Just need to vent..... About This Page:

[wdwlovers]

Warning....this is long and may have TMI for some.

I have so many things going around in my head right now, and I've been trying to keep it together, but I am really starting to feel overwhelmed. Plus, it doesn't help that Ariana is getting her molars in and has been up for the last few nights, so we haven't been sleeping well. Last night I was up from 2am until just before 5am. Anyway, here goes. I just need to get things out before I lose it and start bawling.

I am very stressed out about next semester, the internship, and daycare. I need 15 credits to graduate. The internship is worth 4 credits, and I need to drop one of my classes to do the interning. I am having a problem deciding which class to drop. I will be at school Mon pm, Tue, Thur, and poss Fri am. I will intern Mon and Wed. The big dilemna is that DD's daycare only has room for her Tues, Thurs, and Fri, which was our schedule this last semester. I was going to ask my mom and gma if they could help me out this semester and watch her M & W for me trading off days. My mom is talking about getting a job now. Knowing my mom, she'll talk about it for the next few weeks, and then she won't get one.

So, I was thinking about finding a new daycare, or another to take DD on M&W. DH doesn't understand why I'm stressing out about it. I've thought about not doing the internship too. He says "would you do it if we didn't have Ariana?" Well, yeah. Then do it. Easy for him to say, he doesn't have to do the intern, schoolwork, and take care of DD and the house. He says he'll help out more around the house, but we've gone through that one before. He helps for about 2 weeks, and then slacks off again. I hate nagging at him to help out. I don't feel I should have to.

Most of you know we've been trying for baby#2. This is my other cause of stress. I've been on a 28 day cycle for the last how many years, and once we started in Sept, it's been nothing by messed up cycles. I just had a 24 day cycle and aunt flo lasted twice as long as she normally does. I just stopped spotting, and decided to take a ovulation test and it's showing early ovulation! What! We actually think with this last cycle that I may have had an early miscarriage where the egg didn't take or implant. I go in to see the doc next week for a repap after my last one was abnormal, so we'll discuss it then. I know the stress I'm putting on myself, doesn't help with trying to get pg, so I'm trying to de-stress, but it just isn't working.

We've also got the fun family issues that others have for the holidays too. So that's always fun to deal with.

So, I'm not really in the holiday spirit and am basicallly feeling like a big scrooge! I am counting down the days until our vacation, as I sooo need it! Thanks for letting me vent. It feels better to get this stuff out.

[GATechGal]

Sounds like some of this is a combo of stress and hormones. The thought about the miscarriage might be right on. You'll get pg. when it happens. It's awfully hard to plan that. Couple of thoughts on your internship though.
1. It's in hand now. You need to just bite the bullet and go ahead and do it. You're almost at the end of your schooling and procrastinating won't make it any better.
2. See if you can't pay Mom what you'd pay the daycare. Now she might turn you down, but that might get her to committ to Ariana.
3. Make DH a check list for the chores you want him to do. Get him to check things off as he does them. If you do it on the computer, you can print it off every week so he has a new one to check off. That might keep him a little more on track.
4. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Not nagging, whiney asking, but in a nice calm voice say "Honey would you please..." and make your request.

Good luck for the new year. Maybe you can get school done before the new one arrives.

[Teresa]

I agree with Mary Ann. Except - don't treat your DH as a child with a list. Just sit down, talk to him about what you need from him, the fact that he always WANTS to help, but seems to fall a bit short. Is he reallly NOT helping or is it that he is helping, but things don't get done the way you want? I can't stand to watch DH fold laundry (he does it wrong), so I decided that either I say something and do it myself (letting him off the hook), or I keep my mouth shut, walk out of the room, and be happy it was done (even if it's wrong)

About getting PG - is there a reason it has to be NOW? DH and I tried for YEARS with the 1st one, and 3 yrs. with the second. It wasn't until we STOPPED that it worked (okay, I was also on fertility drugs, but I was on them the whole time) the Dr. said it was probably that I was so stressed about it, that it didn't happen until I "loosened up"

Good luck!

[JoanW]

Everyone has good advice so far. And I fully understand about the internship. That plus classes is a lot of your time. And whether you need to do a list with your DH, make one anyway as a reference point. I did it for my kids, but I use it now myself to stay on task. FInding reliable, timely daycare is important, so I'd work on that part first. Housekeeping will always be waiting! Hahaha.

You are so close! You can do it. I think this is holiday/hormone stress too and soon it will pass! Take a deep breath and enjoy the rest of the week and soon it will be over with.

[Colexis Mom]

Denise - sending you tons of pixie

Try and stick with school, you're so close! Hopefully you can get your Mom or gma to help out as well. I've been there with the daycare thing, it is very stressful! Make sure to take time for yourself, you definitely need it! Even if it is a half an hour so you can soak in a tub and relax! Hang in there, I'm thinking of you

[rescuesk]

I agree with Mary Ann about offering to pay for daycare with your Mom. If she refuses, then go ahead and look for another daycare for the 2 days. I think once you get that settled your mind may be more at ease.

You are SO close to finishing school. Keep your eyes and thoughts on that!

