, 11:00 AM

WOW! Did your DH ever dream of running off to join the circus? I can't imagine living with that...

Just keep swimming!

Do the best you can to keep yourself sane. Cellphone batteries die sometimes you know!

Deep breaths, dream about the cruise, and maybe stockpile a few change-of-conversation phrases. "Please pass the bean dip, how 'bout those (insert sports team here)?"

Maybe get MIL to talk about her own wedding, hobbies, memories of when her kids were young as much as possible? She can't harp on you if she's talking about herself, so it might be easier to listen to (and tune out). She seems like she might REALLY enjoy talking about herself.

Hopefully Sue and BIL will turn out all right. I was in a wedding last winter that I thought would be over in a year. Then they got pregnant on the honeymoon. These are people who you would think should NOT under any circumstances have children, because they're still really immature and unstable in a lot of ways themselves. But, they're still together and have a 2 month old son, and have turned out to be FAR better parents so far than anyone expected. I've been really impressed and surprised.

for you to get through the wedding without going insane and with minimal stress.

That BIL and his new wife grow together and mature, and surprise everyone.

That you never have to travel with MIL again!

And

for your Dr. appointment.

PhillyPooh · 10-11-2004, 12:49 PM

Wow! You are a bigger person than I am. There is absolutely no way you would catch me going to that wedding. I am done doing things in my life out of a sense of obligation. I have no time for mean, negative, nasty people. Life is way to short. I give you credit. I'm sending you TONS and TONS of pixie dust to get through the weekend and I hope everything goes great with the Dr.'s visit.

DISNEYGOOF · 10-11-2004, 06:47 PM

Sending

for "the Weekend" and here's to a great cruise!

mama2disneyfan · 10-11-2004, 07:37 PM

Girl, you have all my pixie dust! I feel for you.
I hope you get through the weekend unscathed.
Good luck!

GATechGal · 10-11-2004, 09:17 PM

Ivy,
My DH (and I) both have families with members similar to yours (doesn't everyone?). Here's what I think. Sue needs you. Granted, she is CHOOSING to marry into this mix, but you, your DH and maybe the older BIL sound like the sane ones in the group. In fact, Sue sounds like one of US. You need to introduce her to Passporters. Your plans sound good. You're avoiding the MIL and maximizing your opportunities everywhere else. But try and find out how you can help Sue in small, singular (jobs that need just one person) ways. I remember when we got married, no one brought us food. Beer and wine a plenty, but at our reception, we got only cake. So for many weddings that we go to, we make sure that the bride and groom get food (down South, traditionally we don't do sit down dinners). You might not get other opportunities to mix with the older BIL on HIS turf so maximize those opportunities while avoiding your MIL who is obviously a real source of irritation. And then, of course, you can always report in to us when ever you need a little bolstering up. That's what we're here for.

eliza · 10-11-2004, 09:23 PM

WOW!!

I need a tranquilizer after reading your post

I wish you the best of luck. It is incredible that your husband is so wonderful~ I'm so glad he is, though. With his love and support you can get through this wedding

Good Luck!