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So we encourage you to stay in touch with us and your fellow community members wherever works best for you!

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Old 04-23-2009, 09:49 AM   #31
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When DD was in Kindergarten she befriended a little girl that came to their class a couple of hours a day; she also ate lunch with them. Everyday the little girl would not eat her lunch, so DD Lauren started sitting by her and encouraging her to eat. Well, it got to the point that if Lauren wasn't at school this little girl would not eat lunch.

It made me feel good as a parent that she is listening when we tell her to be nice to people. Lauren is a loving little girl with others anyway, it just helps to nudge her along.

Lauren has a deaf boy who has implants. He still signs some things and the teacher has to wear a voice amplifier, but he does real well. Lauren checked out a book at the library to learn some signs to she could talk with him more. She did this on her own, we didn't have to tell her to do it.

I think there are some good kids and a bunch of others who weren't taught to be considerate; some of it stems from the parents.

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Old 04-23-2009, 09:56 AM   #32
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ok, personal soap box time. look at what's on TV as funny. generally they are mocking others, insulting them or belittling them. its perfectly ok to be sarcastic and condesending to others and it all has a laugh track so its all good. i'm not saying its TV's fault, i'm saying that its reflextive of our culture as acceptable.
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Old 04-23-2009, 10:04 AM   #33
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I have to say, this is one of the (many) reasons that we homeschool.

My 11 yr. old would probably be labeled with Asperger's; she's an extremely bright, intelligent, insightful child - but she's different. Different enough to be noticable to other kids and to be an easy target for being teased or made to feel bad about herself.

We've interacted with public schooled kids and with homeschool kids in open play situations - and I have to say, it's been our experience that most homeschooled kids are more tolerant of 'different' kids, whether it's physical, mental or whatever. They tend to not exclude them and generally go out of their way to make them feel comfortable in a group. They also tend to 'leave them be' when they sense the other child wants to be left alone.

And yes, we've met other public school kids who have been just as accepting and kind - but I've witnessed far more ps kids (and their parents!) that tend to follow the crowd and pick on the weakest member of the group.

Why? Is it our primal instinct to 'weed out the weak' to make the group iteself stronger? Is it because finding fault with others makes us feel better about ourselves? Is it because deep down inside, we all know we're a little 'different' - and so picking on someone helps us hide our own insecurities? I don't know....
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Old 04-23-2009, 10:40 AM   #34
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most homeschooled kids are more tolerant of 'different' kids, whether it's physical, mental or whatever. They tend to not exclude them and generally go out of their way to make them feel comfortable in a group. They also tend to 'leave them be' when they sense the other child wants to be left alone.
This is one of the reasons that I love our homeschool support group. It is perfectly acceptable to be weird or different. The kids get together and play and hang out, no thought is given to age differences or personality differences. Everyone is accepted. I think it has mostly to do with the parents of the kids and the fact that we encourage and expose them to a lot of different things and situations and people. I don't know that all homeschool groups are like that, but I'm really thankful that ours is. We have every kind of family you can think of, different cultures, different religions, it's really cool.
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Old 04-23-2009, 12:34 PM   #35
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ok, personal soap box time. look at what's on TV as funny. generally they are mocking others, insulting them or belittling them. its perfectly ok to be sarcastic and condesending to others and it all has a laugh track so its all good. i'm not saying its TV's fault, i'm saying that its reflextive of our culture as acceptable.

very good point
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Old 04-23-2009, 03:00 PM   #36
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The more our DDs get involved in school, sports, 4H, etc- the more we see this behavior. I will not tolerate bullying and was actually very instrumental in bringing an anti-bullying program into our school. The squeaky wheel DOES get the grease . As a Catholic school, I felt this was one place for certain that my children should NOT be subjected to bullying behavior. It seems as though I was not the only one, b/c after I spoke up, the bandwagon began. So now every parent, every child, every teacher and every administrator must sign and adhere to a Covenent, with Zero Tolerance for bullying being one of the main points. Along with several presentations on the subject, I think everyone at school has a much better understanding of WHY we need to work on this problem.

What was important to me was that my DD understood that she was being bullied and what to do when it happened. At first, she had no idea how to handle it, b/c we all know teachers don't like "tattle-tales". So the program is designed so that bullies know what constitutes as "bullying behavior" and the victim knows what to do, how to report it, etc. Up until now, the answer would usually be "kids will be kids", "girls will be girls", etc. That answer was completely unacceptable to me b/c in my house there is no excuse for mean or rude behavior towards others.

Most studies show that bullying stems from the need for power or the need to be better than someone else. If a person has enough self-confidence and empathy towards others- they should not have a NEED for treating someone else poorly. So this is something we focus on a lot- understanding that anything & everything you do can & will impact others. So think before you speak or act. The Golden Rule- you just can't go wrong with it .
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:18 PM   #37
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I have to say, this is one of the (many) reasons that we homeschool.

