I need to vent About This Page:

[A. Monster]

Ok, you guys were so supportive in my "Well, I did it - Upsetting Update" post that I figure I can get out what I need to get out here...

This is going to be a long one. Deep Breath...

I'm not sure how much more of DH and his family I can take. It all began long before I met him. When he and his older brother were kids, his mother shipped them off to various family members rather than have the responsibility of raising them herself. Every other year she would take them back, get tired of having kids and send them back upstate to live with either their grandparents or aunt and uncle. She would rather have been going to bars, drinking, and hanging out with men than be a mother. DH and his brother were once left by their mother at a park miles from home until a cop brought them home after dark, and they were only 6 and 7 years old. Another time DH and his brother walked to the candy store to steal breakfast, and that was when they were 5 and 6, because his mother never came home. DH claims that she tried but couldn't handle it, she had no money, even though she was living in government subsidized housing and receiving welfare - even after her kids lived with other people. Funny, my mom had no money and 6 kids. We were evicted a couple times, our electricity had been shut off a few times, but she kept us together and with her through it all. Well, MIL got pregnant with his little sister and the father moved in with her and they've been living together ever since, even though they can't stand eachother. Rachel, my DSIL, is now 13 years old. She has never been taught to brush her teeth, her hair, take a shower, etc, and leaves the house in dirty, unmatched clothes that reek of cigarette smoke from mom and dad, and are usually not appropriate for the season. My DMIL cannot be bothered to help her with her homework, and DSIL can hardly read at a second grade level. DH proposed recently that we take DSIL to Disney. But DMIL will be "devastated" to quote DH's brother if we go without her. Even though we paid for his whole family to go away to a cabin on a lake this past summer and they all complained about it, even though they didn't pay a dime or have to do any of the planning. And we never do anything with my family. Even going to dinner at my mom's once every few months is a chore for him although is mom and sister are over EVERY weekend. My mom is so sweet to him, too.

Last night, when I walked in the house after going to the supermarket after work (DH asked me to stop there even though he's home two hours before me) and he doesn't ask me how my day went, he just starts in with "Justin (my BIL) thinks mom would be devastated if we went to DW without her." I went off. This woman complains whenever anyone in her family goes on vacation without her or buys a house, etc, because they're not doing anything for her! I guess other people raising her children wasn't enough. I go out of my way to do nice things for her and she tells people that I don't like her. She asks DH and I to help Rachel and then complains to other family members about us overstepping our bounds. She borrowed money once from us when she didn't need it, out and out lied about needing it so we'd give it to her. So I said to DH, "when she can pay her way, she's more than welcome to go." And he said, "Justin would pay her way." OK, here's background on that statement.#1 Shouldn't he discuss vacationing with his family with me first since I'm his wife? #2: When we went to that cabin this past summer with his family, DH said he'd never go on vacation with anyone but just me from now on because it's just too much work going with so many people, and that was just hanging out in a cabin. #3 Justin (BIL) has been nothing but trouble towards me from day one. He has called me nasty names in my own house; helped DH almost destroy our marriage (which I alone had to fight to save); told me that he never liked me and never will; DH can do much better and he will never stop trying to show him that; I can be eliminated... and I did nothing to bring this on. That may sound unbelievable but it's true. I have always tried to make him feel welcome at our house and have encouraged DH to visit with him. But DBIL always has something better come up and cancels on DH, or just never calls back, and then I'm there to comfort him yet again. And DH has not once in the past 6 years defended me to this jerk, even though all of this takes place in front of him (which pretty much tells BIL that it's OK to do it). So I asked DH if I'm supposed to keep letting people treat me like this and continue to smile through it so we don't hurt his mother's feelings or anyone elses? And he said, "why can't you?" In other words, I'm just supposed to keep letting his family treat me like garbage and just keep giving and giving and giving. DH keeps saying that he has a heart and doesn't want to hurt anyone, but I guess I don't count in that. The second I don't agree with him about something, I'm irrational, immature, etc. I'm ready to just walk away from this. He never considers my feelings, ever. I keep brushing it aside, but shouldn't my feelings ever matter? It seems that I'm just here to be the maid and when he decides we're going to do something to make me happy then I get to be happy. I've been so depressed lately and I'm getting sick of putting on a happy face so I don't get accused of pouting, and then crying when no one else is around. When do you decide enough is enough? He won't discuss how I feel about all this and he won't go to counceling with me, that's "for weak people." He's just forever going to put their needs and their feelings before mine, even though he will admit that I'm the only one who's never let him down and have stood by him through some God-awful things. He'll even credit me with saving his life because of the way he was living before I met him - which had to have been the result of the way his mother tossed him to and fro.

I'm sorry, I know this was very long and disjointed, but that's how my life kinda feels right now - long and disjointed.

I just feel like running away. Any suggestions for saving this marriage when I'm the only one who sees a problem?!