As far as your DH goes, I have found that alot of times (not all but alot) men don't get it. When DH was unemployed, I was still doing the bulk of the housework. Why? Because he would clean up to what he considered clean but it wasn't what I wanted. For instance, he didin't believe in making the bed. (You're just going to get back into it, right?) So he wouldn't. When I talked to him about how important the little things like that are, he actually started to see it my way. In return, I eased up on some of the other things. (It didn't matter if he loaded the dishwasher "wrong" or ran it with only a few things in it, he did it anyway! ) I found alot of help from a website called FlyLady. Flylady It helped me deal with some of the same things you are dealing with.

Good luck! You know you can always vent here!

[maggieworkman]

Here's some to help you get through this time.

I know exacatly how you feel. DH & I were both in graduate school and had 2 babies. No family around. Even though we were making peanuts on a graduate student budget, we paid for a local lady to come in and watch the girls during the day. (Talk about stress: try to fill out W2 and Social Security forms for a household employee!!). My best advice is that it will soon be over and things will get better. I know that doesn't help much now.

As far as writing DH a list, I say do it. My DH needs it or it won't get done. I also agree that if he does it, don't worry too mch if he does it "wrong" like folding the laundry or putting away the dishes.

Maybe you should wait for baby #2 or at least stop "trying". It sounds like that is putting stress on you. Also, if you are anything like me, I was worthless my first few months of pregnancy - morning sickness and wanting to sleep all the time. That won't help you out in this coming semester.

Hope all goes well.

Maggie

[ilovelilo]

I hope things get better for you fast! We'll be thinking of you!

[katspjs]

I think you should finish school now. You're so close. I would also ask your mom and grandma about the babysitting situation. At least you would have the peace of mind that you asked. If that doesn't work out - is there a neighbor or someone you could ask to watch Ariana or maybe they could recommend someone to you. What about your current babysitter - maybe she could recommend someone.

Good luck.

[GATechGal]

[ QUOTE ]
I found alot of help from a website called FlyLady. Flylady It helped me deal with some of the same things you are dealing with.

[/ QUOTE ] I had totally forgot about the FlyLady. I <font color="red"> LOVE </font> her. I'm definitly starting back on the FlyLady program after New Years. If you haven't looked at her site give it a try. It's a great way to get your house (and sometimes your life) back in order a little bit at a time.

[wdwlovers]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the advice and kind words.
Not finishing school is definately NOT an option here. I've worked too hard to get where I am. I was thinking of just not doing the internship and taking the 15 credits instead.

My gma was over today and we worked it out that she is able to watch Ariana for me on M&amp;W, so that's a load off. If my mom is able to she can always split days with gma later on. That is a huge load off my chest. I was kinda freaking out about it and with all we have going on, I went overboard with the stress level. I feel 100% better this evening.

DH and I also had a little chat about helping out around the house. The biggest issue is that his idea of cleaning is different from mine. I think cleaning is doing the dishes, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, etc. His idea of cleaning is "straightening" up the house by picking toys up and putting his coat away. We tried the list last year, and it didn't work too well. But after talking this afternoon, we are going to try the list again and if I feel he is slacking he has given me permission to say something about it. He's such a sweetheart that he got me a 1hour hot tub soak (outside) at our local spa this past weekend.

I've just been so frustrated with group projects at school, DD being sick forever, and trying to juggle around the courses with the internship. We actually didn't even "try" to get pg this last month because I was sick and on meds. We are trying, but when it happens it happens. But as much as you can say that, it still stinks when good ole aunt flo shows up.

Anywho, thanks again for all the thoughts. I am feeling much better tonight and in the holiday spirit!! Love ya all!!!

[BritDisFan]

I'm glad things are starting to look up a little bit Denise and gma can help out. I'm sending you some , have a great Christmas .

Karen

[jblrn2b]

Denise: I feel your pain. Maybe your mom doesn't realize that you really need her help. Have you sat down with her and said "Mom, I need your help for this next semester"? Maybe she doesn't realize that she is needed so. If she says she can't help you then you might have to look for another Daycare. Have you told the daycare that? Sometimes if someone is a good "customer" then they will try to be more flexible. If not - then It wasn't meant to be anyway.
I can totally relate to your stress about school. I just finished 4 1/2 L O N G years of nursing school and I would stress each semester about how to get the kids to and back from school and daycare. I found it always worked out in the end but that for a few weeks I would STRESS. I know this doesn't solve your problem but many have been in your situation. You are almost done. Finish it is the best for you and your family. Happy mom = Happy household. Your husband just is being a man - I don't mean this negatively but they just don't get it sometimes. They don't understand our stress doesn't mean they are bad husbands, etc. just means you sometimes need a girlfriend/passporter board to vent.
As for your pregnancy. Things happen for a reason - which stinks when you are going through them. I waited 5 yrs between children and was given another great gift - my youngest. Our family wouldn't have been the same without his always happy demeanor. You have a lot on your plate right now. Give yourself a break and good things will come. Have a better day.

Judith

[DrDolphin]

Denise - lots of school, day care, clean house and pg headed your way!!

[GATechGal]

Sounds like things are beginning to fall into place. Relax and enjoy the rest of the holiday.

Merry Christmas.