How would you handle..? (A traveling with others budget question) About This Page:

[Nyreak]

OK, so a little background first. Last year, my parents joined us at our timeshare (off property) for our post-Thanksgiving week trip. They brought along my niece (14) and nephew (8). Since the room was on us, my parents insisted on paying for Jocelyn's park ticket even though we had already purchased it. It had been their decision to bring my niece and nephew (though they did ask if it was alright first), so they paid for theirs as well.

Now, this year, my husband's parents are coming along. We let them know that they could bring Elizabeth (15) and Lia (13 1/2) if they wanted. Mil and Fil decided that they did want to bring them along and invited them. So, one day, I'm texting back and forth with Mil about getting tickets and she starts talking about having to pick up extra shifts/overtime so she can pay for the trip. This both annoys me and makes me feel a little guilty (yeah, I don't know why...), so we somehow wind up offering to pay for one of the tickets for the nieces. We had already said we'd pay for the MVMCP tickets for all three girls (our 4 year old and both of them), and so now we're doing that, plus the 2 adults and 1 child for us, plus another adult ticket for them. No big deal, it was our decision (if somewhat guilted) to do so.

Here's the thing, though. A lot of the time, my husband will pick up the check when we go out to eat with them. I told my husband that if we are paying for a 6 day adult pass for one of the girls, then we are not covering any of their meals. (Note: my parents paid for my niece and nephew and themselves, and we paid for us, except for us maybe covering one meal and them doing the same in return later on.) Ken says he's fine with this, but it will boil down to me somehow making sure they are aware of this before we arrive.

After doing some number crunching where I put in the cost of meals at each place we are planning to eat, (including tax for the counter service and tax and 18% tip for the table service) plus an average cost of meals for those not set, like counter service meals, I came up with a pretty good set of numbers. I even did a 'high' and 'low', with the low side being more inexpensive meals and the high side having the bigger pricier dinners. The numbers actually wound up coming out about even. (Here's the spreadsheet, if you want to see how crazy I am.)

I was thinking that I could send it to her, as I have done with the schedule. Should I point out that the amounts come out to just about even, give or take a few dollars, with us paying for the tickets we agreed on and our meals and them paying for their tickets and food for the 4 of them? Should I just let her look at the paper and figure it out? What would you all do?

It's such an eggshell walking situation, discussing money with people, but I refuse to pay for everything, especially since it's our time share and they aren't having to pay a single cent to stay with us.

ETA: We are considering getting APs for us, but I didn't include that anywhere in the estimates because I didn't want to mess up the comparison. I know that it will be an extra $800ish for us.

[Charlie97]

I would be straightforward about it and let them know that money is tight on both sides....thiers and yours. I have run into this situation before, and I do make it clear what I can and cannot pay for. It may seem a bit rude, but it's the cold hard truth. I work just as hard as the next person, and would like to enjoy my vacation just as much as they would.

to you, and I hope it goes good for you all.

[Huntermom]

I would send the spread sheet and ask her how she feels about their meal costs and is there anything they want to change about their meals? That gives them the opportunity to drop some of the more expensive meals if they cannot afford them. I would also take off the ticket costs. You already agreed to pay for the extra ticket and there is no reason to point it out again.

[Nyreak]

Originally Posted by Charlie97

I would be straightforward about it and let them know that money is tight on both sides....thiers and yours. I have run into this situation before, and I do make it clear what I can and cannot pay for. It may seem a bit rude, but it's the cold hard truth. I work just as hard as the next person, and would like to enjoy my vacation just as much as they would.

to you, and I hope it goes good for you all.

Thanks. I guess I'll just let her know I'm sending it along with an explanation of what it is. If she has any issues, she'll let me know.

Originally Posted by Huntermom

I would send the spread sheet and ask her how she feels about their meal costs and is there anything they want to change about their meals? That gives them the opportunity to drop some of the more expensive meals if they cannot afford them. I would also take off the ticket costs. You already agreed to pay for the extra ticket and there is no reason to point it out again.

That's a good way to do it, asking if there are any she'd like to skip.

The only reason I'm including that cost of tickets is so that she can see the big picture. No one has bought the tickets yet, and this way she can see how much she needs to budget. The reason I left ours on is because I wanted to show that our costs are going to be almost identical in the long run. I guess I could leave it off for now and if she tries to convince us that we should cover some of the girls' meals as well, I can show her how altogether, we'll be paying about the same.

[Teresa]

I think I'd point out to her what the cost of the meals are going to (maybe) be. Ask what she thinks. Let her know these are the meals you and your DH have planned, to give your DD and yourselves the experience you want, but will understand if they want to have a different experience than you, since you are paying for a small child and they have 2 who qualify as "adults" by WDW standards.
You could even mention that WDW meals are often larger than most people can eat, and sharing 2 or 3 between 4 people is not unusual.

Do they have any idea what meal options/restaurants are available and what the menus of each are? Do you all live close enough to go talk to them about it?
What about sending them one of the $1 Passporters??? Then, they would have a very good idea of what you're talking about.

[Nyreak]

Originally Posted by Teresa

I think I'd point out to her what the cost of the meals are going to (maybe) be. Ask what she thinks. Let her know these are the meals you and your DH have planned, to give your DD and yourselves the experience you want, but will understand if they want to have a different experience than you, since you are paying for a small child and they have 2 who qualify as "adults" by WDW standards.
You could even mention that WDW meals are often larger than most people can eat, and sharing 2 or 3 between 4 people is not unusual.

Do they have any idea what meal options/restaurants are available and what the menus of each are? Do you all live close enough to go talk to them about it?
What about sending them one of the $1 Passporters??? Then, they would have a very good idea of what you're talking about.

I didn't think to point out the meal size, that will help as well. Thanks! I gave her links to each of the restaurant sites, and she at least has a passporter from... '09, as I convinced her to get one the last time they went with us.

Before I made ADRs, I gave her a list of each restaurant we were thinking of using and the approximate cost for each. She'd OKed them at that point, but I know that it helps me to see how much it is all added together.

See, I knew you guys would be helpful!

[B.M.]

I would just send her some info including about what you expect her meals to cost.... Just start it out something along the lines of "I'm sure you are trying to get your budget together for the trip and thought it might help to have an idea of meal costs...."

[rescuesk]

[Carousel96]

Originally Posted by B.M.

I would just send her some info including about what you expect her meals to cost.... Just start it out something along the lines of "I'm sure you are trying to get your budget together for the trip and thought it might help to have an idea of meal costs...."

I think that's a good way to approach the topic.
You offered to pay for tickets for the girls. That's over and a done deal. I don't think you want to look like you're using your past generous offer as leverage here.

[buzzspal2]

[Tigger71]

I would send an email and the spreadsheet with a short note on the ways you have been saving to pay for the meals. I know this is an easy cop out but I wouldn't like the confrontation and I like people to know I work hard to be able to afford things others consider luxuries and I will not be made to feel guilty because I save hard. Best wishes for a successful outcome!

[Nyreak]

I just send her an email with the average low and high prices of meals at the planned restaurants, along with a note to let me know if there are any that she'd prefer to not take part in. If she mentions us paying for the girls to eat, I'll force that conversation on my husband. It is his mother, after all.

Thanks for all of your suggestions. As we all know, money (and inlaws) can be a touchy subject!