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Old 04-10-2002, 11:34 PM   #1
gym mom
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Negative Child!!

How in the world did I create such a negative child?! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] My son is 12 (that may be the problem) and so negative about everything that he totally drives me BANANAS!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img] Everything is bad...he hates Boy Scouts and wants to quit, he has no friends (although he is gone most afternoons after school to these non-existant friends' houses) he doesn't have a girlfriend (good greif, he is only 12!) [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img] and he is stupid! (we just went to an Honor Roll function yesterday for his 3.83 gpa)

Has anyone else experienced this? I am going nuts with him and most of the time I just banish him when he starts on these tangents.

HELP!! Thanks for letting me vent...I feel better now. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

Jennifer
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Old 04-11-2002, 12:23 AM   #2
debe
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Re: Negative Child!!

Sprinkling you with Pixie Dust.....
IT AIN'T EASY MOM! You are begining to deal with a uncontrollable, hormonal unbalanced human work of art known as "THE TEENAGER" [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/dizzy.gif[/img]

Been there, done that, and glad it is OVER! [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

Yes, we went throught the same thing basically with both the kids. Your son sounds like how our Shawn was at that age (except his grades weren't up to par... found out later he was just bored) Shawn did get his Eagle Scout but many times it was a battle to get him motivated (motivation kicked in once in H.S.). Shawn wasn't very athletic either but during his Senior year he discovered he liked wrestling and was sad it was over... He did make it to District's but lost in his final match... He also was a honor student in H.S.

We now think part of Shawn's "problems" was due to the fact his sister Shannon was very talented in academics as well as sports her entire schooling. When younger, she played ball while Shawn sat on a bench... ouch! When she graduated H.S., she was one of the top athletes and broke both the girls and the boys records in Softball/baseball. She Varsitied all 4 years in H.S. never had a JV letter (which she wanted). Shawn never got a varsity letter until his senior year... So I think the sibbling competition played a big roll on his personal outlook at the time. We as parents tried to get them both involved in different activities that would suit their personalities and abilities, just never realized there was a jealousy between them at the time. The kids now speak openly of their feelings but wouldn't when they were younger. Shawn always felt he was in the shadows of Shannon & Shannon always felt she had to excell in all (no matter what it was) and felt Shawn had it made because he was never the star player where everyone depended upon him... Oh, the things you learn and wish you could do over [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

My kids are now grown, they both have had their own problems, but now are doing very well. Both are Commercial Fishermen/woman (Shawn supplies us all with scallops & Shannon supplies us all with crabs, Sea Bass & lobster [img]graemlins/yuma.gif[/img] )

So yes, THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

Hang in there. (bet you never thought you would have to read a mini-novel [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]
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Old 04-11-2002, 12:44 AM   #3
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Re: Negative Child!!

Jennifer,
You just described me at age 12 [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

I got out of that nutty spiral of self-contradiction and erratic confusion at around 14. It's realy like a whirlpool, round-and-round I went able to go flying off in a random direction [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] , take it from recent experience.

You are doing the absolute best you can obviously, at that age we're not positive kids or a negative kids, we're pretty much neutral kids...

-Brant
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Old 04-11-2002, 08:28 AM   #4
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Re: Negative Child!!

Like Debe said it's that teenage thing. Glad that is over. Both wanted to quit Boy Scouts at different times but loved the camping. The oldest finished as a Life Scout and the youngest bacame an Eagle Scout.
Hang in there they do come through this period and become nice, friendly, happy yound adults. Good Luck!
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Old 04-11-2002, 08:58 AM   #5
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Re: Negative Child!!

UGH, I HATED that 12 to 15 year old stuff...sooooooo unpredicatable! Hang it there, at about 15 both my girls "snapped out of it" and were fine. Think back to your Jr High School years...enough said!
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Old 04-11-2002, 09:23 AM   #6
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Re: Negative Child!!

Well look at it this way: at least it's your own flesh and blood! Try going through it in the role of stepmonster! [img]graemlins/ukid.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img] Granted, it's a part time basis; but it is still very frustrating!
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Old 04-11-2002, 09:53 AM   #7
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Re: Negative Child!!