My 11 yr. old would probably be labeled with Asperger's; she's an extremely bright, intelligent, insightful child - but she's different. Different enough to be noticable to other kids and to be an easy target for being teased or made to feel bad about herself.

We've interacted with public schooled kids and with homeschool kids in open play situations - and I have to say, it's been our experience that most homeschooled kids are more tolerant of 'different' kids, whether it's physical, mental or whatever. They tend to not exclude them and generally go out of their way to make them feel comfortable in a group. They also tend to 'leave them be' when they sense the other child wants to be left alone.

And yes, we've met other public school kids who have been just as accepting and kind - but I've witnessed far more ps kids (and their parents!) that tend to follow the crowd and pick on the weakest member of the group.

Why? Is it our primal instinct to 'weed out the weak' to make the group iteself stronger? Is it because finding fault with others makes us feel better about ourselves? Is it because deep down inside, we all know we're a little 'different' - and so picking on someone helps us hide our own insecurities? I don't know....

Well said! When I was a PS teacher, I had a sign that said, "blowing out the other fellow's candle will not make yours shine any brighter" to caution them against that kind of behavior in my classroom. The other thing I have taught my children is, "There, but by the grace of God, go I".
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:22 PM   #38
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The more our DDs get involved in school, sports, 4H, etc- the more we see this behavior. I will not tolerate bullying and was actually very instrumental in bringing an anti-bullying program into our school. The squeaky wheel DOES get the grease . As a Catholic school, I felt this was one place for certain that my children should NOT be subjected to bullying behavior. It seems as though I was not the only one, b/c after I spoke up, the bandwagon began. So now every parent, every child, every teacher and every administrator must sign and adhere to a Covenent, with Zero Tolerance for bullying being one of the main points. Along with several presentations on the subject, I think everyone at school has a much better understanding of WHY we need to work on this problem.
Wow, good for you! It is awesome that you took the initiative to get that program started in your school.
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Old 04-23-2009, 08:31 PM   #39
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ok, personal soap box time. look at what's on TV as funny. generally they are mocking others, insulting them or belittling them. its perfectly ok to be sarcastic and condesending to others and it all has a laugh track so its all good. i'm not saying its TV's fault, i'm saying that its reflextive of our culture as acceptable.
In response to my DN who essentially has no left hand, I lost my breath each time I saw a promo for some new Mommy Comedy on ABC when they joke about the Megan Mulally character being pg by a one-night-stand with a one-handed guy...and she'd stroke her belly and ask "how many hands are you going to have?" all in the name of edgy good comedy. It just made me really uncomfortable.
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Old 04-23-2009, 09:52 PM   #40
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I have no tolerance for bullying. I was one of the ones who got picked on as a child because my nose is a different shape and my eyes are further apart. Then I got made fun of for wearing glasses or eating with the “unpopular” girl at school. At the private school I taught at for 10 years, we had a no bullying policy. The administration really followed through and even expelled several students for it while I taught there. It was the parents of the bully who were impossible to deal with for the principal. I do not tolerate it at the daycare/pre-school either. It is amazing how young it can start! Hopefully what I am teaching them now, will stick with them through life!
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Old 04-24-2009, 02:52 PM   #41
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I was a chubby, uncool kid (and adult!) so I am very sensitive to mean kids. I have always stressed to my kids The Golden Rule.
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Old 04-24-2009, 04:47 PM   #42
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A quote I received with an encouraging email recently said, "Be kind to everyone because you don't know what private battles they may be fighting." A kind word that may seem insignificant to us may be the only one a person gets in a day. Our story is similar to Desurea's with DS who will graduate from high school in two weeks. We homeschooled for 4 years because of the bullying at public school and then had to endure the criticism for removing him from school (after 3 years of trying to work with the admin. to get the bullying stopped). Through it all we have tried to teach him to work through things and learn from each circumstance and as someone earlier said to become a stronger person. My BIL, (his uncle) is mentally challenged because of a juvenile stroke I have been very proud of him for the love and respect he shows his uncle and the kindness and respect he shows others no matter their circumstance.
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Old 04-25-2009, 10:02 AM   #43
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All of these answers are very encouraging. It is good to know that there are those out there who do not encourage and propagate such behavior. Perhaps if we all stand together our voice would be louder and school administrations would have to listen. Bet they would listen big time when it came around to voting for extra taxes...
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Old 04-25-2009, 03:17 PM   #44
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All of these answers are very encouraging. It is good to know that there are those out there who do not encourage and propagate such behavior. Perhaps if we all stand together our voice would be louder and school administrations would have to listen. Bet they would listen big time when it came around to voting for extra taxes...
I agree! We should also do this for ourselves. Even if it might not be the popular thing to do, I think that random acts of sniping and pointless people-bashing should always be pointed out for what it is. It's a hard thing to do and, I have to say it does not always get me anywhere, but it is worth a shot.
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