My 11 1/2 yr old son is hitting that stage too!! But kids can be sooo cruel! He comes home everyday saying "Jeremy says I'm only popular because I hang around him", "Jeremy says his clothes cost more than mine", "Jeremy says only poor people buy clothes from Walmart", "Jeremy says.... [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img] I'd love to say just tell Jeremy to........well you know!! Jeremy has been to our house many times, he's aparently related to Eddy Hascal on Leave it to Beaver!! I never would have guessed it!! Now Kase's self esteem is in a downward spiral!! How do you keep them UP when other kids are tearing them DOWN?!? Then...everyday he comes home w/ more hair in places I don't even care to comment on!!(he's not afraid to tell me all about it either!) [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] He's just a BABY!!! [img]graemlins/dizzy.gif[/img]
I'm sorry, I just had to vent as this is going on right now in my house and I'm at a loss.

[ 04-11-2002, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: SMG ]
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Old 04-11-2002, 01:59 PM   #8
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Re: Negative Child!!

You just described me at 12, too! Hang in there - I'm 2 years away with my oldest child!
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Old 04-11-2002, 06:39 PM   #9
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Re: Negative Child!!

My daughter will be 12 in July so I can understand what you are going through. She is pretty positive most of the time and has surrounded herself with good friends, as far as I know.Her dancing has given her self-confidence and she knows she is not one of the "popular" kids(according to her),but it does not seem to bother her most of the time. We had some rocky times in 4th grade, but I've got my fingers crossed and knocking on wood, so far so good. As long as she keeps talking, I guess we're ok. Except Mom and Dad are scared of messing up!

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Old 04-11-2002, 07:13 PM   #10
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Re: Negative Child!!

Thanks everyone, for the encouragement. Sometimes DD looks at him from her advanced age of 15 and wonders if she was as bad. I usually tell her, "Yes, you were." I see some things the same here as what Debe discribed. Older sister is a good student, competitive gymnast, was popular in the Mid School he is currently at. I can see that he sometimes feels like he can't measure up. But that is why I encourage him to find something he can do.

As for the Boy Scouts, he claims he hates the camping. I made a deal with him. He only has one or two things left to do to get to First Class. I said, "When you get First Class, we will talk." I swore I would never raise a city kid, and here I am raising a city kid. I told him there was more to life than Nintendo, computer, and TV. I would hate for him to be one of those city dwellers who can get lost in his own backyard! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img]

I am glad to know that what he is doing is pretty normal. It is just so agravating sometimes. [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img]

Jennifer
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Old 04-11-2002, 10:51 PM   #11
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Re: Negative Child!!

Hi gym mom:
Just to let you know that "this too shall pass". I have 2 DD's. Just starting to become "friends" again with my 18 y/o [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] and beginning the "battles" with my 11 y/o. [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img] What I have learned to do is to pick and choose my "battles" or you will always be in "battle mode".
I have tried not to take anything personally and try to remember how short life can be.
Sending you plenty of Pixie Dust to help you through this time.

Helen [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 04-12-2002, 01:09 AM   #12
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Re: Negative Child!!

Well Jennifer, I think you need to become a pro at this so when my two get to be teenagers, you can help me through it...

Aren't I a lot of help? After all, mine are your niece & nephew!!
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Old 04-12-2002, 11:19 AM   #13
patty c.
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Re: Negative Child!!

Oh yes, I can relate. I think the mood swings could move the Richter scale. I have found with my DD (13) it's important to just listen. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are but I have found a very helpful book called "The Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian. It has different prayers for your child's different circumstances. I've found that when I'm praying for my child I am much more tolerant of their behavior and much more calm about guiding them to where they need to be instead of just telling them what they need to do.

I don't want to come across as pushy on this subject, so take it or leave it, but here is a prayer they offer that might apply for your situation - Lord, I pray that (name of child) be given the gift of joy. Let the spirit of joy rise up in her/his heart this day and may she/he know the fullness of joy that is found only in Your presence. Help her/him to understand that true happiness and joy are found only in You. whenever she/he is overtaken by negative emotions, surround her/him with Your love. Teach her/him to say "This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 18:24) Deliver her/him from despair, depression, loneliness, discouragement, anger, or rejection. May these negative attitudes have no place in (name of child), nor be a lasting part of her/his life. May she/he decide in her/his heart "My soul shall be joyful in the Lord; it shall rejoice in His salvation" (Psalm 35:9) I know, Lord, that any negative emotions this child feels are lies, contrary to the truth of Your Word. Plant Your Word firmly in her/his heart and increase her/his faith daily. Enable her/him to abide in Your love and derive strength from the joy of the Lord this day and forever.

[ 04-12-2002, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: patsy-c ]
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